


Tears of a Tattered Hero

by Areanna_Whitewolf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drug Use, Explicit Language, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Out of Character, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Slash sex, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-17
Updated: 2013-02-08
Packaged: 2018-10-02 04:52:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 92,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10210016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areanna_Whitewolf/pseuds/Areanna_Whitewolf
Summary: Story Summary: He saved the world from Voldemort. But he fights another war. One he's fought alone with no one to help him. Until one nearly fatal night. Where a glimpse of hope and a whispered breath brings the help he never thought would care. But will it be enough to save him from his demons?( Poste Script: This Story also contains a Manipulative Dumbledore, a far more understanding Snape and a emotionally Traumatized Harry. There are many abuse fics out there, however mine will not be a copy. That said, this is and ABUSE fic, not a pwp. Having Intimate knowledge of the reality of abuse, I take recovery time quite serously. THerefore, smut will be a long time in coming.





	1. A Whispered Plea in the Night

Before We Begin.....

Story Dedication: 

First in the name of every single soul, from Young to old who suffered abuse all it's forms, especially to those who couldn't be saved.

Then honor of Professor and Potions Master Severus Tobias Snape. Broken man, spy, and former Death Eater who dared to defy the darkness to become a hero.

Also Honor of Harry James Potter. A boy who was torn from love. He rose above everything to become a man amyst confusion and brutal warfare.

Both fine warriors and compassionate soldiers. They reminds us of all those who fought and still do in the name of peace, freedom and unbiased eyes Fighting against prejudice and oppression. 

And of course infinite gratitude to the Author who gave birth to both. 

And if you don't agree, I don't want to know you.

______________________________________________

_Long ago_  
_When mercury descended high on the moon_  
_Far below_  
_When little hands are making shapes in the room_  
_The shadows they dance_  
_And they cheer up this place_  
_My face_  
_That's staring through the tiny crack in the door_  
_Eyes so wide_  
_It hurts so much to crash to the floor_  
_I swear Uncle's killed me this time_

 _Should I made a rocket_  
_Should I try to fly away_  
_Should I make a hammer_  
_Should I try to smash his face_  
_Should I make a bullet_  
_Should I try to shoot the gun_  
_I'm sure the judge will let me off real soon_

 _Long ago_  
_When saturn tried to find a way past the sun_  
_Deep inside_  
_A little boy is turning pain into fun_  
_The pencils, the crayons, the paint colors run_  
_The plans_  
_Are forming slowly made with scissors and glue_  
_Eyes so wide_  
_I'm telling mommy all the things I can do_  
_I'll sketch a contraption to save me for sure_  


_I can draw a black Wizard_  
_He can come and take me home_  
_I can draw a cartoon_  
_I can draw a safety hatch_  
_I can draw a hot bath_  
_I can plug a toaster in_  
_And wait till Uncle's nice and warm_  
_Toss it in_  


_And then when he's gone_  
_There's a neverland of fun_

 _Take a loaded gun_  
_Take a shot of rum_  
_Take the poison fat_  
_There's a lesson in that_  
_No more closing fists_  
_No more face to hit_  
_No more bloody nose_  
_Or apologetic voices_

_Long ago when mercury descended high on the moon._

_Should I make a rocket?_  
_Should I try to fly away?_

_Far below little hands are making shapes in the room._

_Should I make a hammer?_  
_Should I try to smash his face?_

_Long ago when Saturn tried to find a way past the sun._

_Should I draw are cartoon?_  
_Should I draw a Magician?_

_Deep inside a little boy is turning pain into fun._

_Should I draw a hot bath?_  
_Should I throw the toaster in?_

Song: Neverland Artist: Darren Hayes (Modded to Fit) 

( A/N: Beginning of chapter in present tense) 

 

***********************************************

A small figure sits huddled in the corner, shivering in agony. Destined to live and training for war means nothing right now. All that means anything now is a searing empty pain. The icy grips of darkness swirl around him as one unharmed green eye fixes diligently on the shadowed presence of his tormentor. Waiting for the next blow. No fear at all, for he has none. At the tender age of sixteen, he no longer shakes in terror anymore. Indeed, he has lost everything to this demon of a man. What more could be stolen now, save his soul, which barely held onto it's existence. 

The heavy, foul, tired breaths of his abuser tell him the torment is over for the night. Blood drips from the belt that's dropped uselessly to the floor. Like the blood that drips from his body.. With little relief, he watches the man turn and go with a slammed door and the clicks of several locks. 

The tattered, broken youth wheezes terribly, his nearly shattered ribs dragging against his organs. But he finally uncurls. Sitting there in a pool of his own fluids, he finds it in him to take a calming breath. Resting his head against the wall, his eye finally closes. He has managed to survive another night of endless attacks. His bruised and emaciated form still shivers, but he no longer feels it. He is simply too used to the pain and the screaming of nerves telling him he's too weak to move much anymore. But his brain is working. It knows the danger of a shallow intake of air. It knows what it means to be too close to the edge of a cliff 

It knows that he won’t be able to survive again. 

And he knows that he couldn’t die. 

He barely manages to make it to the loose floor board not two feet away. His one unbroken arm slowly working the board away with the knowledge of many years. He shoves his hand into the space in the floor, his fingers mapping each item. He finds the round, coin-shaped talisman he wants, gripping it so hard his fingers nearly crack from the pressure. 

Falling slowly to the wood beneath him, He thinks hard of his options. Who to call for, who to ask help. He knows since its summer time his options are limited at best. Two people he knows though are always present in the castle. One was out of the question all together. After trying to repeatedly reason with the Headmaster, his pleas were brushed off. No, Albus had refused him. 

That left one option at best. He only hoped the man would come. After all, it was no secret that the man in question barely liked him at all, despite their promises of peace after the final battle. But he needed help desperately. He had no choice but to take the risk 

Barely having the strength enough to speak, he grated out the words that he hoped would finally save him. 

“Severus Snape.” 

With that he closed his eyes, letting the welcoming darkness take him. Hair fell away from his forehead, revealing the mark that meant everything in his world. The lightning bolt scar gleamed true as Harry James Potter fell into numbing, blissful unconsciousness. 

************************************************** 

Professor Severus Snape sat silently in his quarters. He read over ancient texts, the pages of the leather bound book worn and yellowed with age. Potion stained hands flowed over each line, as if the touch itself could pour the words inside his mind. Every now and then he wrote out a sentence on a blank parchment, his face the study of concentration. A master of his art, he didn’t even look at what he wrote. The lines were written straight and clean against the gleaming white scroll. Precision was his craft. His art form demanded nothing less. 

He suddenly looked up, scanning the room around him. Something wasn’t right. He snapped the book shut, his nose twitching over the air. Something was….tugging at his insides. An echo of pain coursed his mind as he put the book down and stood up. What was that? It was an odd sensation he felt he should know but didn't. The feeling grew stronger as the seconds ticked by. The whole castle seemed to vibrate with it. It hung in the air, like electricity across his senses.

Suddenly his eyes flashed as an alarm went off from the chain around his neck. Only one single person had the ability to call through the coin shaped talisman. There was only three reasons that alarm was to be triggered. 

One was because of pureblood extremists. While the Dark Lord was defeated some of the Death Eaters were still running free. Like a swarm of locusts, they were always a hovering danger. But usually the whole Order was called for that. By the color of the blaring charm, he knew that wasn't the case.

The second reason was because the person in question was sick. But Madame Pomfrey was usually called first, and again the color was far too dark for that to be a possibility

What he knew of the third option filled his mouth with bile. Harry Potter had called him, of all people. He was the last person on the list to be called. The fact that it was him instead of Albus meant the Headmaster couldn't trusted with this task. And the blackish red color of the summons was all the more startling. It meant that Harry was close to death. 

He didn’t give himself time to question his instincts. If the Death Eaters captured Potter and were torturing him, then there was no room for error. He ran through the dungeons, the pain inside of him giving haste to his journey. He was glad that he always carried potions with him. Not that he knew why, but something told him the boy would need it. 

He barely got outside the gates of Hogwarts before he apparated. He was one of the rare few in the Order who now knew where the boy spent his summer vacation. Arriving in the bushes across the street from Number Four Private Drive, he raised his wand and closed off the lights of the street. Too many years as a spy had taught him well. 

The residence didn’t seem amiss. No forced entry and not the slightest feeling of danger from the outside. But the feeling of agony still coursed through him as he slowly made his way across the street and up to the door. The lights were out; meaning everyone inside was fast asleep. He touched his hand hesitantly to the door and drew back at the brief flash of magical strain he felt. Potter as in there and from the feeling of things, very much awake. 

With a breathlessly whispered Alohamora he entered swiftly and soundlessly into the house. His eyes missed nothing as he scanned the darkened interior. He opened his senses, trying to locate anything that could give him a clue. His heart was hammering into his breast bone so hard, he feared it would pound right out of his chest. His senses tugged him up the stairs, and he thanked his years of practice that not one step uttered a squeak as he walked up. Being a former Death Eater had given him some useful skills he still prized, few as they were. 

But as he approached the only door on the upper level with far too many locks, he couldn’t keep from swallowing tightly. The smell coming from the door alone nearly made him heave, but he managed to hold his composer. Casting a whispered silencing charm, he touched his wand to each lock, and watched them vanish from sight. Then bracing himself, he turned the handle slowly and opened the door. 

The minute the end of his wand flickered light, he gasped. The whole room was spattered with a mess of bodily fluids. He slowly made his way inside, noting the bed was dirtied with too much blood. His mind told him the reason, but he wouldn’t dare give the thoughts the power to overtake him. It was when he got to the other side of that bed that would forever be burned into his memory.

When he saw Harry Potter on the floor, his whole world was shattered. With no control, he immediately turned and vomited. No sight in his entire life had prepared him for what he just saw. The horror of the truth was too dark to even conceive of. The Savior of the Wizarding world was brutalized and so underfed, he could have been a skeleton. Lash marks and bruises covered the boy so heavily, Severus wasn't sure any skin was left to heal. 

He didn’t have time to consider what happened here. Taking off his outer robes, he carefully wrapped the boy in them. He took out one powerful restorative and vanished it straight to Harry's stomach. Finally deciding he was as stable as he could make him for the trip, Severus picked him up gingerly and apparated right back to the gates. There was no time to think. He needed to move swiftly if there was any chance whatsoever of saving the dying life in his arms. 

Instead of heading to the dungeons, he raced the halls to the Headmaster’s office. He looked down at the Gargoyle with an angry flaring in his eyes. 

“LET ME IN NOW!” 

The Gargoyle opened and he made his way inside, laying the boy down on the couch against the wall. He felt the approach of the Headmaster from his private quarters and silently thanked the founders. 

“Severus, my boy, what seems to ….” 

The minute he heard the Headmaster go silent, he turned to give him of brief look of frantic panic. For the first time since he himself was a teenager, Severus found himself terrified.

Albus Dumbledore had always been a stoic man. With a ready lemon drop and a twinkle in his eye, he took on the heavy burden of the oldest and most knowledgeable of wizards in the world. But the minute he saw why Severus was in his office, the twinkle in his eyes died a painful death. His whole face grew pale. But ever the man of action, he stepped forward with a speed which defied his age. 

“Severus, Floo to your stores. Get everything that can help. Then I want you to fire call Poppy, Minerva, and Remus. Tell them it’s urgent, but don't tell them why. This must remain quiet for now. Death Eaters are just waiting for a chance to get at him and we are in no statew to fight them off. I shall stay with him and do all I can. But be quick about it. Go. NOW!” 

Severus was up on his feet and out of the office before the last word was uttered. There wasn't a second to spare. Not if they wanted to save Harry. 

******************

Not ten minutes later, the Potions Master entered again, followed closely by the three Albus requested. The audible gasps and the sound of retching was heard behind him as he bent down and propped the boy into position to administer the potions he had. First was a powerful life elixir he never thought he would have to use.. Three Blood Replenishes came next. Four nutrient potions passed through the paper thin, cracked lips to be massaged down the throat. One numbing potion followed by Skelo-Grow finished it. He laid the boy down gently and turned to the three others behind him, where they remained unmoving. Rage took over panic as he glared them down. 

“Are you all going to sit there wasting time while he dies? You weren't brought here to stare at him, you blithering buffoons. If you want him to live past the hour, you will get your arses over here and use the brains Merlin gave you to aid him now. MOVE!” 

That moved them swiftly into action. An elaborate diagnosis spell was cast by Poppy as she called out the injuries. 

“He has three broken ribs and a fractured hip. Both of his shin bones are covered in hair line fractures. His left arm from shoulder to hand looks completely shattered, but the skelo-gro should fix most of the breaks. He also has internal bruising of the lungs, stomach and spleen. He’s been severely beaten, probably for some years now."

Her voice shook as she fought to keep going. She really didn't want to see the rest of the list in her hands, never mind read it out loud.

"Right now, what skin he has left after his latest beating is too bruised for me to see if it's worth saving. When he is more stable, I suggest Severus give him a skin regrower for his back. It won't take away all the scaring, but it should help with some of the damage done to it. Older scars of his hands and feet can be traced back to when he was four. I can sense a rather strong residual charm magic that he has only recently dropped. It was likely a concealment spell of some sort. He is nearly starved to death…and dear Merlin….No…Oh…no…He’s been….r-r-raped…repeatedly. The scarring of his rectum is very severe and his left testicle is crushed nearly beyond repair. Albus, who would do--" 

Remus piped up as he used a basin of warm water and a clean cloth the wipe his godson's face and neck down. A growl was lodged in his throat as he spoke. 

“It’s human. Male by the smell of it. The same male. I only smell the one.” 

Severus took that all in with a near growl of his own. But it was Minerva who turned to Albus with a accusing glare in her eyes. 

“ DAMN IT, ALBUS! I told you they were the worst sort of muggles. Do you think I speak out of my arse just for shits and giggles? How many times did he ask to stay? How many letters did he send, pleading for you to take him out of that wretched home? His first letter was made to the cupboard under the stairs, for Merlin's sake.

" You always brushed me off when I brought it up. You kept me blinded to the truth to protect your own ideals of right and wrong. How could you turn away his pleas for help? Was the blood protection enough to warrant this? Look at him, Albus. Look at what your ignorance has cost him. And you have the audacity to call yourself a headmaster of a school. If this is your idea of protection, I would hate to see what your ideas of punishment are. " 

Albus bowed his head, unable to keep her gaze for the guilt inside his tired old heart. But what he wasn’t expecting was one of his most hardened professors to take him by the collar, angry tear filled eyes burning holes of black rage into his own. 

“YOU KNEW?! You knew he needed help and you did nothing? He was your Golden Boy. Your weapon, your savior. How could you be so ignorant? The child is close to dying because you were too foolish to even go and check on him. Lily and James Potter are most cursing you from above at the sight of their son right now. You are so lucky Lils isn't alive, _old friend_. I can promise you you wouldn't make it out alive if she was. I think I understand it now. It was mostly because you were too busy concentrating on the damned war to see this boy, YOUR SAVIOR, was screaming for the help he never received. Voldemort was a raging, evil, lunatic hell bent on destruction. What is your excuse for this, Headmaster? What possible reason could you have that would be enough. He idolized you Albus. He saw you as a grandfather. He loved you. How could you ignore his need for aid? Look…look at the cost that your arrogance and ignorance. LOOK!” 

Severus turned his once trusted confidant towards the pale, thin, bruised, naked form on the couch and held him there. 

“Take a good hard look, Albus. This is the boy who rid the Wizarding World of the Dark Lord. What would they say to you now, if they could see him? Would they revere you still if they knew of your carelessness and what it cost him? Be very lucky he still cares for you, Albus. Because if he was not, I would forget the reason I deflected to the light side for what you let happen to him.” 

A whispered sound came from the prone form on the couch, one eye barely opened as it escaped with a raspy breath. 

“Please….no…fight…..no…scream….no more…please…no more.” 

All heads turned to the gasping youth on the couch as Remus leaned over. 

“Harry…Harry…its Remus. Do you hear me?” 

A strangled breath came out as his godson spoke, tearing at his bleeding heart as he heard the pain in it. 

“Re…Remy….hurts…called …had to….call Snape….don’t…don’t be mad.”

Remus let the tears drip down his face as he shook his head. 

“I’m not angry you called Professor Snape, cub. I’m glad. What would we do if he hadn’t come? I know it hurts, Harry. I know. Rest now. We’ll take care of you. You won’t be hurt anymore.” 

Crystalline tears slide down a blackened cheek as the raspy breath rose again. 

“Don’t…..don’t let him….don’t let him hurt me…please….I tried to….tried to stop him….too big…too strong….please no more….please no more….” 

Remus bowed his head to the frail chest and his shoulders shook with tears. He hadn’t felt this since he found out Sirius fallen through the veil. His silent sobbing cracked the composure of the others in the room. Poppy leaned on Minerva as the tormented form struggled for breath through a bruised throat. 

Severus, who for years had forced icy masks in place to steady him through the reign of the Dark Lord, fought hard against his tears. He turned from everyone as he walked slowly out of the room, barely making it to the wall beside the Gargoyle. His treatment for the boy and the hatred of the boy’s fathers turned to guilty ash inside him. The difference between the boy lying beaten inside the office and the one who he always thought he knew was far too staggering to ever again show stoic disgust at the battered hero. 

He slid down the wall, bending his head, trying to hold his icy demeanor and cold sneer. But the sight in his mind forced his tears out and he bit his tongue hard to keep in the wail. He hadn’t cried since he was but a boy. But that night, in the empty halls of the place he had called home for many years, Professor Severus Snape felt the walls of hardness shatter inside him. He put his head between his bent legs and let the grief inside him pour down onto the stone below.


	2. A Whispered Plea in the Night

  
Author's notes: After the world nearly gives up hope....Harry wakes up. He has a few shocking secrets to reveal. And some surprises coming his way. 

A/N As I said.....if you are an albus lover.....stay away....He's not in a very good light in this story. And by chapter four, this will also start to become a Multiple Creature! Fic.....  


* * *

_I'm forever a scarred man in suffering_  
Won't even bother now to tell you why  
I am alone, letting all of them savor the moment  
Leaving me broken another time 

_They come on like a bloodstained hurricane_  
Leave me alone, let me be this time  
I keep screaming, like a holy man pushing redemption  
I don't want to mention, the reason I know 

_That I am stricken and can't let it go_  
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and I know  
That I am crippled by all that they've done  
Into the abyss will I run 

_You don't know what thier power has done to me_  
I want to know if I'll heal inside  
I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen  
Seeing them laughing another time 

_You'll never know how their acts have haunted me_  
My very soul has to bleed this time  
Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses  
Leaving me breathless, the reason I know 

_That I am stricken and can't let it go_  
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and I know  
That I am crippled by all that They've done  
Into the abyss will I run 

_Into the abyss will I run_

_I'm forever a scarred man in suffering_  
Won't even bother now to tell You why  
I come alone, letting all of them savor the moment  
Leaving me broken another time 

_They come on like a bloodstained hurricane_  
Leave me alone, let me be this time  
I keep screaming, like a holy man pushing redemption  
I don't want to mention, the reason I know 

_That I am stricken and can't let it go_  
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and I know  
That I am crippled by all that they've done  
Into the abyss will I run 

_Into the abyss will I run_  
I can't let it go  
Yes I am stricken and can't let it go 

Song: Stricken Artist: Disturbed (Heavily modded to fit) 

___________________________________________________

 

Days past into weeks as Harry laid deep in healing coma. After three nearly lethal scares in the first week, he stabilized. Poppy received very little sleep…not that anyone could rest. She was too haunted in the truth of what she had missed. What the world had never seen. Looking upon one of her children, the guilt that tore through her heart kept her going even when she was too tired to stand. Her inner conscious told her to try harder, if only to see him mend faster. Always praying for the day his one good eye would again open and give life back to the torn, broken young man. She would not lose him. 

Severus and Remus had more than once worked together. Ever searching for ways to speed the healing, bring Harry back to them. Petty childhood differences were laid in the dust where they belonged. It didn’t matter, none of it mattered anymore. All that mattered was bringing back their charge now. Though Remus’ skill at potions was nowhere near Mastery, he did as much as he could to help Severus with each new supply of potions to pour down the terribly bruised throat. Each of them silently sharing a hope that one potion, one healing spell, one whispered word would mend a shattered soul long ago tormented by its own raging war with violence. 

Albus and Minerva had the unfortunately task of gathering the Order and breaking the news to them. The night broke out in chaos as tears, disbelief and death threats to the Dursleys flew from every mouth. But in the end, Albus just raised a hand and informed them nothing could be done until Harry himself awoke. 

But it was Minerva who gave them an outlet for their grieve. It was time to pray. To ask Merlin and the Founders for the power to see their savior through. And as the word spread, the response of the Wizarding world was staggering.

Like a wild fire spreading across dried brush grass, the plea for prayer followed on swift wings around the globe. This wasn’t about the Boy Who Lived or the Savior anymore. This was an outcry for the boy who sacrificed his blood in silence to survive. It was for a man who never asked one single thing in return for what he had done for them. Candle lights danced through the magic community as fleets of owls sent letters of prayer towards Hogwarts. An endless plea for Harry Potter to wake up and live again. 

...........................................

But the prayers fell to silent ears as Harry slumbered deeply inside of himself, ever quiet but for the air that rose and fell in his chest. School that year would possibly be held back, no one allowed closer then the outside walls. They all waited with baited breath for the one word that told them he had returned. 

Two months past with the ever turning calendar pages as hope seemed to slowly dim. 

But there were always those who were determined to keep faith, even if it was a fruitless faith. Those who loved him would not give up. After all, Harry had never given up on them.

............................................

It was two days before Harry's birthday when that hope was finally answered. In the quiet of the early morning darkness, a green eye slid open in confusion to the white curtains enclosed around him. 

He looked around wearily. Where the hell was he exactly? He took at the bed and the bedside table. Then as he saw the three slumbering figures all propped in a chair of their own, he knew. The infirmary at Hogwarts. How did he even get here? Everything was so confusing. He struggled to pull himself up, surprised when he realized that though weak, it didn’t hurt to move all that much. His dry throat scratched like sand granules and he spied the water glass dripping condensation down it’s smooth outer surface. After a slow, careful drink, he took more time to collect himself. Madam Pomfrey and Remus he had expected. But what on earth was Professor Snape doing here? 

Suddenly everything clicked. A dim memory of agony and a coin told him that his summons didn’t go ignored. He remained silent a long time after that, trying to come to grips with the fact that they knew what happened to him now. What had been happening to him for a while. 

Finally gathering his courage and sitting up a little more, he reached out to the one he thought was safest to wake. His weak hand touched Remus’ knee. He lightly patted his fingers, his reflexes slow and hard to produce. Just how long had he been lying here? Seeing that his hand wasn’t doing much good, he pulled it back in frustration. His throat was too sore yet. The unused vocal cords felt far too swollen to try and call out. In the end, he did the only thing he could think of. He pushed the empty glass on the ground. He knew it wouldn’t break, having been here many times in the past. He onluy hoped the sound was loud enough to wake one of the three people and let them know he was awake. 

All three heads shot up at once. The sound of the glass hitting the ground was rather loud in the otherwise empty hospital wing. Sleep was rubbed away from bloodshot eyes as they tried to gather where the noise had come from. They stretched and yawned, more then a few muscles sore from the horrible sleeping conditions. 

But it was Remus who noticed the confused green eye blinking at him. The shock of an awake Harry after so long caused stupid words to fly from his mouth.

“Great Merlin’s balls! Harry?!”

Harry flinched back at the loud voice, but otherwise remains unmoving.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Potter? You slept for quite a while.”

Harry looked at Poppy and went to touch his throat, trying to indicate that he could hardly whisper, let alone talk. But before the gesture was complete, she nodded with a tender smile as she wandered around the bed, doing a few scans.

“It’s all right. After two months, I can understand how difficult it may be to speak. Your throat was considerably damaged when you came here. But no worries, Mr. Potter. With a little time, your voice should return soon enough.”

Harry blinked, tapped his chest lightly and mouthed three words. The overtired Medi-Witch just looked at him in confusion. After repeating the gesture twice more and getting nowhere, his eye took over a slightly frustrated look. Rasping a silent sigh, he thought for a moment. Then he looked at the Potions Master and reached out a shaky hand towards him. Everyone blinked at the trembling outstretched limb, before Severus understood and grabbed the hand. He got the shock of his life when a hazy echoing voice sounded in his head. 

_~Call….m-me …..Harry~_

The professor almost snatched his hand back, the shaky beginnings of telepathy from the injured student startling his tired brain.

“Just when did you learn to do that?”

Harry shrugged and concentrated again. Weak or no, his mind seemed alert. 

_~Two years of practicing Occulmancy. I’ll explain later.~_

Severus nodded before he turned his eyes on the two other , very confused people in the room. 

“Mr. Potter wishes us to call him by his first name.” 

Harry gave a nod and let his weak arm drop to bed. His other hand reached up to touch just beneath the unseeing eye in question at he looked at the three of them. Poppy shook her head in sadness. 

“There was too much damage to that eye. We tried everything. I am sorry Harry, but you are permanently sightless in your right eye.”

He gave another slow nod. Closing his remaining eye, he took a few deep breaths. Two months was a long time. His uncle must have nearly killed him to have him laying here that long. His poor friends were probably going out of their minds with worry. He couldn't imagine what the wait must have been like. 

But just as he thought about trying to somehow ask how they were, he was made uncomfortably aware by the pressure in his bladder. Great, how the hell was he going to tell them he needed to use the loo with no voice? His thighs twitched slightly as the pressure grew more demanding. His embarrassment quickly turned to shame as he felt the wet heat spread over his legs and the sheets around him. The blanket above hid the fact, thankfully. 

But the tears that welled up gave his shame away. 

“Harry, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” 

He shook his head as Remus’ question, unable and far too shamed to even gesture in a way that might tell them what was wrong. He felt like a helpless git. 

But shame turned to alarm when he felt the tingled flush of magic dry away the wetness. He targeted his eye on the gathered three. Who had done that?

Then he notice Severus with his wand lying in his lap, the pale hand gripped around it. His cheeks heated up and he turn his face away.

Severus knew what happened the moment it did. It was far too obvious for someone with a similar problem at times. The constant unforgivable pain curses cast his way from his now dead former master wreaked hell on the nerves and muscles. It was not something he dared shared with anyone but Poppy; and only then because she had to mend him. He wanted to ease the boy’s obvious discomfort. 

 

“Mr. P…Harry. Do not give yourself undue stress because you can’t control your body at the moment. Due to the extended period of time you have lain here, and the condition which I found you in, it will take some time for you to recover muscle strength. If you should again have the need to alleviate yourself, Madam Pomfrey only need be told. A simple spell shall take care of it until your muscles grow in strength.”

Harry nodded but didn’t look up. Even at almost seventeen now, it was just a little too embarrassing for him to talk about certain things. His Aunt and Uncle had taught him to touch himself in any way down there was disgusting and dirty. He’d been forced to learn to sit down on the toilet and go that way. Cleaning was often brief and consisted of one fast wipe with a flannel. As the violence had grown however, sometimes he would be severely punished when he lost control of his bladder. The remembered screams, the pain, the humiliation twisted inside his gut. But he buried it, deep inside the confines of his shattered soul. 

However the next question out of Remus’ mouth almost unravel him.

“How long, cub? How many years did you keep it a secret? When did it start? Has it always been like this?”

Harry gulped, glad for once he couldn't speak. 

Poppy looked at him and asked the question that plagued her since she saw him.

“How is it no one noticed?”

At first he didn’t want to answe. But maybe, if he showed them that, he could distract them from the first question. Without word, without wand, he gathered his strength in his left arm. and began slowly weaving it in the air. It was a struggle to get the movements just right with weak muscles, but he pulled it off. Thank Merlin his magic was strong. Must have been all the sleep 

Severus was the first one to speak.

“Filius Flitwick is a Charms Professor for a reason.Despite his stature, he is nearly as gifted as myself in his field of expertise. With extreme difficulty he can perform the Master level concealment charm you just did. But only for a day or so before it wears off. It would tax his body so much he would not be able to perform it for a week. What he cannot do however, is do such a spell without at least his own voice to aid him. 

Severus blinked and swallowed down his awe. The display of power was frightening enough. The ability and skill in such a weak state; now that was inconceiveable. 

“Now I realize you killed the Dark Lord, and that alone proves your astonishing strength in magic and battle prowess. The first shock, it would seem, is you are now able to do such a spell without any other tool but thought. The mind magic we worked on was weak by comparison to the kind of focus it would take to perform complex spells such as that. But what is far more startling to me, however, is not your mental power to weave magic. This treatment from your…and I say with disgust…relatives I daresay has been going on from a rather early age. If the scarring is any indication it started nearly as early as three or four. You defeated The Dark Lord in the middle of the Summer between your fifth and sixth year. What I do not understand, what is completely impossible to fathom is this.You were abused, starved, and able to hold up this charm, correct?"

Harry nodded, not understanding why the Professor was so astounded. He'd been doing glamour charms and accidently magic when he went to primary school. He didn't want anyone to know about his bruises. What was the big deal?

Then how on earth did you have the power to even stand with enough energy to battle the first Death Eater? Let alone weave three of the powerful spells it took to defeat Voldemort in the first place?”

Harry looked at his professor, seeing the wheels turn inside Snape’s head. He knew this time the question hidden in those eyes would need his answer.He focused his magical core energyin prepartion. With a slowly drawn breath, he closed his one eye. This time, the connection to Severus was far easier with the touch of hand. Then he let the words flow. 

_~Professor, it has nothing to do with my power, or my condition going into the battle to face off against Tom Riddle. People died for too many years in this war. Innocent people that wanted to live in peace. I read the reports in the years before I became the Boy That Lived. Between that first war and this one, I have seen Wizards and Muggles alike fall to him. And for something so petty as “pure blood”. I entered the Wizarding world being the famous. But I knew nothing about magic or fame.. Over the course of five years, I watched while everyone else seemed oddly fixated on my title. I didn’t have time for flights of fancy. I wasn't interested in fame. In fact, I hated it._

_But that title gave me one thing I readily accepted. A purpose to my life. A way for everything I suffered to mean something. I wasn’t the Boy That Lived, and no one understood that. I was a weapon. I was the sword and shield of the Light side. And while everyone else saw it with some sort of glory, I didn’t waste my time with stupid delusions. I was created to kill Voldemort. No pain, no slash, no broken bone was going to stop me. For five years I had it trained into my skull that it was him or I. So much blood wasted for a war that should never have taken so long to end. I had to end it. So that blood could mean something. So that those who sacrificed could have peace. I used that to drive me foward. It wasn't about me, Professor. It was for everyone who suffered and would continue to if I failed . Voldemort did everything for himself. I did what I did out of compassion. That was 'The power the Dark Lord knows not'. That’s what I was born for. That is why I lived. And nothing was going to stop me.~_

Severus blinked and asked the question that he knew would he wouldn’t like the answer to.

“So what do you live for now?”

Harry turned his head away as his whole body slumped. 

_~Nothing. My purpose was served.~_

Severus swallowed.That dull, hopeless tone broke something inside him. But he gripped tightly to his cold composure as he continued. 

“ I could not help but notice that you have forgotten to answer a question. How old were you when the abuse started, Harry? The scans say the oldest scars were from four years of age. That would mean you were wounded before that. So how young were you when they started their horrible treatment?”

Harry shivered, unable to give an answer. But he held up two fingers, cringing when he heard gasps behind him. He curled in on himself, too overwelmed to turn and see what the truth had done. He couldn't face them. 

Remus gulped. Two years old. How could anyone so young survive such brutality for so long? He clamped down on the enraged wolf inside of him as he looked down on his cub. The animal in him saw Harry as pack, especially so after Sirius’ death. Between constant letters over school year and the understanding of grief their bond had grown tightly around the man’s heart. To know that Harry had suffered so long without any help was crushing. 

Then his eyes turned cold as the truth iced through his veins. Harry has asked for help. Probably more then once. From someone he trusted, someone he thought held his best interest at heart. Only to be turned away hope crushed, every time. 

“Harry, I know you weren't honest with everyone. It is common for someone suffering abuse to the extent you did to keep silent. Silence is trained into you, because you’ve been told it’s your fault. But I know you asked the Headmaster several times to stay somewhere else over the summer. Did you at least give him any reason why you didn’t want to go back?”

Remus watched as Harry turned his eye to Snape, a look of concentration marring his cub’s brow. They would get into Harry’s sudden ability of telepathy later. Maybe it had something to do with their time of training for the war. 

He was suddenly startled quite violently out of his thoughts by Severus’ voice laced with barely controlled rage.

"HE WHAT?!"

Harry swallowed, his body trembling as he reaffirmed what he said.

"And he told you in those exact word?" 

Harry looked down in sadness and gave a bare nod. Remus gulped, reining the wolf inside him with a tighter leash at he turned to the Potions Master. 

“What did he tell you?”

Snape looked between Poppy and Remus, the burning fury in his eyes nearly making both shiver. 

“According to Mr…..Harry here, Albus didn’t know everything. But he knew something as of the beginning of the second year. Remember the Ford Angela insident.Three of the Weasley boys had to break him out of his residence. His uncle had put bars on the windows to keep him from sending or receiving messages. He was able to conceal the bruises and broken bones. But he was not yet strong enough to hide the evidence of starvation. Molly herself went before the ignorant Headmaster, quite worried by his lack of weight. Once he was questioned by Albus, he told him that the disgusting Muggles withheld food as a means of punishment. Albus, it seemed, just assumed the starvation was justified, for he didn't bother to ask why. After that, each year before summer break was to commence, he literally begged Albus to stay here at the school, only to be told he needed to stay there to be protected under the blood wards. From what I can gather, just before the ending of last year, he was literally forced to show our esteemed Leader of the Light some of the scars he had as proof. It fell on deaf ears. In fact, he was also told that this coming year he would have to go back to his relative’s house during Christmas. Albus told him Death Eaters were still at large and the castle didn’t provide enough protection as the blood wards of his house.” 

Out of the three of them, the one Harry least expected to show such rage snapped under the truth. Madam Pomfrey literally shook, empty potions vials and glass cabinets cracking under the pressure of her magic. 

“Do you mean to tell me, Severus, that even knowing that Harry was treated so deplorably by the worse sort of Muggles, he ignored it. Then he not only refused the outcry for help, but forced him to endure such conditions repeatedly? Did I hear that correctly?”

 

“Yes Madam. That is correct. And as this is mental conversation, I know Mr. Potter isn't lying. It is more effective the Veritiserum.”

With a look of determination, Poppy turned to her young charge.

 

“Harry, you listen to me now. I have been a Medi-Witch of this school close to forty years. I have witnessed patients come in under the most horrible of curses. Why, Severus himself has been in here after several torturous meetings he was forced to face in the war. I have lost some in my time here at the school, but I knew I could not save them all. I have alway been proud to serve under Albus for many years I always believe that under him, the children of this school were safe. When you were brought here under my care two months ago, I was beyond shocked. It takes much for anything to make me so after going through not one, but three wars.I'm sure you can well imagine what I mean, after suffering so many visions."

Harry nodded in solemn understanding. Yes, he knew; he knew more then he ever wanted to know. 

 

“But I have never seen anyone be in your condition, and live to tell the tale. What’s more, I have never seen a man or woman of your age come so close to death because of something like child abuse. Even Severus here was never so damaged; and his father could be quite brutal. It nearly killed my soul. The children of this school, no matter their outlook on life, are all mine to mend and protect. I consider my chosen profession one of pride and compassion/ I love my work here, even with as grueling as it can become." 

Harry nearly died of shock as he heard the Medi-witch growl out her next words.

"But never, in all my years, have I ever been so angry with someone as I am with Albus Dumbledore in this moment. For you see, the wards of this school were strong enough to prevent He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named for many years. That he not only lied to you about that, but forced you to endure such abuse knowingly for so many years is completely outrageous. I can guarantee you, Harry Potter, he will not be Headmaster for much longer in light of this terrible injustice. Not. Under. My. Watch!”

Only Severus understood the next action the boy made. he watch the young war veterem close his eye and give a careless shrug. When he heard a sigh in resignation, he shook his head. He knew what the gestures meant. 'Don’t bother to fight for me, because I am not important enough.' He knew that defeated attitude all too well. Lucky for him, Harry was still young enough to be saved from his harsh existence. 

Looking down at his right arm, where the faded Dark Mark still burned him, his face became firm. He snapped his eyes to meet the desolate hero, determined to help shed some light in the dark. Harry had been lied too far too much. He was going to give truth, no matter how 'nice' the it made him seem. After everything he learned, his pride and his intimidating image could go to hell for all he cared. He made too many mistakes with the boy as it was. He was not going to make another. 

“Mr. Potter, it is time you were taught a lesson in the art of delusions. It really isn’t your fault you do not understand your worth. You were brought up here as no more then a weapon to be used and cast aside. I see how it unfolded. It started the minute you were told you were a wizard. You had it shoved repeatedly into your brain that you were the only one in this world to defeat the Dark Lord. That’s all you thought everyone saw you for. So to you, the Headmaster’s betrayal is of little meaning when faced with that truth. We are all to blame really. We were far too ignorant to see the awesome pressure it must have put you under. To be yanked violently into the Wizarding world and be cast into such a mold after years of brutal torture, it is easy to see how truly painful your existence has been. Because while everyone saw you as a celebrity of sorts, you never fully understood more then slavery. You were famous for something you could hardly begin to understand, let alone live up to.”

Severus paused as he gathered his thoughts. 

“It. Was. Wrong! No one, not even the most hated of people should have had to endure years of torture, rape, and mental abuse for the sake of anyone without an outlet to turn to. You suffered in silence. All because of the one man who should have at least had the heart and the power to protect you. Not even Salazar himself would have been so cruel as to allow a child to be tortured in such a way. Never mind the fact he continously forced you to go back to that horrible place. You can’t understand why we are angry. Of course not, how could you? All you know is what he taught you. It is no small wonder you didn’t take your own life after you believed your purpose was done." 

Severus hissed out his next words, but kept his emotions in check as much as he could.

“No one, I repeat, no one has the right to torture an innocent child once, never mind repeatedly. No one should suffer so much violence for years for any reason, even if it was important to prepare you for the role you had in the war. After what you just told me, I think it is time to correct the falsehood you were driven to believe. If what you just told me is the truth, Albus could quite soon be forced into prison for his vagrant arrogance, ignorance, and manipulation. By the confused look on your face, I see you do not yet understand. I will give you something of a basis.”

He stared straight into the green eye now staring at him in rapt attention. 

“Tell me something, Harry. What if it were someone like Mr. Longbottom who had to endure what you did. Would you let him suffer what you suffered without seeking help for him?”

Harry shook his head immediately. Bloody hell no. Neville was his friend. He wouldn't let someone suffer without doing something about it. That was just the way he was. 

“And what if you ran to someone like, oh say, your Head of House? You would tell her that he needed help, right?."

Harry nodded again, giving the Potion's master a look that said ' I'm not as stupid as you think."

"Now just give Him a moment, cub. He's not asking you this to insult you. He's trying to help you. Please listen, it's important."

Harry took a deep breath and nodded. How was he suppose to know that? Snape always took joy in insulting him. But he gestured to the man, letting him know he could continue. 

"Would you then ignore your friend if she told you there was no way for him to be saved from such conditions? Would you let him nearly die, all because you were given a single excuse for why he had to be repeatedly forced into such a horrible life as you have lived?”

Understanding was beginning to dawn in Harry's mind. Confusion and numb acceptance was beginning to fade as Snape's words burned truth into his brain almost painfully. He shook his head slower this time, his gaze widening. 

Severus saw the lights begin to go on inside the teenagers mind with an inner smirk. Just because he was demanding, didn't mean he couldn't teach. 

He nodded himself as he forgded ahead.

“Exactly! In fact, you would seek help even from me if she refused. You would do so even if it was Draco Malfoy. You would fearlessly face any punishment to make sure he would be saved from such a fate. That is because, like the three of us, you understand that no child should have to suffer so much. No matter the reason. You have a noble heart and a clear conscious. You know no one, no matter the age, should suffer something so cruel. Yet, when you turned to the one person who was suppose to be your protector, you were told nothing could be done. You were on your knees with tears in your eyes as you begged him, and he turned you away. It’s no wonder you learned such a high level charm to conceal the truth from everyone. 

“If he, especially given his position in your life, didn’t care, why would you have reason to dare try to seek help from anyone else. To think that someone who was the self proclaimed ‘Leader of Light’ crushed any chance you had at salvation…there are no words I know that could explain such a cruel betrayal. He must answer for his crimes against you. After this final piece of the puzzle, that list is long indeed."

Severus chuckled humorlessly. 

“And to think, at one time I thought he showered you with so much affection as to let you get away with anything. How utterly blind I was. Now I see him for what he truly was. He used you as a means to an end. He literally enforced your dependency of him.Then he let you battle nearly unbeatable odds year after year. All while letting your relatives rip you apart with their bare hands. Ever still whispering lies in your ear. By Circe, how could I have missed it. It's so perfectly Slytherin."

He leaned closer to drive his truth home one final time. 

“And considering who I served, believe me; that is saying much. Do you now understand the significance of why he must be made to pay? Voldemort at least had the fear of his defeat as some sort of motive to want your death. Even in light of the war, Albus Dumbledore had NONE.”

He grabbed Harry's hand, nearly causing him to stumble off the bed in shock.

"Mark my words, Mr. Potter. I shalln't ever be so ignorant again. None of us will. The blinders have been most assuredly ripped away. Your days of being tormented all for his purpose, are over. You will suffer no more. That isn't just a promise. It's a sworn oath."

Harry looked at the other two people with him, seeing their firm nods. He bit his lip and tried not to smile. 

He had warned the Headmaster to stop lying to him after fifth year. He had asked not to be left out. He begged to be saved. And each time he was refused at ever turn. Well, by the look in the eyes before him, he wasn't being ignored anymore. 

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore was in deep shite.


	3. The unraveling of a hidden Mind

  
Author's notes: Professors and Friends poke their nose in Harry's Life, hoping to find some insight. What they find though, is more then they'll ever be ready for

A/N: When I originally wrote this, I wasn't sure where I was going with it. After going over it repeatedly though....I finally decided the point. However, Harry is no god...and this chapter isn't meant to make him so. I hope you can read between the lines. This is not a a fic about Harry's infinate power. Just want to make that perfectly clear.  


* * *

_He sits in his corner_  
Singing himself to sleep  
Wrapped in all of the promises  
That no one seems to keep  
He no longer cries for himself  
No tears left to wash away  
Just diaries of bloody pages  
Feelings gone astray  
But he will sing 

_'Til everything burns_  
While everyone screams  
Burning their lies  
Burning his dreams  
All of this faith  
And all of this pain  
Burning all down  
Cause our anger reigns  
Everything burns 

_Ohh_

_Walking through life unnoticed_  
Knowing that no one cares  
Too consumed in thier masquerades  
No one sees him there  
And still he sings 

_'Til everything burns_  
While everyone screams  
Burning their lies  
Burning his dreams  
All of this faith  
And all of this pain  
We'll burn it all down  
As our anger reigns 

_'Til everything burns_  
Everything burns  
(Everything burns)  
Everything burns  
Watching it all fade away  
(All fade away)  
Everyone screams  
Everyone screams  
(Watching it all fade away)  
Oooh, oh  
(While everyone screams)  
Burning down lies  
Burning his dreams  
(All of this faith)  
And all of this pain  
We'll burn it all down  
As our anger reigns  
'Til everything burns  
(Everything burns)  
Watching it all fade away  
(Oooh, ooh)  
(Everything burns)  
Watching it all fade away 

Song: Everything Burns Artists: Anastasia feat. Ben Moody. ( Modded to Fit) 

____________________________________________

 

Two days later and far more rested, Severus, Remus and Minerva were sitting in the potions masters quarters, looking through Harry's well worn trunk. Dobby has retrieved it just in time, it seemed. The vile muggles had meant to burn it

They knew it was an invasion of privacy to go through his things without asking. But after the horror they saw written all over the boy’s body , they needed more insight. The scars went far deeper then skin. They just didn't know how far. They had to find out 

Sadly, the first thing they found were the slintered pieces of a wand. It made them all shutter. To snap a Wizard’s wand was like putting him into banishment. The battered boy most likely suffered magical backlash the moment it was broken. It did explain the shredded parts of his magical core that Poppy had found. 

The next demolished item drawn out was his broom. It had also been hacked up; with some sort of muggle machine by the looks of it. 

The last hit came when they found the burned ashes of the map and the invisibility cloak on top of what used to be a photo album. It made them all grieve with understanding. His Uncle had tried to break him. How he had survived at all, despite his magical strength was a mystery. 

Hedwig was with Hagrid at the moment, being nursed back to Health. Her state wasn't much better then Harry's had been. But if anyone could save her, it was the half-giant. They just hoped he succeeded. Harry would not survive the death of his familiar. Their bond went far to deeply for the tortured youth to live the death of his one companion during his imprisonment. 

Everyone was brought out of their musing when Minerva brought out a stack of muggle notebooks. 

“Well this is strange. I don’t understand the language. It is in his writing, but I’ve never seen the dialect.”

Remus looked over her shoulder in confusion. 

“ It looks like Russian….maybe Polish. I don’t know. I can’t make heads or tales of it either. Why would he have written everything in another ….of course. No student would understand these. Even most translation spells they learn can’t translate a distant language well. Magical languages can be bent far easier then foriegn ones like this.”

Severus grabbed another book from the pile, opening it carefully to read the title inside. 

“‘Advanced study of Multiple Transmutation on Humans.’ It’s a book of his study on Animagus transformations. The dialect is German. Muggle schools often teach different languages. For what reason I can not say.”

He flipped through a few pages. Then his eyes flashed open in shock.

 

“ Well I'll be damned. Tell me something, Minerva. In all your years of mastery, have you ever heard of multiple transformations of Animagus.”

“Not in all my time of teaching. But over history, there have been rare occurrences. Usually two or three forms at most. 

She looked at the expression of pale shock on her friends face and shook her head in denial. No, it simply couldn't be.

"Surely you don’t mean to tell me Mr. Potter has figured out how to perform more then one. That doesn’t come until this years study.”

Severus snorted. Of course Harry had studied this. After seeing Black do it, his curiousity would have driven him mindless to find out how it was done. Between that, inability to sleep, and a life that forced him to grow up right away, Severus understood something. Harry had more time to study and a need to proove he could. Couple that with the drive to stay hidden and it was obvious how he learned things. Severus nearly bit his lip to hold back a smirk. 

Harry was a Slytherin hiding amoung a lion's coat. 

Even if that just rubbed his nose in how wrong he was about his student's intelligence, he could not deny it. 

“He started his study in his third year so it seems. After meeting Black. And according to this, he has not two or three forms. To date it seems, he has a total of 19 transformations he can accomplish. What has me surprised, however is he can also transform into magical creatures, though not until quite recently. Within the last year or so.”

Minerva continued to shake her head in disbelief. It couldn't be true.

“That is impossible. You must be mistaken."

Severus sneered. He hated when people did that to him. It was like calling him stupid. 

"I am not, you over-stiffened furball. Don't insult my intelligence, you aged tabby. It's as plainly written as the ugly glasses on your face."

Remus bit his lip. No matter how serious the situation, that was funny. 

"Severus Snape! Don't make me transform. I'll cover your robes in fur and lick your face to death if you don't stop that right now."

" Then don't tell me I am mistaken. You know my NEWT scores. I am reading it quite clearly right here.

He shoved the open book at her to make his point.

"But you know history as well as I do. We both know no one since Merlin himself has had the skill to transform into a single magical creature, never mind more then one. That art was long lost. Are you certain it isn’t just Studies on transformation into magical creatures.”

Severus shook his head.

“And when has Harry Potter ever been anything but the exception to all the rules.? It is quite clear cut. Miss Granger would be quite upset that his gift of the written word is better then hers. Also considering he is quite fluent in at least writing German. He penmenship could be tidied though. He scribbles almost as bad as a muggle doctor."

Remus cleared his throat. They were getting off topic.

"Severus, we aren't here to discuss Harry's handwriting. What does the book explain?" 

"It states the different forms he has achieved. Then he writes out the enhanced abilities of each, and the reaction he had before, during and after transformation in said forms. A few that I have seen states he has at least achieved a griffin, a basilisk, a Pegasus, and a phoenix. With this one book, he could probably master inside of a day, were it not for his weakened state. Now I find myself curious to see what else Mr. Potter has secretly been learning.”

He sifted through the books and grabbed a rather thick one. He knew the words on top. It was a potions study book. He opened it to see his very own words. The first passage were his introduction to the very first Potions class Harry attended. But as he got further back into forth year, he nearly fell over. Across the top of the 5 subject spiral notebook page were the words ‘ Salazar Slytherins Focus on Medicinal Potions’. He slowly began to read, hardly paying attention to the others in the room. That was until he came across a potion that seemed at first to be unfinished. Reading through the study carefully, he turned the next page and nearly past out.

"No...it can't be. Dear Merlin, the boy is too curious for his own good. 

Minerva smirked at him. 

"Is that disbelief I hear, Severus?"

He held himself back from snapping at her again.

"No, more like sheer awe. Mr. Potter is too smart. I was a spy for the Dark Lord, and he outwitted me. That does not happen often. But in a couple of short months, he seems to have a habit of doing it continously. I must say, I don't like it."

He turned to Remus. 

“By the way, Remus Lupin. I just thought you would like to be imformed of something. Your Godson loves you very much. Much more, perhaps, then anyone else has in your whole life.”

Remus looked up.

“Yes Severus, I know he loves me. I'm sorry if it shocks you so much."

Severus wanted to hit him. He really did.

"It's not about that you dumb wolf."

Remus rubbed his face. He ignored the insult. 

"Then why imform me of something that obvious at a time like this. Why bring that up at all, especailly now? What's that have to do with what you’ve found? Your strange behavior so far is not helping Severus. Prehaps a more straight forward approach would stop us from questioning you, don't you think? You're talking in puzzles”

Severus gulped harshly. He gathered hs masks around him again as he spoke.

“It seems James Potter’s cloak had quite the little workout in Harry’s forth year. Harry went back to the Chamber of Secrets out of sheer curiosity. Alone this time. What he found there, according to this book, is something no one should have been able to find. Not even Voldemort found it. While going through the Chamber in detail, Harry happened upon a bit of a treasure trove. Salazar Slytherins personal library. All of the books were in parceltongue. According to this book here, he began studying the potions manuscripts as well. One potion in particular grabbed his attention. It seems Salazar himself was looking for a cure for were-creatures who wished to be turned back. He believed it to be a virus of some sort. It was unfinished though. Your godson studied extensively, despite being in the middle of the war. Between the school library, the restricted section, and Slytherins own, he has somehow managed to finish the work. He must not have slept at all during forth year. It is a monumental task to unravel Slytherin's writing. The man had a perchance to speak in circles to confuse people. He was worried they would steal his hard work. 

However, it didn't seem to stop Harry. He has, in this one book, completed the cure. Between the Animagus book and this one, it is clear he has figured out that while the wolf in your blood will always be there, with this single cure, it will be an Animagus form. The only thing he could not do was to make the potion himself. The list of ingredients are hard to come by and some are poisonous. No underage wizard would be able to purchase them, let alone use them.”

Remus blinked, too shocked to wrap his mind around what he just heard. 

“I’m sorry. What did you just say?”

Severus rolled his eyes. 

“ I believe Harry has found a cure for were-creatures, wolves included. It would take three months to brew, of course. The ingredients alone take time to find. But the potion in this book, along with two incantations in parceltongue, can in fact, cure you of the harsh and terrible mindless transformation of the werewolf.”

Remus swayed. 

“Harry found a cure?”

Severus nodded. 

“Half of one that he himself finished. Specifically for you, according to the notes. What surprises me the most however, is how in the name of the founders a single boy who knew nothing about the Wizarding world before the age of 11, could come to understand such knowledge. He wasn’t even the 10th best student in my class. With this one book alone, he has outdone nearly every potions master this school has had since the founders themselves built this school.”

Minerva studied her long time friend.

“Severus, are you alright? You’re as pale as a ghost. Surely his intellegence can't be the end of the world? You look as if someone has struck you with an unforgivable.”

Severus turned his head to her. 

“You fail to see something, Minerva. If all the books are like this one, then what we are dealing with here is astounding. With the correct tutelage, perhaps two months the brush up his skill, Harry Potter can out master every teacher here at Hogwarts. Between the magic inside of him, and these books, well…..I dare to say it would put him on equal footing with the founders. Have you no idea how powerful that makes him? I for one am glad he has the noble heart he does. To be perfectly honest, I thank whatever deity that exist that his conscious survived his treatment with those horrible muggles. I do say this in perfect truth. If he decided to turn dark as Tom Riddle did under nearly the same childhood, he would have made the Dark Lord himself look like a kitten in comparison.”

He pulled out the books and laid them in a semi circle. 

“Charms, Wandless Magic, More transfiguration, Dueling, Care of magical creatures, runic study, Divination, Defense against the dark arts, a book on the dark arts.…it’s all here. If his study in each subject are as good as the book I hold in my hand, Harry doesn’t need the professors to teach him much more then to give him guidance. In fact, if his understanding in all of this is just as equal, he knows enough to teach the professors more then a few things in their own mastery. Unfortunately, Harry doesn’t understand his power, and he most likely never will fully. With the sort of upbringing he had, we’ll be lucky if he understand half the skill he currently has, let alone the full scope. What has me pale, is not this."

He snapped the book shut with a glare to hide his fear. 

"It is the Headmaster I worry. He must never know that the boy is this studious. And I do mean never. If Albus suspected Harry had this kind of knowledge, I shiver to think what he would do the boy. One thing I know about the old coot is that anyone more powerful then him he considers dangerous. He’ll have the boy readying for the dementors kiss before the week is out. I thank Circe I was able to teach you both Occulmancy. The headmaster mustn't know. Is that clear? NEVER!!”

They nodded, understanding the severity of the situation. They had to keep the Headmaster away from Harry at all cost. His very life could depend on it. 

____________________________________________ 

With a powerfully cast translation spell the three of them performed, thus began hours of study that had them all shocked. No one should have studied this much. It was almost otherworldly that one tortured boy grew so skilled. Of course, with the war, Harry would have felt it necessary to learn as much as possible. Alone, and knowing his destiny, Harry tried to fill himself up with as much magical theory and practice as he could in his spare time. 

Eventually Remus fell across a spell locked book in the bottom of the trunk. This one was different then the others. For one it was heavily warded. After working on it for another two hours, they finally managed to break the three warding spells on the book with the help of Remus' blood. One of the spells called for proof of a trusted friend. 

It turned out to be a journal of sorts, with never-ending pages. At first the words were simple and child like, which surprised them. Where had a child of six picked up such a book. Then it became clear as the book went on. The original journal Harry used through the early years had been muggle. Then he had purchased the book much later and copied everything.

Finally, the reality of his torment was made plain. The horror that flashed through one page after another nearly cracked them. It seemed impossible that a child could survive such rampant torture. But survived it he had. Droplets of blood splattered some pages, a testament that the boy would write sometimes after a brutal session of beating. But one thing Minerva couldn’t figure is why his family hated him so much. When she turned to her two companions to ask, it was Severus who answered. 

“Magic. His relatives hated magic. Think of it as the ultimate hate crime. They, the Uncle in particular, couldn’t stand what they considered abnormal. They punished him for being a wizard. In fact, it looks as if they believed that if they hurt him enough, he wouldn’t be one anymore. They tried to literally torture the magic out of him.”

Remus shook his head.

“They beat him because he was a wizard?”

Severus shook his head.

“No. They beat him because to them, he was less then human. They had their perfect little world shattered to pieces the day an infant wizard was dropped on their doorstep. I remember Lily telling me more then once her sister hated her from the day she got her first letter. And Vernon Dursley, was far worse. He just wanted to do it for sport. To him, everything in his life that went wrong was his nephews fault. But in truth, I think, he did it mostly …well ….for the fun of it. He had no motive. In fact, from everything I gather from this journal, his evilness knew no bounds. When he wasn’t too busy taking his pleasure with the " Freak", he treated him so violently simply because he had the power to.”

Remus’ jaw shook. He stood up and paced angrily, mumbling to himself. Then he turned his gaze on his two companions. His eyes blazed, the wolf in him howling with a rage he could barely suppress.

“ I am going for a long walk. Then I am going to go check up on my cub. But as my two witnesses, hear me now. If I ever so much as see a glimpse of Vernon Dursley before the Dementors have their way with him, he will die to Moony. No matter what phase the moon is in. You two had better pray the Aurors get to him before I see him. Because if they don't, I'll shred him like a Thanksgiving Turkey."

Remus snarled so harshly, it almost made them draw their wands. There was a dangerous light in those normally calm eyes as he continued. 

"And as for the Headmaster. Tell him to stay away from Harry, do you hear me?! Tell him to stay very far away from me as well. He may not have been the one to torture Harry, but his crimes against my cub are now recognized. He let that poor boy go back to hell each summer. I don’t care if I burn slowly in the slave cages for it. That liar of a man has no business being anywhere near my cub. Not after that. Nearly 17 years, and he never once checked. The wards kept Death Eaters away. Well, so much for blood protection. Lily, James, and Sirius would kill Albus were they suddenly to come back to life right now. Just keep him far from my pack. You won’t like what happens if you don’t.”

With that, the snarling werewolf left the room with a hard slam of the door. Magic crackled in the air like feral fire long after he left. 

This time Remus Lupin and Moony were merged in one truth. No one would harm his cub ever again. Even if that meant murder. It was an oath he would stand by. 

No matter the cost.


	4. Knowing in the Broken Cry

  
Author's notes: Something strang is going on with Harry? What are these odd symtoms and what do they mean. And why is Harry so determined to keep his masks in place. 

A/N: Possible tissue warning.  


* * *

_Sometimes when I lie_  
I know you're on to me  
Sometimes I don't mind  
How hateful that you can be 

_Sometimes I don't try_  
To make you happy  
I don't know why I say the things I say to you but 

_Sometimes I don't wanna be better_  
Sometimes I can't be put back together  
Sometimes I find it hard to believe  
There's someone else who could be  
Just as fucked up as me 

_Sometimes don't deny_  
That everything is wrong  
Sometimes I rather die  
Than to admit it's my fault 

_Sometimes when I cry_  
I just don't care at all  
I don't know why I say the things I say to you but 

_Sometimes I don't wanna be better_  
Sometimes I can't be put back together  
Sometimes I find it hard to believe  
There's someone else who could be  
Just as fucked up as me 

_I want someone to hurt_  
Like the way I hurt  
It's sick but it makes me feel better 

_Sometimes I can't hide_  
The demons that I face  
Sometimes don't deny  
I'm sometimes sinner sometimes saint 

_Sometimes I don't wanna be better_  
Sometimes I can't be put back together  
Sometimes I find it hard to believe  
There's someone else who could be  
Just as fucked up as me (x2) 

Song: Sometimes Artist: Skillet. ( Barely Tweaked)

___________________________________________

 

Three days later, Harry was writing on a parchment in dead of night. He was still in the Infirmary, and would be for some time. His finger was pushing against his bottom lip in concentration as he paused in his thoughts. Twice already since his birthday he had had to up his concealment charm on himself. As of Twelve midnight, he began to feel different. Odd characteristic began to pop up at intervels. He didn't understand most of it, but he kept a detailed record none the less. That way, when he was finally let out, he could research more. 

The first oddity was the heightened hearing he seemed to have acquired from that morning. It left him with a constant headache, even when he stuffed cotton in his ears. And then the maddening itch on his arms and claves arrived with a small bit of white fuzz. It was really beginning to drive him insane. No matter what salve he used, it didn’t seem to take it away. 

Luckily, no one knew of his increasing strangness yet. That's the way he planned to keep it, too. Being called a freak for most of your life taught you to hide well. And hide it he would.

More then once, much to his shame, he had stolen from the school stores to hide some rather strange cravings in his body.Talore's Super Enhanced Suppression tinture wasn’t something easily gotten from Madam Pomphey’s stores. It was normally used on the bespelled or the severely obese to cure the craving for too much food. In Hogwarts, niegther of those occured often, if at all. So what little he did find was used in drops. His ever increasing need for them was beginning to worry him. He only had a half a vial left. Once that ran out,he’d have to find out a way to get more without a cloak or a map. 

He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps coming down the hall and turning into the hospital ward. He took his scroll and shoved it and the quill under his pillow. With a quickly thought notice-me-not charm centered around it, he picked up a 6th year book and donned a face of study as he opened it. 

The minute he saw Professor Snape sit down in the chair on his bedside, his still gravelly voice showed something of calm indifference as he spoke. 

“Hello, Professor Snape.”

Severus inclined his head.

“Hello, Harry. Doing homework?

Harry shook his head. 

“No, I did that already. Well most of it. I still have a Transfigurations essay, but I have a couple of days before I have to worry about that. I am just reading to past the time.”

Harry mentally patted himself on the back for his cool tone. The less suspicion he gave the Potions master the better. He turned back to his book, feigning interest in what he was reading. He practically had most of the seventh year books memorized by now, anyway.But that too was unknown. And as this particular person thought him stupid, it wouldn't be discovered. 

His confidence in his ruse however was shattered with the man’s next words. 

“I see. Tell me something, Harry. Is it normal protocol to read your text book upside down in the middle of the night? Or is this a new study method I am unaware of?"

Harry looked down to realize his stupidity. He blushed as he graced the Potions Master with a weak smile.

"Oops?"

Severus gave him a slight smirk.

"Oops indeed. In case it has not escaped your notice, I was a spy for many years. I am practiced in the art of seeing most everything in my surroundings. Not to mention that while under The Dark Lord, I became quite adept at seeing through lies without Veritiserum. So acting around me will do you little good.”

Harry sighed and closed his book, rubbing his eyes. 

“Sorry sir. I get twitchy hearing someone coming up to me in the middle of the night. Not to mention I don’t sleep much, to be honest. It helps to look like I am actually doing something, so no one asks too many questions about why I am awake.”

Severus nodded. 

“Yes, I understand that. I also understand the reason why you do not sleep much. After a lifetime of constant vigilance and practiced alertness, one would find it difficult to sleep. Not to mention abuse, visions, nightmares, and cronic insomia. It's a wonder you would get any rest at all. However, it is far better to drop pretence around me. I know more then most, so to try and fool me will do you little good ."

Harry nodded, rubbing his eye underneath his glasses. After a long silence, he saw the man beside him pull out a magazine of sorts and begin to read with interest. He laid his head back and thought for bit before reaching over to the bedside table to sift through a stack of new 7th year books that was brought for him by Remus. Smirking, he choose the Potions text book, just to see what would happen. Might as well do something to spark the Professor into surprise. The man thought he was inept at the subject. ‘If only he knew just how much I really know about potions’ Harry nearly giggled mentally. The poor man would probably have a heart attack. 

He opened the book to the marked area he had left off at yesterday and continued in his reading quietly, almost happy someone was with him, if only to keep him company. Nights were too damned quiet anyhow. 

Five minutes later, Severus finally lifted his head. And the mirroring smirk that twitched to move his mouth was suppressed. Seeing the book in the boys hands gave him just the chance he needed to go into the conversation he wanted. 

“Potions, Mr. Potter? I was under the impression you detest the subject.”

Losing himself in the reading, Harry didn’t bother to think about the words coming out of his mouth. 

“Actually I like Potions just fine, sir. It’s your fault I don’t do so well in your class. If you didn’t spend so much time happily trying to insult me to death, I might have been able to show you I do know what I am doing. But with you hovering all the time, and playing devoted Death Eater for the Slytherins, there wasn't much opprotunity”

Severus blinked. Did the boy really just insult him openly? He knew he was hard on him in class. But he never thought the teenager would have the gall to insult him to his face.Oh well, he could work with that.

“Is that so? Then maybe you wouldn’t mind proving to me just how much you know about the subject then? A bit of a test as it were.”

Harry just shrugged and nodded. 

“Alright. But only if you promise not to trick me into something you can insult me for.”

“That seems fair enough. Now give me a moment to think.”

Harry continued to read. Snape would never guess how easy this test would be. He’d probably just test him on something simple like calming draught, which they learned in third year. The man probably didn’t think he would know more then that to begin with. This was going to be rich. 

“What are the two chief ingredients in Moribus Solution?”

Without thinking about the ramifications of answering the question, he quickly blurted it out. 

“Cobra venom and belladonna.”

“Very good. Two questions now. How many stirs would it take to complete the solution and in what direction.”

“52 stirs counter clockwise, and 23 clockwise. Ending in three figure 8 stirs. Making it a total of 78 stirs.”

“Correct again. One final question then. What are the last ingredients to add before the final three stirs?” 

Harry again answered with ease, on a roll now.Let the man die of shock. It would be funny. 

“Three drops of lavender oil and powered essence of dragon scales.”

Severus rubbed his hands together mentally. He had him exactly where he wanted him. 

“You are again correct. What a shocking surprise. Very astute Harry. There is just one last question I have to ask you. Not part of the test. Would you mind indulging me on just one fact?”

Harry nodded.

“How on earth did you know how to make a potion that is not only highly illegal, but also impossible to find in all but three books.? None of which, might I add, are in the school Library. With good reason.”

Harry gulped. Crap, what did he just do? How could he have been so stupid? Maybe if he played dumb, he wouldn’t give too much away. No one was suppose to know he’d read through Salazar’s Library. Or that he knew where it was in the first place. How the hell was he going to get out of this one? Then he thought up a quick answer. It would piss Snape off, but at least it would keep his secret hidden. Putting on the mask of a student caught, he tried to keep his voice perfect. 

“The restricted section last year. I was looking through a section on high level defense spells and accidently stumbled onto a book there. That potion was in it. I’m sorry sir.”

Severus shook his head, his face stern. 

“Did I not just clearly state that lying to me would get you nowhere? Do you think you can fool a Potions Master at his own game, Harry? Tsk, really. Moribus solution is a highly toxic poison in the wrong hand. It's far more forbidden then anything the whole library here would allow. It was deliberately banned from use before Headmaster Digget was given his post. I also happen to know every potions book in the restricted section. So I know you did NOT acquire the knowledge there. I have two of the three said books that contain the knowledge. The other was rumored to be Salazar Slytherins own book, as it is said he created the solution. What really peaks my interest more then you even know of the solution, is that you have it well memorized. You clearly are not the type to find it necessary to poison anyone. Since I know you did not steal the two books I have in my own library, and an underage wizard could not in fact purchase such books, it begs the very large question. Where did you find it?”

Harry swallowed hard. He was in deep trouble now. He began to panic, worried about what his professor would do to him now. Why did he have to go and show off. Stupid Gryffindor pride. His breathing was becoming more difficult as his panic grew. 

“Can’t…breath….”

Severus knew this might happen. He quickly pulled out a potion and worked it slowly down the boy’s throat.

“Easy. Breathe slowly now. There is no reason to work yourself into a panic. You are not in any trouble.”

As the potion ran through him to calm him down, he closed his eyes and focused on breathing through his nose and out of his mouth. He slowly worked his panic down. He took a few seconds to work up his courage before he looked nervously at the man beside him. It would do no good to lie now. 

“I'm sorry for lying. But it's what I got used to. If anyone knew, it could have gotten back to Riddle. I couldn't risk it. Please understand."

Severus nodded. 

"I know that. But there is no other parcelmouth alive now. You no longer have to keep it a secret, at least from me. So where did you find it?" 

Harry took a look around before he leaned close. He threw up a wandless silencing charm just in case. Snape wasn't the only one to learn caution during the war. 

"I found the Library in the Chamber of Secrets after the second task 4th year. I wasn’t looking for it. I was just looking to get away from everyone. My friends and half the school were on my back about Voldemort and the fact that the cup spit out my name. The stupid tasks were just icing on the cake. I knew no one could get in there but me and I just needed a place that was quiet. Course, the Basilisk was still down there. Odd thing about that though. It looked the same as when I killed it two years before hand. Must have been a spell or something on the Chamber to keep it from rotting.

Severus cleared his throat.

"Harry, You are getting off topic. The Library?"

"Right, I stumbled onto the Library by accident. Didn’t know what it was till I found his journal in there. But anyway, I came across the book of potions and kind of, well , borrowed it really. I found some other stuff in there I was interested in. Advanced Medical potions and such. But how did you know I even knew the answer, sir? Did you read my mind again?”

Severus reached inside his robes and pulled out the book from Harry’s trunk, un-shrinking it before he laid it on the bed. 

Harry looked at the book in shock. Then he glared in anger.

“You went through my trunk?1 You had no right, Snape. That's my private stuff. Why? What could you possibly be looking for?”

Severus sighed. 

“Some insight. You can not begin to understand just what it like to find you in such a condition as when I took you from that house. How could you? You spent so many years sure no one would care. Hiding the truth from everyone. You might not believe the kind of severe concern it raised in myself and the other professors to see you in such a state. You were so close to death. I served Voldemort at one time. I know the true meaning of the word torture. But what your uncle did to you was like nothing I have ever seen. To know that the Headmaster was so ignorant of your pleas of sanctuary; Harry you must understand. No one, no matter the war or not, should have had to suffer so many years in such horrible conditions. In one night, the very foundation of what we all knew of you was completely crumbled to dust. We had to see. We can not leave it alone. It’s impossible. You saved the Wizarding world at such a monumental price. And no one knew. No one saw the suffering you endured. It is not pity. It’s about principle. It’s about honor. We professors, no matter how strict we may be at times, have more then a duty to teach young witches and wizards magic. It is our sworn duty to keep them safe while under their seven years of tutelage. In this, we have failed you greatly.”

Harry sighed, not wanting to do this tonight. He should have taken the Dreamless Sleep Madam Pomfrey offered. It would have been so much easier then this right now. 

“No offense sir, but whats all that have to do with going through my trunk?”

It was a voice behind them, previously unknown, that answered. Remus came up to the side of the bed. 

“Because we had to know what you went through. Can’t you understand that?”

Harry shook his head.

“No I can’t. Why does it matter anyway? So bloody what? Hundreds of people suffer like I did. Who the hell cares, Remus? Is it because I killed the snake-faced bastard. Is that why everyone cares so much? The boy who lived got roughed up by his relatives. Big bloody deal. It happened. There was a war to fight. There were people to save. It doesn’t matter anymore. You had no right to look through my trunk. It’s no ones business. You're just like everyone else. You don't care about me. Just...leave me alone. Go away.”

Remus nearly choked on the lump in his throat. 

“No cub. We won’t leave you alone. That’s what everyone did, isn’t it. And you nearly died because of it. It was something that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. We’re sorry we looked through your things, but….”

Harry struggled with his own blazing emotions. 

“What for, damn it?! I don’t care. I’m alive right? It’s over. Just leave it BE!!!!”

He turned to Snape next. Lashing out in anger is all he knew. Otherwise they would see behind the masks he held around him. He wouldn't let that happen. Not now, not ever. 

“I bet you’re laughing now, aren’t you, Snape. Imagine the son of your sworn enemy getting nearly killed by a bunch of muggles. Wonder what kind of revenge your going to use on me now that you know. You’re little snakes are going to be so pleased to see that the one who killed…..”

Severus growled in his throat.

“That you have been tortured since the age of two does not give me pleasure. I find no amusement in it. Nor is it a weapon I would dare use because of a childhood rivalry. You may think I have no moral code whatsoever. I, on the other hand, am not in the practice of turning such violence into a JOKE!"

He tore at the collar of his robes just enough to show a horriblely scarred right pectoral.

 

"My own father beat me for many years. I was forced to watch as his drunken rage killed my mother. I am still haunted by the screams. I also lost my innocence to the inner circle of Voldemort. I find nothing amusing about it. It disgusts me more then you know that Albus would dare to be so blind to such, just because you were the one person to be prophesized to end the war. No one, especially not a child, should have had such pressures thrust on him at the mere age of 11. He was wrong to do that to you. And to think that you were tormented for so many years because of the Headmasters refusal to see your pain makes me sick to my stomach. You need to be given back the care that was stolen from you these 17 years, Harry.”

By now, Harry was trembling. Trying to keep the rage inside of him. To keep the siren wail of pain from pouring out. 

“I don’t need anyone. I don’t care. What don’t you get about that. I don’t bloody CARE, understand. LEAVE IT ALONE. You want to give me something, give me that. Don’t speak about it. Don’t punish me by reminding me about what happened. Please…just pretend you don’t know and let me get on with my life.”

Remus shook his head, tears running down his face and he knelt by the bed. 

“We won’t do that. We can’t do that. We can’t ignore this, cub. You’re hurting. They hurt you so much. And no one cared enough to help you, or even check up. Not anymore cub. You can’t shut this out. You can’t let it eat you up inside. We won’t let that happen.

Harry was loosing his control. He turned his back to them, curling up on the bed. His voice trembled in his losing battle with his tears as the ache inside of him cracked his walls down. 

“Please….don’t make me do this. Please no. I …can’t.”

Remus slowly moved next to Harry and cradled his form gently. 

“It’s alright, Cub. I know how much it hurts. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have taken to withstand so much brutality all your life. Let us help you now. It’s alright to fall apart. No one can hurt you anymore. Let us see you, Harry."

Harry shook his head as he lost his battle to his tears.

"Remy...no. Please....I have to be strong...I don't ...can't....It hurts too much Remy...It hurts too much."

Remus joined his psuedo godson in crying. Even Severus' eyes welled up in tears as he heard the werewolf hush the grieving youth. 

"Shhh. I know it hurts. I’ve got you, cub. You can let it go. You’re safe.”

A raw, low, gravelly wail tore out of his throat as the boy inside the warrior broke through the surface. Severus felt fingers clasp his own in desperation. Hands that used to hate, bore the nearly iron grip. Both were tragic witnessness of this broken man who was forced to give too much. 

The wolf and the dark man offered silent support as they watched their savior crack in half. 

As the air carried the sounds of grief through a slightly open window that night, even the darkest creatures of the forest fell silent. All bowed their head in understanding of the pain. As if even the most mindless creatures understood in their primal instincts what the wailing meant.

That much suffering, no matter the being it came from, demanded respect.


	5. The Creature creeping through my viens

  
Author's notes: Harry is a WHAT?! Well how was he suppose to know. And How is anyone else going to know either. Ah, the mysteries of the blood we share......wait, what was that about blood.

A/N Only ONE of three creatures will be explained....but believe me when I say, all will be revealed as you travel this road with me. Just....wait and see. And review....if you can find it in you to leave a few kind words. To those who have....THANK YOU SO MUCH!   


* * *

It was a day now before the beginning of term. Despite that, Harry breathed easier. He was finally out of the infirmary. It had been a rushed decision on his part to request a private room. Madam Pomfrey and Professor Snape had said something to the Headmaster about his still healing lungs. The staircases would be hard enough to climb with their constant unknown movement. Never mind the strain it would put on his weakened muscles to actually reach his house tower. His private room was between the great hall and the hospital wing, neither of which were terribly far. It was the most practical spot to pick. His door held a blank painting. Minerva, Remus, Severus, and Poppy knew how to get in and that was how it was going to stay. Albus might try all he wanted, but unless he knew parceltongue, he wasn't getting into this room. Not by Apparation, not by floo, and certainly not by the front door. Those who protected Harry made damn sure of that. 

 

His second godfather has been a fantastic help in retrieving school supplies and a few select extras for the following year. It had also been known that for now, his lessons would be tutored privately. The Headmaster wasn’t told exactly why. He was just informed it was because Harry still wasn’t really well enough to attend classes. And the less he knew, the better. 

However, the private room gave him the prefect place for secrecy. A small closet had been expanded with the help of the Castle's magic. It made the prefect little potions chamber. Wards were placed around area and the door to keep even the best wizard out. Not to mention the added safety measures. Protection was necessary where brewing was going on. Any idiot knew that.

Remus had blinked at Harry in surprise when he gave him a list of Potions ingredients to buy. To his merit, thought, the werewolf didn’t bother to ask why he wanted them. Harry Wondered just how much of his trunk they went through. After all, they seemed to have a knowing look of saddened knowledge about them. Harry didn't like it one bit. But he didn't ask either. That would mean a conversation about his past again. He could put up with not knowing, if that was the case. 

The book shelf he was given was lined in several books of his research material. The amount of wards he put on it was staggering. Then again, no one should know as much he did. They wouldn't understand, and those who did would try to use it. Powerful spells weren't for playing with. With a glamour and a notice No one would really bother to give the shelves a passing glance. He knew eventually Hermione would make her way in here. He couldn’t take the chance of her wanting to read the books. Some knowledge was better left unread. Not that he didn't trust her, he just....didn't trust any student. Some of the material was too dark and too strong to put in a child's hands. And no matter how smart his bookish friend was, she wasn't an adult yet. He had to grow up fast. His friends shouldn't have to. 

It was bad enough Snape knew. But then, Snape also understood the reason for secrecy. Harry trusted him not to be too curious or too greedy. They both knew the price of power and what could happen when you let it get to your head. No matter who else went through war here, that kind of understanding was something gained too painfully for most. It was better that no one else would see. They didn't need to know. And Harry would make sure of that, no matter how many spells it took. 

The medicine cabinet in the cozy bathroom was lined in vials of medical potions he needed to take for his recovery. But he added a few of his own already. The Suppression Tinture and an Advanced Replenisher potion. With the ever increasing strangeness that seem to be developing on his body, he couldn't cover everything with concealment charms. 

The itch thankfully had disappeared, but white silky fur had taken the place of the fuzz. The time spent shaving his fore-arms and calves was aggrivating. Twice a day he was forced to remove hair from those areas. No debilitory charm seemed to stop it. 

Then there was the odd thirst. He felt like he would drown with the amount he drank in a day. But it didn't seemed to stop. Maddening, constant and never ending. No matter what he drank or how much it wouldn't be quenched. The supression potion helped, but the dosage of it had to be increased constantly. Yeah, he was really beginning to worry about that. 

Sadly, the strangness didn't stop there. His features themselves were shifting more. The concealment charm also covered pointed ears. They has grown bigger too. He had to fight not to touch them when the Professors were around. It would be suspicious if he was seen with his hand on something invisible. 

The last condition was perhaps the most painful of all. A constant throbbing ache in his upper jaw forced him to perform numbing spells. He couldn't take more potions for it or he would chance getting sick.

One thing was for certain though. These frustrating changes weren't stopping. And no matter how good he hid them, he knew eventually someone was bound to notice. All that was left to wonder was....how long would it take?

_______________________________________________ 

It was ten pm now. Reading through a muggle novel on a comfy chair in his own little common room, Harry relaxed. He flexed his toes and rolled his neck, hearing a satisfying muffled pop. He smiled down at the pages of his book. It was Lord of the Rings. Some parts had him laughing. He never realized just how strange muggle authors could be about Wizards. Gandolf the Grey sort of reminded him of the Headmaster. Or at least the way he had seen him in the first few years of Hogwarts. And the Hobbits sort of reminded him of Professor Flitwick. Cheery, short, but not to be underestimated. 

He was taken out of the lost world of Elves, Dwarves and dark Creature by a few knocks. Remus had told him he would be stopping by tonight. Marking his page, he stood up slowly, rubbed his jaw, and opened the door. 

“Hello cub. May I come in”

Harry gave a slight smile. By Merlin, his jaw was throbbing. 

“ Sure Remy. Have a seat. I will be back in just a second.”

Leaving his Godfather to get comfortable in the common room, he went to the bathroom and straight to the medicine cabinet. This was getting out of hand. Even the best numbing spell wouldn’t last for more then a couple of hours. He couldn't seem to apply it fast enough. He wrote down a quick note of the time it lasted in a small notebook he kept under the sink A glance up and down the page bothered him greatly. Between the increase of potions, concealmeant and spells, he was starting to get frightened. But he put the book away, ignoring his fears for now. It wouldn't do to give himself away.

He returned to his godfather and asked Dobby to deliver tea and biscuits for them. Once they began to settle down with their cups, Remus spoke. 

“So Harry, ready for the new year?”

Harry sighed.

“Not really. I mean the school work is fine and all. It’s just the people really. I don’t want everyone asking questions. All I need is someone like Skeeter or Malfoy getting a hold of this, and I’ll never be left alone. I'm tired of my life being splashed all over the newpaper. Half the facts are wrong, and the other half gets exagerated. Did I mention that I hate being Famous? Cause, I really do.”

Remus shrugged. 

“Harry, people know. Albus and Minerva told the Order months ago while you were comatose. Your friends were worried about you. The best advice I can give you is, if you don’t want to talk about it, ignore them. Tell them it’s really not their business. The Professors are different. They needed to know. They are teaching you. But the students don't, even if it is your friends. It’s really up to you what you want to tell them. After all, they can’t be really good friends if they keep pushing you to talk about something private, Right?”

Harry huffed. 

“I suppose. But you really don't know Ron and Hermione. They worry about me alot. Ron knew something about how my relatives felt towards me. Especailly after the rescue second year. But...I don't know. It'll be really hard to keep telling them I don't want to talk about it. Their like family. They push because the care.”

A silence fell over the pair for a bit, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally Remus’ nose twitched. 

“Cub, not to be rude, but you smell like a potions store room. Poppy only gave you two to take once a day. Not that you stink, but you smell like you’ve been bathing in them for hours.”

“ Well, of course I smell. I work on my own potions Moony. Remember the ingredients list. It’s probably what you’re smelling. Don’t worry, I’m not dosing myself in any kind of drugged potions haze. After all, Snape would have my neck for it. That man sees everything.”

Remus chuckled. 

“Can’t really blame him for being so paranoid and knowledged to every detail. Spy work is a dangerous business.”

Again awkward silence reigned between them, save for the occasional sounds of slurped tea.   
Finally, Remus gave up pretences and got down to business. 

“Cub, there was a reason I came. Poppy is concerned about a few things she found on the last scans. First of all, the constant concealment charm you are under is straining your magical core a lot. Not to mention that the scan this morning revealed two potions she didn’t prescribe for you. The most shocking of which is a highly concentrated suppression tincture the likes of which are normally used to help with grossly obese children. It confused her, since you seem to be drinking and eating regularly. It begged the question; what exactly are you trying to suppress? Look cub, I know you like your privacy. I understand the need for secrets to remain so. Being a werewolf means a lifetime of careful planning in the art of hiding oneself. But this time we can’t let it go. The last secret you kept came dangerously close to killing you. Be very, very happy you have me in here. Because when Professor Snape heard of the potions in your system, he was, shall we say, extremely curious. And he doesn’t have my patience. So why don’t you tell me. Because if you don’t, you’ll have your head of house on you. And let’s face it, cub, Minerva is rather harsh when it comes to lying.”

Harry sighed. Why was it he always got caught when he least wanted to be found out? He shook his head and took a deep breath, retrieving the scroll he had been working on. Tapping it with his wand, and whispering something in parceltongue, he handed it over to Remus reluctantly. He almost smiled to himself, reminded again of the Marauders Map. A spare bit of parchment that held the largest of secrets. One of these days he’d have to found out how exactly they had made that. Maybe he’d ask the twins. 

Remus opened the scroll carefully and watched the words shimmer into existence. Nearly biting his lip in concentration, he slowly read over the symptoms his cub had kept secret for nearly a week. His brow furrowed in confusion. After the first paragraph he instantly knew it was some sort of dormant creature inheritance that must have come from The Potter side of the family, since Lily was muggle born. 

Finishing the scroll, he cringed. There were too many conflicting symtoms for him know which creature. And with the thrist, he couldn't take time to research it. He had no choice. He’d have to ask someone else. And there was only two people he knew that had that kind of information. Since Albus was out of the question, that left him with only one other choice. Well, at least it wasn’t Severus. 

“Harry, unfortunately, I can’t exactly make sense of this. The list of changes you are going through don’t exactly add up to one single thing. The pointed ears for example, are usually a sign of elfin blood. The hair growth on the other hand could be a number of things. The jaw pain and the increase of thirst usually points to some sort of vampirism. But to have them all together is …confusing. What I do know is it is some sort of creature inheritance. What sort of creature however, I can’t tell you. There is only one person I know who has the highest level of knowledge in creatures. That’s Hagrid. Are you up to following me to his hut, or would you rather he come here?"

" Do I have to, Remy? Don't enough people think I'm strange enough as it is. He was my first friend. Why can't we just research it ourselves?"

Remus sighed. He thanked Harry's relatives for this attitude. Harry probably felt people would see him as freakish. 

"Leaving it a secret isn’t an option cub. To suppress and conceal so much is extremely dangerous to your health. Hiding it from your peers is one thing. I can understand. But hiding it from everyone and trying to dose yourself constantly in potions every few hours can be lethal in the long run. Take it from someone who knows.” 

Harry made a face and sighed again. Couldn’t he ever have anything simple wrong with him. Well, as far as Professors go, Hagrid was the gentlest amongst them, next to Flitwick.

“Let’s go to his hut. I haven’t been out of the castle yet. And it’ll be nice to see him. Hagrid is always nice to me. He’ll be less likely to run screaming if I turned out to be some kind of horrible beast.” 

Remus smiled and actually chuckled. 

“Believe me when I tell you watching people run screaming from the sight of you is something I know intimately. So whatever you turn out to be won’t bother to frighten me. And Hagrid has been known to take care of large poisonous spiders and dragons. After that, I highly doubt any creature will scare him. Nothing like looking down a gullet of a dragon just before it tries to eat you.”

Harry actually giggled. 

“Tell me about it. Broom or no broom, a large dragon after you is enough to set you off of being near them for life. I have no idea how Charlie works around them.”

_____________________________________________

Chit chatting back and forth, they donned their cloaks and walked with a steady pace towards the half giants hut. Harry only had to stop them once to catch his breath for a few moments before they continued on. Once outside the door, Remus knocked on it and waited. The door opened to a slouched Hagrid. 

“'arry! How nice to finally see yeh. Had me right worried yeh did, when I 'eard the news. It’s good to see yeh up and around. And Pr'fessor Lupin. Come in, come in. I’ll set the kettle on. Make yeh'selves comfortable.”

They made their way inside the hut, glad to see that for the most part, Hagrid had made an effort to clean up. Settling around the only round table in the room, they made small talk while they waited for the tea to be ready. Finally, when they were all seated, Hagrid spoke.

“So, what brings yeh both here? By the looks of yeh, it’s more then a friendly visit.”

Remus pulled out the scroll while Harry went about chewing his lip in nervousness. 

“Well, we need your expertise with creatures. Seems Harry here has fallen into a creature inheritance since his seventeenth birthday. This is a scroll of his changes. Nothing seems to fit together though. We were wondering if maybe you could look this over and give us some insight.”

Hagrid smiles happily. After all, it was rare anyone ever sought him out for anything. Most people thought giants were too stupid to know much. He grabbed up the scroll and began unrolling it. 

“Well, o' course I’ll help. Mighty nice of yeh ta come ta me with this. Not many people would. I’ll be glad to 'elp young 'arry here anyway I can. Just let me have a look here, and we’ll see where it takes us.”

They sat in silence for a bit as Hagrid sipped his tea and read over the scroll carefully more then once. Twisting his moustache, he seemed to go into deep thought. Then nodding, he came up with the best explanation he could. 

“ Well, I can see why it would confuse yeh. After all, not every day yeh come across someone wit' more then one kind of creature blood in them. Seems our 'arry 'ere has a bit of four creatures in 'im. Don’t suppose you’d let us have a look at yeh, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Harry looked between them and nearly chewed his lip to bleeding. It wasn’t just the changes. Outside the five Professors who saw him on the first night, no one had ever seen all of his scars. But if they wanted to get anywhere, he really didn’t have much of a choice. He felt a warm hand rest on his shoulders as Remus spoke. 

“It’s alright cub. No one is going to judge you. You’ve lived a harsh life. I know you don’t like anyone to see just how badly you're scarred. We’re all friends here, though. Hagrid here won’t judge you, will you Hagrid.”

“Course not. Everyone has their bit of scars, don’t they? A lifetime of playin' wit' dangerous animals got me quite a few in my day. Wasn’t right, what the Muggles did to you, Harry. But I won’t be thinkin' less of yeh fer it. Not yer fault after all. Now come on, lets have a look at yeh.”

Harry looked between them again and gathered up his courage with a deep breathe. Closing his one good eye, he whispered the words to call off the charm, all but feeling it shimmer off his body with a tingle down his spine. He kept his eyes closed, waiting for Hagrid to gasp in shocked pity. Once again he was proven wrong. 

“ Well now, look at tha'. Definitely tell right away yeh have some elf in you. Prolly high elf by the ears and the color of the skin. I’ll need to have a closer look at the hair on yerr arms to tell you where it comes from. Definitely looks to be some sort of large cat, maybe tiger or lynx. Can’t be certian though. What I can’t figure is the bit about the jaw pain. Might point towards vamp're, but your colorin’ ain’t light ‘nough fer it. There’s several kinds o' creatures out there that 'ave increased thirst, but not all o' 'em drink blood. If yer willin', I’ll take a look inside yer jaw.”

So began fifteen minutes of poking and prodding. Remus and Hagrid went back and forth with their theories before Hagrid said the words the teenager didn’t want to hear. 

“Well, ’m sorry to have to tell yeh 'his; but we need more 'elp then what I can give yeh. Guessin' games weren't gonna be enough wit this, lad. One thin' I do know. It’s dangerous to go about suppressin' thirst. Starvation can make yeh very sick. Only one man I know can help us wit' 'his. Pr'fessor Snape knows quite a bit bout dark creatures. Not that you're evil mind you. But it’s better if we figure it out fore tomorrow comes and the students get here. Better to be prepared, I always say.”

Harry whimpered. 

“Do we really have too? Can’t I just….”

“No, cub, absolutely not. Hagrid is right. Think for a moment. Suppose you are craving blood. It’s one thing to suppress an appetite like that with so few in the castle. But tomorrow everyone will be back.If the thirst is as strong as it is now, without knowing what you need to consume, it’ll be too dangerous. It’s like me trying to supress my craving for raw meats before the night of the full moon. Even with the Wolfsbane potion, I’d be at a far greater risk of hurting someone by starving myself. It's not just you, it's everyone we worry about.” 

Grumbling, Harry dragged himself up and scowled at himself. 

“Fine, lets just get this over with. Might as well give Snape more of a reason to hate me. I mean he got you sacked for being a werewolf. Now, cause I’m some sort of monster or something, you just watch. He’ll have me expelled before the night is out. Had to be a freak didn‘t I. Couldn‘t just be a normal wizard. I hate my life.”

The two men looked at him and shook their heads at the poor boy. 

____________________________________________

It was decided upon the return of the castle that Remus would go and explain everything to Severus. He left Harry to rest in his room. 

But Harry wasn't resting. He paced his room, twitching with worry. He was sure as he waited that the Potions Master was coming to drag him out of school by his pointed ears. Dark creatures were hated. Considering the man didn’t really like him to begin with, this wasn’t going to go well at all. 

The minute he heard the knock, he took a deep, foreboding breath and opened the door in silence, not daring to look up. He watched the black robes swirl past him, desperately wanting to run and escape his fate. But he slowly closed the door and turned around, too afraid to dare say anything. Finally he stepped before the dark man, his eye closed as his body sagged in defeat. 

Severus snorted. This Student might be a someday master at all things magical. That didn't mean he was smart about everything.

“I don’t suppose you would consider possibly looking less like I’m about to kill you. Lupin already told me what you expect from me. But rather you not assume that my sole purpose in life is punish you. Perhaps it would be better to simply sit down and talk about this like adults. I’ve studied many a dark creature before, Mr. Potter. After my tenure with the Dark Lord, very little can surprise me. Having a half serpentine man throw unforgivable curses at you several times gives one a rather strong constitution.”

Harry finally looked up at his Professor with a sort of confusion. Finally, to try and lighten the heavy tension in the room, he gave a forced chuckle. 

“He was bloody gross to look at. Course, I still have nightmares about the tiny slits he had for a nose. Funny thing was he thought he looked imposing. I always sort of wondered if the Death Eaters bowed to keep from having to look at him.”

Severus actually gave a bit of a laugh himself. 

“Well, that could indeed have been a possibility, I suppose. He was not a handsome Man. But let us get back to the matter at hand, shall we. Here drink this. It will counter act the suppression tincture in your system, so we can better gauge the thirst your having." 

Harry swallowed it all down in two gulps, knowing to hold off the inevitable would only make it worse for him. 

The minute that the suppression was counter acted, he fell to his knees in agony. He wrapped his arms around his stomach with a scream. His whole body trembled with thirst as he curled into a ball on the floor. 

He felt someone roll him onto his back and cradle him gently. His jaw felt like he just took a bludger to the face. His mouth fell open, issuing shallow pants as his heart thundered in his chest. He felt he was about to die at any moment. What the hell was wrong? 

Something was dripped onto his tongue and his mouth exploded with flavor. It made the pain stop almost instantly. He swallowed, and he immediately opened his mouth for more. It tasted like his favorite foods all rolled up into one. Something was put over his mouth and the heavenly flavor overtook him. He didn't care what it was; he only wanted more of it. He groaned in pleasure and he sucked and swallowed. 

He relaxed back into the embrace around him, taking slow sips. Several minutes past befor the object withdrew from his mouth. His breathing slowed as his mind returned. Not bothering to open his eye, he spoke in a voice heavy with satisfaction. 

“Okay first: That really hurt. Felt like I took a cannonball to the stomach. Not to mention feeling like someone crushed my jaw. And what was that you gave me? It was brilliant. Took care of the thristy feeling right away. Best stuff I ever tasted. What was it anyway, some kind of potion?”

“No. That was blood Harry. Straight from my arm.”

Harry opened his eye in shock, feeling sluggish and panicked all at once.

“Shite. Tell me you're joking please?”

The man above him shook his head, almost wishing he could tell the boy it was a joke. 

“I am sorry to inform you that I am not.”

Harry cringed. Of course Snape wasn't joking. After all, the man hardly smiled. Smirked, Glared, sneered, frowned; but smiling and Joking? Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. 

“How am I going to be able to stay then? The Headmaster is going to snap my wand and send me to the Ministry for sure. You know what they do to vampires. Great, just what I always wanted. Why does it always have to be me?”

Severus shook his head. He supposed it would be rather tasteless to say 'Because you're Harry Bloody Potter'. The Teenager didn't looking to be in the mood for sarcasm at the moment. 

“The Headmaster is not going to be privy to this knowledge. No one other then those you trust will be told. I understand the worry you now face, Harry. It will be difficult to manage this in secrecy, given the nature of your inheritance. But not to fear. I happen to know exactly what you’ll need on a daily basis to appear human. I wouldn’t worry so much about the Headmaster. After the Ministry is informed of his shameful neglect of you, his days at the school will be numbered. Rest assure Harry, you will survive your last year here. You have many of the staff determined to see to that. For now, let your fears rest. In your weakened condition, you really do not need the added stress.”

Harry closed his eyes, exhaustion draining him of what little energy he had left. Unable to win the battle to keep himself awake anymore, he buried his face in the black fabric and closed his eyes. And as he let sleep take him, he felt a small inkling of true safety for the first time in his life.

He could only hope it wouldn't be ripped voilently away. He'd lost too much as it was. He didn't want to lose this too.


	6. Follow me as I tumble down

  
Author's notes: A session of snark turns to agony as Severus pushes into Harry's Demons Head on. 

Warning: Rape discussed in detail. Possibly triggering. Proceed with Caution. 

A/N I struggled over this chapter. So there may be a few stumbling sentences. It wasn't easy to write the first time. It became doubly difficult through the editing process. So if I messed up on a few sentences, please forgive me.   


* * *

_And this is how it feels when_  
I ignore the words you speak to me  
And this is where I lose myself when   
I keep running away from you  
And this is who I am when,   
when I don't know myself anymore  
And this is what I choose when   
It's all left up to me 

_Breathe your life into me_  
I can't feel you  
I'm falling,   
Falling faster  
Breathe your life into me  
I still need you  
I'm falling,   
Falling  
Breathe into me  
Breathe into me 

_And this is how it looks when_  
I am standing on the edge  
And this is how I break apart   
When I finally hit the ground  
And this is how it hurts when I   
Pretend I don't feel any pain  
And this is how I disappear   
When I throw myself away 

_Breathe your life into me_  
I can't feel you  
I'm falling,   
Falling faster  
Breathe your life into me  
I still need you  
I'm falling,   
falling  
Breathe into me  
Breathe into me  
Breathe into me  
Breathe into me 

_Breathe your life into me_  
I can't feel you  
I'm falling,   
Falling faster  
Breathe your life into me  
I still need you  
I'm falling, falling  
Breathe into me 

_Breathe your life into me!_  
I'm falling,   
Falling faster  
Breathe your life into me!  
Falling,   
Falling,   
Falling  
Breathe into me  
Breathe into me  
Breathe into me  
Breathe into me 

Song: Breathe Into Me Artist: Red ( two words changed)

________________________________________________ 

 

Harry groaned slowly when he woke 3 hours later. He blinked awake, rubbing his eye. He was nearly startled into falling off his bed when his sight fell on a shadowy figure close to his bed. He barely recognized Professor Snape reading comfortably in a chair.

So he did what came natural; he screamed at him 

“Bloody Christ, Snape! What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? You scared the shite out of me. You look like a bloody dementor, sitting there all silent. Learn to wear a bell or something, will you?” 

Severus snorted. 

“First of all, you might want to curb you foul language, Harry. The Professors won’t take kindly to you screeching curse words at them. Second, My first name is not 'Bloody Christ'; it’s Severus. But usually only in private. Professor or Sir will do if we are not alone. And third, you fell asleep literally in my arms. So naturally, I decided to stay and keep watch over you. After the truth of your creature inheritance a few hours prior, I was a little concerned. The last student to come into vampire inhertence in Hogwarts slit his own throat the very night he found out. People do rash things when they hear news they don’t like. I kept myself occupied with your potions research. As pained as I am to say this, it is quite interesting. Since the works of Salazar Slytherin are extremely difficult to find, I decided to catch up on a little reading while I waited. Now would you please calm down. Harsh as I may be with the students in these walls, I don’t make it a practice to suck out their souls through their mouths. Imagine all the germs I would be vurnerable to. Knowing that, I'll pass on being a Dementor.”

Harry made a face and groaned. 

“Merlin, Snape....."

"I just told you; It's Severus. Please try to remember that. I don't want to waste the whole night reminding you every three seconds "

"Would you stop talking already, _Severus_. Are you in love with your own voice or something? Why do you have to be so wordy and detailed all the time. It’s like you live to rub it in people's faces that you're smarter then them. Honestly. Couldn’t you just say ‘You fell asleep on me and I decided to stay a bit. Hope you don’t mind.’ I just woke up and what do you do? You sit there talking about how someone tried to off themselves. And I’m not worried you would Kiss me. You hate me too much to waste the spit it would take. Now excuse me, I’m going to the loo.”

Severus chuckled.

“My, aren’t you perturbed when you wake up. Not a morning person, I take it?”

Harry snorted.

“Well, forgive me for being startled. I’m not used to seeing you or any other professor within ten feet of me when I wake up in the middle of the night. How would you feel if you woke to me sitting next to your bed? Bloody hell.”

Severus raised a brow as he watched the teenager slowly make his way into a standing position.

“Well, as no one can get into my room, that is an impossibility. But if a student were to enter, I would most likely give them detention with Filch for the entire year. Some decidely nasty task. Like scrubbing Mrs. Norris' cat box with their own toothbrush. I would as take away every house point until there was no possibility of thier house winning the Cup. But then, our situations greatly differ from one another, don’t they? You can do neither, as you are not a Professor. Oh, and just to enlighten you. For the most part I don‘t wear jewelry. So you won‘t see a bell on me any time soon.”

With a huff and a shake of his head, Harry walked to the bathroom and slammed the door for good measure, just to make a point. 

Truth was, he was nervous. He couldn’t believe he drank the man’s blood. Not a half a year ago, all he knew of Severus was one certainty. The Potions Master hated the ground he walked on and lived to make his life in school miserable. It was a little frightening to hear them having any conversation at all, never mind a civil one. 

He used the toilet and took his time cleaning his face. Finally, he gathered himself enough to face the man again. He opened the door slowly and walked into the room. Not knowing what to say, he sat down on the very corner of the bed. 

He looked down at his feet to keep himself from panicking. It was then he realized that somewhere in the last hours, his shoes and socks had been removed. Shaking his head, he mumbled out a question he knew would keep them on safe ground

“So…how do you know how to read German?”

“Years of study. One can not become a Master of potions without learning several languages. I made it my business to learn different foreign tongues during the Summer holiday. My ingredients don’t all come from Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade village. It doesn’t happen often now, but in the past I have needed to order my ingredients overseas

“So, now that you took my book without permission, which potion are you reading?”

“Your Study on the Were cure potion. It astounds me that you were able to gather the information to complete something this difficult. Especially since there was believed to be no cure for were creatures who wished to be returned to their former mortality.”

Harry Shrugged. Everything he lived through was impossible. It never stopped him before.

“No one was suppose to be able to survive the killing curse either. Oh wait, I did. Imagine that. There goes that impossibility. Wonder which one will be next?"

Severus rolled his eyes. He let his tone fill with sarcasm as he spoke.

"Very amusing, Harry. But let us be honest, shall we? I knew you disliked my class..."

Harry cut him off, snarking right back.

"And we already had the discussion where that was completely your fault. Do we have to go over it again? Cause I can repeat it for you if you don't remember. I'll do it just for you. I'm nice like that."

Severus glared at him to keep from luaghing. Who knew they could insult each other so well?

"Mister Potter, you are steadily approaching dangerous ground. I will only stand so much joking at my expense. Desist immediately, or you will find yourself fangless."

"Oh All right. Spoiled sport. You never let anyone have any fun. The sourest lemons would rot in fear of you."

"MISTER POTTER!!"

Harry mock huffed and grinned, letting Severus know that he was kidding. He didn't want to be hexed to the moon.

Finally he contained himself and spoke.

"Seriously, though, you're right. I did hate potions class. First three years, I fumbled over everything. Not my fault I knew nothing about being a wizard. You know why now. But you didn't then. No one did. Course, the constant insultis didn't help. And not just because of the reason you attacked me. It was more the way you did it that hurt. I'd been told already that I would amount to nothing. Then Hagrid came, and suddenly I became famous and loved. But the moment I sat in your class, it was just like at home. You crushed the joy right out of me. It took three years till I figured out why."

Severus nodded; that seemed fairly easy to understand. 

"Well that explains your hatred. But not why this potion was your first choice. Lupin was already fired, so you had no way of giving him the cure. Even if you had managed to brew the potion. Why choose something so difficult?"

"It doesn't matter if he was fired or not. I was still going to help him. He just seemed so unhappy being forced to go through agony once a month. I didn't want him to suffer for the rest of his life. Didn’t seem fair. It took me almost a year to get it right. The bit about the silver cauldron confused me. When I thought about it though, it seemed to make sense. Silver does repel werewolves. All the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Finding the ingredients to make it was what stopped me from trying to brew it. According to “Most Potente Potions’ half of those ingredients can’t be sold to underage wizards.”

“Of course not. Half of the ingredients would be lethal to a teenager who doesn’t know what they are doing.”

They lapsed into silence for a while, Harry tapping on his leg to keep his confused mind from melting out of his ears. There just seemed to be too much to think about lately.

But when the dour man spoke, he focused immedaitely.

“I don’t suppose you would indulge me with some facts other then pertaining to potions.”

Harry sighed. 

“Better then sitting here wondering how much I’m going to scare my friends when they find out I'm an evil blood sucking corpse. What do you want to know?”

The seconds seemed to stretch by slowly before the man answered. 

“Why did your uncle….”

“No! We're not going to talk about my relatives. Ask me anything else but that.”

Severus snapped the book shut and stood up, standing before the boy.

“Sorry if the subject bothers you so. Unfornately we are still going to discuss it. You nearly died and you didn’t see fit to tell anyone other then Albus. While your skills and magic are phenomenal, your sense of self preservation is seriously lacking. I find all of this highly disturbing. Especailly from the one who faced down and killed the Dark Lord in an hour. Why you would let you own family nearly beat you to death after that? Ministry rules should not have stopped you from at least trying to use any defense to stop the torture?”

Harry rubbed his forehead and frowned. 

“Yeah well, it was my job wasn’t it. To stop Voldemort. That’s all anyone told me about. The bastard killed almost everyone important to me. My ...Vernon was different. Killing him would have gotten me the Dementor’s kiss. Till a week ago, doing magic at home was against the rules. It doesn’t matter anyway, does it? I never have to go back.”

“It matters a great deal.”

“No, it doesn’t. It’s over. There’s nothing to talk about. Why don’t we just drop it.”

Severus wasn’t a man to back down. He was simply too stubborn. 

“Because it isn’t that easy. How long were you going to let it continue, hmm? Until he killed you? Did you expect no one to notice. That your supposed debt to the Wizarding World was done, and that was the end? You could have gone to anyone, including the Ministry itself, now that Fudge is dead. But you didn’t. You kept the abuse concealed for years all because a single man wouldn’t listen. It astounds me, Harry, it truly does. It also makes no sense. You are young man who is quite intelligent. Then you so easily turned around and became so careless with somethin so important as living. Why did you become so foolish with your own life?” 

Harry growled and jumped to his feet, pacing. Now he was pissed off. 

“SHUT UP! Why can’t everyone just stop poking at it? So what if I killed Voldemort?! You think I care about any of it. Well, too bad, cause I don't. It’s over. Leave it that way. It’s my business. It has nothing to do with school or the war. I think you've stayed long enough, Professor. I don’t want to talk about this right now. Once again my life is upside down cause I had to be a freak creature. Now you want to bring up the one thing that made my life a living hell since the day my parents died.”

Severus stared him down with determination. He would get through Harry's walls; whether the teenager wanted him to or not. 

“ I am not going to leave. I am not one of your little friends who idolize you. You can show this false rage all you like. I will not deterred. Nor am I one of the other professors, who, aside from myself, have no idea just how much you suffered. You think you can push me away with anger? That I don't know the masks you layer your bruised soul with? Sitting here so sure that you can distract me. Well, if that is the best you can do, you won't win."

Harry Snarled right back.

"It's not about winning, you bastard. I. Don't Want. To. Talk. About. IT! Clean out your ears Snape. And even if I wanted to, what the hell do you think you know about my life?"

Severus sighed, but held his position firmly. He knew what it took to get through these defences. He had them himself for far longer then his student. He also knew the price of keeping them for too long. He would do what he had to, even if it hurt. Better that then the path Potter was currently going down.

He got closer, circling till he was in back of Harry. Then, in softly spoken, direct words he began to slowly chiscil away at the baracade.

"I know more then you want me to, Harry. You don’t think I understand what it’s like to be forced down to the ground? To know the smell, shade, and thickness of your own blood as it drips slowly out of you? You don’t want pity. You can’t understand caring, or hope, or comfort. To you, life is just a desolate scream of suffering. How many times did you sit alone in your dorm, looking around as your eyes chased shadows on the wall? How many times did you sit sweating after people brushed you in the hallway? You think I don’t understand what it’s like to walk these halls wishing so hard that no one will see you. You walk with your head bowed, wanting to melt into the very stone. You would do nnything to escape the fear and the siren screams inside your mind. Why do you think I am as hard as I am? Did you think it was just for spying? That perhaps it was Voldemort's fault? It was because of anger at my own muggle father that I took the dark mark. I watched without a single drop of regret as Tom Riddle slowly tortured Tobias Snape to death. It was a show his care to those who followed him. Oh yes, Harry, I know more deeply then you would wish anyone too. That knowledge and self hatred nearly destroyed me. I wouldn’t let anyone, even Mr. Weasely, suffer like that. You may not care, but you certianly don’t deserve to suffer anymore. You don’t want to accept that, but it’s just too bad. You are going to have to learn. And I will teach you, even if it kills us both.”

Silence reigned as the trembling boy stood still with his head bowed. His body as taunt as a drawn crossbow, he dared not to look up. 

“Well, what if I don’t want to learn?”

The Potions master slowly walked in front of the boy, fighting his own inner war with the pains of the past. 

“Of course you don’t. It means facing the demons you’ve been running from all your life. It means accepting that what happened shouldn’t have, but did. It means acknowledging the truth. It means putting harsh words to the pain inside. It’s easier to deny, to ignore, to pretend; you think that it will save you from it. But it doesn’t, does it? It eats your soul far slower then a Dementor could. It slowly hollows you out the further and deeper you push it down. Because you will never let it end. The pain inside you becomes an addiction. You think you need it to keep safe. Pain keeps the armor and the walls unbendable. It will kill you the more you try to pretend it doesn’t matter. You stand a better chance of surviving a room full of giant poisonous snakes then you do your own past."

Harry shook his head, wanting to hold on to denial desperately.

"No...But..."

"Denial will only keep you safe for so long; better to face it now. It will be a struggle, that’s no lie. But you have survived the most horrible curses one wizard could ever hope to. Not to mention some of the worse torture I’ve ever been witness too. You will survive this too. But be assured; there is no hiding from it. No matter what you tell yourself, there never will be.”

One emerald eye filled with tears finally met the black ones staring down beneath a curtain of shoulder length hair.

“How…I can’t…the words…the feeling…I don’t know how to do this.”

Severus took a deep, steadying breath. 

“Let me see. I’ve seen the wounds. Now all that’s left is the reason why they are there. To see the emotions behind them. To understand. I can bare it, I’ve been there before.”

Harry shook in his place as slow, raindrop tears trailed down his pale, newly golden cheek. For several minutes he wanted to run as far away as he could and never look back. But it wouldn't work this time. Severus Snape would find him. So, gathering his breath, He raising his hand and waited silently. 

Long nimble fingers gripped his with a strength of many hard years. He stared unblinking as the whispered spell left the thin lips. Nearly cringing at the feeling of someone else inside his head, he fought for a few moments. He'd been taught for too long to hold his mental shields raised. Finally he let them all drop. And as the memories flowed like a river of acid and blood into the former spy before him, his legs barely held him as he trembled in the truth. 

For a moment, Severus let the memories speed by him. The most recent ones were, of course, to the forefront.But they weren't what he was looking for. He traveled slowly back in time as the nightmarish life slid past him. He sent himself deeper, the mental channel slowly stopping. He grabbed the earliest memory he could find. and began to unravel the Mystery of Harry Potter.

No matter what he said, he wasn't ready for what he saw. 

It took moments before his knees hit the ground. No curse could ever compare with the pain he was facing. It made Crusio look like a tickling hex. Bones breaking, blood pouring from every orifice. The lashed, wounded areas of every inch of flesh. The repeated and nearly nightly times of invasion into the child before as it lay helpless on the ground. 

Over and over the torture continued with no end. It was beyond unbearable. Severus thought it might kill him. But he held fast, even as tears poured continuously down his face. Harry and He were locked together in this brutal embrace, neither able to let go. They fell sideways on the ground when every strength left them. They screamed until their voices became raw and silent. On and on it went, endless nights and days of one torture session after another. 

But they weren't the only ones to share the suffering.

Hogwarts herself shoke on her foundation at the power that poured out of them. Professors weeped against their pillows as sorrow filled their sleeping heads. The ghosts and paintings let out a constant pained moan as the raw emotions flew onward like living dragon roaring through the air. 

The two wizards finally fell into darkness at nightmare's slow end. Too torn and aching to stay awake. 

But what they unleashed into the air that night reached far and wide. The sky above the castle cracked open with a flash of thunder and lightening. The clouds gathered their massive forms together, the wave of emotional tragedy like icy hail that rained down. As the heavens poured it's tears to the ground, nothing could stop the howling wind. 

Even Mother Nature was witness to the suffering. There was simply no greater sadness then the voilent loss of innocense from a child. It would make even the Earth itself cry. 

And cry She did.


	7. Importent Author's Note

  
Author's notes: I just wanted to clear the air.  


* * *

Author's Note: Questions and Answers.

You know, between the two sites that hold my story I often get asked repeated questions. So, at this time I would like to give some straight answers. I know I don't have to, but the masses must be apeased. So here it goes.....

Q#1: Why if you have a beta, are there still many spelling errors?

A: Because no one is perfect. I try to catch them, and so does my beta, but we simply can't catch them all. I know it's frustrating....I'm sorry. Please try to understand. My mind works faster then my fingers. I am not a perfect typist. Remain calm and I will try to get everything corrected in time. 

Q#2: Why does almost Every chapter have a song? ANd why are all of them modded?

A: I LOVE music. I love listening to music. In fact, the songs you see, are usually the songs I am listening as I write the chapter. As far as modding is concerned well....It's not an insult to the creators of the songs. I just happen to like playing with the lyrics. It's a test to myself to see if I can change the songs and make them still flow with the back round melody. If the songs Bother you, please skip them. 

Q#3: ( This one I get asked most) Why does some chapters have such sharp turns of emotion? Why do you have the chars joking and snarking one moment, and crying the next?

A: Easy. Because the joking in the beginning softens the angst. This is a very serious topic I picked as a central plotline for my story. It also happens to be something I suffered at one time. Some chapters are very difficult to write. They get close to home for me, and the lightened mood in the beginning helps sooth me as I put a dose of harshness into the story. My focus is not to make the whole story one of misery. The sharp turn from funny to heart wrenching is not just for me, but for the readers as well. While child abuse is no laughing manner, this is a story. If I don't soften the blow occasionally, I'll never be able to get through the entirity of it. This story as a whole will deal with some very serious and possibly triggering topics. I like to soften the blow where I can. 

As far as the sarcasm: My favorite fanfics are Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Harry Potter. My two fav characters are Spike and Severus. I also like the Weasley twins. My favorite comic is the belated George Carlin. I know funny sarcasm. I love using it. 'Nought Said. 

Q#4: Why do you not use some of the last names of the Chars?

A: I don't know how to spell them. Yes I can copy and paste, Sure. But while I am writing, if I stop to search, sometimes the idea goes right out of my head. Like Minevra's last name. I simply can't memorize it. Just Like I can't memorize Her House name Either. Writing HP fic is a relatively new venture for me. No matter the books or movies, I went into writing it sort of blindly. But between some long-arsed, tongue-twisting names, I tend to spell names like Griffendoor (SEE) the way they sound to me. After repeated complains, I try to use them as sparingly as possible. My memory is crap. Sorry about that. 

Q#5: Does Harry have one eye or two? You write " eye " in one sentence and " eyes" in the next?

A: Did I mention my fingers don't work at the same speed as my brain. It's just a mix-up most times. Most people have two eyes. Harry's right eye is sealed shut because of the damage to it. Now that I have clarified that, I will try to correct it as I go along. It's just one of those general mistakes. I can't help it. I hope it doesn't annoy too many people. I'll try to do better at remembering.

Q#6: Some of your plot ideas don't flow. Like the inability of the translation spell in the 3rd chapter? 

A: First, like I said, HP fic is new for me. Second, while it may seem like a mess up, it's not. It's my originality and creativity working to it's own toon. Third, I suck worse at spell-language then I do at Name spelling. If it bothers you....I don't know what to tell you, honestly. 

Q#7: Why does Harry have so many creature and physical changes? And why does he have so much power? ( For those on HPFandom, you'll understand that as you see more of the story) 

A: I love originality. I love thinking outside the box. And I adore adding a primal touch. I am a bit of a dark folklore fanatic.( Obcessed is more the word) Vamps, Weres, Fae...yeah all that...I love it. So you're going to find it in the story. And as for power: Although the Albus in my story is disliked and Semi-Dark....it was he who said to Harry at the End of 1st year: " Only a person who wanted the stone, and not use it, could retrieve it." It's the same with Magic. Harry may have alot of it, but he isn't drunk on his own hubris. He gives power a proper respect. He's humble. I'm not out to make him some sort of god. Just thought I'd clear that up.

There I think I took care of the Major questions I get asked. I hope that it allievates some of the curiousity and frustration readers have with my story. But as a writer, I'd also like to point out a few things. A: Writing isn't easy....it's hard work whether it's an original story or a fan fiction. 2: Originality in fanfiction is far from easy. What may seem crazy or insane to some readers is the Writers way of putting their mark on the story. With so many people writing about the same genre, it becomes increasingly difficult to find a way to make a story your own.

And Lastly: Yes mistakes are in my story. Yes, sometimes things don't flow perfectly. Yes, there is alot of strangness at time in my fic. But readers have the choice to continue reading or not. Please stop taking it out on me. Contrutive Critisizm and calling out errors are welcome, but not with constant repeativity. There is a point where it comes close to bashing. Writing fanfic is at it's core a hobby. It's done largly for the fun of it. If my story bothers you so much, please don't continue reading. I speak for myself and other writers when I say: By bashing, flaming and complaining, you are taking something fun and making it a punishment when you inflict mean words. Writers work darn hard to entertain the masses. Please stop hating. 

Thank you for your time and Patience, and please enjoy the rest of my story, if you are a reader of it. If you would like to comment on this note, please be gentle. I am a person, I have feelings. And to anyone who ever left a review or a kind word, thank you from the bottom of my soul. You inspire me to continue and create...and theres no words to describe what that does for any writer. 

Sincerely: Areanna Whitewolf


	8. The truth of Falsehoods is self defined

  
Author's notes: A small interlude of honesty

A/N: Yeah....I heard the song, played with it to make it fit, and popped it right in. The Original Song is Rabbit Run by Eminem. Some of the lyrics are missing. I did it on purpose.  


* * *

Song: Rabbit Run Artist: Eminem ( Modded to fit, some lyrics removed. )   
___________________________________________________

As Severus slowly came too, candle light danced around the room. Slowly rising, he realized that he was in a bed. The silence was deafening in the seemingly empty bedroom. But he felt it. There was someone there. He could feel the echo of strong magic. At first, he nearly opened his eyes. But with the sound of a frustrated sigh, he slowly shifted as if he still slumbered. THen he heard a voice issue softly hissed words.

"Great. Just what I needed. Another bloody paper with a bunch of lies. Fuck you, Rita Skeeter.

He opened one eye just barely enough to see, his breath kept steady. He didn't want to give himself away; not yet. 

Sitting in near shadows was the hunched form of his student. One leg was propped up on the edge of the bed frame, the other one the floor. An arm laid haphazardly against the bended knee, loosely clutching a newspaper. Harry was otherwise as still as stone. The bent head raised slowly, one emerald eye fixing on a shadowed wall beside the bed. This was not the look of a lost, broken boy. Nor was it the Savior of the Wizarding World. There was something wizened in that unrelenting gaze. Something almost ancient in it’s knowledge of the world. Something jaded. This was almost someone the Potions Master couldn't recognize.It was there, the harsh truth of the burden that had been put on this young man’s shoulders. It was almost tragic in it’s simplicity.

Once again, Severus almost gave up his ruse. But just as he was about to rise, Harry spoke. The lyrics of a song to which the dark man didn't recognize. He'd never heard this odd sort of music. But as he listened, he heard the barely contained rage behind it. 

 

_Some days I just wanna up and call it quits_  
I feel like I'm surrounded by a wall of bricks  
Everytime I go to get up, I just fall in pits  
My life's like one great big ball of shit  
If I could just put it all into words to spit  
Instead of always trying to swallow it  
Instead staring at this wall as I sit  
While I sit, half insane, sick of all this shit  
Can't call it quits,   
All I know is I'm about to hit the wall  
If I have to read another one of these fabricated fits  
This is it, last straw, thats all, thats it  
I ain't dealing with some more fuckin' politics 

Harry's fist tightened around the paper in his hand, his outpouring of anger continuing to spill from his lips.

_I'm like a skillet bubbling until it filters up_  
I'm about to boil, I can feel it building up  
Blow this building up, I've been sealed enough  
My cup runneth over, I done filled it up,  
The pain explodes and busts, blood fills my guts  
You think all I do is stand here and feel my n**s,  
Well I'm-a show you what, you gon' feel my rush,  
You dont feel it, then it's cause it's too real to touch,  
Peel the Wound, I'm about to tear shit up  
Goosebumps, yeah, I'm-a make your hair sit up  
Yeah sit up, I'm-a tell you who I be  
I'm-a make you hate me, 'cause you don't know me  
You don't, but it ain't too late to finally see  
What you closed-minded fucks were too blind to see 

_It's just sometimes, its always me_  
How dark can these hallways be?  
The clock strikes midnight, one, two, then half past three  
My half-assed mind, with this half-assed stupid paper,  
I'm desperate at my desk  
If I could just get the rest of this shit off my chest again  
Stuck in a slump, can't think of nothing  
Fuck I'm stumped, but wait, here comes something  
Nope, it's not good enough, scribble it out, new pad,  
crinkle it up and throw this shit out  
I'm fizzlin' now, thought I figured it out  
Balls in my court, but I'm scared to dribble it out  
I'm afraid, but why am I afraid, why am I a slave in a cage? 

Harry's face turned into a leer as he imagined causing the News reporter some deep pain. Not that he would. But Skeeter has been lying about him too long. He was more then tired of her tripe. 

_Everyone's worst dream, I'll make her tense,_  
She'll hates me, see me and shake like a chain-linked fence,  
When you see her, you will swear that Riddle was comin',  
By the screams of Her, you will swear I was cursein' someone,  
By the way she'll be running, you will swear the law was comin',  
It's now or never, and tonight it's all or nothing, 

_I'll be back lady, I just gotta beat this clock_  
Damn you woman, I'm-a make you eat this; Watch!  
Don't believe me? Watch, I'm-a win this race,  
When I come back , gonna rub this shit in your face, !  
I found my niche, you gonna hear my voice,  
'til you're sick of it, you ain't gonna have a choice,  
if I gotta scream till I have half a lung,  
if I have half a chance I'll grab it,   
Skeeter......... Run! 

Finally Harry fell silent, the furious emotions in him drained out with his words.

Severus was lost in a whirlwind of thoughts. He never thought after all that happened, Harry could get so mad at anyone. It was one thing for the teenager to use anger as a means of denial. But to get angry because someone lied about him? It meant that there was more hope of recovery then he originally thought.

But as he began to consider the implications, his thoughts were cut off.

"Yeah, heard that, didn't you. You may be a spy, but you don't fake sleep well. Really need to practice that more. I know sleep pretending. You gave yourself away."

They regarded each other without words for several moments. Then with a heavy sigh, the emerald eye was taken away and Harry looked at the wall in front of him and spoke. The voice was far more cultured then Severus thought his student could be. Maybe all the time spent together had begun to run off.

“You know, I have spent all my life in a sense of confusion. I really never quite understood the world around me, having spent so many years in the dark. For the first ten years of my life, I knew pain, constant rage, torture, and ignorance. I accepted it, without complaint. It was the way things were. It was easy, simple. Then comes Hagrid and a letter, and suddenly everything changes. Nothing made sense anymore. Wizards, magic, and fame all dropped into my lap in the space of the day. I had to adapt quickly. Half the year in light and half in shadows, I learned to hide. Becaause no one would understand it, the hell I lived in. No one could swallow the truth. I was Harry James Potter. To everyone in this world, there was nothing I could not do. It was almost unfair in a way. Because everyone around me seemed to know so much more about me than I did. A thousand answers spilled over me so much faster then I could take them in. Then just as I thought I might actually get the hang of things, there was a tug of war on me. Three super beings, it seemed, all clamoring for me. I should have been laughing at being so wanted. But the truth of it was, everything was one long nightmare.”

The litany stopped as Harry stood up and leaned over the fire mantle to stare at the flames. 

“Vernon, Voldemort, and Dumbledore. All of them wanted something from me. And I was stretched thin in a war of my own. How could I tell my friends, the professors? Who could ever understand that kind of blunt knowledge? A weapon, an enemy, or a Slave. But never once did anyone ever see just me. I learned early on that I was made to be used. Just like you, I suppose. This world, or the muggle one, it was the same for me. But never once did anyone ask who Harry Potter really was. They were too busy making their own assumptions and dragging me into every different mould they wanted. I was never allowed to just be. To carve my own place in between this world and that one. The dictation of others ruled me.”

He turned towards Severus, regarding the man for once. Seeing not someone older, or better, or smarter then him. For once they met as equals. 

“It’s almost sad, isn’t it. How their assumptions slowly drained the humanity out of a person. Ever controlling masters too busy looking for the top of the mountain to see who we really were. Because we are really only just people. I am me, and you are you. Titles are a falsehood that we can’t afford to be bothered with. It takes too much to constantly live under what everyone else expects. After a while, you have to step back and make up your own mind.”

He sagged down onto the bed again, looking sapped of strength. 

“I’m tired, Severus. Tired of being what they want. But after all these years of serving everyone else, how do you learn to be anything else? And now this creature inheritance comes up. Another way for them to punch holes in me. Another way for them to shape opinions of what they think they know about me. I don’t know if I can do it anymore. There just seems to be no quiet, no rest, no ease. How can I live through yet another wave of falsehoods. When is there going to be time for me to find myself, with everyone out there waiting to take away my chance?”

Silence reigned again, but for a mere moment only, before Severus put a hand on Harry’s shoulder. 

“You make time. You have to, after a while. You have to be willing to stand before the masses and prove to them you are going to be who you are. You say you don’t know. But it is there, none the less. You have to push them back and make them see the truth. Brush away the falsehoods and assumptions. The truth of it is, you no longer believe you have the right. I am just as guilty as anyone else. I saw your father, and that’s all I had to see. But now, that blinder got violently ripped away. And believe me, it takes much for me to ever admit to my own wrong doings. Come, stand up, I want to show you something.”

He followed instructions and felt the man drag him before the wardrobe’s inner full length mirror. Without even thinking, he had placed the concealment charm back on himself the minute he awoke. 

“Reverse the concealment.”

Harry hesitated for a few moments before he followed instructions again. And almost wanted to close his eye to the sight of his scarred, changed form. 

“No, don’t flinch. Don’t close your sight. Because in the mirror is the truth. It doesn’t lie to you like everyone else. You want to learn who you really are. Then I need you to listen.”

Sighing, he stared at himself, his gaze fixing randomly on every scar and feature. Then he snorted. 

“How is this suppose to help again?”

Severus shook his head. The stubbornness of youth. 

“Because you refuse to see. You give people the right to tell you who you are because you’re too accepting. Let us address first the scars, since you seem to dislike them so much. To you, they represent your uncle’s mastery over you. You are giving him the power he never earned. The scars aren’t a mark of slavery. They are a proof of survival. No matter how many times he marked you, no matter how close to death you came, you won. You lived. It takes a strength few will ever witness, and a power rare few can understand. He can mark you, but he can make you be who you are not.”

Severus then brushed the hair away from the scar. The corner stone of the title everyone in their world knew.

Then this scar here also did more damage. How odd it is that this alone led to such troubling times. It marked you weapon and enemy all at once. But Albus and the Dark Lord could not see beyond it. One died for it. The other will soon be lost for the foolishness of being unable to see past it. But it’s only another mark. It does not define you. Yes, it means many things. The death of your parents, the defeat of dark, and the infamy of The Boy Who Lived. But really, it means little in your life. It can’t give any more answers then any other mark or scar can give anyone. Take it from one who understands with sharp clarity. All most will ever see of me in my life time is the blemish burned into my forearm. They are fools of course. They have absolutely no idea who I am beyond the Dark Mark. I actually pity that they are so blind. But like my fore arm, your forehead has no judgment over you.”

Lastly Severus pointed to the ever changing features. 

“The creature inheritance is difficult to adapt to sometimes. But it too, regardless how many different beings you have in you, can not define you. These changes only add another outer definition for the world to see. But it doesn’t change the fact that at the end of the day, you are still, and shall remain, Harry.”

He met the green eye in the mirror and let the truth drive home. 

“You must stop concealing these things. You can’t let them or what the world thinks they could mean, control you. You want the world outside to know who you are, then be willing to show them. Yes, there will be questions. There will be assumptions. There will be whispers in the great hall and bold print splashed in every paper. But in the end, they haven’t the strength to rule you. You know who you are. You always have. Regardless of how the world tried to shape you, they can’t actually change that truth unless you let them. Learn to stop giving away the power of self. To those loyal, they will accept you without question. They will learn to cope with the startling changes without judgement. In the end, true friends will quickly recover and continue on as if nothing has changed. Because nothing has. You are still Harry Potter. To everyone else, a sense of ignorance will go a long way in proving to them that their false hoods and assumptions mean little. But the only way the confusion will end, is if you first learn to accept yourself. No matter how you will shift in appearance. It is just that, appearance. The outer shell. You have a surprising intellect it seems. Not to mention a rather annoying ability to make trouble jump out and attack you while you walk around blindly through life. Use what sight you have left to see the world as you would make it, and accept what you can’t change. But stop giving everyone the power to do it for you, because no one can grow that way. It’s far too exhausting, believe me.”

For a few moments, Harry just stared at the black eyes in the mirror. Then turning around, he looked around the room, sniffing once before he spoke. 

“Well that’s settled then. You want to help me figure out the last ingredients of Curse Mark Removal Potion? Sal was wicked smart, but the man loves to speak in riddles. Honestly, I spent half my time trying to figure out what he was saying. Must have annoyed the other founders no end. I figure if I can complete it, I can used it. Maybe if I remove the bloody eyesore from my head, I can finally walk into Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade Village without millions of people staring at me.”

Severus chuckled. 

“Well, I wouldn’t be too hopeful of that. Even with the ‘eyesore’ gone, the pointed ears are going to be a little difficult to cover.”

Harry gave a smirk.

“Well yeah. But then, they’ll be too shocked by the hairy arms and new fangs to bother asking about it.”

Laughing, the two men walked towards the bookshelf in the common room, for once dropping the masks everyone forced them to keep. For just a little while, they both lived within a simple common truth. Know Thyself.


	9. The Monster of my Nightmares

  
Author's notes: Some Members of the order get and eye opener, and Harry nearly loses control in more ways then one  


* * *

_The secret side of me, I never let you see_  
I keep him caged but I can't control him  
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly  
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it 

_He's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls_  
He comes awake and I can't control him  
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end? 

_I feel him deep within, he's just beneath the skin_  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster 

_I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster_

_My secret side I keep hid under lock and key_  
I keep him caged but I can't control him  
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end? 

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster 

_I feel him deep within, he's just beneath the skin_  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster 

_He's hiding in the dark, his teeth are razor sharp_  
There's no escape for me, he wants my soul, he wants my heart  
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream  
Maybe he's inside of me, stop this monster 

_I feel him deep within, he's just beneath the skin_  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster 

_I feel him deep within, it's just beneath the skin_  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I've gotta lose control, he’s something radical  
I must confess that I feel like a monster 

_I, I feel like a monster_  
I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster 

Song: Monster Artist: Skillet (Modded just barely) 

(A/N: The song has a duel meaning. See if you can understand. ) 

………………………………………

In the hushed surroundings of Grimmauld Place, nine specially chosen Order members sat waiting for the fire to flare green. Alastor Moody, Remus Lupin, Nyphadora Tonks, Arthur and Molly Weasley, and four of their boys, Bill, Charlie, Fred and George. All were tight lipped and tense. They knew why they were all there, and not one of them was remotely pleased with the reason for it. Most tense of all was Molly, though she hid it well behind a calm exterior of motherhood. 

Finally the fire came to life, and the cloaked figure of Severus Snape came forward. It was the day of the start of term but none of them were here for that reason. No, they were here for Harry. 

Severus inclined his head in greeting, still rather pale and shaken. After all it had only been seven short hours ago that he had walked inside the boys mind. It still left him sick to his stomach, but he had a job to do. If they had any hope of making sure the Dursleys were properly punished, they would have to work together. 

Taking a deep breath, he regarded each person before him. His mask of cold calmness that he often wore in the classroom returned without notice to those around him. He had to remain collected to get through this.

"Thank you all for coming. You know why we are all here. What I am about to tell you I can guarantee will be the hardest story I have ever had to report. Nothing in all my years prepared me for the horror of what I saw inside the mind of one Harry Potter. There will be a time when I will ask that certain people take breaks. Do not question it. Believe me when I tell you, it is for your own mental health. Some things are far too hard to hear. That said, I believe we should get started."

Alastor, his eye moving back and forth to look around him, growled his words.

"How bad could it be, Snape? You were a Death Eater. Surely no Muggle could be worse than the Dark Lord."

Snape closed his eyes briefly and then looked around. 

"What I saw inside that boy's mind was..." 

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. He spoke quietly and only a bit faster. 

"Most Muggles wouldn’t have anything on Voldemort. But then there are no Muggles like Mr. Potter’s uncle. Let me put it to you in a way you will understand. The Dark Lord would kill infant and adult alike; maybe even cast the occasional Crusciatus curse on the young in a particularly foul mood. At least the Dark Lord didn't discriminate. These Muggles did." 

Opening his eyes, he looked at the group.

"Vernon Dursley did things to his nephew I never thought anyone could survive. Harry was two years old when he started learning about sex. Petunia did nothing the night he was put on their doorstep while his uncle 'pretended' to drown him before throwing him against a wall. Mad man does not even describe what I saw inside that boy’s mind, Alastor. I fear I will die of starvation because the visions literally make me too sick to my stomach to keep food inside me. Do you understand now how dire it is that we bring this man, his wife and their son to justice? Muggle family or pure blood wizard, it makes no difference. No child should ever have to suffer that kind of cruelty."

Even the hardened ex-Auror turned slightly pale. Arthur Weasley, a father through and through, shook his head in disbelieve. 

"The age of two? Surely you must be mistaken, Severus. No child could--"

Severus cut him off with a grim look. 

"It is no mistake, Arthur. Not seven hours ago I saw it. And it is not even the worse of what happened."

Remus gulped.

 

"But his journal; you and I read it together. I don’t understand why you invited me when I already know."

The Professor shook his head. 

"The journal was what Harry could remember."

"Oh sweet Circe, Severus. You cannot mean there’s more then what we read."

"Sit. I will tell you what I know."

They all sat down, fortifying themselves for what they knew would be a trying night. Slowly Severus began. 

"You all have a vague idea of how Harry’s Muggle relatives hated magic. It was because of this reason that the abuse began...because he wasn't 'normal'. The poor boy lived a life I would not wish on Tom Riddle, never mind anyone else. Molestation and physical abuse were the least of the boy’s problems. He was often sold out by his uncle to anyone sick enough and depraved enough to share Vernon Dursley’s need to torture the magic out of his nephew. By the age of six that sick bastard was throwing parties in the basement, video-taping with Muggle technology to make sure he could sit and watch it later. For hours he made Harry watch it to remind him of his 'place'. And then he beat him, even if he was too weak to stay conscious.

"Torture is too good...too light of a word to describe what they did to him, ladies and gentleman. They twisted his mind and descemated his spirit. He was taught to never touch himself. At all. They watched when he bathed, and if he washed his genitals more than once, a brief pass with a cloth, they would hit him there. They taught him to alleviate himself as a woman would. Often times he was not allowed to go to the toilet, and if he could not hold it, knives were used against his legs as a reminder of his ‘dirtiness’. And that was only the beginning."

By now, he saw more than one person rush off to vomit. Molly had to be removed, unable to breathe from crying so much. The five remaining Weasely clan sat stone still, heads bowed and lips tightly shut as tears carved a burning line down their faces. Once everyone settled down, Severus continued.

"To understand the horrid truth, I will show all the whole of it. I warn you, it will be the hardest thing you will ever see."

And slowly, eyes met eyes and magic flowed as the nightmare played again.  
........................................................

Harry was crouching on the floor of his room near the door, holding his stomach as he rocked back and forth. It was two hours ago that the students of Hogwarts returned, but he had been told to stay in his room and invite no one. The halls were nearly quiet now as sleep claimed the castle. Classes were starting tomorrow, and everyone needed rest. But Harry wasn’t worried about class, or about his friends, or about sleep. He was having a problem of a different sort. 

Not even the stone walls of the castle could keep out the smell of hundreds of hot bodies. He had thought staying in his room and having the suppression potion was enough. But nothing helped. His whole body burned in thirst. Fangs bled his lip as the points ripped through tender flesh. But there was no way to leave the room tonight. If the scent of blood was so strong within, then going out the door would be an exercise in stupidity.   
Snape and Remy were gone. For a moment, panic filled him. Who would help him? He couldn’t move, save for the rocking, and his Head of House was out of the question. The stern Transfiguration Professor would likely run straight to the Ministry.

Then it struck him. Hagrid would help. The half giant knew about him, and was strong enough to fend him off if he got too wild. 

Crawling on hands and knees, he made his way over to a small desk, barely having the fortitude to make a quick note. Calling a newly healed Hedwig down from her perch near the window, he looked at her as she landed on the couch in front of him. Gulping, he forced himself speak clearly.

"Hedwig, take this to Hagrid. Swift wings, girl. Take it and go."

Hedwig knew her master well. She took the note in one claw and took off with a soft hoot. She knew she would have to fly fast; her master was in grave distress.

That done, Harry settled himself near the door, knowing that no one could get into his room without his permission anyway. He deliberately pushed the pain back to stand, breathing hard and issuing the occasional snarl. Arms hanging by his side, his face hidden by his hair, and his skin a shade paler than was normal, he waited. Determined to get control somehow, he backed away the door slowly and forced himself down into the couch. Raising his arm, he revealed a small space in the wall. Throwing up silencing charms to keep all outside the door from hearing anything, he weaved his clawed hand through the air. A Muggle stereo came to life with a slight crackle and he lost himself inside the music.   
........................................................

Fifteen minutes later, the floo flared to life as Remus and Severus came through. Harry was still seated, his fangs resting over the bloody remains of his bottom lip. His eyes were closed as he attempted to mediate to calm his own thirst. However, it was the noise coming from the wall that drew their attention. At first it assaulted their ears with an offensive racket. Neither was used to Muggle rock music. Then Remus heard the words, tilting his head. Then he put his finger to his lip and tapped his ear, his eyes widening slowly in surprise as he heard the lyrics with a startling understanding. Then he shook his head as he looked at Severus. Not even a day with a creature inheritance, and his cub already felt fear and worry about it.

_It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp_  
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart  
No one can hear me scream; maybe it's just a dream  
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster  
I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster" 

Remus cringed. He noticed the pained look the Potions Master had as he too shook his head. No doubt having part vampire in oneself was hard, too be sure. But Merlin, to know his cub felt this way already was sad.

They were startled however when they again fixed their gaze on the boy in question. The once emerald eye was now a flaming garnet red. Flaring nostrils and slightly panting breaths took in their scents in great puffs of indrawn air. As Harry spoke his godfather’s and Professor’s names, the first was accompanied with a growl, the other with the sibilant snake tongue. 

"Rrrreeemussss, Ssssseverussss; my insides burn. Help me. The smell...too much. Please?"  
Remus went to step up first and offer his wrist. But an outstretched arm stopped him.

"You can’t. Your blood will only further his illness. The wolf, Lupin; it does not agree with it opposing enemy."

Then the werewolf watched in shock as the former Death Eater stepped forward to kneel before his cub and cradle him. He saw Severus take Harry and turn him so the boy’s back leaned against his front. Murmurs of comfort were whispered through thin lips as Harry panted in a fight.

"Pleasssse, don’t make me. Not in front of Remy. I don’t want to be….be…. He won’t like me anymore!" 

"Your godfather understands, childe. He knows what it is like to have a beast inside. He will not hate you for your needs."

Harry still fought, used to denying himself all things. Used to telling himself he wasn’t allowed to satisfy even his most basic needs to survive. This was too much. The students...the thirst...Remy...Sev... Whimpering, he closed his eye and grasped his control with iron determination. He wouldn't...do that...not in front of Remy.

Finally, Remus could no longer take the thirsty pain inside his cub. 

Not after what he found out earlier that night. Loosening the leash he normally always kept around his own primal, he gave a low growl.  
"Severus, turn him towards me."

Muttering about lazy wolves, the Potions Master did as asked, despite the difficulty of sitting on the floor. 

But finally Remus and Harry were face to face. Remus curled on his haunches, one barely clawed hand on the ground. 

"Harry, look at me."

Harry shook his head in refusal. The werewolf would have none of it. 

"NOW, CUB!"

Harry’s head raised slowly, his lava red eye fixing on the golden gaze of his only godfather. His body shook, primal meeting primal.  
"Remy...please..."  
A nearly silent snarl issued as the unbreakable gaze pierced through the starving ache.

"Feed. Do not fight. You need this to live. I will not lose you to your stubborn, foolish denial of yourself. Do as he commands. Feed, NOW!"

For a second, the teenager did nothing. Then he raised the wrist he held in both hands and slowly, so gently bit into the flesh offered. But his forced gentleness ended at the first taste of blood. A low, rumbling growl rose from his throat as he began to gulp down the warm liquid with relish. 

Remus’ golden gaze however shifted as his nose twitched at another scent in the air. He saw something flash out of the corner of his eye and looked at the Potions Master with sudden interest. His eyes widened in surprise and immediately calmed a moment later. He really wasn’t all that stunned at the flicker of reddish-gold in the older man’s black irises. It wasn’t his place to ask or tell. If Severus wanted to keep his own vampirism under such strict control, then so be it. Dark creatures just weren’t trusted by the ruling heads of the Wizarding world. So sad it was that many were thrown into hiding or killed on sight, simply by being what they were. 

He was drawn out of his thoughts when Harry again settled on the couch with a deep breath, a wet cloth wiping his face clean of the messy feeding. But then, a flush of horrified embarrassment took over his face and he silently excused himself to the bathroom, leaving the two men alone for a moment to look at each other. Severus broke the silence first.

"I trust that the secrets revealed here will be kept in confidence, Lupin. I have no desire to walk out that door only to be accosted by sharpened wood and an angry mob."

"Respect goes both ways, Severus. It might be prudent to learn to use my first name from now on, hmm. After all, it can’t be all that bad for us to stop this constant fight to keep distance between us. Maybe….."

Severus rose his hand to hush Remus as his other raised a wand to silence the music. Head tilted, the dark man listened intently. Then they cringed violently at the sound of something hitting against flesh. Both walked towards the bathroom with swiftness as they reached out to open the door. Despise the wards in place, they managed to open it swiftly. What they saw had them stopped in their tracks. 

Harry sat on the edge of the tub facing them, his legs spread open. The fly of his jeans were undone, what would have been his erection pulled through the opening of his cotton boxer shorts. What made their skin crawl wasn’t just the hollow look in the boy’s gaze, but the sound of his own leather belt being deliberately struck against said body parts. Not in light strikes, but as harshly as possible.

Remus rushed forward first, immediately grabbing his cub’s hands to halt the self-torture. 

"Harry, what are you doing to yourself?!"

Harry answered, but his voice was as hallow as his eye. 

"I’m sorry uncle Vernon. I tried to be a good boy. But it came anyway. I had to teach it not to be bad."  
Remus blinked, trying to hold himself together.

"What do you mean? What came? What was bad?"

Harry rocked as his spoke. 

"The dirty hard thing, Uncle. I didn’t mean for it to become hard. I tried to stop it. But I was a good boy. I punished myself just like you said, and it became small again. But I’m not done yet. I have to finish punishing it, so it learns not to be bad anymore."

Remus went to say something, but Severus stopped him. A pained look took over the hard face of the ex-spy before the mask fell in place.

"And did I give you permission to punish yourself, Potter? Or are you so stupid you think you have the right to do whatever you please?"

Remus glared at him, but Snape shook his head and grit his teeth. His eyes begged the werewolf to trust him. A slight nod of the head, and a cautious low grunt was all the werewolf gave before he stepped aside, belt in hand.

"I’m sorry Uncle. I was just trying to be a good boy. Please don’t take my filthy hole again. It’s not good enough for you."

 

"Come here. You disobeyed me by thinking you had the right to punish yourself, boy. I won’t take your filthy hole. But you need to be punished."

Harry crawled on hands and knees over to Snape, who was now sitting on the toilet.

"How would Uncle like this boy to be to take the punishment it deserves?"

"Over my knee, Boy. Ten strikes for punishing yourself without my permission."

Like a well taught slave, Harry draped himself over Snape’s knee, baring his naked backside to the man his addled mind saw as uncle.

"Let this be a lesson, boy. You will never, ever punish yourself again. It is not your right. Understand?!"

The first three strikes came down harshly as the teenager nodded his head in understanding.

"I’m sorry Uncle. I’ll never do it again, I promise. I only wanted to be a good boy. Please, I’m sorry."

Finally the last strike fell and Severus pulled Harry up to cradle him close, the boy’s quiet sobs clawing harshly at his insides. 

"Shhh, my good boy. You did so well. It’s all over now, calm yourself. You’re forgiven. But, from now on, if it ever becomes bad again, you are to go to Professors Snape or Lupin. I don’t want you punishing yourself again. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Uncle, I understand."

Harry slowly cried himself into sleep, his shaking form finally relaxing again. Remus watched in silence as Severus laid his cub in bed, treated the wounded areas with healing charms, and transfigured his clothes into pyjamas. Only once they were in the common room, did the werewolf speak in quiet tones. 

"What just happened in there? I need to understand before I rip your throat out and hex you for treating my cub that way. It better be good, Snape. We’ve had too trying a night."

Severus sighed, feeling his battered soul throb in guilt as a headache formed behind his eyes.

"Victims of long time abuse often have something like flashbacks during their time of recovery. Usually it is triggered by a word or action that reminds the victim of its past torture. For Harry, one of his triggers is sexual arousal. He believes it to be a high offense to get an erection, and seeks to punish himself for it. The difficulty of this is feedings often cause the body to react in such a way for either newly sired vampires or for those who have just come into their inheritance. In order to calm the mind in its fractured state, a lesser punishment, like spanking, is needed to stop the victim’s own self abuse. Victims of the life Harry has lived have been known to even cut off their own genitals in punishment. 

"Slowly, the mind can be trained not to want to abuse itself, but it takes a great deal of time. It will be a hard road Remus. One you must be prepared for, if you are alone with him when he has these flashbacks. It’s one of the reasons he is being tutored privately. Most students will not understand such an episode and should not be made too. I have informed the other professors to summon one of us if they see any odd behavior during lessons. In the mean time, after classes, I will begin to help you cope with something like this. As I said, it will be hard. But better that then to see him literally try to put himself in danger by brutalizing his own body. Left to his own devices, there is no telling what he would do."

Remus took a deep breath and flopped down on the couch. 

"Will he ever fully recover after so long in that wretched place?"

Severus nodded.

"In time. I was not so different once. It took many moments like this one before I became strong enough to understand and recover. But rather we handle it ourselves then watch some insipid fool at St. Mungo’s trip all over themselves and send him into further distress. But, given a safe environment and time to work through it, your godson will get better. He will never forget, and he may always carry a certain fear, but his strength and understand will grow with time. Have faith. After all, he’s survived greater odds then most. That alone shows he has the ability to go through this far greater than he was before. Now, though, I am quite tired. Let us retire for the night. Between classes and what promises to be a hard discussion with Mister Potter, we will need a clear mind and a well rested form just to survive it."

The two men slowly made their way to their own rooms, each lost in thought as they looked to the future. A long hard road out of hell did not even begin to describe what they would face to help the broken young man out of his darkened past


	10. The harsh truth of a bitter maturity

  
Author's notes: Ron and Hermione get to see their freind for the first time, and Ron learns just what it mean to think before one speaks  


* * *

_I'm not the kind of guy to sit out on sidelines,_  
The kind of guy who doesn't say it straight from his mind.  
You're gonna know all that I'm feeling on the inside,  
I ain't into games, I don't wanna waste.  
Any time and all the energy we could spend,  
Being together mates forever you're my best friends.  
Got a little problem that I can't mend,  
You been taking me for granted now 

_I don't wanna walk away from what we have,_  
and you know it,  
I'm not telling you all of this to make you mad.  
It's not about who's right or wrong,  
It's not about who's weak or strong.  
It's about what I need to make this last 

_A little more time, a little less wait._  
A little more heart, a little less break.  
Simple and true, what they say.  
A little bit goes a long way. 

_A little less talk, a little more do._  
A little more me, a little less you.  
My friends, at the end of the day,  
A little bit goes a long way. 

_Don't wanna end up in a tricky situation,_  
So I'm giving you my every indication.  
We can work it out together, stop the tension,  
Try to understand, please guys, where I stand.  
I like you and I'm trying to be gentle,  
So let me break it down for you and make it simple.  
I gave my trust and care to you now it's essential,  
That you show understanding for me 

_I don't wanna walk away or let you go, and you know it._  
I'm not telling you all of this to make you sad.  
It's not about the tears you cry,  
It's about how hard you try.  
To give a little more and see the other side 

_A little more time, a little less wait._  
A little more heart, a little less break.  
Simple and true, what they say.  
A little bit goes a long way. 

_A little less talk, a little more do._  
A little more me, a little less you.  
My friends, at the end of the day,  
A little bit goes a long way. 

_And it hurts me, 'cause I care and I'm telling you why._  
I'm unhappy, so if you love me.  
A little bit is not that much to ask to make things right 

_A little more time, a little less wait._  
A little more heart, a little less break.  
Simple and true, what they say.  
A little bit goes a long way.  
A little less talk, a little more do.  
A little more me, a little less you.  
My friends, at the end of the day,  
A little bit goes a long way. 

_A little more time, a little less wait._  
A little more heart, a little less break.  
Simple and true, what they say.  
A little bit goes a long way.  
A little less talk, a little more do.  
A little more me, a little less you.  
My friends, at the end of the day,  
A little bit goes a long way. 

Song: A Little Bit ( Modded ; some lyrics removed) Artist: Jessica Simpson  
_________________________________________________

Remus walked up to a blank painting outside Harry’s room two nights later, Hermione and Ron behind him. Harry knew they were coming, but he could practically feel his cub sweating in nervousness behind the stone . He ran his hand down the door way in a careful movement, and the blank canvas came to life, the four founders sitting in a study room, all quietly reading a book of their own. Merlin himself showed up in the painting, Morgaine Le Fey on his side. 

“House please?”

“Gryphindor”

Merlin moved to the side, to let Godric himself stand before them.

“Ah, Remus Lupin. And who are these children behind you? You know Lord Potter is very cautious of whom he lets inside.”

Ron looked at Hermione with surprise. 

"Lord Potter? When did that happen?"

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"He is the only 17 year old son of the Potter family Line, Ronald. That makes him Lord Potter. Would it have killed you just once to listen to your History of Magic class."

"It might have. Binns puts everyone in a coma."

Hermione just huffed as she heard Remus speak. Sometimes she hated having someone who loved sports more then homework as a friend. 

“This are his long time friends Godric. May I present Miss Hermione Elizabeth Granger and Mister Ronald Bilius Weasley. Surely Lord Potter has told you they would be coming.”

Godric nodded.

“So he did. And where is the dark one tonight? The one whom my companion often speaks too.”

“Severus is busy with Potions tonight, Sir. You know how it is. Did he stop by earlier?”

Godric snorted, looking annoyed. 

“Of course he did, the naïve. Came this way at an ungodly hour. It is rather unfortunate ‘Zar gets along with him so well, or the rest of us would have been able to sleep longer.”

“Ah, Well. So, may we enter?”

Godric waved them through and the door swung open. They slowly stepped inside, and as the portal disappeared behind them, their eyes opened in complete wonder. 

The common room had been expanded. The book case was there, but the couch was no where in sight. Blue mats lined the floor from wall to wall. None of this shocked them. It was the young man moving in the center of the room. Blindfolded and glamour in place, Harry was gripping two kitana swords in his hands. Using a combination of his own magical energy and what seemed to be perfect movement, he danced around the room. The sword moves were tightly executed and with a flash of blood red fire burning the length of the blades, sent sparks raining through the air. He paused for a moment, and another song began from his muggle radio. He started another different set of moves, these faster and broader as he used exact shifting of feet to move. They barely caught the lyrics playing out, telling the story Harry wouldn’t. What surprised them more is it was Harry singing perfect pitch to the back-round music. 

Tom Riddle taught her to shoot   
Maybe a little too well  
Fingers on her wand, like a loaded bullet  
She hit his back so full of rage   
And let the whole world know it  
Six feet away, they heard him say   
" Merlin, don't let her do it"

"Merlin, don't let her do it"  
How could she put us through it?  
His Godson watched her do it

How could she take his life away? (What makes her think she has the right?)  
How could she be so full of hate? (To take away somebody's life)  
And when I saw she let him die  
And made the world all wonder why  
I sat at home and on my own,   
I cried alone, and scratched her name  
On the side of a bullet

Remus’ face became grim at the words. This message was all too clear. The Ministry, Sirius, the veil….this was about that bitch, Bellatrix. He watched the anger play out in Harry’s every move as the magic swelled in the room. 

Hermione and Ron could only watch with mouths hanging open. How had Harry learned to move that well, and with Muggle weapons no less? They were told something of what happened to him, how he had nearly died because of his uncle. They were given the impression that he was not completely mended yet. The person before them seemed to be in peak condition. Something didn’t make sense here. 

The realization came a moment later. Harry seemed to misstep at first, a minor slip up it seemed. That was until the swords clattered to the floor and Harry fell to one knee, breathing hard. The music abruptly died as his magic was taxed too much. The two teenagers went to go help their friend, only to be stopped by Remus a moment later with a simple hand gesture and a shake of his head. They watched as he approached the shaking form slowly and blocked him from view.

Remus bent to Harry’s ear and whispered gently to his cub, concern evident in his tone. 

“Harry, are you alright? What do you need?”

Harry panted. 

“Restorative potion, behind the mirror of the loo, on the bottom shelf. And the other stuff is in my room, in the chest at the bottom of the bed. Careful, charmed to be cold. Please, hurry…hurts.”

Remus nodded and turned toward the others.

“Don’t touch him or come near him yet. He will be fine in a little while. He just overtaxed himself, that’s all. For now though, please stay away, for his sake….and yours.”

Ron opened his mouth to protest, but Hermione gave him a sharp look before nodding at their newly re-instated DADA Professor. She knew there was something going on that was not being mentioned, but being a friend meant sometimes understanding the need for privacy. If Harry wanted to tell them what was wrong, he would do it in his own time. 

But as Remus retrieved what he had asked for, Harry didn’t notice just how much strain he was under. His glamour began to flicker off and on before fading completely. His friends eyes went wide, but before Ron could say anything stupid, Hermione wrapped a hand around his mouth and shook her head. The message was clear to the youngest Weasley. Anything said stupidly would only hurt Harry. He hadn’t wanted them to see him like this, that much was clear. If they had any hope of making Harry trust them with this painful secret, then they had to act as normal as possible. They knew he wouldn’t appreciate sympathy. The concealment was to protect them from the sight of his scars, not the other way around. So for now, at least, they would remain silent. No matter how they burned to ask about his much changed form. Even Ron knew about Creature Inheritance. Every pure blooded wizard was taught about that. 

It was the scars. So many scars over his bare back and chest. They cringed slightly when they noted the marks around his neck. When they had heard of the abuse that his uncle had put him through, they were told it was bad. But looking at him now gave them a startling insight to the reason he was close to death and in a coma for so long. 

Remus returned and bent down again, handing Harry the restorative potion he asked for first. Once that was done, he held out a larger beaker of blood. He watched his godson lift his head, and gesture for him to get closer. He bent his head down and heard a whisper only someone with primal blood could.

“Don’t let them see, Moony. Stay where you are to keep me hidden. I’m not ready yet for them to know this side of me. Please?”

Remus gave the barest of nods and positioned Harry’s back to his front before holding the beaker of red fluid before him. The effect of it on his cub was instantaneous. Muscles tensed, chest rumbled, and fingers grew in sharp claws as the beaker was snatched out of his hands and consumed in haste. He rocked his godson slowly as they waited together for the blood to take effect. 

Finally with an exhaled breath and a slight shiver, Harry spoke quietly.

“They saw, didn’t they?”

Remus gave a slight nod. 

“Most of it. They didn’t see all of it. The 3rd of your creature inheritance remains a secret.”

Harry sighed.

“I didn’t want them to see. I was just so nervous about tonight. I didn’t know I was going to tax my magic so much. Damn.”

“Harry, they’re your friends. Why, they’re practically family. They won’t Judge you for the actions of your scum of an uncle. As for the Inheritance, I doubt they will say much. Most of the Wizarding World’s youth is taught about that from a very young age. As for Muggle born , Hermione is too bright not to know. You have to accept that people will see it. It cost you too much right now to constantly conceal yourself. If you wish to have acceptance for who you are, then you must first be willing to accept it yourself.”

Harry sighed again before getting up. He finally pulled the blindfold off of his left eye, keeping the right one covered. Stamping down his instincts to hide in a small dark space, he helped Remus up off the floor and give a strained smile to his friends. 

“It’s good to finally see you, ‘Mione. You too, Ron. I missed you guys a lot. Course, with the coma and all, I…”

Before he finished his sentence, he was surrounded by tight arms and a face full of brown hair. 

“Oh Harry, we were so worried. For weeks there was no letters, no word. Then The Headmaster told us what happened. We were all waiting to see you. We tried to ask more questions, but no one would tell us anything.   
Finally Professor Lupin told us we could visit you. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“IO, ‘Mione, give the poor bloke some breathing space. He nearly past out just now. You know how fragile he is.”

Harry snickered as Hermione finally let go.

“Right Ron. I’m fragile. Least I don’t pass out at the sight of spiders.”

“Laugh it up mate. Sure you aren’t scared. I mean, you defeated ole Moldie-shorts at the age of one. After that, nothing would be scary. Course, I’m not the one half naked, clinging to my girl”

“RONALD WEASELY!”

Harry laughed again.

“Don’t be jealous mate. ‘Mione’s like a sister to me. And even if she wasn’t, you know I wouldn’t. Don’t like much in the way of girls.”

Ron gave him a soft clap on the back.

“I know, I know. But got to watch after her, you know that. Pretty ladies like her have far too many eyes staring at once.”

Harry waved a hand slightly and the common room returned. No one showed any shock to his display of power. He knew just by the looks on their faces, his two best friends were about to explode with the need to. Gathering himself for the on-slaughter, he took a deep, steadying breath and went to speak. Hermione beat him to the punch. 

“Harry, why didn’t you say anything?”

He sighed and put his head to the side. 

“No offence, ‘Mione, but it isn’t exactly good conversation material. I don‘t need the sad pitying looks and the tears. Have enough to deal with with all that boy who bloody lived mess. Didn‘t need this too.”

She shook her head. 

“Harry, it’s not about pity. Your uncle nearly killed you. So many years and you never said a word. You call us brother and sister. You have people who are your real family. You said as much many time. Why….why would you let yourself go through this? If the Headmaster wouldn’t listen, then there was your friends, the Weasley’s, even the other professors. You didn’t have to let it happen.”

He snorted.

“Yeah, right. And how many people would have lost hope during the war had they known? You guys didn’t have everyone’s hope resting on you. You didn’t have to be strong, to train hard, to sweat and bleed and never complain. The world didn’t want to see me like that, ‘Mione. The world wanted their savior. Knowing a muggle could do that much damage….it just….”

Ron stood up and clipped him on the shoulder. 

“That’s a load of shite, Mate. This isn’t about the world or the Boy Who Lived nonsense. You know we haven’t really been like those stupid fans out there who sooner turn on you. ‘Mione is right. You should have told us long before now. We would have understood….”

Harry growled, flashing fang, not caring anymore. 

“UNDERSTAND?! HOW?! How can either of you understand this? Hmmm? You’ve both been loved since the day you were born. You didn’t lose your parents to a mad man. I was left on the door step to live alone in hell for the first 10 years of my life. No one was there when I fell down, or when I cried. I had no one to explain or care for me. You see this slice against my neck. That fat Bastard of an uncle slit my throat after I accidentally burnt an egg. I was 5!!! How can you understand that? Explain it to me. At six I was my uncles whore to everyone with enough money. But that’s all alright, isn’t it. Because I am the famous Harry Potter."

Harry snarled.

"You always wanted to live like you thought I lived Ron. You thought I was living the life style of the Rich and Famous. Didn't you. But I wasn't. You see this here. This is a burn from a muggle car lighter. See this scar, here? That is from a fire poker. The blood fucker put it out on my skin. Every scar you see is from a belt, a knife, a whip or whatever Vernon could get his hands on. I can't even stand to so much as look at myself naked. I wasn't hugged Ron. I never knew cuddles. No one was there to help me when I was sick, or to kiss it better when I was wounded. Your Parents both loved you and all 6 of your siblings. Do you know, you spent all this time envying a boy who wished and wished to have a life just like yours. Of course you don't understand that, because Harry Potter if Rich and Famous, and you were the 6th child of a poor pureblooded family of 7. I begged for a family I'll never have Ron, so don't you sit there and tell me you want to know."

By now Ron was tearing up as he heard and saw a truth his brain could hardly understand, let alone listen to. 

"Not either of you even asked about my family. No one did. Not a single friend, family member, or professor ever bothered to ask about me. You were all too fucking interested in the Scar on my head to see me. That’s all anyone wanted to know. Then of course there’s Voldemort. My uncle wasn’t enough for the world. No, an 11 year old child is suppose conquer the worlds darkest Wizard. I was forced to watch for 5 years as he tortured innocents. Feel every single curse he threw at his followers. Do you know how it is to suffer Unforgivable after unforgivable until you want to pull out your own heart? Then, I got to feel him rape his followers and muggles together, like I was there doing it to them myself. I was forced to put up silencing charms in the dorm because I’d wet the bed and sweat blood. BUT NO ONE EVER ASKED!.”

He paced, knowing he was being harsh. But he was too caught up in his tirade. Needing to get it off his chest.

“Everyone sat there seeing a hero to save them from the monsters. To raise my wand and bring the world light again. To save them from the dark. That is of course when they weren’t jealous or trying to kill me. But no one ever asked me who I was. No one was there to save me from anything. They saw the scar. They heard the story. There wasn’t a single person who wanted to ask me about Harry. I knew nothing about Voldemort, about magic, about anything. But because I was famous, everyone expected me to know everything. Like the sun and moon would fall or rise on my command. I had to learn everything on my own. Fight twice as hard to learn what most wizard children are raised knowing. Seeing the people I met die. Sirius, Cedric, my parents, and how many more. No one understands the guilt. No one understands….because no one wanted to know. That’s how it was. I could tell you things that would make you wish for death to escape the truth. So don’t say you would understand. Because you won’t. You can’t. You never tried.”

Hermione looked like she was about to break into tears. Harry shook his head. 

“No I don’t want guilt. I don’t want the pity. I don’t want sympathy or comfort from you now. It’s too late for that. And you aren’t at complete fault for what you refused to see. What I need now is for you both to see me as I am. To know what it means when I say don’t ask, without letting it hurt your feelings. To accept me as I am now, not as they made me. I’m not a savior, or a hero. I am Harry. And yes I have power, money, even fame. But that doesn’t tell you anything about me. I want friends. Real friends, to take the uglier parts of my reputation. The darker parts of the golden boy. Because the boy was killed a long time ago. It’s just Harry here, and the world saw I would never be innocent again. I can’t be a child, or a teenager. I don’t have strength to pretend to be. But that means we may not always see eye to eye on things. I need you to accept that too. I want you two in my life….but that mean relearning everything you thought you knew about me. Learning who I am from the beginning. Can you do it? And I’m very Serious right now, so no half hearted answers. If you say yes, mean it. I can’t afford more pain or betrayal.”

Hermione wiped her tears, and met her friends eyes with a sober expression. 

“You’re right, Harry. We didn’t see because we didn’t want to see. I’d say sorry, but like you said, the time for that is past. So I will promise to be a true friend from now on and learn who you are. I too assumed I knew, but like you said, I was wrong. I want to be a real friend, and that starts by accepting I have done you a terrible injustice. One I mean to correct. If you will let me.”

Harry gave her a small smile and embraced her when she came to him for a hug. Then he turned his sight on Ron and waited. 

“You’re crazy if you think I’m going anyway, Mate. We’re brothers, remember? You’re stuck with me. Can’t say I will ever understand everything, but I promise to try. And if I’m being an arse, tell me. My brain and my mouth may live in the same house, but they don’t always work together well.”

Another hug and smile settled the friends into happy chatting for a while as they went over what they did for the summer. It wasn’t until an hour later that Ron looked up with confusion and would later wish he hadn’t asked.

“Harry, did you say that bastard turned you into a whore at six, Mate? What was that about? Surely you don’t mean….”

“RON! Don’t ask him that. Harry doesn’t want to talk about his uncle. Besides, that’s private.”

Harry’s breathing already accelerated, his mind forcing him to take a walk backwards in time. He hadn’t realized how much he had given away when he had his rant. His eyes whirled in his head as he looked at the floor.

“You weren’t to know about that. I didn’t mean to tell. No no no, wasn’t suppose to tell you I was a dirty boy. Uncle would be so mad at me. Dirty, filthy freak I am. Never clean.”

His arms were scraped to shreds by his own nails, rivulets of blood carving a path in the stone below him. Remus went to stop him, but Hermione stopped him.

“Let me try. He has to learn that we can handle anything and take care of him too. He has to learn he can trust us.”

She stepped forward slowly and gently halted his hands on his arms.

“Harry, it’s me, Hermione. Can you look at me? It’s alright, you’re safe here. There is no reason to hurt yourself.”

Harry mumbled, still half lost inside his head. 

“But I’m dirty, always so dirty. Never clean. Why can’t I be clean. Uncle wanted a clean boy, but I let him down. Dirty little whore I am.”

“No Harry, you’re not a dirty whore. Uncle was wrong. But will you come with me and we can help you be clean together. Would that be alright?”

Harry nodded, hugging himself.

“Have to get clean. Scrub away all the filth. Yeah, I’ll get clean. Show everyone what a good boy I am. Clean and shiny.”

Hermione helped him up, holding his hand and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

“That’s right Harry. Time to clean up. Then something warm to drink and some rest and you’ll be good as new.”

As Hermione walked him through cleaning his face and arms and settled him into bed, Ron looked at Remus, head filled with a million questions he was almost too terrified to have answers to.

“What did they do to him Professor. I’ve never seen him like that. Harry was always so strong. He looks so….”

“They broke him Mr. Weasley. They broke him several times.”

“But he’ll be alright, won’t he? He’ll get better?”

Remus gave a shaky sigh, swallowing a lump in his throat as he watched Hermione tuck his cub in and hum him into gentle sleep as she stroked his hair.

“I really don’t know. We just have to help him the best we can and hope he can recover one day. It’ll be a hard road. But we’ll try.

Ron gave a determined nod.

“He’ll recover alright. You just watch. Nothing can beat him. He’s….”

Remus shook his head, wiping a stray tear away.

“He’s just Harry, and he’s in a lot of pain, Mr. Weasley. He’s been alone and tortured for far too long. This isn’t about the war anymore, Ronald. And until you understand that truth, you’ll never be able to help him. Remember what he told you. You want to really be his friend, then see him as he is, not as you think he should be. Learn to see just Harry. Or you’ll destroy him. Think before you speak, because one more comment like today could have dire consequences. The time of rash childhood folly is over, Ronald. It’s time to grow up and think on your actions. Just…..watch how you are around him. That’s my cub in there. Hurt him again, and you’ll lose him. Understand?”

Ron gulped and nodded. Worry worked it’s way through him. Remus was right. Boy, did he have a lot of growing up to do.


	11. When the Reapers Come to Collect Their Dues

  
Author's notes: Vernon Dursley Learns just what it means to be truly frightened. And Arthur learns why some Wizards hate Muggles.

A/N: There isn't actual rape in the chapter but it talks about it. I wonder if that means there should be a warning or not  


* * *

_There is no escaping,_  
_There's no place to hide_  


_You scream "someone save me",_  
_But they don't pay no mind..._  
_Goodbye_

_Your walking down a horror corridor_  
_It's almost 4 in the morning and your in a nightmare_  
_it’s horrible_  
_Right there is the coroner,_  
_Waiting for you to turn the_  
_Corner so he could corner you_  
_You’re a goner he's on to you_  
_Out the corner of his cornea_  
_He just saw you run_  
_All you want is to rest_  
_Cause you can't run anymore_  
_Your done_  
_All he wants is to kill in you front of an audience_  
_While everybody is watching in the party applauding it_

Song: Beginning of 3 am Artist: Eminem.  
_____________________________________________________

All was quiet in the evening around Surrey this night as everyone settled down after dinner. Privet Drive was filled with warm glowing lights from televisions and lamps as night settled down on the world. No one saw the quietly approaching figures coming across the street from Mrs. Figg’s home to approach Number 4. It was four of the most imposing figures of the Wizarding World. The last figure, smaller then all the others, trailed behind, sneering at the ugly normalcy of muggle suburbia. Four under glamour’s and one under poly-juice potion, they approached the maroon door, readying themselves for what they knew they had to do.

Arthur Weasley, dressed to perfection as a muggle police officer, knocked on the door politely, pulling out his fake badge and police ID. When the door opened to reveal the fattest, ugliest muggle he had ever seen, he gulped hard to keep the food in his stomach.

“Is this the Dursley residents?”

“Yes Officer. How may I help you?”

Arthur clear his throat. 

“Good evening Mr. Dursley. I’m Officer Weasley. These officers behind me are Moody and Snape. Then we have Mr. Malfoy from Child Protective Services of London. We are here about your Nephew, One Harry James Potter.”

They all watched the man before them almost grind his teeth. 

“He’s not at home. Ran away, he did. Haven't seen him in months. Why, what sort of trouble is he in now? Boys nothing but trouble, I tell you.”

Severus nearly ripped the skin from the palms of his hands in an attempt to calm himself. He had be able to compose himself in front of Voldemort. He could do this too. 

“Mr. Dursley, we have to be quite honest with you. We found your nephew not far from here, in the most horrifying state. He was terribly abused and underfed. We found some very disturbing evidence that makes you a suspect. Now we have a warrant here to examine your premises and question you. Would you let us in to have this settled?”

Vernon gulped. Thank god he had cleaned the house hard and stripped the basement. Opening the door, he waved them in, settling them on the couch. 

Draco waited in the bushes on the side of the house, unseen, waiting for his moment. Had he not seen Harry towards the end of his coma and heard his godfathers words, he would have out right refused. But childhood rivalry or not, no one deserved what happened to Potter. This muggle had to pay, and if he could help bring the scum down, then so be it. 

Meanwhile in the house, Malfoy senior brought out a thick folder, and settled it on the table, his calm, aristocratic expression showing nothing as he spoke, adjusting his fake glasses. 

“Mr. Dursley, we at C.P.S were highly disturbed at Mr. Potters medical report from The hospital where he was taken care of. The amount of abuse is several pages long. There was proof that it had been going on for years. Since the boy was very young. But the most startling evidence is the fresh semen they found during his rectal exam. After comparing it with what we have on file from your general family practitioner, we found it to be a perfect match. Can you explain for us please why it appears that you had indeed raped your nephew not even 24 hours before he was found. These are very serious offenses Mr. Dursley. Be very careful how you answer. Perjury is a federal crime.”

Vernon gulped trying to remain straight faced as sweat poured down his forehead and began to drench his close. 

“It can’t be. Your tests must be mistaken. I would never rape him. I couldn’t stand the sight of him. This is all false accusations. You can’t prove it.”

Lucius nearly snorted. Stupid muggle. 

“And the abuse Mr. Dursley? Broken bones, infected lash marks, bruises, old skull fractures…the list is very long. What is more horrifying is there is no known medical records prior to the date he was found. He has never seen a single doctor in the entirety of his 17 years, not even the school nurse. How do you explain that? With these list of injuries, some he would have gotten since the age of 2, it is highly irregular that he has had no known medical treatment, not even a single check-up ever.” 

Vernon shook his head

“The boy got into a lot of fights. He was violent from an early age. My wife and I never laid a hand on him. I am not responsible for him really. He was dropped on my doorstep in the middle of the night. We wanted to put him in an orphanage, but none would take him. We did the best we could, officers, but he was always making trouble. We were going to send him to ST. Brutus’s, but we just didn’t have the money.”

Severus couldn’t take it anymore. It was too hard to hold the ruse. He looked between his three companions, seeing a slight nod go between them. Finally he stood up and stared the fat bastard down.

“Vernon Dursley, you are a very stupid man."

Vernon's face turned nearly purple. 

"I beg you pardon officers! Now see here, you..."

"No, you see here you disgusting, lard-filled rapist. You are the worse liar I have ever seen. If you think for one minute we will buy that load of shite, you are sadly mistaken." 

Vernon choked on his own tongue before he spoke. 

"I don't care what you think you know. I'm not a criminal."

Severus snorted.

"No, you are worse then any criminal I have ever been witnessed to. And you may be able to try and talk your way out to regular law enforcement. But we aren’t your average police officers. You see, we are something known as Aurors. Wizarding law enforcement. In our world your Nephew is something of a hero. He defeated on of the most powerful, evil, psychopathic men of our world. Imagine my shock when I came to retrieve him on the night you claimed he ran away. How very interesting that you say he ran. Both of his legs were fractured and he was so skinny and bruised, he was unconscious. Not to mention the broken ribs and punctured lung. Had I not gotten him to hospital and treated him with magic, he would have died. In fact he nearly did die, three times.

" I have see depravity at its very worse, Dursley. I’ve seen people tortured for hours in front of me in the cruelest ways possible. But until that day, I have never seen the kind of horrific torment you visited upon your nephew. Now you will sit there, and you will shut up. You will not say another word. Because you see this man over here. His name is Arthur Weasley. He in fact, is Minister of Magic, the ruling voice in our world. Not only that, but he is Harry's Surrogate father as well. One move, one offence, one cruel comment, and after what we know, I have his full authority to kill you any way I see fit. And believe me when I tell you, I can make what you did to your nephew look like a spanking by the time I am done with you. Am I perfectly understood, Vernon? Don’t speak, just nod.”

Vernon gave a frantic nod, on the verge of wetting himself in fear. 

Severus paced slowly in front of his quarry, barely restraining the urge to torture the scum sitting before him. 

“Let me tell you a little story. It will better help you understand the position you have put yourself in.”

Clearing his throat Severus began.

“There once was a very dark wizard named Tom Riddle. He was something like Hitler. He wanted only pure blooded Wizards to be able to wield magic. And so, he began a war to eradicate half blooded wizard, muggle born wizards, and non magic people. To see his vision come to life, he made sure to kill as many as he could. Until one night when he came across a family. A mother, father and their infant son. He killed the mother and father with a spell called an unforgivable curse, also known as the killing curse. But when he turned to try an kill their child, something most strange occurred. Because the mother loved her son so much, she gave him the protection to escape death. The only mark he gained was a lighting bolt scar on his forehead. That very night, he was left in the care of his only kin, his mothers sister, Petunia Evans. It was believed he would be safe there. The evil Wizard left for a time to go into hiding. Always waiting for his second chance. So began the legacy of Harry Potter, the boy that lived.”

Severus stared Vernon down for a few moments, before resuming his tale. 

“You see, The evil wizards followers were a constant threat, so the protection of blood relation between Harry and your wife, kept not only him safe, but you, your wife and your son as well. At least from Tom Riddle’s followers, known as Death Eaters. Unfortunately, no one thought that leaving Harry here would be his doom, rather then his salvation, but I digress.”

“It wasn’t until Harry’s first year in Hogwarts that Tom Riddle, also known as The Dark Lord Voldemort, came out of hiding. At the end of the year he tried to kill your nephew. In fact in the five years before his defeat, Voldemort tried all but one of those years to kill Harry. Miraculously Mr. Potter beat him back time after time. Mostly from sheer dumb luck. It wasn’t until last year that Harry succeeded where no other could. He finally defeated Voldemort and saved the Wizarding World."

Severus got closer to Vernon, nearly hissing his words in his rage. 

"But Harry held another secret it seems. A secret that nearly killed him. He was fighting another war, a war no one knew about. One he fought alone. To Harry, you were worse then the Dark Lord. You nearly managed where Voldemort had failed so many times. He was helpless, unable to defend himself in any way for fear of what it could mean to fight back against you. And you knew it, didn’t you Dursley? You knew he wasn’t allowed to use magic outside of school. It must fill you with so much pride to know how close you came to literally torturing and raping your nephew to death.”

Severus cracked his knuckled. Now to put the fear of Merlin into The bastard.

“But you see, your pride and sense of safety will no longer help you anymore, Vernon. Because there is but one crime in our world, and yours, that is unforgivable by any means. It is a crime which even Voldemort would not dare to commit. He would normally wait until his followers were at least adults before raping them. You, however took it far beyond even his depravity. You turned your nephew into the youngest child prostitute. You tortured him with belt, whips, knives, sexual toys, and even your bare hands. You’ve tried to drown him, poison him, and even choke him slowly to death. You’ve used hammers on his bones, laughing as you heard him scream. You’ve drugged him into near coma with sexual stimulants and then beat him to keep him from touching himself. You’ve put fire to his skin and all but boiled him in oil or flayed him alive. You’ve broken that boy over and over and over again, all because he was different then you. Because he was an innocent child with a gift he didn’t even understand, you saw fit to use any method to punish him. And even if that wasn’t enough, you even saw fit to let your sisters bull dogs use him. Sitting by, sipping tea, as Harry was tied down, gagged, bitten, clawed at, and forced into fornication with animals. Are you sure you are even human, Dursley. Voldemort was half man, half snake when he regain his body the second time around. He would never dare to turn animals on his followers in the foulest of his moods. I’m not sure what you are, but it can not be human. I can’t even call you a monster. There is no word I know in any language that can truly describe the abomination of you, Vernon Dursley. None.”

Severus came nose to nose with Vernon and snarled.

“IT WAS HE WHOM KEPT YOU SAFE FROM THE DARKEST MAD MAN OF OUR WORLD. HE WHOM LET YOU LIVE IN PEACE. HE WHOM SAVED THE WORLD TIME AND AGAIN FOR YOU TO CONTINUE YOUR PITIFUL EXISTENCE. AND THE WAY YOU REPAY HIM IS TO DESTORY HIM. AN INNOCENT CHILD, WHO KNEW NOTHING, WHO ONLY EVER WANTED TO BE LOVED, SAVED YOU AND YOU’RE FAMILY AND THE WHOLE WORLD. HOW DARE YOU, YOU FUCKING BLOODY BASTARD?!”

Severus backhanded Dursley across the face, backing off to keep himself from killing Vernon before it was time. Moody replaced him, growling in anger as he dragged the filthy muggle up and bound him. 

It was then that Vernon saw the sight he thought he would never see again. Harry entered through the door, smirking far too confident for his liking. 

“Hello Uncle. Remember me. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don’t die very well it seems. Must be why they called me the boy that lived. Oh, and by way uncle, I owe you something for all the years I had in your tender care.”

Draco raised his fist, and driving all his strength behind it, busted Vernon’s nose with one mighty blow. Waiting for a few minutes, he pulled up that fat, ugly head by sweaty strains of his hair, nearly ripping them clean out of the scalp. Then he whispered in his ear deadly sweet and quietly.

“There are these creatures called Dementors. They feed on your fears, uncle. But the worse thing they do is to suck out your soul in the most painful way possible. It is called a Dementors kiss. But by the time your punishment is through, you will beg for just one kiss, and it will never come. I hope they burn you alive, you pedophile. Your days of breaking me are through. Now it’s your turn to be broken. And believe me when I tell you, you will pay for every single crime you visited upon me. Ten fold. What do you think of that?”

Draco kicked the scum in the nuts to hard he could here the sound of the hip bone crack. 

“Have fun, you bastard. It’s going to be something truly unforgettable. You won’t live to see another day where you can torture anyone else. Too bad for you. The reaper is coming Vernon Dursley. Scream sweetly, you vile monster. And may flights of demons drag you to your death.”

The last image burned into his mind before he passed out from a blow to the head, was the leering face of his Nephew looking down on him. 

It would not be until many years later, before the Dementors had their way with him that he would realize it would be the last image he would remember.


	12. Priceless Gifts of Compassion

  
Author's notes: Severus learns just how big a heart Harry really has.   


* * *

Harry was in a really good mood. After four days of really hard work and constant evasion, his project for his potions professor was finally finished. Smiling secretively to himself, he thought about it covered up in the back of his wardrobe. It was enchanted trunk with several spells to keep anyone from seeing it but him. Inside it was a manual and several obscure potions from Salazar’s potion manuscripts. Also some parts of the Basilisk. Venom, Fangs, shed skin, blood, and scales all prepared and in their respective containers. 

Along with the rare items from the over large snake, the trunk also included three phoenix feathers, four large gryphon feathers, a bit of fresh powered unicorn horn, and 7 feathers from a Pegasus. Getting them from his Animagus forms had been worrisome, as he wasn't sure at first if they would act them same. But research had proven that by transformation or not, a magical creature was a magical creature. He had also managed some of the freshest potions ingredients he could make or purchase. Those alone put a tiny dent in one vault of the Potter's fortune, but the way he saw it, it was well worth the value. 

Severus would be there in a little less then half an hour with his newest vials of healing potions and blood.Plus, there was going to be a lesson on specilized burn salves tonight. Now all he had to do is sit back and wait. He patted the new trunk of items and grinned. This would be a gift that The dark man would never forget. 

Ever the punctual person, Severus showed up right on time down to the second. Schooling his features and setting out the tea and crumpets service, Harry sat down on the couch in his common room and smoothed down his clothes. 

With a maddening swirl of black robes, Severus entered as graceful as ever for what he thought was going to be another lesson towards Harry’s mastery in potions. No matter how much his student knew about the fine art of potions making, there was always room to perfect his methods. As a master himself, he would see to it that his young protégé would learn all he himself could teach him. Potions was a potentially lethal area of expertise. One could never know too much or be too cautious. 

Harry sat up slightly straighter as he watched the dark man enter his room, the door dissolving behind him. 

“Good Evening, Professor. I thought you might like tea before we get lost in the smelly fog of four cauldrons.”

Severus, ever the one for emotional control, tilted his head in acknowledgement and thanks as he sat down on the couch next to his pseudo childe.

“Indeed. My thanks. After teaching the last class of second year hufflepuffs, tea would help to calm my frayed nerves before we begin. The measured ingredients we need for the advanced burn salve we are working on takes immense patience. Something I would have precious little of if we were to begin now.”

Harry nodded, taking a sip of his tea. Drumming his fingers nervously on his thigh, he tried not to look twitchy. Too bad he was sitting with the one man he knew could possibly be the best spy in all of Great Britain. 

“Is something amiss, Harry? You heart rate is elevated and you appear to be quite worried.”

Harry took a deep breath. 

“To be honest, Professor, I am a bit nervous. See, I wanted to show you my gratitude for the way you saved me from my relatives. A gift of sorts in thanks. I’m just not sure what you are going to think of them.”

“No gift was necessary, Mr. Potter. I certainly could do no other then save you from that wretched hell of a house. I need no gifts of ….”

Harry sighed. Why did the man have to be noble and difficult all in the same moment. 

“Would you just look at what I got for you before you refuse them outright? I went through a lot of work to gather things. It would be ashamed to see them just go to waste. If you don’t want them, sell them or whatever. Just look them over first, please?”

After a small moment of thought, Severus nodded in acceptance and waited.

Harry disappeared into his bedroom and a moment later came out with the trunk, under a feather light charm, and a flat large rectangle wrapped object, barely an inch thick. He settled both in front of the former Spy and sat across from him in one of the overstuffed chairs.

“The trunk is enchanted with a feather light charm, a couple of anti staining spells, and a ward that once you set it to a password or whatever, you’ll be the only one that can open it. All the objects inside are under a preservation charm as well, so they’ll never age. I hope you like everything. It wasn’t easy to get. Save the other one till last.”

As the teen sat there punishing his bottom lip with his teeth, the Potions Master raised a brow and slowly unlocked and opened the trunk. At first, all he thought he was looking at were obvious jars of raw ingredients. It wasn’t until he read the names on the jars that he spit out his tea in shock. Thankfully to the side of the trunk. He looked between the young man and the trunk several times before he croaked out something that barely sounded like a sentence.

“Wh-Where did you get these?”

Harry grinned. Considering how flustered his normally controlled professor was, he had succeeded in shocking him.

“Well the Basilisk parts were from the chamber. I got those two nights ago. Couldn’t sleep. Most of the other items like the feathers and stuff I got from my different animagus forms. The other potions ingredients were either grown or purchased, depending on the rarity . The feathers are shrunk through to fit into the jars. I wasn’t sure how to correctly prepare them, so I left that up to you. I hope you like it.”

Severus picked up the thick locked Journal and with a poke of silvered fang from the snake locking mechanism, opened it. He nearly swayed at what he saw. The title on the first read ‘The completed works of Potions Masters through the ages: From Salazar Slytherin To Severus Snape’. He blinked several times before whispering out, nearly shocked to his core at the absolute treasure trove before him. 

“How did you write this? You’ve barely been awake for just under three weeks. You could not possibly been able to do this and accomplish everything else in that time.”

Harry smirked. 

“I’ve been working on that since I got into Sal’s Library forth year. I have something like that in a secret compartment in my trunk. I just used a spell and a quick quotes quill to make a copy. Now that it has your blood on the lock, only you can open it. And like my book, if anyone else tried reading it when you left it open, they would see nothing but a blank pages.”

Severus gulped, almost on the verge of tears at the sheer enormity of the priceless gift before him.

"And my potions work?" 

Harry turned red. 

"Um.....lets just say I poked my nose where I wasn't meant to and found you half-blood prince journal last year. But I was careful to write your changes in instead of original versions in Most Potente Potions. If you improved a potion, then the name of the original brewer is written before your name. If it's a potion you made yourself, then it'll just be your name alone. That way if you every wanted to use the text to write a book of your own, then all you would have to do it copy it from that book rather then go through the research all over again."

Severus saw the blush and raised an eyebrow at the imformation.

" And the spellwork I did? Where is that imformation? I hope in a safe place where it will not be used. Those are dangerous dark spells Harry. Their not for just anyone's use."

Harry nodded. 

" The spells are in my Dark Magic study book. But I know better then to mess around with them. I mainly wrote and stuidied them in case any remaining death eater decided to have a go at me. Otherwise, I don't play with dark magic."

Severus nodded before touching the vials in the trunk. The touch was one of reverence.

“You’ve no idea, Harry, of what you have just given me. The rare items alone would make me the richest man on earth. Why, a single phoenix feather alone is worth over 13 hundred gallons. The items from the Basilisk are so rare, a single powered scale could give one enough money a lifetime. There is no price I know that would be large enough from the collection in this single trunk. Potions Masters all over the globe would literally give up every single thing they owned for the journal. Have you any idea at all of how rare and precious a gift you have presented me with?”

Harry’s face became solemn.

“You saved me from my bastard of an uncle. You gave me a chance to live without pain from the first time in 17 years. With all due respect, Professor Snape, nothing I can give you could compare to what you did for me. As far as I’m concerned, between your work during the war and saving my life, you’ve earned that and more.” 

“For the first time in my life I find myself without words. There aren’t any for this rare and priceless gift. My most humble and gracious thanks, Harry. I will use them to their up most benefit.”

Harry just shrugged and nodded. Honestly, to him, they were just ingredients and study work. 

They sat in silence as Severus downed a calming potion and drank his tea to settle his nerves. It wasn’t until 20 minutes later when he finally looked at the other item his student put before him. 

“I’m almost afraid to open this. The heart can only take so much shock.”

Harry looked down at his feet, mumbling as he wrung his hands and shrugged dejectedly. 

“That’s something I made. I’m sure you won’t like it, but I tried. Honestly, it’s probably just rubbish. If you don’t like it, just throw it in the fire.”

Severus gave the young man a curious look of concern before lifting the aforementioned item up. 

“Let me be the judge of whether or not this is as useless as you say. Though after your first gift, I find it highly doubtful that any item you can make deserves a trail by fire, as it were.”

Severus slowly unwrapped the item in question, revealing the back of a framed canvas. He turned it around and was again struck speechless. This time because of the beauty before his eyes.

In the painting was a kneeling Severus. Eyes upturned toward a grey blue sky, a single tear of red frozen on each pale cheek. The wings that were outstretched on his back were a pearly white that slowly merged to black. Shirtless and scarred, the painted man had but a single dark mark on his left breast. A heart with a gold dagger running through it. A emerald snake laid coiled around the jewel hilt. The soft, shimmering glow of warm orange white light behind the kneeling figure gave off a feeling of ethereal evanescence. And laying prostrate in his arms was the ever beaten form of Harry Potter. The limp, shredded, broken white wings of the nearly skeletal figure were splashed in violent tones of red brown rust. Lashes and wounds littered the dying figure in sharp clarity. Eyes bound in black cloth, the mouth was opened in a slightly scream. The ground was barren and black beneath the two. Scrolled across the top in neat calligraphy were the words ‘The Dark Savior’s Constant Compassion’. Every detail was literally perfect. Every frown line, every scar, every single finger nail. 

It wasn’t until he ran his finger tip across the lettering that the painting revealed it final surprise. A wind moved feathers and hair slowly. The tears on the painted Severus dripped. The glow brightened steadily. The dried blood and fresh wounds vanished, leaving behind barely there scars. And across the bottom of the painting , words wrote themselves out. The message read: ‘Seek not to hate. Rise above the violence.’

The Potions Master could barely breath as he stared at the image before him. Unchecked drops of salty fluid slowly ran hot trails down his face. Lowering the painting with something akin to sacred reverence, he stared nearly breathlessly at the all but broken man before him. Having no words, he slowly stood on shaky, trembling legs. Taking a few stumbling steps, he gracefully fell to his knees before the silent, nervous artist. Then without reservation, he embraced him, moved to tears for the first time in 23 years.

Harry was stunned slightly for all but a moment before he curled his arms around his Professor.

“Thank you, Severus Snape, for saving my life. For showing me compassion and kindness for the first time since my mother held me in her arms. It is a kindness I can never repay.”

Severus spoke gently, not quite trusting his voice fully yet. 

“You saved the world. You beat the darkness back. You gave me freedom. You taught me kindness and compassion through your selfless acts of sacrifice. You showed me how, Harry. You showed me how.”


	13. Dancing to the lessons of Life.

  
Author's notes: Draco learns to bury the Hatchet, Harry learns to fly above it, and Severus learns blind anger can destroy happiness with one word.   


* * *

_"If anyone asks,_  
I'll tell them I just need to move on.  
When people all stare,  
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk.  
Whenever I see them,  
I'll swallow my pride, and bite my tongue.  
Pretend I'm OK with it all,  
Act like there's nothing wrong. 

_Is it over yet?_  
Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets?  
Is this what it feels like to really cry?  
Cry 

_If my friends ask,_  
I'll tell them we just grew apart.  
(I'll tell them we just grew apart)  
What do I care,  
If they believe me or not.  
(If they believe me or not)  
Whenever I feel,  
The memories are breaking my heart.  
I'll pretend I'm OK with it all,  
Act like there's nothing wrong. 

_Is it over yet?_  
Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets?  
Is this what it feels like to really cry?  
Cry 

_I'm Talking in circles._  
I'm lying they know it.  
Why wont this just stop go away 

_Is it over yet?_  
Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets?  
Is this what it feels like to really cry?  
Cry  
Cry 

Song: "Cry" Artist: Kelly Clarkson  
(*Modded a little to fit*)

______________________________________________________

Draco sat quietly in the windy shadows of the astronomy tower, enjoying the peace of a quiet night. It was way past curfew, but then, no one came here. His Head of House already knew he didn’t sleep much, and didn’t really seem too upset by his late night excursions. He was one of the hardened survivors of the war. The horrors they faced in that final battle filled the head with endless nightmares. Sleep seemed a silent impossibility to the front line warriors of that darkened day. It wasn’t something you could forget. So for people like Draco, his godfather, and even Potter, rest was a long way from peaceful slumber. 

He was startled out of his near meditative state when the door creaked open and then closed. With the soundless drop of an Invisibility spell, his childhood rival seemed to meld into existence out of no where. Draco moved without a breath deeper into the far corner, the curious nature in him sparked to take in the much changed form before him. Shirtless and scarred, the pale being walked to the edge of the opening precipice of the observatory platform. The jeweled green eye seemed to glow as it stared straight up toward the cloudless, starlit sky. The apparent man before him still unawares of the existence of his silent observer hiding in the dark like a thief in the night. 

Harry smelled something strange around him. Like someone had been here quite recently, but wasn’t present now. He shrugged it off mentally, paying it no mind. He was tired of being in his room, shut away from the world. He needed the air against his face. He missed the sun. The freedom of a human form allowed to wander carelessly among others without the worry of being stared at. He felt alone and shut up. If this small freedom in the wee hours of the morning was the only time he could be himself without the world staring him down, then he would take what he could get. 

He un-shrunk his muggle radio and set it out on the edge of the platform in front of him. Looking back and forth in every direction with a bite of his lip, he made sure that he was alone. With a few dozen silencing charms, he let every glamour fall finally, a sigh of release curling from his lips. The very last secret part of his creature inheritance finally rippled out of his back with a low reddish silver glow. A pair of shimmering, emerald golden leather wings. Stretching them out with a groan of relieved pleasure, he waved his hand at the stereo and waited for the music to play out. The strings and pipes of a swift and thunderous Celtic piece began. He closed his eyes, a grin turning his lips up to right side as his fingers tapped the tune in the air. He leapt to the crowned head of a gryphon gargoyle. Spreading his wings out wide and feeling them catch the air, he opened his arms to the night and flew out onto the cool breeze. Flight; his one true escape from the world. So much different now then his firebolt or the time he road Buckbeak. Then he was riding the wind; now he was one with it as never before. 

Draco waited until Harry was far enough away from sight before he got close enough to peak out at the aerial display. Here was a Potter he had never seen. There was no famous Boy Who Lived here. The masks of control, of pretend arrogance, and of shy confusion melted away. The young war veteran became nearly childish in his exuberant twirling. Knowing what he now knew about his once nemesis, he almost envied Potter’s mid-air dancing. But then he truly understood why the strange being had earned this. After Sev had told him a bare outline of Harry Potter’s childhood, it made sense. Pot- Harry hadn’t just earned this freedom, he downright deserved it. 

Eyes closed, Harry let the magic of the castle’s imposing presence judge his direction for him as he glided on high. He had no way of knowing how his own magical energies began to take life around him. It lit the air in smoky glows of blue, red, green and pale silver white. It streaked the darkness around him and sparked the nerves along his skin with warmth. As the crescendo approached in his music, the outer edges of his wings flared in brilliant, ever changing fire. But he noticed none of it. He had not a care, not a thought, while the nights breath embraced him in it’s arms. With a final back flip and a quickened swirl, he landed nearly gracefully. The stereo turned off seemingly on it’s own. 

But like every other use of his magic these days, his display came with a harsh price. He folded his wings around him as he all but stumbled back into the tower. 

He slid down the stone wall, his breaths in pants as he tried to gain his equilibrium. It was then that his eyes caught sight of the last person in the world he wanted to see right now. Why, oh why, did it have to be Malfoy. Out of all the students in the whole school, it had to be the one person who hated his existence. 

“Malfoy. Great. Now everyone will know I’m a ugly freak creature. I can hear the laughing and snide remarks already.”

Draco shook his head.

“No one is going to laugh at you or even make fun of you, Potter. No one would dare. You killed Voldemort almost with your bare hands. Those that don’t outright fear you, learned to at least respect you. And I think anyone lucky enough to earn both a vampire and elfin inheritance together is anything but a freak creature, as you say. They are sacred beings to magic. You should really learn to not be ashamed of what you are. I was here before you, Sca-Potter. You know what it can get like not being able to sleep. I come here for the same reason you did tonight. So why don’t we leave childish fighting in the past and call truce, hmm? It is really getting rather old for both of us, I think.”

Harry shrugged and nodded, gaining a calmer breath as the pain of over indulgence slipped away. 

“Truce then. I don’t want to fight right now anyway. I’ve killed enough for a life time, and fought longer then I’d like. If you don’t insult me, I won’t bother you. I never really hated you. Just mostly didn’t understand you, to be honest.”

Draco nodded and there they sat in awkward silence for a time. But the boy next to him looked pale, almost ashen. And still out of breath. 

“Pot…Harry, you don’t look well. Are you sure you don’t want to see Pomphey?”

Harry immediately shook his head.

“No. if I never see the inside of the infirmary again, I’ll be happy. I just need to go back to my room is all. Care to follow, since you seemed concerned.”

Draco shrugged and they stood together, each grabbing the items on their way out. Walking with only a wand light each, they stepped silently through the castle. A few paintings complained, but nothing else stirred from their soundless steps. But barely half way through the moving stair case, Draco noticed how harshly his companion had to fight for breath. And also how determined Potter was to keep that glamour he reinstated at all costs. Finally the blonde forced the wheezing boy to sit, worry and a slight case of fear covering his silver blue gaze. 

“Potter, you need help. I’m going to get Pomphey whether you like it or not….you are as white as a sheet.”

Harry shook his head, struggling from words.

“Not …Pom…get …Pro…Lupin . 3rd floor right side to stairs…pass…Loup Girou. Hur…hurry….can’t breath.”

Draco didn’t have time to navigate the stair cases. Looking around briefly, he revealed his own veela inheritance. Multicolor, feathered wings appeared and with a leap, Draco dove his way through the staircases with the same grace the breathless seeker had on a broom going for the snitch. But he by passed Lupin’s room and even the hospital wing. He headed right for his godfathers room. Landing before the seemingly brick wall. With a quick weave of magic and a trace of runic pattern by finger against the stone, the door appeared. Then he slipped a medallion around his neck and in his haste slammed it against the wood. The door flashed a bloody red and he waited, gritting his teeth. 

Finally the door opened. There Severus stood, a bag of shrunken potions in his hand. 

“Draco, what’s wrong. Are you injured or unwell?”

“No. It’s Potter. We bumped into each other in the tower. He’s not doing well. He’s turning blue and he can’t breath.”

Severus growled.

“Salazar Damn him. I told him to over tax his magical core would be dangerous. It is still healing from the snapping of his wand. Back lash injuries take time. Let’s go. It will take time to climb the stairs.”

Draco shook his head and grabbed his godfather from the back. 

“Forget that. Just hold on. And I am sorry if you don’t like this. But we don't have time.”

With that they took off in the air, Severus trying not to be too boy like and fearful. He was more a feet on the ground man. 

Sweating and straining his wings, Draco managed to get them there. By now Harry was clawing weakly at his throat. His deep blue lips stood out in sharp contrast to his sheet white face. They could both see how he struggled to remain conscious. 

Severus wasted no time. He put his hands to the heaving chest before him. Chanting spells from his training days as a medi-wizard, he forced the lungs to fill with oxygen. Magic crackled off his fingertips as he shocked the body to correct the cause of distress. Finally the breathing slowed and deepened and he backed off to pull out a couple of vials. Unshrinking them with a mere thought, he poured them into the parched mouth. Then he settled, glaring harshly at his student. 

“You imbecile! You were told that the breaking of your wand caused severe scarring to your magical core. You were told that your lungs and throat were still healing. Yet you climbed all the way to the top of the castle and deliberately used magic without nary a thought. Tell me something, Mr. Potter. Do you purposely refuse to use the brain I know you possess, or do you have a death wish I am yet unaware of?”

Harry bit his lip, twisting his hands in his lap. 

“I wanted to ….needed to get out.”

The older man sneered. 

“Just as I thought. Gryffindor idiocy. Just act rashly and rush head long through life. Foolish child.”

Harry didn’t dare to look up. He raised up, mumbled a ‘sorry professor’ and walked slowly away. Even the stairs stopped their movement as his heavy steps of decent. 

Severus went to scream after him, but Draco stopped him with hand and a shake of his head. 

“Don’t Sev. Leave it. You know, you spoke to Potter about being foolish. Then you turn around and not only deliberately break what little of his happiness he gained tonight, but apparently you don’t see to well.”

The Potions Master made a face.

“What are you talking about, Mr. Malfoy. That child almost…”

Draco snorted.

“You are the idiot this time, Godfather. Firstly, as I am sure you can clearly recognize, Potter is no child. I don’t think he was really ever given that chance. Secondly, come with me. I need you to understand what I saw tonight. Do you still have the empty pensieve father gave you for your birthday? We’ll need it. You’re old one is too over full.”

Severus nodded as they made their way down to the dungeon. Finally reaching his private quarters, The dark man retrieve the pensieve in question and set it down. With anyone else, Severus would have done a simple Ligemency spell, but his godson wouldn’t have it. 

“You see, we’ve all lost in this war. But none so much as Potter. This is not sympathy Sev. You know how much I hated him before the war ended. But I respected him none the less. You may have lost, but not like he has. He has, save for his small connection with the werewolf, nothing for which he can call his own. No parents, no siblings, no innocence, no childhood, nothing. Black could have filled the void, but that ended before it was even given the chance to grow. The Weasel Clan and the know it all, they help. But they can’t be what he needs. They can give him nothing for which he has lost. It’s impossible. He was tortured by Voldemort, his relatives, and manipulated by the one man who promised him a measurement of comfort. No one sees him beyond the scar and the war. So you see, he has nothing."

Severus snorted.

"He is just as reckless as his...."

"Stop right there. You call him his father’s son. What father would that be, hmm? The one who died before he was able to know him, or the one who slipped into the veil? Think about that as you see this memory I have. Then I’ll tell you just why I called you stupid.”

Draco slowly extracted the memory. Swirling the silver thought strand around his wand, he dropped it into the pensieve. Then he sat back and smirked. He knew he had won this round with the older man before him. 

Ten minutes later, Severus was back inside his chambers. He blinked at his godson, silent. Not exactly sure this time what point the blonde teenager wanted him to understand.

“So he has Bat-like wings. I was wandering what Hagrid meant when he said there was a forth inheritance. Very interesting. I wonder why he….”

Draco, frustrated, slammed the coffee table with his fist, nearly growling out his words. 

“STUPID MAN! You see nothing!”

The Veela got in his face and spat out his words. 

“He was happy. In sublime bliss tonight. He had a child’s carefree nature flying out there. You asked what he was doing; well that right there tells you. Do you have any idea how stunning that is? To have lost almost everything in his life. To have it stolen away before he even knew what it was. And yet, tonight, I saw him rise above everything that would have crushed a lesser man. What’s more shocking is he doesn’t even realize it. His magic tasted his happiness and literally leaked out of his form. His own magic danced with him. I’ve never seen such a sight. And it’s all he has to call his own. The only thing in the whole world he can control. Of course he didn’t share it with anyone. Because it was likely that would have been stolen somehow from him too. 

Draco Sighed and rubbed his face. His Godfather was as stubborn as stone sometimes. 

"You told me about the journals, and the studies, and the other stuff you found, and how he was angry with you. You could not understand why he wanted to keep it secret. Everything in his life has been subject to other people’s judgment. He’s been pulled apart at every turn. He is desperate for some sort of identity; something to call his own. You, more then anyone else should have seen that. And yet, not only were you blinded by your own need to see him as a insolent child, but you took away the little bit of bliss he gained tonight by telling him he was wrong for seeking it. And while it is true that he should have been more careful, you really should have been a bit more understanding then you were.”

Draco walked to the door and paused, his hand on the knob. 

“The war has hardened you, Uncle. I would have expected no less, considering what you had to suffer for the cause. But you at least chose to go to Voldemort, and later chose to be a spy for the light. Potter had no choice. He never has. He’s trying to develop a sense of self. To gain back the knowledge of choice. Maybe instead of crushing him every step of the way with your constant anger, you should be helping him learn how to make the right choices, so he doesn’t get hurt. And please, for pity's sake, give up the ghost. The only thing Harry shares with his father is a sur name and some genes. I think you are old enough and mature enough to learn that.”

With a deep breath, Draco opened the door and stepped through, flinging final words over his shoulder. 

“You asked him tonight if he had a death wish. By that memory you know he doesn’t. But he easily could. What you have to ask yourself, is whether or not you want to help him make the wrong choice all because you can’t control your selfish anger. Think about that next time you scream the happiness out of him. Better that you should hear the whole story before beating a soul that has precious little strength left to fight for life.”

The door closed with a quiet thump, leaving the dark man alone with his mistakes. It was true what they say. Sometimes the teacher must learn from his student. And after tonight, Severus Snape had much to learn from his.


	14. Let it end with ME and begin with We.

  
Author's notes: The school gets a health dose of reality in continuing the prejudice. Harry learns to be brave. And is Severus worried all the sudden? Lets find out.   


* * *

_A Warning_  
to the people,   
The Good   
and the Evil   
This Is War 

_To the Soldier,_  
The Civillian,   
The Martyr,   
The Victim   
This is War 

_Its the moment of truth_  
and the moment to lie   
The moment to live   
and the moment to die   
The moment to fight,   
the moment to fight,   
to fight,   
to fight,   
to fight 

_To the right_  
To the left   
we will fight   
to the death   
To the Edge   
of the Earth,   
It's a Brave New World   
from the last to the first 

_To the right,_  
To the left,   
We will fight   
to the death   
To the Edge   
of the Earth,   
it's a Brave New World   
it's a Brave New World 

_A warning_  
to the prophet,   
the liar,   
the honest   
This is War 

_To the leader,_  
the pariah,   
the victor,   
the messiah   
This is war 

_Its the moment of truth_  
and the moment to lie   
The moment to live   
and the moment to die   
The moment to fight,   
the moment to fight,   
to fight,   
to fight,   
to fight   
To the right,   
To the left,   
we will fight to the death   
To the Edge   
of the Earth,  
It's a Brave New World   
from the last to the first 

_To the right,_  
To the left,   
We will fight   
to the death   
To the Edge   
of the Earth   
it's a Brave New World,   
it's a Brave New World,   
It's A Brave New World 

_I do believe_  
in the light,   
raise your hands   
up to the sky   
The fight is done,   
war is won,   
lift your hands   
toward the sun  
toward the sun,   
toward the sun,   
the war is won 

_To the right,_  
To the left,   
we will fight   
to the death   
To the Edge   
of the Earth,   
It's a Brave New World   
from the last to the first 

_To the right,_  
To the left,   
We will fight   
to the death   
To the Edge   
of the Earth   
it's a Brave New World   
it's a Brave New World   
It's A Brave New World 

_A Brave New World_  
The war is won,   
the war is won,   
a brave new world 

_I believe in nothing,_  
not the end   
and not the start   
I believe in nothing,   
not the earth   
and not the stars   
I believe in nothing,   
not the day   
and not the dark   
I believe in nothing   
but the beating of our hearts 

_I believe in nothing_  
100 suns   
until we part   
I believe in nothing   
not in sin,   
not in god   
I believe in nothing,   
not in peace   
and not in war   
I believe in nothing   
but the truth   
of who we are 

Song: This is War Artist: 30 seconds from Mars.

____________________________________________________

It would be three days later that Severus Snape would be taught his first lesson. The age old cliché that was given new life in the form of the boy who was learning to live. It was indeed the quiet ones you had to watch. 

This day found Harry in Daigon Alley. A common variety pigeon perched on the top of Slugs and Jiggers, he hopped side to side, cooing every now and again. Making sure he didn’t give himself away. His first stop that day had been Gringotts, so he knew the form was working. Flying a distance of two more store tops, he looked down at the dark alleyway of the location of his next stop. Peirce’s Wizards Ink: Tattoo’s for Life. It was said their tattoos never faded. Now just to get into the store without being seen. 

He flew down to the unseemly old looking door and changed back to human. Sipping a restorative potion to make sure his magic use didn’t make him faint, he laid a quick Notice-Me-Not charm on himself. He slipped into the store without nary a sound and looked around. Finally seeing no one but the artist and the clerk, he took off the charm and locked the door with a silently thought spell. 

“Well, Rog, will you look at who we have here. Merlin bless me. It’s Harry Potter!”

Harry glared at the clerk.

“Yes, it is. But I’ll thank you not to act like that again, please. In fact, I would like to have both of you give me a wizards oath that you haven’t seen me in here. I do intent on putting quite a few galleons down on your counter today, gentlemen. I believe for that reason, I can earn the utmost secrecy. So, are you going to indulge me, or do I have to take my business else where?”

With a quick nod and a raised pair of wands, the two men gave their oaths quickly. This man before them had succeeded in ending a nearly 25 year war. He deserved whatever he wanted. The fact that he would pay handsomely for their work just added to their excitement. 

The artist, Roger, came forth with a warm smile, and asked him what they could do for him. With a few well drawn sketches from Harry and instructions on the location of each tattoo, they headed for the back room. The clerk, Timson, flipped the open sign to ‘closed’ and closed the blinds. If the Savior of the wizarding world wanted the utmost privacy, he would get it, no qualms about that. 

Hours passed as Roger worked on his young clients skin. Luckily for Harry, time in the store moved slower when the client wanted this much work done. With enough galleons paid, 12 hours in the store, would only seem like a half hour to the outside world. No stranger to pain whatsoever, Harry actually slept through a large portion of it. 

It was with a shake of a shoulder fourteen hours later, that Harry finally opened his eyes and stretched, getting off the table. Looking in the mirror at his back and arms, he smiled cleverly. The three hoop and trinket earrings in his right ear and the one in his left completed his look. He thanked Roger and dropped a bag of Galleons on the counter before going back to his pigeon form and tapped the door for them to let him out. With a flap of wings and a happy coo he headed off. Two more places left to complete his look and he would show everyone that The Boy Who Lived was truly Harry Potter. 

************************************

Harry stood in the shadows of the Great Hall doors, chewing his lip nervously. A sleeveless Gryphindor red vest and black buttery leather pants adorned his still thin frame. Dragon hide boots and a gossamer colored cloak finished his new custom. His below the shoulder hair was pulled back and clipped in a jade and silver dragon clip. Nothing was hidden by glamour’s save for his wings. He knew what coming out like this would do. The Daily Prophet was going to run wild with fanciful stories. But such was the nature of a war hero like him. 

Taking a deep breath, he opened the large door one handed, at once drowned out by the loud chattering of every single student. Which made the sudden silence his entrance had caused all the more dramatic. It was as if someone had cast a 'Silencio' on the entirity of the school. Whoever said that all four house couldn't do anything together was seriously wrong. For like a well trained army, they eyes pinned to him. It was like the second coming of Christ the muggles talked about. Maybe this is what it felt like for the animals at the zoo, with millions of faces staring at you all day long. So many witches and wizards whose sight seem to nearly burn him with their unblinking gaze. He had always drawn a crowd, but this was ridiculious.

Still, if he was going to go through with this, he had to do it right. 

Standing as tall as his 5’8 frame could make him, he strode forward, his graceful gait reminiscent of just one other in the school. He heard the whispers speed from chair to chair as the student body went wild with curiosity. But the most shocked of all were those who knew his secret. No a one of them had ever expected him to have the courage and fortitude yet to come out of hiding.

He stepped before the teachers table, not paying much attention to the glowing words spewing out of the Headmaster’s mouth. Finally, hearing silence reign again and he cleared his throat. 

“ First, forgive me for interrupting your dinner. But I really grew bored being all alone in my room. Secrecy in this school is not an easy thing, and eventually I would have been seen. Better it be a way of my own choosing then be subject to the gossips who wouldn’t get the facts straight. I will take up only a bit of time and then you can get back to eating. Just give me a moment to collect my thoughts before you start asking questions.”

Closing his one eye carefully, he gave himself a pause to focus. It gave all eyes a chance to take in the surprising appearance of the boy…no, man…before them. And no eyes were more focused then the old blue eyes of the elderly Headmaster and the black raven eyes of the Potions Professor behind him. 

The first tattoo on his face covered his forever sealed blind eye. A tribal marking in the shape of his godfathers grim animagus with the red S.B. circled by the end of the dogs tail. The two upper arms were taken up by a basilisk on the left and a silvery green dragon on the right. The three right and one left earring had trinkets for each of the four houses. The one in his left ear was Syltherin, but he doubted anyone would understand the context of having it stand alone. 

His still hidden back was a secret not even he wanted to acknowledge yet. A pair of twin black cobras with red hearts on their heads circled the sword of Gryffindor. And looped around the hilt of the sword hung two filled potions vials. One vial had a S.T.S. on the stopper and the other had an H.J.P on the other. The truth of the marking was something Harry would keep to himself. After all, it was his dream, and revealing it to the light would only crush what little of his heart wasn’t completely turned to dust. 

Finally he raised his head. 

“ You know, since I’ve come to this school, everyone thought they knew who I was. They…you….all thought I understood that I was famous. Even the professors thought I just walked around like a muggle rock star. They saw the smile and the mischief and thought I was someone I wasn’t. They knew the parents I didn't. They saw the scar and thought I was following scripts I had no idea about. Truth was, no one ever asked me who I was, and everyone got it wrong.”

He paused, scanning the room before continuing. 

“I was muggle raised, and as some of you know well enough by now, they weren’t exactly the nicest people. They never told me about my parents, or magic, or anything. In fact, they tried to beat the magic out of me. I was some alien creature to them, something less then them. And they took enjoyment in reminding me of it. But I’m not up here to tell my sob story. I don’t want pity. I want to give you all a revelation.

Look around you. At your house, at others, and ask yourself what you really know about the person sitting next to you, or in front of you, or behind you. Do you really know the stories of a person by the house he sits in, or where she comes from, or how they look.? Or, like the Wizarding world did to me, do you just think you know and never take the time to figure it out? We all come here to learn some of the hardest courses in magic, potions, spells and history. Yet look around yourself and ask if you have learned the basic life lessons you should have. As hard as it is to comprehend, the prejudice and false assumptions in this school is extremely debilitating to everyone here. And it gets swept under the rug and locked away behind the stones. Let me tell you what I mean.”

He pointed to each table. And then at the High Table behind him. 

“It starts on the first day we get sorted. The four founders made for houses, and yet their purpose has long been forgotten. Loyalty, Courage, Wisdom, and Truth were the original reasons behind the houses you sit at. Yet because of petty misunderstandings, there is even a war within the school waged every year. And what I ask you now, is…is it worth it? Really? To fight amongst yourselves because of what color uniform you wear. A first year is still a first year, regardless of what the Sorting Hat chooses. Why must one house be best? Yes, the house cup and the points. Well I think that it should end. Quittich is one thing, it’s a game. But all of these house points and the cup, it has to stop. It only promotes fighting among us. But that, unfortunately isn’t my decision, so lets move on.”

“All I ever wanted to be was normal. A normal boy, a normal student, a normal wizard. The Dark Lord ruined that. People saw me as something I never was and never wanted to be. Worse of all were those who saw me as someone I never knew long enough to become like them. My mothers green eyes, my fathers outspoken attitude. But my parents died before I was old enough to speak, let alone remember. In fact the only memory I have of my mother is when Voldemort threw the killing curse at her. That, sadly, is the only thing I can recall when thinking about my parent . Yet still the assumptions were hurled at me. And I am not the only one that happens to." 

He fixed his determined gaze at the whole student body. He could see how his emerald eye was forcing them to understand for the first time that he was through with the falsehoods. 

"We are in a place where a mistake made many years prior can kill a man’s good spirit for life. Where the misunderstandings of a few simple words could end in disaster. Where a child is tuaght from the start to hate his friend simply because they sit under different banners. Where a child’s plea can go ignored because of the greater good. And a place where if you look different, and strange, or you have a dark nature, you are condemned to a life of danger and solitude. It’s unfair and stupid. It has to end. Let it end with us.”

He walked the length of the tables now, seeing each face focused on him. Merlin, he hoped they really listened, rather then only heard his message. 

“We are the future of Wizards and Witches. We are the next generation of our world. The war is over and the air is now cleansed of arid smoke and a dark burning sky. But for our world to remain such, it has to start here. Why is it so impossible to see. I was friends with Cedric. I am friends with Luna Lovegood, Draco Malfoy, And still have my friends in my own house. Why can’t we befriend whom we choose, regardless of house, blood, or heritage, or the color of a robe. Where does it say in Hogwarts: A History, that every house must hate another? Is there a school rule that says that a hat gets to tell you how to judge everyone around you? Nowhere is it stated that just because One professor is my head of house and another isn't, that I can only speak with her. 

"We should work together to help each other. Get to know the real person behind the banners flying above your head. Stop the petty rivalries already. Lets put it this way. Professor Snape and I have had a long standing fight with each other. And yet, without so much as a blink, he anwsered my call for help in the middle of the night without asking why. If the two of us can see passed the difference of house, then anyone can."

He let the snickers in the room quiet down before he continued. 

"I also ask you, please, stop looking at me like I’m some sort of exhibit to be glanced at and examined. Forget the titles and the war and remember, that regardless of what I’ve done, or how much power I have, I want what every one of you wants. To be accepted for who I am, and not what every one’s thinks they know. I started in the worst of ways, and I’ve survived that. I want to be treated with no more of less respect then any one of you. 

Harry looked at everyone from the door, taking one last look at all the faces. 

“I want you to remember something. It was because of prejudice that a half blood wizard that a bunch of pureblooded wizard started a mass genocide to everyone muggle born or straight muggle. It is amazing how a single belief spouted from a position of fear and power can generate so much devastation. The war has ended, but it will never truly be over unless we start here. Stop thinking you know. Stop seeing a house or a crest on a robe as a means of separation. This is a school; well then let us all learn that lesson first. It is a lesson of peace. And it is that truth that will keep wizards like Voldemort forever gone. He rose twice and nearly destroyed both worlds; let the lessons you learn here keep him from rising in someone else. Thank you.”

The door closed to a silent room. Heads were full of thought as eyes looked around. Understanding had dawned this day. A life lesson gave way in the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. And somewhere deep inside the castle roots, She hoped her students learned this lesson well. 

__________________________

As Harry walked down the hall slowly to his room, a potion stained hand stopped him gently. He didn’t turn around, waiting for the man behind him to make the first move. Finally the velvety baritone echoed softly through the corridor. 

“Will you teach me? I’m been too lost for so long it seems. Maybe it’s time for me to become a student once more. It appears I have a lot to learn from you, Harry Potter.”

Harry turned his head and smiled over his shoulder. 

“Class starts at 10 pm tonight, Pro…Severus. Please do try not to be late. You are right, you do have a lot to learn. Why, it could take the rest of your life. It isn’t easy to learn the sutle arts of opening your mind.”

Severus smirked. 

“Indeed. I will not be late. But out of curiosity, what punishment should I expect if I break the rules.”

Hearing the sarcastic joviality in the Dark mans tone, Harry decided play the Master at his own game.

“ Well, I don’t know really. But after all, remember, I did nearly kill Tom Riddle with my bare hands. I’m sure I can come up with something of interest.”

Severus watched as his student walked away from him, clearly laughing by the shaking of the cloaked shoulders. He turned towards the great hall to finish his meal, frowning as he mumbled to himself.

“That’s what worries me.”


	15. Lessons of Life, Denial, and Truth

  
Author's notes: Severus learns Harry can sing, play voilin, teach, deny, and supress all in one chapter. Being a potions master really didn't prepare him for this. Luckily being a man did.   


* * *

A/N This chapter was a little ruogh around the edges the first time I wrote it. It is still rough around the edges now. I am not entirely sure if it is any good. I tried to get many messeges acrossed. I can only hope I did a half decent job. It wasn't a particularly easy chapter to write. And the song is " THere's A Hero" by Billy Gilman. 

___________________________________________

It was two hours later that found Severus right on time as he walked through the door. He settled down the new potions for Harry to take this week along with the two week supply of blood. He found his charge sitting on the couch, polishing a beautiful violin bow. The violin itself sat in case, gleaning with the flickering fire light around the room. 

“Hello Professor. Thanks for the potions. Don’t know where I would be without them. Dead most likely.”

Severus nodded in acknowledgement. Finally curiosity got the better of him and he asked the question he had wanted to since the night on the stairs.

“Are you sufficient with that instrument?”

Harry finished his polishing, shrugging as he checked the resin on the strings. 

“ Yeah, I guess. Sound alright to myself. Haven’t really had anyone to tell me yes or no. Self teaching is hard. Doesn’t exactly tell you if you’re doing it right with no one around to care.”

Severus was silent, as if to consider something. Then he spoke, praying it wasn’t going to be torture. 

“Would you be will to let me hear a piece then? As a matter of opinion at least?”

Harry chewed his lip then gave a hesitant nod. 

“Alright, sure. But if I’m awful, no insults. Just stop me and we’ll forget it altogether.”

Severus nodded and waited. 

Finally Harry raised the violin out of it’s case, positioning it perfectly. Resting the bow delicately on the strings and closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Putting his fingers in a place he knew by heart, he bit his lip for one brief moment. Then he began the slow melody, closing his eyes. 

What surprised Severus even more was the telepathic lyrics that spun their way inside his head. He still hadn't asked Harry how he had learned to do that. But as the music worked it's magic from inside and outside, he let it take him away.

_~*There's a flower_  
In the smallest garden  
Reaching for the light 

_There's a candle_  
In the darkest corner  
Conquering the night 

_There is amazing strength_  
In a willing hand  
There are victories  
That you've never planned 

_There's a hero  
In everybody's heart*~_

Severus was frozen in his seat as he listened to the tender dulcet tones of the young man before him. It wasn’t just the way he wielded the bow or sang to perfection with telepathy. It was the message of the song itself. There were rare few things that could touch the shriveled up pile of ash that he once called a heart. And this song, though simplistic in it’s wording, sparked something inside the long dead organ that he hadn’t felt in years. 

_~*There's a fire_  
Inside of everybody  
Burning clear and bright 

_There's a power_  
In the faintest heartbeat  
That cannot be denied 

_Go on and trust yourself_  
You can ride the wind  
Your gonna take your dreams  
Where they've never been 

_There's a hero  
In everybody's heart*~_

The crystal clear siren strings played out across the invisible breath of the singing teenager. It was a musical marriage between instrument and mental voice as Harry played the song by heart. Severus had not been so moved by music ever. It was enough to nearly bring him to his knees. Others had the gift of mental magic. But even in all his years as a student of Mind Enchantments, he had never heard anyone weild the gift as clear or as the young man sitting before him. Such a gift required more then mere practice. This took disapline and absolute determination.

_~*Go on and trust yourself_  
You can ride the wind  
Your gonna take your dreams  
Where they've never been 

_There's a hero  
In everybody's heart_

_There's a hero  
In everybody's heart*~_

As the last note left the violin, there was a pregnant pause heavy with emotion. Finally the jewel green eye slid open and Harry’s quiet voice broke the silence. 

“ Well, Professor, what do you think. I’m probably bloody crap, so please be gentle.”

Severus held his face away from the curious gaze of the war hero. The naked look on the usually scowling face would give too much away. But he kept his voice straight, determined to keep composure.

“You play exceptionally well, Harry. It was a beautiful piece. The lesson too was taught rather well. I thank you for letting me listen.”

Harry grinned as he laid his violin back in case.

“Thanks for listening, Professor. You’re the only one with the courage enough to dare. Tried to play for Ron once, and he was more interested in Quittich.”

Severus snorted.

“Mr. Weasley wouldn’t know fine music if it came up and threatened to rip his ears off. Please excuse me, but I need to use the facilities.”  
Harry nodded. 

“Sure thing. Would you mind putting those in the potions chest in my room while you’re going through?”

The Potions Master nodded as he picked up the case and walked towards the bathroom. He placed the case on the floor once he was locked inside, looking at himself in the mirror. He proceeded to wash his face with cold water, hoping to wipe away the wet evidence of his emotions. 

That’s when something caught his attention. The overpowering scent of potion liquid filled the well trained nose as he raised a curious eye brow. Opening the medicine cabinet, he saw the many vials organized. The top shelf held nerve repairing potions for someone who had too many run ins with the Cruciatus curse. The bottom was clearly different restorative potions. But the middle shelf held a ruby red potion he didn’t recognize. Taking in the surrounding areas, he noticed that the bathroom garbage was filled with empty vials. What held his interest was none of the empty vials matched any of the others. Some held a silvery dark blue liquid. 

Curiosity gave way to deep suspicion as he lifted one up for the garbage that still held a drop of the oddly colored substance. A quickly laid spell told him his suspicions were warranted. These vials held suppression tincture. And by the amount of empty vials in the trash, Harry was taking quite a few. Severus now had to examine further. 

Placing his hand up in front of him, palm open, he closed his eyes. He waited to feel any signs of magic cast on the full vials in the medicine cabinet. A tingle of a glamour spell and a quickly laid counter spell proved that the ruby red liquid was the same shimmering blue tincture. 

Now he had to seach further. He really didn't like how the puzzle pieces were falling in this little mystery. 

Opening up the area under the sink, he used his spying skills to search for anything else. A clue to exactly how much of the potion the boy was ingesting. 

Then he saw it; all the way in the back there was a little black book. Foolishly un-spelled, so it would seem. Potter likely thought no one would go looking. Too bad he had one of the best spy’s in his quarters. Severus Snape was no stranger to addiction to certain potions. And when the book revealed that his student was up to 11 vials of suppression tincture in one day, he knew there was a serious problem. Taking the rubbish basket, book, and filled vials with him, he stalked out of the bathroom with a hard look on his face. 

The smile ran away from Harry’s face when he saw the look in his professors eyes. 

“Professor, is something wrong?”

Severus dumped the mixture of empty and full vials onto the table. The he held the book up, glaring harshly.

“I would say so, Mr. Potter. Something is very wrong. It is obvious you have no care for your health what so ever, by the proof I have placed before you. It is a wonder you didn’t fall down off the Astronomy tower living on nothing but restorative and suppression potion for weeks. The glamour was clever. To an untrained eye and nose, it would appear you were drinking a blood replenisher , something not uncommon for those with vampirism in their blood. But if you think you can fool a master with glamours and hidden books, you are clearly less intelligent then I give you credit for.”

Harry said nothing for a long time. Then in a voice weak with quilt he spoke. 

“I need to take them. You don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me. I know that blood is not repulsive to you. I have seen you drink it with relish, both from my arm and the vial. So why do you think it necessary to forgo it?”

“I don’t want to drink blood. It …I just don’t like it.”

Severus shook his head.

“There was suppose to be an explanation to help me to understand. And so far I do not hear one. It’s clearly not the taste, so what about it do you not like? Speak plainly, Mr. Potter. Otherwise I will force it down your throat and find out for myself.”

Harry twitched nervously under the dark man’s scrutiny. How could he explain the reactions when he didn’t even understand it himself? All he knew was what he had been taught. If that part of him became hard, it meant punishment.

“It makes me uncomfortable and sweaty. Besides, it’s not like I am a full vampire. I am taking regular meals and Dobby gets rare steak for me on a regular basis. With the suppression potion, I don’t have to feed.”

Severus sighed.

“As is quite common with addiction, you're building an immunity. You don’t even recognize that you are addicted, do you? To have to take this sort of mixture more then once a day is unbelievable. Especially at this strength. But to take it 11 times a day is nearly lethal. At this level, you are rapidly poisoning yourself. And for your information, a rare steak will not sate the vampire in you. You have placed yourself and everyone around you in grave danger. You are exceptionally powerful, you know right from wrong. So why do you have such difficulty feeding when not to do so is clearly so dangerous? And perhaps what is saddest of all is this. In your stubbornness, you do not see how you are letting your Uncle win. ”

In his need to deny, Harry’s discomfort turned to rage. A satisfying mask to hide behind. It would not do right now to let Snape see just how weak he truly felt within.

“You think this is STUBBORNNESS?! You know nothing. The visions you saw inside my head were child’s play. That was what happened on good days. You know nothing of the darkness I lived in. Oh sure, you were a death eater, big deal. And I know little of your childhood, but your father was harsh on you. I get that. IT IS NOTHING compared to what I had to go through. I lived in the dark , Professor. I had no name, never mind anything else. I had nothing to call my own. Do you have any idea what it’s like to live inside a small cupboard from infancy? How it feels to be so cramped between having to go to the bathroom and being starved? I was so hungry I ate bugs. I had to live with constant rashes and often get caught naked because I had to soil the only clothes I owned. Sometimes a week would past before they let me out. But being naked, you see; that was alright with my uncle. He apparently thought male toddlers were a turn on. Oh yes, Professor, he used me quite often. He loved my mouth the best. And if I threw up….I would get beaten until I couldn’t move. That’s how I lived for 10 straight years. As wizarding families like the Malfoys and Weasley’s were getting smothered in love and spoiled rotten with whatever they wanted, I got bones smashed when my ‘family‘ threw me up against the wall. Oh, and how I loved your smug attitude that first class. “Our new celebrity.” . Excuse my French…but what a bloody fuckin’ joke. No one ever asked me if I wanted to be famous. No one told me I’d have to spend what I thought was going to be a time of solace running from a mad man trying to kill me. As if my pervert of an uncle wasn’t enough.”

Harry gulped harshly and took a breath before continuing. 

“I never wanted sympathy. I wanted truth. But everyone was too busy with the lie they cast on me. No one knew me, and no one wanted to. You, Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione, and everyone else. You knew one thing, and you never wanted to know anything else. Again, even here, I owned nothing, not even my own identity. Everyone else thought they had the right to tell me who I should be, and how I should think, and what I should do.”

“You call my need to suppress an addiction; it’s not. I hate the fucking potion. I hate the taste, the smell, the process of creating it, everything. You know why I take it, Hmm? Or rather you assume you know. You really don’t. I was 12 when I became erect the first time. It’s something I hate being. I was taught harshly to take the pain of other men’s urges, but never give into my own. They watched me on the toilet, in the bath, and when I changed. To make sure I never touched. I don’t want to ever get hard there. It is a weapon; it does nothing but cause pain. It makes me want things I shouldn’t want. It makes me have dreams I shouldn’t have. What’s strange is, I think I’m gay….but I’ll never know for sure will I? I refuse to go out with people all because of a phony title. And the few who don’t see just the scar wouldn’t touch a freak like me with a nine foot pole. Look at me. I wouldn’t want to be with myself. Skinny, Scarred, mental, and repulsive. But that’s why I don’t feed. I would rather starve then have to feel the weapon that destroyed me for so many years come to life on my own body. Mostly, I just want it to fall off so I won’t have to look at it."

He growled, his one good eye almost glowing as he glared at the stoic man before him. 

"So before you call me stubborn, maybe you should think about who you are talking to. It’s not about letting HIM win. It’s about making a choice NOT to do something I don’t feel is right. And if that means I starve, oh well. I paid my debt, I did my job, I saved the world. I’ve done enough for everyone in my life. My life, my dreams, my wants and needs have never been worth a damn to anyone unless they can get something out of me. This is my choice. For once, let me decide one thing for myself. If I die for it….at least I die knowing I got to make up my own mind about one damn thing in my life, alright?”

Severus blinked, stunned into silence. For several minutes he said nothing. His heart rested in his stomach as pain for the boy -no, man- before him radiated through his entire person. He looked around the room before catching Harry's gaze. His voice was soft, apologetic yet un-pacifying. 

"The suppression potion is not meant for either problem. It is temporary satisfaction. It won’t last forever. And once it runs out, you’ll be so feral you’ll bite any living thing to soothe your denied thirst. Hunger and arousal...they are two separate yet linked issues for vampires; both are primal and intimate in nature." 

He ran a hand through his hair and began to pace. He ran his tongue over his teeth and touched his temple in an attempt to remain in control of his own secret. 

"While there are other potions to suppress vampiric hunger, in the long run, you have to feed. It's a matter of survival. As for the arousal...there are ways to deal with the problem you face." 

He stared at the wall, unsure if voicing the truth of Harry's reaction would be in his best interest. 

"I know it's hard to understand, but the body is not a weapon. The person is. The part of you that you were taught to hate cannot cause harm on it’s own. It is the mind, not the body, which controls us. Everyone who hurt you did so because they wanted to cause you pain. Rest assure, no part of the human body can force you to cause pain to another. You don‘t want to hurt anyone…and so you won‘t. That is a matter of choice. By deciding not to hurt, it makes you better then those who used you so carelessly and brutally. Never put yourself in their place. You have far to much care and heart to dare be that evil." 

He shook his head and turned to face the teenager. So caught in his rage, in the blinding wave of emotions from the situation, he didn't feel the sutle change in his eyes as they flashed red. 

"As for being a freak....no one is perfect. No. One. We all have our troubles, all have a past. I am not going to lie and tell you everyone loves you for you when you know the truth. But I'm also not going to tell you to avoid seeking a close relationships. With or without romantics," he spat, "a relationship is about intimacy, about trust and closeness. As long as you think yourself such, you ARE letting Him and everyone he knew win. I myself, am gay. I am not especially attractive. But I am not a freak, and nor are you. You want to prove you are not as that bastard made you? Then stop living by the code he tried to destroy you with."

As soon as the red lit up in the dark mans eyes, Harry sat in stunned shock. 

“You’re a…but I thought…how..?”

Severus had to bite his tongue to keep from smirking. It wouldn’t do to look like he was mocking the overly-emotional teenager. 

“Yes, I have the vampire inheritance too. Much like you, I came into it at the age of 17. Remember the story I told you about the last student to have come into vampiric blood?”

Severus raised his head to show the line across his throat. Harry gasped.

“That was _YOU_?! But how…”

“It seems we aren’t that easily killed. I suffered a great deal for my stupidity. But when I slit my throat, I wasn’t thinking of anything except escape. I knew already I was to be marked, regardless of whether I wanted it or not. A ugly, gay death eater was enough to hate myself for. The inheritance was the last blow my soul could take. Like you, I could stand no more of the world which never understood nor cared for my suffering."

Severus sighed. He hated having to bare his soul to anyone. But for the fact that anything less would leave Harry in denial, he could forego the harsh truth of his own past. Self sacrifice; thy name is Severus. 

"But eventually I rose above my own self hatred…became something more then what the world though of me or what my father taught me. And while your situation was far harsher then mine, in time, you have the ability to do the same. This is not something that will happen over night though. It will take a long, extremely painful journey. But you have help. You have a voice, you have the courage. It is up to you now whether you chose to use them. But don’t use this,” He waved the vial around “ as a means to help you. This holds no more answers then any other substance. Don’t chose death as a victory. It’s a escape for which there is no return. And after all you managed to achieve, even with your nightmarish upbringing, you deserve a far longer lasting existence then this will afford you.”

Severus knelt before Harry, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“ You spoke about lessons of life and truth. The lesson you taught me tonight was one hard to learn. But I listened. I learned my weakness. I am no judge of character, and I haven’t the right to judge yours any more then you can judge mine. But now it’s time you learned something about defeating the enemy within ones own self. And I can teach you; I have been there. The only question now is….are you ready to learn? Will you let me guide you? Can you truth me enough? And more importantly, can you trust yourself enough?”

Harry paused, giving it some real thought. Then he shrugged.

“Well I survived my relatives, Death Eaters, and Voldemort 6 times…how hard could it be?”

Severus snorted and smirked, an actually twinkle in his eye for the first time. Damn all that sweet tea from the Headmaster.

“You thought Occulmancy was hard; It was nothing compared to this. You have no idea what you are in for, Mr. Potter. No idea whatsoever.”

Harry gulped and a look of dread came over his face. A tiny voice inside his head echoed one word. 

_‘Mercy….’_.


	16. A Broken Child comes to Life

  
Author's notes: Ginny wants to kill Ron, Harry has a flash back, Draco sees passed prejutice, Minerva becomes a "Mummy" again, and Severus sees forgiveness in sight.   


* * *

_Waste away_  
I'm crawling blind  
Hollowed by   
what he left inside 

_For him, just him_  
I'm caught in place  
I can't ignore   
what I can't erase 

_I will run and hide_  
till memories fade away  
And I will leave behind   
a fear so strong 

_Close my eyes_  
theses voices say   
Haunting me  
I can't escape 

_For him, just him_  
Time will always wait   
While I throw away   
what I can't replace 

_I will run and hide_  
till memories fade away   
And I will leave behind   
a fear so strong 

_I will run and hide_  
till memories fade away   
And I will leave behind   
a fear so strong 

_I will run and hide!  
And I will leave behind!_

_I will run and hide till_  
memories fade away   
And I will leave behind a   
fear so strong! 

Song: Hide Artist: Red ( modded) 

(A/N: I must have editted this chapter at least 14 times. Flash backs are hard to write. And you'd think with all my spelling errors, doing it deliberately to get a toddler speech correct would be easy. Turns out it's bloody hard. Hope you like the chapter. It took me months to perfect, and I still think there's more to fix.

______________________________________________

Harry walked aimlessly around the Quidditch field, lost in his own thoughts. He missed his Firebolt. Every small piece of memorabilia that he had with his mom, dad and Sirius was lost. The racing broom went first. Then his wand. But seeing his father’s cloak, the map and the photo album burn had nearly all but shattered him. He had but one half burned picture left of his parents, forever unmoving in it’s nearly destroyed state. He couldn’t even look upon it anymore. The bewildered, stilled look on the faces of his parents was simply too much. 

Lost in his musings, he barely had time to stop himself from running into Ginny Weasley. She was angrily mumbling under her breath about something he couldn’t catch. Putting on what he thought was a welcoming smile, he spoke. 

“Hello Ginny.”

Ginny looked up and forced the anger away from her face. 

“Harry! It’s nice to see you. It’s been a while since we talked. How are you? I heard about…your broom. I’m sorry. Too bad you can’t play anymore. The team really misses you. I’m alright as seeker…but no one can beat you.”

Harry shrugged. 

“With lots of practice you’ll outmatch me. I’ve seen you; you’re really good. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Ginny nodded and growled good naturedly.

“Yeah well, if Ron doesn’t learn to keep his hands off my stuff, my broom will be stripped of it’s finish and be no good. I hate having only brothers.”

Harry snickered.

“Can’t help you there. I have no siblings. Why, what’d he take that has you spitting fire?”

“My tin of polish for my Stardust 1000. It takes the same as the Firebolt and the Nimbus 6000. Ron's got the Nimbus, and he always takes my tin of polish because he bloody well loses everything he owns.” 

Harry tapped his chin.

“I’ll tell you what. While you go trample your brother for being an idiot, I’ll go get my broom servicing kit from the locker room. No ones touched my locker, and I have no use for it. I’ll treat your broom for you. That way it’ll be ready for next match.”

“Really?! That would be brilliant. Thanks.”

“No problem. It’s in the shed though, yeah? Cause if it’s in the girls locker room….”

Ginny giggled.

“Yes Harry; it’s in the shed. Slytherins have practice in two hours. You wanna get out there before then. Otherwise they’ll accuse us of cheating.”

Harry agreed and after quickly given goodbye, he went to retrieve the old kit he never bothered to remove from his old Quidditch locker. After a nostalgic visit to the changing rooms, he headed to the broom shed, frowning as he opened it. He’d really have to talk to somebody about replacing the school brooms. Merlin knew how old those Comet 600’s and Clean-sweeps were. 

Locating Ginny’s, he smiled bitter sweetly at the smooth, stream line feel of a good racing broom. The Stardust 1000 was not quite as fast as his Firebolt, but it could easily outrace any other in the shed. He handled it carefully, with a near reverence. 

He tried not to cry like a sissy girl as he recalled how his own was destroyed in front of him. He swallowed as he remembered the broken top part of the broom handle later being used to teach him that a broom was for cleaning, not flying.

_"Have to clean out the freakish dirtiness, Boy. Show you how to really use a broom. Now bend over and...."_

He shook his head of the dark thoughts of past torment and began to polish the smooth handle before him, trying to get lost in the task. To keep his mind off things that were over. 

But all life drained away from his face as the shed door slammed shut with a gust of wind. For security reasons and fairness, the shed only opened from the outside, and no magic could be used to tamper with anyone’s broom. Harry swallowed as he crawled to the door and stood, throwing his full weight at it. It nearly cracked his shoulder and blasted him back. 

Shit he’d forgotten the rules. He was touching a broom that wasn’t his. The door slammed shut on him thinking he was trying to steal someone else’s property. 

He began to panic, his breaths barely making it out of his chest. Icy fingers ran down his spine as panic tightened his chest. He had to get out. He couldn't stay in the small confined space without a speck of light. 

The cupboard; he was back in the cupboard. Any minute now, Master Vernon would return; Would come to prepare him for a day of work and punish him for touching someone else's stuff. 

A tear then two made their way down his cheeks as he clawed viciously at his arms without thought. Alone in the dark, lost with the demons inside his head, he choked out a silent sob and waited for the pain to begin. Waited for the whip, the knife, and the dirty hands to touch him again. That’s what he was good at. 

Hide away and wait until the torment came and shredded him . To feel the claws of his demons rake down his soul. To scream for mercy as they laughed. 

Always laughing while they slowly sucked away his life and covered him in blood once more

*******************

It was two hours later when Draco and his team came onto the Quidditch field for their weekly slot of practice. Now team Captain, Draco stood proudly, leading his teammates with the ever graceful sway befitting a Malfoy.

But no amount of grace would prepare him for the sight that met him when he opened the shed door.

There was his former childhood enemy, in a fetal position on the floor, arms raked bloody, sucking his thumb. Muffled whimpers came from the throat. He sat frozen, staring and hardly able to breathe at the horrifying sight. 

Unfortunately, Goyle was really a jack-arse. 

“What’s the matter Potter lost your mummy? Whoops, I’m sorry. Lost her years ago. Poor baby Potty; look at how he sucks his thu…”

Draco snarled, turned on the balls of his feet, and walloped his housemate straight in the face, giving him a bloody nose.

“YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU BLOODY GREAT ARSE!! Are you out of you bleeding mind?! That man in there saved the world. You ever taunt him in or out of my presence again, and I will have no qualms about casting Crucio on you till you shite yourself. It’ll worth the kiss to see you fry. Grow some brains, you infantile bastard. He’s having a full blown panic attack. You ever see a full grown man sucking on his thumb before? No? Potter faced hundreds of Death Eaters and Voldemort without blinking. I doubt he is scared shitless at much of anything. This isn’t a joke, so stop making it one. I’d like to see how you would feel if someone made fun of your panic while you were scared enough to claw the terror out of your own flesh. I knew you were stupid, but not that bloody dumb. The last thing he needs to hear while he prostrate and shaking in terror is about his dead mother. Grow the hell up, for Merlin’s sake!” 

Draco shook his head with a frustrated sigh, trying to think of what to do. He looked at his team.

“Don’t move or speak. I’m going to see if he’s even responsive.”

He turned and stepped up to Potter, His hand outreached to try and give the trembling shoulder a bit of a shake. 

Harry leapt up and scurried across the floor, his blank, vacant eyes chilling Draco all the way through as he whimpered and clawed at his arms some more.

“ Please Master Vern'n, I sorry. I d'd n’t mean to touch anythin'. Was only trying to help. Didn’t mean to be a bad boy. Please don’t let them take me again….pleasepleaseplease. I sorry, so sorry, so sorry…”

The litany went on, and Draco swallowed harshly at the picture those words forcefully painted across his mind. Gathering his wits, and closing down the emotions that would force him to vomit, he stood and turned to his team again, issuing orders. Too bad Severus was away at a Potions Convention. He could really use the help right now. 

“Alright, listen up. This is how it's going to go. Gregory, go straight to Madam Pomfrey. Have her fix your ugly, stupid nose and tell her Potter’s condition. Be direct and swift, or I’ll make good on my promise. Alicia, go to his Head of House. Tell her Potter is going through a psychotic episode and we need her here quickly. She’s in class; I don’t care. Get her here, understood? Nortoms, need you to go to the change room and get two clean towels, a bowl and a wet wash cloth. The rest of you, stay put….keep the rest of the student body from entering. I doubt he needs people staring at him like he’s some sort of side show freak.”

Seconds ticked by and no one moved. Finally Draco had enough. Letting a slight bit of his magic erupt around him, he growled and tightened his hands into fist.

“If you have any sense of self preservation, you’ll scatter. NOW!” 

With the lightening spark of barely suppressed silver blue energy, the team went running. Draco shook his head at his house members obvious shock. It was true, if anyone had told him a couple of weeks ago that he would be helping Potter in anyway, he would have laughed them into a hexing. 

But to see the vacant stare and the chilling expression of ice cold terror; it was too much. He was there next to Scarhead on the battlefield. The man rocking before him had barely blinked when his offensive spells had sent numerous Death Eater's flying. Draco remembered those same green eyes as cold as the Artic, remembered the smile of malice which had graced Potter's face when he stared at the serpentine Dark Lord. He wasn't sure how the man before him hadn't laughed at the dark wizard during their final fight. Whatever horrors this warrior had in his past would have sent Tom Riddle running in fear. Probably would have killed a few Dementors. 

It was too frightening to think about the truth.

**********************************

It was fifteen minutes when Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomphrey came into the shed, followed closely someone Draco should have suspected would be there. Professor Lupin. Before the Werewolf could come closer though, Draco stopped him. 

“Professor, I know what he is to you. But men aren’t really safe to Potter right now. Let them work on him first and see if they can pull him back to the present. You’ll only be hurting the both of you if you go rushing in and scare him.”

Remus regarded the younger Malfoy with a harsh look of grim uncertainty. Finally he swallowed hard and nodded. The wolf in him didn’t like it, but rather deal with a growling wolf then hurt his broken godson. Merlin’s beard, how he wished Sirius were here right now. Then again, maybe not. Sirius was always a little too hotheaded to be patient. 

Minerva and Poppy cringed when they saw the state of their charge. From shoulder to wrist, his arms were carved in deep, fingernail sized lash wounds. He sat in the corner now, leaning his head against the wall. His back was arched and his eyes were closed. Tears were streaked down his face as he shivered, sucking his thumb non stop. Minerva spoke first. 

“Mister Potter?”

No response met her summons. Reaching a gentle hand out to him, she tried again. 

“Harry dear, it’s….”

Harry turned around, and before anyone knew what happened, he had dragged his Professor down and climbed into her lap.

“Mummy, I was so a’ scared. I don’t like being in the cupboard, Mummy. It’s dark and it hurts to be in there. Master Vern'n lets the bad men touch me in there. Please Mummy, tell him I didn’t mean to be a bad boy. I was helping. Red lady asked me for help with her broom. I didn’t mean nothin' bad. I wasn’t going to take it. Please Mummy, don’t let me be pun'shed. I sorry.”

The usually severe Professor let her face soften in pained sadness as she wrapped her arms gently round the scared child in her lap. This wasn’t the young man that faced war with strength. The wounded broken child was here now, asking her to save him. It had been years since Minerva could remember helping her own wee ones, but a mother never forgets. 

“There there, now, child. Dry you’re tears, my wee bairn. No one is going to hurt you now. Mummy’s here now. I’ve got you. Shhhh, it’s alright. I won’t let anyone hurt you, I promise.”

Harry shivered in her arms. He sniffled, looking up at her. 

“But Master Vern'n is coming, Mummy. He hurt you too. He hurted me all times. He's big and mean and scary.”

Minerva went to say something when Remus finally stepped up. Poppy worked silently in the background, whispering healing spells to stop the flow of blood and help close the multiple wounds on him. 

“Don’t worry Harry. I’ll protect you. Your Uncle and those bad men will never touch you again.”

Harry smiled through his tears as his now child like, innocent eyes stared up at his godfather. 

“Papa Moony? Daddy Jamie told me bout you. He says you are strong. He and Padfoot said you would help me. They said that you have a big woofie inside you. And it’ll protect me.”

Harry turned to the woman holding him. 

“Mummy, will you and Papa take me out of the cupboard. I wanna go see the Medicine Man. He makes me better.”

The three adults looked at each other, confusion written all over their faces. It was Draco who whispered the answer.

“It’s Professor Snape. The last time he told me something like this happen, he brought Harry to his chambers and gave him some potions. I don’t think it was this bad though. I can get you in. Uncle Sev won’t mind. He’ll be back soon anyway.”

They nodded, and handing over Harry to Remus, they walked outside and headed towards the castle. It was then that the Mede-Witch stopped Malfoy. 

“Mister Malfoy, might I ask why you felt it necessary to nearly break another student’s nose?”

Draco huffed. 

“He teased Potter about his mother. I felt it warranted teaching him a lesson about respecting your peers. Besides, it wasn’t right to say such insults when Potter was in no position to defend himself. It’s like hexing someone in the back. It’s not very sporting.”

Poppy paused and tapped her chin. 

“Well, that is a sound reason. I shan’t chastise you for that, though in the future I would prefer you did it non-voilently. But, for your quick thinking and your defense of another student who was in need, I will award you 25 points. You went above your prejudice to help Mister Potter today, and in fact, got others of your house to help as well. I am highly impressed. Well Done, Mister Malfoy. Well done indeed.”

Draco gave her a devilish smirk.

“Thank you Madam Pomphrey. I mean, if nothing else, it was Salazar Slytherin who named his house attribute ‘Loyalty’. It would be remiss of me if I did not live up to that edict, especially considering Potter’s speech. I am the Prince of Slytherin. It is up to me to show that my house can be just as good as Gryphindore.”

*************************************

It was an hour later that, with a bored expression on his face, Severus floo’d into his quarters. His expression switched from bored to surprised to upset in a matter of mere moments. He looked around the room and saw his godson off to the side, leaning against the wall with a look of heavy thought on his face. 

Since it was only Draco who could get into his private sanction without password, he knew it was on the blonde that Lion's had apparently invaded his territory. 

“Mr. Malfoy, a word? If you please.”

Before Draco could walk towards him though, a figure from the couch jumped up and raced towards him with blinding speed. 

“Medicine Man. I so happy to see you. I got stuck in the cupboard again, but Papa Moony and Mummy saved me. The Nurse Lady wanted to give me stuff, but I told her no. Only you, Mr. Medicine Man. You know what I need.”

Severus blinked in confusion as arms wrapped in gauze circled around his person. Blinking, he cleared his throat and looked at the other four in his room, waiting for an answer. It was Draco who spoke, having been the first one to see Harry. 

“From what I gather, Ginny Weasley asked him to service her broom. And I do mean that in the literal sense, Godfather, so don't scowl. But with the spells on the broom shed, the door locked him in, thinking he was about to steal said broom. Unable to use magic, he had no way out. I found him in there when our team was ready to practice. He was in a puddle of blood, having clawed his own arms quite brutally. He was lost within his own mind, Sev. He called me his uncle when I tried to touch him. He is lost in his childhood right now, as you can clearly see. Madam Pomphey tried to give him blood Replenishing potions and some calming and healing ones, but he refuses to take them. He only wants them from you.”

Severus ran a hand through his surprising degreased hair, considering his options carefully. Harry was in a very delicate state and the wrong word or action could be horrifying. Taking a deep breath, he detached the teen gently from his waist and bent down to one knee. 

“ So, Young Harry, how are you today? Any pain? And you may call me Sev, okay? Severus is a rather long name, and medicine man is even longer. I don't usually like nick names, but because it's you, I'll allow it. For now, anyway. ”

Harry gave him a big grin.

“Sev…Sev…Sev….okay Mr. Sev. Um….”

Harry seemed to give the question deep thought before he answered. 

“Well, my arms sting. The Bad men told me to hurt myself. And the white stuff is itchy.”

“Anything else?”

Harry bit his lip and looked around. Then he leaned in and whispered something close to Severus’ ear. 

“My tummy hurts. The Nurse Lady try to make me eat, but I got sick. It aches. She waved her stick at me and blue sparkles flewed out. But that make it worse. There’s a man voice inside my head, a man who sounds like me, but older. He says you can help. Cause is secret. Can you help me Mister Sev? It really hurts a lot.”

Severus’ eyes opened in shock for a moment before he took a good look as the child man before him with a critical consideration. Looking around the room, he nodded.

“I can help. And he’s right, it is a secret. You’re such a good boy Harry. But if the bad men ever tell you to hurt yourself again, don’t listen. You run to an Adult and tell them to get me, okay. The bad men in your head, they want you to be hurt. But you shouldn’t be hurt. You did nothing wrong. So you always tell a Teacher, like the nurse lady or…Mummy….or Pro…Moony…Okay?”

Harry nodded seriously. 

“Okay Mister Sev. Is it time for Medicine now?”

Severus nodded, stood and took his hand. 

“How old are you today, M…Harry?”

“Four, but I be five in a month. Master Vern'n says I have a real special party comin' up. But I don' want a party. Parties always make me ill? Can I say with you, Mr. Sev? The voice inside my head says you safe. You save me, won’t you?”

Severus gulped harshly; trying to lock his emotions down as a big, frightened, doe green eye stared with innocence up at him. Seeing the look of pained terror on that face caused a burning behind his eyes that he dared not think about. 

“Yes, Harry, I’ll keep you safe. Always. No one will ever hurt you again. Not ever. I swear it.”

The smile that beamed up at him caused a flutter in his chest. The last vestiges of loathing he had for the name Potter died in that moment. Now, whenever he looked into that one emerald Jewel, He would remember. When someone with the same eyes once held him as he cried. And just as Lily Evans kept her promise to help him through his pain; he would now return her kindness by saving her son. In saving Harry, he would keep the promise that broke the day she died. Maybe one day, he would finally earn forgiveness.


	17. By the grace of Light, The Mighty fall

  
Author's notes: Severus and Minerva face down the Headmaster with some harsh truths  


* * *

_ Innocence Broken _

_I've seen the four horsemen run across the earth_  
I've seen the rising of very single evil birth  
I've seen my nation fall and burn, crumble to the ground  
I've seen a million spirits lost, with no hope of being found 

_I've seen violent bloody battles scream across the fields_  
I've seen gods and goddesses die, scattered swords and shields  
I've seen sickness bleed through every mighty form  
I've been around enough to see the very heavens torn 

_I've seen the void in all it's darkness, chill me to the core_  
I've seen so much some times, I didn't think there was more.   
I've almost died a thousand times, been tortured and had to bear.   
But still I thought I was strong enough to face whatever fate would dare. 

_How wrong I was to think that I had seen everything_  
How could I know there's more then darkness that evil can only bring  
Yet I look into the innocent eyes of this single child  
And every civil thought in my head just became wild. 

_Brought to my knees, Weak and shaken and stirred_  
By the most disgusting vileness that I'd ever seen occur  
I looked upon his cherub face, and each time that he cried  
Every joy that was left in me went screaming as it died. 

_Never had I ever thought, I would see the day_  
When innocence lost inside of one, could hold such magnificent sway  
But as the crippling knowledge came, I knew I would never be.   
Whole again inside my heart, For what I had to see. 

* Original Poem written by Me ( yep thought it up all on my own. Hope you like it. )*

(A/N: Please excuse me if this sounds like another repeatative chapter. I promise, the next chapter will finally give what I hope is some comic relief. I just thought it was time for Albus to 'face the music' as it were. Like I said, not evil, just too caught up in manipulation to do the right thing.)   
_____________________________________________________

It was early the next morning that Minerva and Severus finally got tired of waiting. They marched up the cool, cold steps that Sunday with a grim determination. They had a Headmaster to talk to, and today was definitely a day of reckoning for Hogwarts. 

They entered the office with a candy password hissed out between clenched teeth. They stood in front of the aged desk, looking at the colorful disaster that was Albus’ robes, trying not to hex him where he stood. 

“Ah, Minerva, Severus, how nice of you to see me today. It has been a while since we sat down for one of our talks. Would either of you care for tea? Or a le….”

The word ‘lemon’ died on his lips when the tin of candy in his left hand exploded to dust. 

“Well, perhaps you should sit down and tell me what brought you here today. Something tells me this conversation is quite serious.”

Before either of them spoke, Minerva threw to scrolls on his desk, one rather thicker then the other. Severus just sat there with a look that said ' Serious? Gee, You think so?'. 

“Yesterday, Harry Potter was found in a broom shed by Draco Malfoy. It seems that he was helping Miss Weasley with her broom. He was trapped in there. We found him in a terrifying state of distress. He had nearly clawed his arms to the bone. It seemed also that he was lost in his mind. He believed himself 4 years of age. Luckily between Mr. Malfoy’s quick actions, Poppy, and Severus, he is sleeping restfully now. It is Poppy's scans afterwards that brought up too many questions. The first of which is this.”

Minerva sat down firmly, her back stiffened like an oak tree in her barely suppressed rage.

“Now I know you had Order members look after his residence all these years. But it is a rather curious matter that none of them heard his distress. No one reported abuse. In fact, from what I gather, no one even saw the boy most of the time. How odd that no one found that strange.” 

She stared him in the eye, trying to get a read of his state of mind. It was Severus who continued, though his voice was far harsher then hers. The burning inferno of blind fury in his body could not be completely hidden. 

“We were rather curious as it were, just what would bring on the state of mind that Mr. Potter showed yesterday. So Poppy ran a life time injury diagnosis spell, and a self injury spell. Those two scrolls that we have placed before you are the final results. The violence, it seems, was so atrocious that the scaning spell nearly drained Poppy's magic. Open the larger of the two first, Albus. But I warn you, the list is rather, shall we say, shocking.” 

Albus frowned as he slowly unraveled the scroll they indicated. As his eyes roved slowly down the list, they grew wider then either Professor had ever thought possible and his face went nearly translucent. 

“This can not be. If this list is true, he should be…”

“DEAD! Yes, he should be dead. The killing curse at 1 was just the start. His magic is most likely all that kept him alive. His own magical core mends his injuries, though even that was not quite strong enough. He has suffered terribly, Headmaster. More terribly then any muggle, half blood, pure blood or Death Eater under Voldemort has ever. Those Muggles went beyond torture. The fact that he not only lived, but single handedly defeated the Dark Lord is something that will never be answered. For the sheer magnitude of his survival is more then can sit inside one’s head. No doubt you think that this information is the reason for our rather obvious anger. It is not.”

Minerva stood up and stared her old friend down, wondering if his many years had eaten away his heart as it surely did his brain. 

"See Albus, until yesterday when I read these scans myself, I had no idea of the full scope. I had thought that when I saw him that first time, the severity of Harry's state was as far as it was taken. I admit that I was rather stupid to assume that was the only time he every came close to death. I thought he was recovering quite well. But after reading that scan....I will say this. I have never been one for killing. I never had the rage it takes for true bloodlust. War is war. We fight, we kill, we survive. And while it is true that I have a soft spot for this particular student, I will tell you this. Even if it was a death eater child that suffered the same, I would have wanted to kill his or her parents as slowly and as painfully as possible. In fact, had Severus not informed me that the Dursleys were already in Ministry custidy, I would have done just that."

Minerva took a few slow breaths, trying to calm herself down. She still wanted to hurt someone. 

But as she spoke again, the old man before her shivered inside at the icy tone. Stern though she was, it was rare that Minerva spoke with barely control fury. 

“He came to you in need, Albus. He was here many times, requesting but one favor. One single request. How many times did you watch him as he nearly knelt at your feet? His broken spirit and his painful tears washing down his skinny face. How many times did you sit there, candy offered and twinkling eyes looking down on him? And yet, for everything he did for you, for the world, you could not grant his request for sanctuary. You blatantly lied to him, moving him around like a chest piece you could play with. Whispering in his ear, pushing at his spirit. Using him as a means to an end. Time and again that boy tried and succeeded in being just what you wanted. And all he asked in return is for safety”

Her face grew red and she slammed her fist against the wood between them. 

“AND YOU BLOODY PUSHED HIM AWAY! HOW DARE YOU ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, CALL YOURSELF THE HEADMASTER OF THIS SCHOOL?! HE HAS DONE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ASKED OF HIM. HE HAS NEARLY DIED FOR A CAUSE FORCED APON HIS YOUNG SHOULDERS. YOU WEAPON, YOUR SWORD, WAND AND SHEILD! HOW COULD YOU TURN HIM AWAY AND CALL YOURSELF THE LEADER OF THE LIGHT?!”

Severus sneered at his once leader. 

“You may not have struck him or taken away his innocence or tortured him. But you let it go on. You cared nothing for his needs. I know there was a war. I know people have suffered for this war, myself included. But we all chose our place in the battle against that Madman. He never had a choice. There is no reason, no excuse, no truth you could give me that would be good enough. He was a child. A bruised, used, broken, tortured boy. He begged you for help. You could have let him stay here, in the castle. You could have let him stay with the Weasleys once the wards were strengthened. There are a million homes, a million placed unplottable in the Wizarding world that you could have sent him to keep him away from those maniacs. Yet you did nothing. You sat there, twinkle in your eye, hands folded, smiling behind your beard as he was bled nearly dry. You may not have been his tormentors. But for your cruel ignorance, you are just as bad as the dark lord himself. Tom Riddle had not heart. You were the Leader of the light Albus. How could you call yourself that and let your hero get tortured for no other reason then you simply didn’t care enough?”

Albus shook his head. 

“I had thought it was safest when I left Harry there. The blood wards…..”

Severus scoffed angrily.

“So you thought it was safest hmm? Alright then. If the scroll and the near coma he was in when I rescued him are not enough to show you, then, then this will perhaps paint a clear picture.”

From his robe, Severus withdrew a shrunken pouch. With a quickly stated ‘Engorgio’ the pouch expanded, showing a large satchel. Opening it with careful nimble fingers, he took out one of several silvery vials. Pensieve memories, from the night he traveled inside of Harry’s head. Each with an age and 27 vials in all. He held one up in front of the eyes that finally extinguished their trademark twinkle. The memories of horror he held in his hands would keep the sparkle out of them permanently, if it didn’t crack the Headmaster entirely.

“These are Mr. Potter’s memories. Each one brutal, I assure you. The originals are for the Wizengamot, but these copies are just as ghastly and real as they are. It is no wonder that he was so susceptible to Dementors in his third, forth, and fifth year. I suggest you watch them over several days times, as to watch them all at once would probably crack your mentality altogether. I will also leave you with a modified calming potion, one that will ease your mind as you walk the road he has lived. ”

He got nose to nose with his former mentor, barely keeping back the roaring beast in his chest. 

“Mark my words Albus. Your days in this school are very numbered. The Wizengamot is running an investigation on you as well, and considering the political power Harry Potter has, it won’t be long before Aurors are burning through your floo network. But before that day comes, you will learn what ignorance has cost him. When my own father nearly destroyed me and my mother, you bent over backwards to give me sanctuary. Even after I received the dark mark. You did your best with Tom Riddle, even though he turned into a terrible man. You have aided a number of students and teachers in their time here. That young man came into our world broken and lost, Albus. 11 years of ignorance cost him dearly. But from the minute he came, he had to fight a war that should never have been his alone to face. You honed him into your weapon. We never gave him a chance to really be anything else. I have my redemption to pay for; my own guilt to live with. But you knew the truth of it. Or at least enough truth that you could have ended his nightmare. You choose to ignore everything, just for the sake of keeping your weapon in place.”

Severus turned and walked towards the door. He paused just briefly to speak again. 

“You have much to answer for, Albus Dumbledore. Your Judgment is coming to collect it’s due for what you refuse to acknowledge. Merlin save you, Albus, because this time, no one else will be there to do so. Not even I.”

Severus left without another word, afraid that if he stayed he would do something dangerous. 

Minerva sat stiffly. Albus shook his head. 

“I have made many grave errors. But you must understand I never meant for Harry to suffer so much. I only had his best interest….”

Minerva lost her reserve and her eyes went cat like. Then, she slapped her superior hard across the cheek. Growling she turned away and began to pace with a snap of her robes. 

“Don't you dare try to pass this off with so feeble a reason. There aren’t enough excuses to let you talk your way out this time. Perhaps it is time you stop speaking and learn to listen. Harry is in pain, deep agonizing pain. Something you could have stopped but choose not to. There isn’t any reason you could give me that would give you forgiveness for that. Not one. Not this time. You, as much as it pains me to do this, are on your own this time.”

She slumped almost tiredly back in her chair, sighing near painfully. Then she eyed the man before her with a sadness in her eyes. 

“You know, I’ve been teaching for nearly 50 years in this school. I’ve seen the weakest of children turn strong, and the proudest of wizards and witches fall. I have gone through three wars, two with the same evil man. I loved Lily and James Potter like they were my own. Not because of their house, but because of who they were. I was there with you, Poppy, James, Sirius, and Remus the day Lily gave birth to Harry. He felt like my grandchild, more then any other child I have come across here, and I’ve taught millions by now.”

Tears slowly dripped down her face as she bowed her head. 

“I’ve never seen a man survive the life Harry has. Not even Severus’ life was as cruel. And all that was needed was a simple caring heart to save him. He came to you, Albus. He came to you because he trusted you. And he trusts a very rare few. But he depended on you to guide him. He loved you like a grandfather and mentor all rolled up into one. Knowing what happened between his home life and the war, I’d say that love is a rare gift. He loves few, but those he does love, he loves fully without limit. He has the best of both his parents. Lily's heart, and James determined courage. And the sad thing is, he'll never understand it. Because he never knew his parents. He gave you a truely wonderous gift Albus. From the very first time he met you, he saw you as more then his teacher. He saw you as family."

She slowly raised her head, meeting eyes with her long time friend. It was almost painful to see that look of agonizing guilt that came over his face. But remembering the proof of torment on Harry's face, she held her ground. It was a guilt that came too late for Albus Dumbledore. Far too late. 

"You were his guide into this world. It rested on your shoulders to see him through. Those wretched people may have broken him, but you let him be broken. In your obsessive need to end a war you should have not depended on a child to fight, you forgot compassion somewhere. Your ignorance almost killed him, and you’ll have to pay the price of that.”

She stood, making her way to the door. 

“You know, that child who, by all rights, should have hatred, does not have the ability to do so. He would weep for his worse enemy, because to him, no life is above his own. He put the world before himself and lifted us out of darkness, despite his severe weakness and his fractured heart. His strength of compassion is a power unmatched by most, and yet he is so humble.”

She looked over her shoulder at the tired man who stared at his pensieve with something akin to fear. 

“He has lost everything and everyone dear to him. But he still has the will to survive this lifelong suffering. Let us just hope that our appalling ignorance didn’t cost him that too. Your time here is coming to a close now. Maybe you should return the gesture he so long ago gave you and beg his forgiveness on hands and knees. But I want you to remember something. You refused to show him kindness and caring in his greatest time of need. But while you turned him away, when the day comes for him to do the same, he won’t. He’ll forgive you where none of us will. Even with every reason to hate you, he will give you the kindness you couldn’t, in your infinite power, see fit to give him. It take power to make a wizard great. But it takes compassion to make a man. He has that, you don’t. You think long and hard about that.”

Without another word, she left, leaving the Headmaster to his own thoughts. She had made herself clear. Now the rest was up to him.


	18. Dancing, Peeking, Crying, Markings

  
Author's notes: Severus plays peek-a-boo with the door and Harry shows something off, he never wanted anyone to see. 

A/N: Songs are usually in the beginning, but this one just seemed to belong in the chapter. It is a slightly modded version of "Again" by Flyleaf.   


* * *

Severus groaned low in his throat as something drew him out of his slumber. After a week of having a troubled teenager with a child like mind in his quarters, strange noises were common place. 

But something was distinctly different about this time. 

For one it was near midnight on a Friday. For a second, there was raw power flowing through his entire living area. An ocean of tangible energy he nearly felt he could reach out and grab. Something strange was in the air alright, and he wouldn’t be the man he was if he didn’t at least check it out. 

Sitting up slowly, he rubbed his face and his own sensitive ears picked of the sound of fast paced, low humming music from his living room. No wonder he could hear it. Rather then the standard silencing spell, Harry had gone with a muffling charm. To vampire hearing, muffling spells were like tissue paper in water. 

He got up, immediately grabbing a robe to throw around his rather bare form. With a quick trip to the bathroom he made his way to the door leading out to the main area of his quarters. 

But the minute his eyes caught the dancing form of his charge in nothing more then a tight boxer briefs, he halted himself immediately. He bit his lip and drew in a deep breath. Peaking out of a crack between the door and the wooden frame itself, he observed a sight he shouldn’t be watching. 

But a voice he hadn’t heard in so long he couldn’t remember when came awake inside him. 

The furniture had been pushed to one side of the room to give Harry space. His student’s now nearly healthy form was alive with movement. The slender curves of a seeker met with the wiry muscle of a warror as he watched the young man doing tumble routines across the stone and carpet floor. 

Severus shivered at the sight as searing warmth thought dead moved through his blood stream and lit up his frame. 

Harry Potter was gorgeous with a capital G!

He nearly slapped himself at the thought. He shouldn’t be thinking anything of the sort. Definitely not about the young, troubled and haunted man before him. He was being a very bad Potions Master. Shouldn’t be looking at his student; it was illegal. Evil dirty fantasies of no good would come from this. Better to simple close the door……. 

But that body, those legs, and that tight arse. No one on earth should have an arse that perfect. It was sin incarnate. It begged to be touched. It practically screamed to be squeezed and kissed and …..

And Severus Snape was a sick, dirty old man. 

He closed his eyes, yelling at himself to turn around, to close the door, to quit watching the young man before him dancing around like sex on hardwood. He had no business seeing this. If Harry knew, he would run screaming in terror from the room. 

That thought nearly made him turn. That was until, of course, he opened his eyes and caught sight of the stunning tattoo that until now had been hidden from the light of day. He studied it in detail, his eyes clawing over every minute point of color. Then he saw it, the potion bottles, one of which had his initials. 

His eye brows practically attached themselves to his hair line when he saw that. It was one thing to put one’s love for potions on one’s own skin. He had a few tattoos. One on the back of his left shoulder was of a potions vial with bat wings that no one would EVER see.   
But it was quite another to have his initials staring back at him from Harry’s smoothly pale skin. On top of that were the two heart marked snakes that moved around the sword blade. They weren’t sitting calmly against the inked steel. Rather, they were twining around each other, practically meeting tongues as they twisted themselves tightly together. 

Well, wasn’t that just deliciously interesting? It was a well known fact that wizard tattoos often moved with the emotions of their owner. Having two black snakes nearly mating against one’s body was far too obvious to simply ignore. Couple that with the potion vials; the dual set of initialed glass containers staring back at him made the message very clear. The sexy young thing shaking his ass….sets around the living room had more then just a passing interest for his potions professor. It was definitely something to explore on a day when he wasn’t playing naughty voyeur.

Finally the music faded and Severus breathed a sigh of relief as Harry bent over to draw on silky pajama bottoms. One last ogle of that tight arse would fill his dreams for many nights to come. For dreams of Harry would likely be all he’d ever get, despite whatever markings his student had. 

At least that’s what he told himself. But somewhere in the darkest part of his soul, he hoped it was a lie. The naughty teenager whose life was stolen by war sat in the deepest part of his being, rubbing its hands with thoughts of someday.

*****************************   
There was five minutes of absolute quiet. Each occupant in their own contemplative thoughts.

Suddenly the silence broke. Heavy guitar played through the air. All of Severus' whispered thoughts shattered against the vibrant tone. The magical energy swirled again, turning violent as Harry jumped up and his dance spoke of harsh recourse as the corner of his mouth dripped blood. A fang that snapped down with force was the cause. The emerald jewel took on a silvery glow as the words spoke truth.

Harry had no idea how he own energy was affecting his shadowed watch. He didn't know how the lyrics ripped down walls inside the dour man that he built over his long, painful, tortured existence. 

All he knew was that the words spoke from his soul. 

_I know the way that your heart breaks_  
with every injustice and deadly fate  
praying it all be new  
and living like it all depends on you 

Like a whirlwind, the music curled around Severus, the magic in the air threading through his soul and making him bite his lip to keep from screaming. It hurt, it bled, it broke him inside. The first of many icy tears dripped out of his eyes as the words battered his very being. 

_Here you are down on your knees again_  
trying to find air to breathe again  
and only surrender will help you now  
You are free please see and believe again 

Severus barely remained standing as Harry’s magic sang their joint pain. With sparking fire and frigid tendrils swirling and spiraling down on them, the teenager who had no childhood, and the man who bled through his past, were joined in their agony. An art of vengeful blood and grievous rage took them over and they, each in his own memory, were helpless to stop it as spirit walls crumbled to dust. 

_I like that you’re never satisfied_  
with face value wisdom and happy lies  
you take what they say and go back and cry  
you’re so close to hell that you nearly died 

_Here you are down on your knees again_  
trying to find air to breathe again  
And only surrender will help you now  
You are free please see and believe again 

By now, Severus was behind his closed door. On his knees and nearly touching his head to the ground as the memories he tried to bury roared through him. He grabbed his head as the past echoed of a lifetime spent in battle. Of a tortured voice that screamed out to be heard. The former spy had hardly ever cried. He could count on one hand the times he had ever let his grief out. 

_they don’t have to understand you_  
be strong  
wait and know I understand you  
be strong  
be strong 

But for the first time, with the power of Harry’s song, he cried for himself. For a childhood drenched in bruised flesh and a screaming mother. For a teenager’s loneliness as the taunts hit against his burnt ego like stones. For a slavery that left its mark on him forever. And for a million mistakes he begged attonement for from people who were too long gone to forgive him. So much blood, so much voilence. 

Yes, on this night, for the first time since the age of nine, Severus Snape cried out his own self-torment. 

_Here you are down on your knees again_  
trying to find air to breathe again  
Only surrender will help you now  
The floodgates are breaking   
they're pouring out 

_Here you are down on your knees_  
trying to find air to breathe   
right where I want you to be again  
You are free, please see and believe again 

That night as separate heads finally found the troubled sleep of the tormented, each was also comforted. In each other, though neither would ever say it, they had found a friend. A soul that would understand the pain that forced both to scream. A bond of violent memories and tears.   
*******************************************************

An un-choked silence greeted Severus as he entered the kitchen the next morning. He found Harry was leaning over the Daily Prophet, shoveling some sort of odd cereal into his mouth. He saw a sneer cover the usually pensieve face, as if the paper were offending the teenager with its very presence. Then again the tabloid did have a habit of pissing off it’s readers with lies, so sneering at it wasn’t uncommon. 

A cordial good morning between the two of them was a thankful relief for him. After last night, any conversation would have been uncomfortable. 

As he sat at the table with his cup of tea and toast, he noted a box sitting in front of his usual seat. It had his name written in a script that looked so familiar, like a dead language he remembered from long ago, but couldn’t place. He noticed Harry glancing up at him sideways, like he was expecting him to say something. Severus picked up the box, inspecting it like it might hold a deadly weapon of some sort. He was just about to ask his ward what it was, when Harry spoke.

“Yeah, found that in the family vault. I have no idea who it’s from, but I’m guessing it was from my mum. With the way my dad was towards you, it probably would have blown up in your face the moment you touched it"

Snape nodded. 

“You are likely correct. Your father was one of the most notoriously cleaver pranksters I have ever seen. A mean spirited bully of a man, but clever none the less.”

“Merlin Severus, did you just compliment James Potter? Are you sure you’re alright? Better go to St. Mungo’s. You need a cat-scan or something.”

Severus raised a brow.

“Speaking of surprises, I had one of my own last night. You know, Harry, a silencing charm would have gone better then a muffling charm last night. Like youself, I do have preternatually sensative ears."

Harry's face went pale. 

"Oh Merlin, I woke you up. I'm sorry. I tried to be quiet. It's just I couldn't sleep and.....

Severus put up his hand.

"Harry calm down. I am not upset. The music was very low. Had I been human, the muffling charm would have been enough. You are still learning about your own inheritance. There are still things you have yet to know. Remind me to hand you a book on Creature attributes later. It will help you to better understand how everything works with beings of hieghtened senses. "

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Then he snorted. 

"Tell me about it. I can not tell you how embarassing it was to have Remus tell me I needed a bath one day after I worked on the advanced shrinking solution. 'Mione was laughing for 30 minutes after, cause my face turned as red as Ron's hair."

Severus snickered. Then they both fell into a awkward silience, before the elder of the two let the cat out of the bag in Slytherin fashion. 

"However, last night also beheld a sight I don’t think anyone else has gotten to see."

Harry made a sound that told Severus he was listen. 

"Which was?"

Severus smirked. 

"Your shirtless state revealed a rather interesting and beautiful piece of art work on your back. My only question is why get such a stunning tattoo only to hide it, hmm? Might it have something to do with the….lettering, perhaps?"

Harry’s eyes opened wide, spoon half way to mouth, as a shocking thought went through his head.

_‘Bloody fuck, he knows!!’_


	19. Past, Present, and Future Dream.

  
Author's notes: This time....I'll just let the chap speak for itself. and NO!.....Severus and Harry are not a couple yet.....told you...that'll take time.   


* * *

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥   
_They said you wouldn`t make is so far_  
And ever since they said it,   
it`s been hard   
But nevermind the nights you had   
to cry   
Cause you have never let someone   
inside 

_You worked so hard_  
And you know exactly what   
you want   
and need   
So believe   
and you can never   
give up   
You can reach your goals   
Just talk to your soul   
and say! 

_"I believe I can_  
I believe I will   
I believe I know  
my dreams are real 

_I believe I`ll chant_  
I believe I`ll pass   
I believe I`ll grow real soon and   
That is what I do believe " 

_Your goals are just a thing in your soul_  
And you know that your heart   
will let them show   
You keep creating pictures in your mind   
So just believe they will   
come true in time   
It will be fine   
Leave all of your cares   
and stress   
behind   
Just let it go   
Let the power flow inside   
Forget all your pain   
And just start to believe 

_"I believe I can_  
I believe I will   
I believe I know my dreams   
are real 

_I believe I`ll chant_  
I believe I`ll pass   
I believe I`ll grow real soon and   
That is what I do believe" 

_Nevermind_  
what people say   
Hold your head high   
and turn away   
With all our hopes   
and dreams 

_I will believe_  
Even though it seems   
it`s not for me   
I won`t give up   
I`ll keep it up   
Look into the sky   
I   
will achieve   
all my needs   
I will   
always   
believe 

_"I believe I can_  
I believe I will  
I believe I know my dreams   
are real 

_I believe I`ll chant_  
I believe I`ll pass   
I believe I`ll grow real soon and   
That is what I do believe" 

_"I believe I can_  
I believe I will   
I believe I know my dreams   
are real 

_I believe I`ll chant_  
I believe I`ll pass   
I believe I`ll grow real soon and   
That is what I do believe...." 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Song: I believe Artist: Yolanda Adams ( barely modded) 

*This is a song from the movie "Honey" that I don't own either...just to cover my ass*   
_____________________________________________________

(A/N: Cont. of last Chappy) 

Harry gulped harshly and turned his face to the side as he bit his lip. He struggled to make words in his throat as his palms of his hands grew sweaty.

“I can’t tell you, Severus. You wouldn’t understand”

Sev shook his head, his face turning serious. 

“I can not understand what you do not tell me, Harry. It was a simple question. I am a smart man. Try me.”

The teenager’s shoulders trembled as he got out of the chair and gave his back to the curious, concerned man. He walked a distance from the table as he worked out a way to tell the man the truth without giving it away. 

“You ever had a dream so precious you daren’t speak it for fear it might end? A dream that tells you what paradise would be like if you could touch it? It is something you keep so deep inside yourself for fear of ending it. Have you ever had that, Professor?”

Severus nodded, even though Harry couldn’t see it.

"Several, though I hardly remember them now. 20 years of war killed them several times by now.”

A sigh shook through the younger man as he looked at the floor. His shoulders slumped. 

“I’ve never had a single thing I could ever say was absolutely mine. Not a single thing for which to call my own. Not my magic, which was honed for the use of battle. Not my possessions, most of which belonged to others before I touched them. Not the clothes on my back until recently. Even that which could have been called mine was destroyed in hatred. I watched my memories burn to ash and float away in a cloud of smoke. It has become so bad, that until I killed Tom Riddle, not even my own mind was solely mine to keep."

Harry fought against the lump in his throat as he forced himself to continue.

"I’ve been used and taken apart by most of the people in my life. Even the fame I hate was made by others. You have no idea how it feels to know that you’ve never even owned your own soul for all that it’s inside you. But the dream I etched on my skin; that ismine. No one can take it from me. I kept it hidden from the world, because it would have been destroyed. It is as fragile as delicate spider thread, and as priceless as ones own heart. It’s mine. I made it, and until today, no one could destroy that.”

The tremble turned into shaking as the young voice cracked. 

“Don’t ask me what it is. Don’t ask me to explain to you something indescribable. It is all I have left now. A secret so small, so preciuous I have to hold it close to my chest. And no matter how immoral, no matter how wrong, no matter how unattainable my dream is, it’s still mine.”

The head of dark hair lifted as the one emerald eye fixed on the dark man sitting quietly at the table. A single tear traveled down the youthful cheek as naked, raw emotion poured from one soul to another by sight alone. 

“Don’t take it from me please? Please, Severus. Even if it is impossible, even though I know it will never come true, don’t take it from me. It’s all I have now. A fools hope is better then none at all.”

For several minutes neither spoke as they stared each other. Then Severus drew the gift out of the box he had already opened. He placed what looked to be a small bowl in front of him and un-shrunk it. An ordinate Pensieve with a crafted lid. The handle of the lid was a sight to behold. A black snake and silver swan touched toungue to beak. But it was what they held from their joined kiss that was most cherished. A silver swirl of memories, 7 vials in all. Severus ran his hand down the swans back as he spoke, his voice rough with remembered pain and distant past that he always tried to keep hidden. He fingered the vials gently, a feathers brush. A caress.   
Finally he began to speak. 

“You know Harry; I met your mother long before we came to school. She and I lived three houses apart. Lily Evans she was then. All red curls and rosy cheeks at the age of five. She saw me crying with a black eye on the curb near the playground on our street. It was rare that my father was so drunk he forgot to keep his hands off my face...I remember...."

***Flash back***

_"Hey there. Wha' happened to your face? Did you fall down?"_

_Little Sev'us rubbed his unbruised eye and sniffed._

_"Naw. Da...he was mad cause I walked into him. It was an accident."_

_Little Lil frowned._

_"Then why didn't he help kiss it better. My mum always kisses it better. Specail med'cine in those kisses."_

_The dark boy's lip trembled._

_"Cause Da isn't like a mum. Da's don't ever kiss their boys."_

_The red haired child shrugged._

_"Oh well.....why don't you come over to my house. My da puts ice on dark spots like that...."_

_"NO! I can't. Da will...."_

_Five year old Lily smirked in true child-like fashion._

_"Then it'll be our secret. We won't tell no one. Now, come on silly. If we get the ice on fast enough, after, if you're lucky, I'll kiss it better an' you won't have to hurt no more."_

_The little dark haired boy gave a light, watery smile. It was perhaps the first smile he could ever remember on his face._

_"Oh by the way, m'names Lily. Whats Yours._

_"Severus Snape. Y'r name is pretty. Your pretty too, just like a flower"_

_Lily giggled._

_"Thats what my Da calls me. Lily Flower. Come on Sev'us , no time to waste...."_

***End Flash Back*** 

"....We made a pact that day. Lily called them accident days, even as we grew. Whether at home or Hogwarts, whenever I came to school, I would corner her. I hated the nurse of course, because Poppy always threatened to tell my father. But with Lily, all I had to say was 'Accidental slip-up' and she would help me in an unused class room. It wasn't until 6th year when she got tired of calling them accidents and begged me to tell her what life was like with my father. We were inseperable."

Harry watched the man before him slip down the foggy trail of childhood memories, smiling bittersweetly.

"She was always ready with a tender touch and a beaming smile. Everyone else knew your father, but I was the only one who truly could say I knew your mother. Through the years she took care of me. Patched up the bruises, treated the wounds. Never pushing too much to get answers, even when she knew it was getting worse. It would always be our secret. Poppy Pomphrey may be a gifted medi-witch, but your mother knew how to treat with compassion far surpassing her years. Such a free and gentle spirit was Lily Evans. Until I knew who you were, I’d never met a kinder person. Singularly bright and tender."

A dark look passed over his face as he continued. 

"And the cruelty I dealt her when I told the prophecy to Tom Riddle I have never forgiven myself for. In some ways, I am the reason you bare the scar that you hate so much. Had it not been for my betrayal, all of this could have been prevented. At least, that is what I told myself.”

A suffering sigh echoed out of his mouth as his shoulders sagged. 

“Many thought I had designs for her. But being solely attracted to males and realizing that at an early age, your mother and I let the gossips have their falsehood. Until the day I had the mark burned into my arm, she was my most precious friend. She had such forgiveness, even after she knew I had become a death eater. You asked me if I ever had a dream so cherished I daren’t tell anyone. My dream was for us always to remain friends. It was a dream I gave away, when I decided to be so hateful of my father I went blind with vengeance.”

Lank hair fell across the prominent face, shadowing it to keep the truth of pain hidden. 

“Like you, I kept my dream so close. Your mother alone knew the life I lived, and never judged me for who I was or what I became. She understood my hatred, my need to teach my father I wasn’t a victim. She cautioned me not to lose myself to my anger, but she never stopped me. Even when James threatened to leave her for her friendship with me. “

He paused to meet eyes with the younger wizard. 

“I live with the regret of not being able to tell her what she meant to me. Of not being able to return the kindness she gave. Of holding myself away from the world and closing myself in the dark where no one could see me. And I live with the cold shame and grief of know my need for vengeance was instrumental in her death. I’ve a life time full of unforgiven transgressions, but none so deeply as what I did to the only true friend I ever had.”

His face became determined as the pain gave way to wisdom. Wisdom he needed to teach the broken spirit in front of him. 

“ I may never be able to tell your mother I’m sorry or ask forgiveness for what I did to her and her husband, but that doesn’t mean I can not make up for it. Do not mistake me, Harry. This is not an obligation, the care I give to you. I am not taking care of you now, because of some regret I never absolved myself of to you mother. But if you let me, I can show you that the cruelty you endured does not have to rule you like I let it rule me. I can show you how to rise above it. But not if you believe anyone has power over you. You have far more then you know, and you fought through a life time of torment to keep it.”

He stood up and walked over to the younger man, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"One thing your mother taught me more then any other lesson was that our dreams never die. Even when we leave them, they are still there, waiting for us to notice them. To be ready to grab them up and try to make them come true. In a world were little is impossible and magic is real, nothing is certain. Nothing is black and white. Only you hold up the limits you create for yourself. For all that you hate your fame, you’ve achieved incredible things. You are the survivor of two harsh wars, and you’ve yet to lose your heart. It is your strength. For all your power, you have such compassion. You care greatly for the world that knows little outside of a mark on your head. With little else but your wand risen into the air, you’ve managed to do what not many would have the courage to, and yet, you are so humble."

Harry nearly choked on the lump that reappeared in his throat, but he forced himself past his doubts to listen. 

"You are a great man Harry. Not because of what you have done, but because of who you are. And for all the darkness that tries to drag you down, you still face the world with a smile. You tried so hard not to show the weaknesses, to be the legs and arms for a world that has all but forgotten to use its own limbs. You give hope to those who really know you. Not because of Tom Riddle or Albus Dumbledore or the war. But because you show someone who has no belief in themselves that no matter how daunting a task, nothing is impossible.”

He pulled up his left sleeve. 

“Once I hated. Once I let the darkness tempt me and traveled down into hell. Once I let myself be chained into slavery for the pride of vengence. It is a stain I carried all around myself. A taint no spell or chemical could wash away. And like you, I let myself believe that was all I was ever going to be. Dirty and hollow. I traveled the roads of my existence cursing and punishing myself. Because of a moment’s snap decision and a need for revenge, like the world, I let my mark of stupidity define me.I spoon fed myself with self loathing. But I don’t feel it anymore. I learnt that I let my mark define me for too long. I finally grew to understand that like the scar on your head, the one on my arm had no right to tell me who I was. You know who taught me that. You.”

He walked a distance away, his face calm as he stood tall.

“Don’t throw your dreams away. Don’t think that just because it seems hopeless, that it is. Nothing is impossible, as long as you have the heart and the courage to fight for it. Besides…..”

Then Severus revealed something he wouldn’t have thought anyone would ever see. A far more guarded secret then all the ones in his mind. He opened the collar of his robe and his white dress shirt to reveal a muggle tattoo that looked no more then a couple days old. The vibrant colors still shown brightly against his pale skin. A raven with emerald wings stood side by side with a Griffin of red and gold. Circled around the pair of animals was a white snake biting it’s tail. But the detail that most stood out was the two criss crossed wands that crested over the top of the creatures. The last was the black and silver lightening bolt that lit those wands with power. 

Harry gasped silently and looked from the mark to the onyx eyes.

“Your dream may be closer then you think, Harry. Hold it with both hands and don’t let it go. You never know when the next impossibility becomes a reality. Don’t ever dare give up.”

The Dark man stood and walked off to brew his potions, leaving the teenager to blink in shock. Hope sparked the tiniest fire for the first time inside of Harry. After a life lived in the icy claws of a harsh fate, that tiny fire could have warmed nations. 

************* 

What neither could know though, was how the universe began to work her will. A pair of matched, bloody stars began to weave through the sky as the silver threads of destiny began to bind two half hearts into one. A revolution had begun. 

All that was needed was time. And the Universe waited with a slowly measured, baited breath. After all, what was time taken when you had forever.


	20. Hell hath no fury like a Witch's scorn

  
Author's notes: The Dursleys and Dumbles are Judged. 'Nough said.   


* * *

_Green eyes just smiled to the world_  
Full of dreams and with fascination  
Too soon   
You saw that his hands were chained and   
pulled without any freedom 

_It's always the same,_  
He feared no way out  
He could not break it  
He could take it no more 

_It's burning me up inside_  
Lost all my tears, can't cry  
No reason, no meaning  
Just hatred  
No matter how hard he tried  
You had a beast inside  
It's growing, it's waiting  
Just to hurt him 

_His heart was hurt by the fight and_  
I see your mouth that tries to deny us  
But every hope that he had has died or   
has been shattered to pieces 

_It's always the same,_  
he feared no way out  
He could not break it  
He could take it no more 

_It's burning me up inside_  
Lost all my tears, can't cry  
No reason, no meaning  
Just hatred  
No matter how hard he tried  
You had a beast inside  
It's growing, it's waiting  
Just to hurt him 

_Just to hurt him  
Just to hurt him_

_Can't you see his eyes, what lies inside_  
They've given up, they no longer shine  
Too soon they close with one last cry  
Before they turn to light 

_Just to hurt him_

_It's burning me up inside_  
Lost all my tears, can't cry  
No reason, no meaning  
Just hatred  
No matter how hard he tried  
You had a beast inside  
It's growing, it's waiting  
Just to hurt him 

Song: Blue Eyes ( Modded to fit ) Artist: Within Temptation

( A/N Not for Albus lovers or Sensative hearts. Further I dedicate this chapter, to all those like me, who never had a chance to see their Abusers brought to rightful justice. And to all others out there with Violent Tendencies......watch your arses. Lady Justice ALWAYS finds a way.)   
____________________________________________________

As the ruling voice of Magical Law Enforcement, Madam Amelia Bones had always been a fair person. She had prided herself on listening to both sides before making a ruling. Through the difficult trials during the war and the incarceration of Death Eaters, she had weathered the storm with calm swiftness. She was always cool and collected, never one to show her anger even when she could barely speak for fear of what she might say. Never had she let her masks slip from her face as she looked down on some of the cruelest criminals the Wizarding World had to offer. 

Until today that is. 

Irony was not lost on her as she once again thought of this particular case. Sickening that they were still recovering from a muggle hating tyrant, when before her stood three criminals who hated wizards in the same fashion. Were it not such a serious matter, she might have laughed at fate. 

When the file had appeared on her desk two weeks ago, she’d had no idea what she was in for. It had taken a while to get over the shock of the name of the victim alone. Harry Potter may have been abused by his relatives, but she never expected the young man’s name to be scrolled across the parchment with a black dot next to it. The arrow running through that dot meant only one thing. Severe case. It meant that what was contained within the file was going to be harsh. 

When such a case came up, usual protocol was to pass it through to muggle justice. Non-magic folk did not fare well among wizards, so it was often said. But the folder that had been put before her came complete with scrolls and Penseive memories. That could only have meant two things had occurred here. The first was the nature of the crimes had been so severe that no muggle law would be enough. The second was, Harry's relatives had abused him precisely because he was a wizard. It had been nearly two hundred years since such a thing had happened. 

She was still skeptical at first. After all, squibs barely tolerated magical edict. It was rare that such a person was tried and convicted by the Wizengamot. But people with no magic whatsoever? It had only happened twice in the history of the Ministry. 

It had only taken her exactly two minutes to realize just why these.....animals were being tried in her court. It has taken a full minute after to want to skip the whole case and kill them herself. She had barely gotten through half the first scroll before her rage nearly consumed her entirely. She hadn't lost control of her magic since she was thirteen. But on that first day, she had lost it completely. 

Reading the full file had taken visiting the man who had sent it for several potions to calm herself. Professor Snape hadn't even asked her why she was there. He has simply given her a week’s worth of Calming Draught and Anti-Nausea draft for her stomach. Just before she had left, he told her with a pat on the shoulder, to _"Fortify Yourself."_

It wasn't until she had seen the memories he sent that she had understood what he really meant. 

To see a toddler, barely able to walk, be treated to something that made Crucio look painless broke something inside her. It changed her entire life. This couldn't be THE Harry Potter. It couldn't be the same sixteen year old teenager that took down Voldemort. How could such a brutalized person have had the strength to defeat the Darkest Wizard of their age? Where exactly had he gotten the courage after a lifetime of slavery? It was a question she could not answer. And likely never be able too, either. 

One thing she knew with absolute certainty was this. There were heroes and Gods that were legend. There were fabled warriors and Dark mages with powers that would make all shiver. But after this day, at least for her, they all paled in comparison to the boy who was their Savior. 

Never before had she truly understood quite so completely, until this time. But after all she had seen of this young man's life Harry Potter was truly the boy that lived. 

It had broken her heart that he had to suffer so much for something most people took for granted. 

******************************

So now, two week later, the court was silent around her. They waited on her final judgment, the rage she felt painted in every single pair of eyes. All but three, that it. She looked down at the muggle family before her with more hatred then she thought she could ever feel in her lifetime. The memories that haunted her screamed in her brain as she stared down on them. 

Finally she spoke, her eyes wanting to burn them on the spot, just for the satisfaction of listening to them scream. 

“Mr. Dudley Peter Dursley, you are charged with ninety-three acts of severe physical assault and four acts of attempted murder to your cousin. Your name and any future titles you might have gained are here by stripped from you. However because you are barely above adult age, you will not be sentenced to time in our prison. You will be sent to St. Lector’s Wizarding Asylum for the criminally insane. You are to stay there for the rest of your life. You are to be given a meager diet of rations until such time that you are down to a reasonable weight. You will sleep where you are told, eat when you are told, go to the bathroom when you are given permission, and be guarded twenty-four/seven. You will dress to the station you are assigned. Disobey, and you will be punished. Try to leave and the Dementors will have their way with you. Perhaps after a few years of listening to the madness and harsh rules within, you will begin to understand why it is very wrong to be a viscous bully.”

Dudley was screaming and begging behind the Silencing charms, but she paid it no heed. 

She turned her eyes then on the woman. As far as she was concerned, this one had no relation to Lily Potter. 

“Petunia Marie Dursley, you are absolutely the worse family anyone could share blood with. I have had the privilege of meeting your parents, your sister and your nephew. They must have gotten all the kindness and compassion from them. For I very much doubt you have a grain of sand’s worth of either. You cannot have a heart or a mind to be able to witness what your husband did to Harry, and do nothing. How could you watch such a young child be treated in such a fashion and never do a single thing to help? Not only that, but you had the audacity to starve him on top of it. You are a lot of things, woman, but you are no blood of Evans. You are what your husband made you. A Dursley. And after this day, you can be assured that name will die. As the saying goes, good riddance to bad rubbish."

Amelia paused to calm herself again before continuing. 

"You are charged with neglect, abuse and enslavement of a minor. For your crimes, you are forthwith banished from the Evans family line. You will be permanently cursed into a non-magical house-elf. You will be a creature of servitude. Your life sentence, never to be revoked, will be spent in service between Azkaban’s maximum security section for twenty years and St. Mungo’s closed ward for the remainder of your life. You will be fed, and dressed in the barest manner of survival. You will never be able to speak, write, or read. You will perhaps learn just what it means to be a slave. Maybe then you will be able to understand just how vile what you did was. Though with your narrow, hateful mind, I sincerely doubt it.”

The painfully thin looking woman screamed for silent mercy as the Aurors dragged her away. The look of terror on her face gave a small measurement of satisfaction to Madam Bones. 

But it quickly faded as she looked at the last muggle before her. This man made her swallow roughly. She wasn’t entirely sure any punishment would be enough for this bastard. 

“Mister Vernon Michael Dursley, the crimes you have committed are too insurmountable and unforgivable to dare be spoken. You are a man the underworld would not accept. I have watched innocents being tortured before. My own mother and father fell under unspeakable acts before my very eyes. But what you did to the child under the care of your family was.....there is no word for it. There is not a single term that can fit just what you are. I have been a judge of this court through Voldemort. In my youth I had learned of Dark Wizards like Grindelwald and muggles such as Adolf Hitler. None of those criminals hold a birthday candle to you. Every person here has heard the history both our worlds. Let me assure you, Dursley, none of them have ever seen such a despicable creature as the one they now look upon. Be very glad your sister was killed in a car accident four days ago. Because I can assure you, she would be sharing your fate."

She barely kept herself from choking the son of a bitch when he smiled at hearing how badly he had treated his nephew. 

"Of all the criminals I’ve put to justice, you are the cruelest and most evil of men. I have never before implemented the Judge’s Code of Tortures before today. The last person tried under the code died four hundred years ago. Unlike you, none of the magical folk here relish such cruelty. There are rare few who can fathom it that haven't died. But knowing what you have done to your nephew, one Mr. Harry James Potter, there is simply no other way that this ruling body will be satisfied otherwise.”

She stood, drawing her wand.

“Wizards and Witches of the Wizengamot, and all those before us, please stand. I ask you now to draw your wands on this Harbinger of vile malcontent and destruction.”

From the seats behind them, people in the court rose, circling widely around Vernon as they drew their wands. Amount them were most of the Professors of Hogwarts and the entire Order of the Phoenix. Even Fred and George Weasley, along with their parents and two older brothers, stood with smiles of feral joy on their faces. 

Madam Bones’ voice rose strongly as she spoke, screaming out her judgment.

“WE CURSE YOU, VERNON MICHAEL DURSLEY. YOU WILL SUFFER EVERY PAIN, EVERY TORTURE, EVERY TEAR, AND EVERY SINGLE ACT THAT YOU VISITED UPON HARRY JAMES POTTER. YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW, ALWAYS BE HAUNTED, AND NEVER ESCAPE. YOU WILL BE KEPT SANE, AND ALIVE EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE FULL SEVENTEEN YEARS OF HIS LIFE AS YOU SUFFER YOU OWN SICK AND TWISTED ACTS OF ABUSE. YOU WILL BE KEPT IN THE DARKEST AND LOWER PART OF THIS WORLD, WITH ONLY YOUR OWN SCREAMS TO KEEP YOU COMPANY. ON THE TWENTY-FOURTH HOUR OF THE SEVENTEENTH YEAR, YOU WILL BE SLOWLY DISMEMBERED, KEPT ALIVE AS YOU SUFFER EVERY SINGLE CUT OF YOUR FLESH. THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL YOU BE GIVEN THE DEMENTOR’S KISS. YOU HAVE BEEN JUDGED. MAY THE GODS AND MERLIN HAVE NO MERCY ON YOU SOUL"

As the magical energy grew, it took the form of a large black dragon rising out of billowing electric smoke. Vernon pissed himself in fear at the roaring beast of judgment before him. It was not until he saw the eyes of the ethereal monster that he knew the true horror he faced. 

As he saw the green eyes glowing in furious fire, he screamed so loud he shattered his voice box. 

But like his nephew had suffered for so many years, he screamed in vein. No one heard him, and no one cared. There was no salvation for him as the dark wave captured him up and poured into his ears, eyes, nose, mouth and pores. 

And the words that he heard from the pseudo Harry all those weeks ago would forever echo in his head. 

_“May flights of demons drag you to your death.”_

*********************************************************

After a two hour recess and much consideration, Madam Bones and Lucius Malfoy, Head of the School board, stood in a closed room deep in the Ministry. Minerva, Severus, Filius and Pomona stood behind them, eyes all fixed on one Albus Dumbledore. It was time for the former Headmaster's day of reckoning. 

It was perhaps the hardest ruling ever to be passed down in the history of the Ministry of Magic. 

“Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, This is a sad day in Wizardom. To know that a prolific Leader such as you needs to be brought to justice is truly horrid. You were the figure many children looked up to. A brilliant teacher, a powerful wizard and once a honest man. It hurts me to have to do my duty. I was one of those children once. There was a time I would have given anything to get a kind word from you. War tarnishes many a person. And after so long, I suppose, one can get too lenient, too blinded by the sun. And too close to the lies to see the truth.”

She glared at him then, her face turning to stone. 

“Harry Potter was once a child too. He came to you for practical guidance, knowledge and truth. From the moment he stepped into your world, he idolized you much like the rest of us. He grew from nothing but pain, stood on broken dreams and more then a few broken bones. He came to you in truth, begging for the kind hearted man the whole of the Wizarding world thought you were. He told you secrets, told you truths, let you see him as no one would until recently. He did as you asked, and became the warrior you wanted him to be. Everything you asked of him, he did for you. Not the Wizards and not the muggles. For the family he no longer had, he became just what you asked him to become. That young man gave everything of himself for you and your cause. But when he asked you for just one favor, one salvation, one gift that could have saved him from brutality, you turned your face away. You took the last hope that poor boy had in the whole world and crushed it. In allowing him to be beaten, you all but held the whip out for his relatives to take. You gave them the power to do what they did. All because you simply could spare a moment of your time to care for the child who became the savior you MADE him.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. 

“Where is the brilliance in that? Where is the teacher who was wizened by the passing of time? Where was his savior when he needed him most? Who did he have to depend on to save him from the war he fought?”

She barely held back a snarl. 

“I can assure you, Albus Dumbledore, that though Harry can not seek the justice he so richly deserves, I will seek it for him.”

She bent to the scroll before her, her pain hidden down inside her as her judgment rang true.

“You are charged with neglect, manipulation, misuse of potions, and reckless endangerment of a minor. You are hereby stripped of your titles, estates, magic, monies, and position of Headmaster. It’s been decided that you shall spend the rest of your days alone, in a closed ward at St. Mungo’s. You will be rendered speechless, and without the ability to write or read. You will be fed by a deaf, blind, mute and be allowed no visitors. You will be bound to your bed, and never be able to escape. But because of your victory over Grindelwald, you will be saved from receiving the Dementor’s Kiss. You will spend the remainder of your years there. Perhaps with only your own mind to keep you company, you will finally understand why Harry begged you for the help you never gave him. You will understand a life with no help or hope, just as he had to everytime you refused to hear his plea. ”

She turned towards Minerva, newly appointed Headmistress of Hogwarts. 

“Hand me his wand, please, Professor.”

After receiving the wand, she whispered a string of Latin words. The other professors joined her as she intoned the enchantment, sealing the old wizard’s magic. With a final word, she gripped the wand at tip and handle, and closing her eyes almost painfully, snapped it in half. 

 

A single tear dripped down her face as she felt the immense magic slip away and die in the man before her. The Reign of the Leader of light, a hundred and sixty-seven years old, ended with a whispered gasp from aged lips. 

 

The Earth Mother drew in the magic silently from her errant child. The age old saying took life this day in the small room. Those good in heart could fall so far when they think themselves Gods among men. 

******************************************************

As the court ruled their judgment, a broken young man laid his head upon his pillow. Hogwarts surrounded him in her arms as he fell into slumber. No nightmares visited the haunted warrior this night. As the warring Gods that once ruled his childhood were taken to their prisons, he rested peaceful. In the cradle of Morpheus he could not know he had finally gained his freedom. The ghostly chains around him still held him thus.

Time and love would slowly see the chains fall away now as he recovered his soul from hell.


	21. A Mostly Beastly Shot in the night

  
Author's notes: Constant Vigilance! So Moody said, But Not for Harry. A shot in the dark on soundly feet leaves him curse. What happened, who done it, and What is Harry NOW!  


* * *

  
I can't escape this hell  
So many times I've tried  
But I'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself 

_So what if you can see_  
the darkest side of me  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe   
it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal!  
This animal,   
this animal 

_I can't escape myself_  
So many times I've lied  
But there's still rage inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself 

_So what if you can see_  
the darkest side of me  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe   
it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become 

_Help me believe_  
it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal 

_Somebody help me through this nightmare_  
I can't control myself  
Somebody wake me from this nightmare  
I can't escape this hell 

_This animal, this animal_  
This animal, this animal  
This animal, this animal  
This animal 

_So what if you can see_  
the darkest side of me  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe   
it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become 

_Help me believe_  
it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal!  
This animal I have become 

Song: Animal I have become Artist: Three Days Grace

________________________________________________________

This night, not three complete days after the new Headmistress had taken her post, the shock had worn off. Most students figured that the former Headmaster had simply retired. The odd rumor here or there still formed in circled whispers. But with the small adjustment, not much time was given to thought. Classes needed to be gone to, homework completed, and studying done. After a full day, many simply found themselves too tired to keep many rumors going. 

All but for a rare few who knew, the rest just took it at face value that there was a new Head of Hogwarts and left it at that. 

This night, Harry found himself doing what he had always done best. He wandered the whisper quiet halls of Hogwarts in the dead of night. While most other students were forced in at curfew, the Professors never docked him points anymore. Unlike the former Headmaster, they saw beyond the hero who love to break the rules. They started to see beyond the scar on his head. Now, they simply saw a troubled man who, after a lifetime of nightmarish hell in the dark, simply couldn’t sleep. 

Harry every now and again met an odd seventh year here or there. Sometimes Draco, sometimes Hermione or Ron. Heck even Neville had the odd bout of sleeplessness and a perchance of wandering the halls. But then, the war left its bloody scar on many a brain. It was no longer a wonder to see a student trapsing the darkened stone corridors at night in the school. No one as often as Harry Potter, but then, his sleep was more troubled then most.

Harry traced the walls with his fingers, feeling the sentiment energies within the aged stone. He could almost read the history of this sacred place from the roots to the tiers of the castle. Hogwarts was like an old book; weathered pages tattered with the footprints of the past. Students, Professors, Headmasters and Mistresses were all echoing within the roughened stone beneath his fingertips. Hogwarts herself never forgot her residents. She was the mother of many, from past to present, but a master of none. 

Unhindered by the protective structure, he walked, exploring new areas that he hadn’t ever taken the time to. Unused hallways, old classrooms full of musty smells and cobwebs. A whole domain that even if he explored every crevice, he could never fully discover in his whole life time. She kept her secrets well, this old girl. Hogwarts had always been his home. He cherished these quiet strolls of endless exploration.

He knew he was in the dungeon somewhere, lost in the memories of nearly 7 years. His footsteps barely breaking the silence as he walked between doorways, around corners and through nooks and crannies. The hallway he was in seemed to go on forever barely lighted but for the torches strapped in rusty metal above his head. 

In his walk down memory lane, he’d let slip his overdeveloped alertness. 

After all, what did he have to fear? The only other person he knew walked with any stealth was Severus. But the Potions Master wasn’t in the castle tonight. Severus’ legendary skills and innovative potions were far more sought after now that the war was over. As this was a Saturday, he was off at a convention in France somewhere, with others of his profession. 

So Harry thought he was safe. After all, who would follow him at 3:30 in the morning? 

But his were not the only footsteps that could walk soundlessly.

“Hey Mudblood, catch….”

Before he had time to see the feminine attacker, a flush of magic hit him square in the back, stumbling him to his knees. A running of footsteps away from him told him that his attacker was fleeing. By the time he turned, a faint scent of lotus perfume was all that remained. 

His stupidity had cost him. He didn’t even know what hit him. He cursed himself for making such a careless mistake. 

He stood for a moment, still feeling the sting of dark magic pressing into his back, directly between his hidden wings. He heard no words, so he didn’t even know what had hit him. How could he explain anything when he didn’t even know what spell he had been hit with? He groaned in frustration as he turned and started walking swiftly to the Hospital wing. Maybe if he got there in time, the magicks hovering on his skin could be traced to what kind of inchantation had been used. 

But his steps slowed as he felt something begin to pulse through his system. Like a thousand fiery locusts, the whispered hex crawled under his skin. It forced something wild in him to break free with a roar. Every sense awoke in him at once, so swift and so fast he had nary a time to understand what was happening to him.

He barely had time to think before he gripped his stomach, stumbling as he forced himself to continue on his way. The inheritance of his blood, tied to the strange unknown fur on his arms, made its presence known now. The white hair that for months had been continuously cut short grew with a sickening speed. His fangs lengthened without thought and grew a full two inches more then their norm. Bottom fangs not quite as large joined them as his heart raced and his blood turned to fire. His elfin ears grew, white fur lining their edges as his wings broke out of his back with a brutal force. He growled in agony as the blood thirst burned him raw. His legs barely kept him walking as the pain of this odd transformation crippled him. He looked around frantically. He needed help now. 

He continued his walk until he found a door with a scent he knew. Draco’s Prefect room. He stumbled to it, finally falling to his knees as he reached the wooden door. He pounded on it, praying that for just this night, Draco had decided to stay in rather then go for a walk. 

Sheer dumb luck, it seemed, still worked in his favor. 

A half asleep Draco opened the door, his annoyance plain in his voice.

“What the bloody…..”

A clawed hand reached out and dragged him down. A scream lodged in his throat as he came face to face with someone he didn’t recognized. Were it not from the plainly familiar tattoo and scar, he wouldn’t have known who it was. 

“Potter, what in Merlin’s name happened to you?”

The deepened, gravelly voice that answered him only added to the mystery.

“Draco……no time…..hexed….don’t know…wrong. Get….Moony….tell…firecall Hagrid….hurry….no control….fly….please. I stay…..you lock in….then go.”

Draco nodded as the clawed hand let him loose. Even broken the message was crystal clear. He tapped into his own Veela strength as he yanked the odd creature Potter past his door and closed it behind him. Then he turned to the portrait guarding his door and poked the painted man in it. 

“Sir Rufus!”

The painted man opened his eyes and saw the urgency in the face before him. Seeming to shake his sleep from him, Sir Rufus stood up straight and brandished his staff. 

“Yes, young prince?”

“Guard this door with your painted life. No one is to exit, no matter how they beg. Also no one is to enter but Professors Hagrid, Lupin, Snape or myself. A much wild student lies within these chamber, Sir, hexed with something unknown. Do not fail to keep him safe but secure. I am counting on you.”

The painted man barely had time to nod as with a flash of wings, his young prince flew with swift winds through the nearly sleeping castle. 

*********************

In what seemed like a blink of an eye, Draco returned with a much awake Professor Lupin and a still yawning Hagrid. Before Draco ordered his door open, he stared them both down. 

“Be quick and alert, gentleman. As of yet, I don’t know what he was hexed with or what it has done to him. But he is barely able to control what seems to be more then one beast. Be on your guard.”

Both nodded, preparing themselves for whatever may come. With a sharp word, the door opened, closing swiftly behind them to keep in its singular spelled resident. 

With only three days from the full moon, Remus was the first to hear the pained, whisper quiet, but much deepened voice of his surrogate godson. He felt the wild energies rolling off of Harry as he slowly approached the shadowy figure hunched over and tightened against a darkened corner of the room. 

“Moony….help….hurts….sssoooo hungry. Hard to stay still. Hunt call….bloodlust…..was hexed….don’t know what’s wrong….”

He never took his eyes from the teenager as he spoke to the two behind him.

“Stay back. At the moment I don’t know what’s wrong with him. But he’s right about one thing. His control is thread bare over the primal animals inside him. Moony he knows. He is my cub. But you two don’t have that connection. Get too close, and he may very well kill you without the ability to know his actions. Just stay as far back as you can unless I call for you.”

The footsteps backing away from him told Remus his warning was well heeded. 

He took two steps closer to the deeply panting figure before him before dropping to one hand and his haunches. Once again, he let the extremely tight leash he had on Moony loosened as much as he dared. He felt his muscles flex and become more solid as wolf claws tapped the stone beneath his flattened digits and against his knee. Sensitive ears became beastly pointed as teeth sharpened in his mouth. Finally he pulled back, holding tight to his wolf blood lest it come full force upon him. 

“Cub, it’s Moony. I’m here now sweet cub. Come now. Come to me. Let me see you. I want to help you, but you’re in the dark. Don’t be afraid. I will help with the pain if I can, but you must come to me first.”

Slowly, nearly crawling, the figure that was Harry dragged itself out of the shadows. Remus’ eyes widened as he took in the strange collection of features. Along with the claws, fangs, fur, and wings, a sleek white furred tail curled itself over a shoulder, twitching in agitation. He had never seen such an odd collection of primal features in one person. 

But someone else in the room had. Hagrid gasped slightly, his voice low and somewhat calm as he let information slide through his lips. 

“Well paint m’beard and call me Merlin. He’s a Leporian. Elvish folk so rare they was said to be wiped out. Leporians are a sub species of the high elf, they are. It’s said that they are the tie between panthers and elves. Sum’thin ta do wif shapeshiftin. Halflin elves that were separated. Careful there, pr’fessor. They aren’t known fer restrian’. They’s wild’uns, they are. Best be alert.”

Remus barely nodded, not daring to take his eyes off the creature in front of him. He opened his arms as the primal animal that was his cub collapsed into his arms. 

“Moony….w-w-what’s wrong w-w-with me? Hurts so much.”

“Shh, Harry, it’s alright cub. I’ve got you now. Easy now, little one. I don’t know what curse you were hit with, but we’ll make it better. What hurts the most?”

Harry groaned again and barely had time to mumble out. 

“Hungry…..so hungry Moony……it burns….”

A hiss accompanied the gravally words as a hot, cat rough tongue licked at the Jugular vein of Remus’ throat. He shook his head as he grabbed hold of both arms and pushed his cub back. 

“Harry, you mustn’t feed from me. You mustn’t. I’m a werewolf. My blood would sicken you. Vampires and werewolf blood don’t mix, and with good reason. My blood is a poison, no matter how little vampire you have in your system. Don't feed, cub. I beg you. "

Harry whimpered, the pain of his cursed form twisting the sound into a low growl. 

“Sssssseverus…..Sire….need….please.”

Remus thought rapidly as he bit his lip and then nodded to himself. 

“Draco, there is no time to waste. Hurry as swiftly as you can to the Headmistress’s office. She knows the exact location where the Potions Seminar is taken place. Drag him out of bed naked if you have to. Get your godfather here and so not pause for a minute. Tell him to make sure he has the strongest calmative potion he owns with him. Hagrid, I want you to guard the hallway. No one is to past outside that door under any circumstances. I don’t care if you have to bring a damned dragon in to keep them away. Anyone passing this door is in extreme danger. Even I don’t know if my wolf is strong enough to hold him to me with such a strong mixture of inheritances. I am counting on you to keep them safe Rubeus. Do not fail. Go now both of you. I’ll hold him for as long as my arms have strength in them to do so.”

Without hesitation, the half-giant followed the Veela from the room. As Hagrid stood guard over the portal, Draco flew through the corridors. He tucked his wings against him as he navigated the winding staircases. Panting from exertion, he gasped the password to the Headmistress' office and ran up the winding stairs.

“Mister Malfoy, whatever….”

Before Minerva could speak, Draco rushed to explain why he was in her office at four o'clock in the morning. 

“Harry got hit with a curse and we need Severus. He tried to bite Lupin he's so bad. Hagrid's guarding the hallway to keep people away. There’s no time. Firecall him now and hurry.”

The new Headmistress took only a second to gather herself before calling out an address and shoving her head in the fire. 

A moment later, a rumbled Potions Professor came through in a barely closed, floor length night robe and silk pajamas. Though abruptly by Minerva’s harsh tones saying that there was an Emergency, he was wide awake in seconds. The war had taught him well what it meant to get up in a hurry. 

“What’s the urgency?”

Draco looked at him, uttering much the same phrases he did to the Headmistress. Then grabbing his godfather’s arm his piercing blue grey eyes stare into the pitch black ones before him. 

“Don’t walk, don’t sprint, and don’t run. Fly Severus. You hear me. Fly!”

Without another word shared between them, they hurriedly made their way out of the Head office and down the Hallway to the dungeons. Two blurs, one silver, one black streaked past, the strum of Hogwarts cradling their feet as they rushed towards their pained and troubled hero. And the magic of all those past covered them and shimmered in their wake silently, giving swift wings to their legs. 

There wasn’t a moment to lose.


	22. The way to bleeding peace

  
Author's notes: Severus and Draco work hard to remind Harry nature isn't wrong.   


* * *

_I'm at war with the world and they_  
Try to pull me into the dark  
I struggle to find my faith  
As Im slipping from your arms 

_Its getting harder to stay awake_  
And my strength is fading fast  
You breathe into me at last 

_I'm awake I'm alive_  
Now I know what I believe inside  
Now it's my time  
I'll do what I need cause this is my life  
here (right here)  
right now (right now)  
I'll stand my ground and never back down  
I know what I believe inside  
I'm awake and I'm alive 

_Im at war with the world cause_  
I aint never gonna sell my soul  
Ive already made up my mind  
No matter what   
I cant be bought or sold 

_When my faith is getting weak_  
And I feel like giving in  
You breathe into me again 

_I'm awake I'm alive_  
Now I know what I believe inside  
Now it's my time  
I'll do what I need cause this is my life  
here (right here)  
right now (right now)  
I'll stand my ground and never back down  
I know what I believe inside  
I'm awake and I'm alive 

_Waking up waking up_

_In the dark_  
I can feel you in my sleep  
In your arms I feel you breathe into me  
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you  
Forever I will live for you 

_I'm awake I'm alive_  
Now I know what I believe inside  
Now it's my time  
I'll do what I need cause this is my life  
here (right here)  
right now (right now)  
Ill stand my ground and never back down  
I know what I believe inside  
I'm awake and I'm alive 

_Waking up waking up_

Song: Awake and Alive Artist: Skillet   
( only barely tweeked a word or two)   
___________________________________________________

As Severus and Draco arrived once more at the portrait, Draco was panting heavily, barely able to keep upright. Sweat dripped down his face like a miniature waterfall as he fought to calm himself. Veela or not, running as fast as they were hard had been was no small feat. The Head office wasn’t exactly just around the corner from the dungeons of Hogwarts, never mind the prefect’s room. 

He finally calmed enough to utter the password. But before he entered behind his godfather, Severus shook his head.

“No, Draco. You have to stay here. At the moment I’ve no idea what is wrong outside of what you told me. Harry is volatile right now with an unknown curse coursing through him. He is feral, and with three distinct creature inheritances, his physical strength alone is inconceivable. Along with his magical strength, I am not sure even I and Lupin are safe. Stay out here with Rubeus for now. It isn’t worth the risk to have you enter. I will let you know when everything calms.”

Draco nodded in understanding. And though he would never admit it, he was frightened to go back in there. It was a relief to know his godfather told him no. 

Severus entered and waited for the door to slam shut before approaching the pair. He drew to liquids out of his pocket; one in a needle, and one in a beaker. He drew his wand out with his other hand and knelt on the floor.

“Lupin, if you can, extend his arm. I will administer the calmative draught into his system first.”

For a moment nothing happened. Then slowly, Remus slowly stretched Harry left arm. With a whispered ‘Lumos Minima’ Severus’ wand tip lit with a dim glow enough to help him find a vein. With a quick jab, he inserted the needle and pushed the plunder down before pulling out. Now all they could do was wait and see how effective it was. 

Minutes seemed snail like as they sat on the floor. But slowly Harry’s mind began to return, his feral prime bowing its head to the powerful concoction. Muscles loosened, Breathing slowed, and growling quieted as they sat there. Finally Harry spoke, though pain still echoed through his body. 

“Thank you Professor. That spell packed a wallop, whatever it was. I didn’t hear the words, but it bloody hurt getting hexed in the back.”

Severus nodded as Remus slowly loosened his arms. He gave a brief glance at the werewolf, handing him the other beaker, full of a small portion of Wolfsbane to help ease the DADA professor’s lycanthropy back into its tight leash. Then he spoke.

“Yes, hexes in the back always have a perchance to sting. If you can wait to feed, I shall see if I can ascertain the nature of the curse thrown at you. Perhaps there may be a counter for it.”

“Yeah I can wait. The Corens Elixir works fantastically. Merlin bless Salazar.”

As he chuckled at the praise to his house’s founding father, he weaved his wand through the air in complex gestures. When he was finally done, a scroll appeared into the air and he snatched it up to read it over. A combination curse. One part he immediately recognized. 

“It was a combination of two spells that hit you. The first one, roughly translated is called ‘Beast bounding’. Normally, it would have little effect on a normal wizard. It would make the victim be completely covered in dog hair and grow a snout. It’s a trickster’s hex, one that is done to humiliate the victim. However, as you are well aware, you are not a normal wizard. With your multiple creature blood, the hex worked to merge you with them and bring their appearance to the surface. Thus this odd transformation you suffered. Unlike the normal victim, however, there is no counter curse that would work for you. Fortunately, with training you’ll learn to pull the altered state back, like an Animagi would. It will take time, but you will learn to look more human one day. 

“The second curse is unknown to me. Startling as it is, I am not aware of this particular curse. The words are latin though so I can roughly translate it well enough. It is called ‘bonding of the duel natures’. It has no effect on your more primal side, and it has a delayed effect according to this. More then that I can not tell you. I shall need to research. However, whatever it has done or will do will be permanent, though not lethal.”

Harry sighed and groaned in pain. 

“Which one caused the hunger though? The first one?”

Severus shook his head.

“Neither should have had an effect on you. Have you fed tonight?”

Harry nodded adamantly. 

“Of course I have. I feed every night. You told me to, remember.”

Something in the way Harry responded felt off. Severus increased his wand light more as he looked over his young charge. Then his own vampire growled low in his chest as he grabbed Harry’s chin. 

“You are lying. I told you many times before; it is useless to lie to me. Now, how long has it been since you last fed.”

Harry panicked. No, he could tell Severus the truth. The Potions master would kill him for sure. 

“Alright, I fed two days ago.”

Severus’ hold on the chin in his hand grew firmer.

“Another lie. No matter. I shall know momentarily.”

With those quietly sinister words, Severus picked up one of Harry’s hands and bit a finger. One taste of the teenagers blood told him everything. He spat out the bitter blood over-laced with Supression tincture. Without a thought, he slapped Harry across the face, though he did not put enough force behind it to leave more then a slightly reddening handprint. 

Remus roared. 

“SEVERUS!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”

" You should be asking what is wrong with your godson Lupin. I am not the one in danger of death by starvation." 

Without waiting for Remus to respond, Severus immediately turned glaring eyes back on Harry.

“Are you trying to get yourself killed you foolish boy?! I told you that to suppress your bloodlust with potion is dangerous. And from what I just taste, you aren’t merely taking it a once a day. Your blood tastes of nothing but it. No wonder the first spell hit you so badly, with the weaken state you’re in. Finite Incantartum!”

With a wave of his wand, the glamour that hid the shaking youth fell away to reveal a much skinnier creature. Harry’s Malnourishment was plain as day as his ribs stuck out and his nearly translucent skin slowly appeared. His veins and arteries could be seen through his skin; his dehydrated body begging for the sustenance he had refused it. 

Remus gasped at the now revealed sight before him.

“Harry, what have you done? Why are you starving yourself? Does blood bother you that much? This isn’t good cub. You have to feed, you know that.”

Harry shook his head, tears coursing down his face.

“I don’t wanna feed, Remy. I can’t….”

Remus blinked in concerned confusion. 

“Of course you can feed. I’ve seen you do it. Why is it such a problem now?”

Harry shook his head and quietly sobbed as he yanked his head from the hand that held it. He stared at the ground, refusing to reveal the reason behind his starvation. 

Remus’ confused gaze met with Severus’ as he suaght to understand. Though no words were spoken, a hand gesture in front of a groin and a negative shake of his head told the werewolf quite clearly why his cub was in so much pain. 

“Harry, starving yourself to keep from being stimulated is going to kill you. I do understand why you don’t want to feel that way, I do. But you can’t stop feeding to run from it. You have to feed Harry, or you are going to die.”

Harry wailed.

“But I don’t want to feel that way. It hurts so much. It’s filthy and wrong. If I don’t drink blood, I’ll stay clean. I won’t be dirty.”

Another voice chimed in as Draco walked in. Having heard the conversation through the door and understand things as they were, he sat on the floor across from his year mate and tried to help.

“Harry, look at me.”

Hesitantly the tear stained face turned to reluctainly meet Draco’s. 

“I need you to listen to me very clearly now. No man, lest he is suffering a life long condition, can go his whole life without being erect. It will happen whether we want it to or not. No matter what that beast of an uncle taught you, he lied. I understand perfectly well why it may seem wrong to get aroused considering your harsh past. But you are under a deep misconception. Just because we get aroused does not mean we are all like those filthy rapists that tortured you. Getting an erection is just a fact of life. It has been since the dawn of time. If your reasoning were true, that would mean every boy over the age of 10 is dirty and wrong. 

“ You will get hard. There is no way to suppress that. Save for curse, illness, or permanent damage, nothing will stop that. What I think you do not understand is it alright to be that way. Every male on earth does. Hell it happens to me more then once a day at the most inopportune times and I hurt no one because of it. Yes, it is uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing, but it happens.”

Draco paused, trying desperately to keep the flush from his face at his admittance. The man in front of him might take a blush the wrong way. 

“But starving yourself to death, now that is , forgive me, the stupidiest thing I’ve ever heard. Do you want to die.”

Harry looked at the ground miserably.

“ Maybe I should die. After all, Voldemort is…..”

Draco grabbed Potter by the front of his shirt, not caring for the moment whether he might get bitten or not. 

“Potter, how bloody dare you?! After all you’ve lived through, after all you’ve done, and this is your final word? You have lived through the darkest war of our age. You defeated the devil incarnate when no one else could. You’ve lived through the worse of tortures and fought your way to freedom from the evil arses that tried to break you. You were fighting for life for two month while our godfathers ran themselves ragged to keep you in this world. You’ve friends and comrades who love you. Weasley, his family and Granger, never mind half this school, struggled through 7 nightmarish years to get to where we are today. I know you’ve no love for fame, but the whole world owes it’s life to you. And those who died protecting you, they died proudly and with purpose. You are a blind fool. “

Draco let go as he stood, his arms crossed in agitation. 

“You spit on all that when you give up. You tell everyone who hurt you that they own you. You give them victory they don’t deserve when you wish for death. You turn your nose up at everyone who died, who fought, and who struggled through 25 years of darkness. You tell those who died their sacrifice was all for nothing. Are you so weak you would give up on yourself and everyone else, just because you don’t want to get aroused? Are you really ready to let that be the reason you throw everything away? Do you know how….utterly ridiculous that sounds?”

Harry’s face glowed with shame as he let Draco’s words pour through his mind. The truth of his selfish stupidity was harder to hear and even harder to learn. As he thought of his parents and Sirius, he gulped harshly. Malfoy was right. Starving to death by choice, no matter the reason, was a cowards way. He couldn’t do that, dislike of feeding or not. 

Finally after 5 tensioned filled minutes he lifted his head. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be such a bloody selfish coward. I just…..it makes me feel so dirty.”

Remus nodded.

“We know it does. But starving won’t solve anything, Harry. Padfoot, Prongs, and Lily flower would be so sad if they had to meet you this soon. You have so much life in you. Please cub. Let us help you. We can teach you with time how you don’t have to feel dirty. Will you feed, Prongslet? If not for yourself, then for them.”

He sniffled and nodded. 

Severus, having fed from four bags of blood he had on his person in preparation, stepped forward. A couple of blood-replenishing potions he drew from his stores when he retrieved the calmative draught were on hand as he once again took his place on the floor, taking over Remus’s position as stepped away. 

But just as he raised his wrist in front of Harry’s face, a hand came up and held it back. 

“Can …can we please be left alone. I don’t like feeding in front of people? It makes me feel abnormal.”

Draco and Remus nodded before they slipped of the room, Remus giving what he hoped with a proud smile at his Cub’s decision to stop starving himself.

________________________________________________ 

Severus and Harry sat in silence, the atmostfere around them still pregnant with strain. Finally the Professor spoke. 

“When you are ready, Harry. "

Harry nodded. Then his shaky voice grated out orf his scractchy throat.

“Can I ask you something before I …?”

Severus nodded.

“Yes?”

“Has feeding ever made you…”

There was no pause.

“Yes.”

“Does it still cause ….”

Severus shrugged.

“Yes. Although not always. I’ve had years to control such stimulus. But yes, it happens.”

Harry’s shaking increased as he fought his next question past his lips. 

“Did you ever ….h-h-urt anybody because….?”

Severus turned the head around enough to meet eyes with him. 

“Never. Not once. I have never forced myself on anyone. Not when I was a death eater, not when I was a spy, and definitely not after a feeding.”

Harry stared at the black gaze for a few moments before nodding. He could see it was the truth. Biting his lip, he closed his eyes.

“Okay. I’m ready now.”

Severus let his head go as put the wrist almost against the mouth. He barely felt the sting, the young mans hesitantly gentle biting barely cuasing pressure on his arm. He closed his eyes, breathing calmly as he sent waves of peace through his blood to further assure the haunted savior. 

But when Harry tried to seal the bite closed after 7 meager sips, Severus forced his wrist back against the wet lips.

“That wasn’t enough, and we both know that. It was barely enough to feed a bat, Harry.”

“But I’m….it was enough for me.”

Severus’ tone became sharper as he spoke. 

“It most certainly was not enough. I am not moving from this place until I am satisfied that you are fully fed, Harry. Now, take more. You won’t drain me. I’ve fed more then enough and I have a sufficient amount of Blood Replenisher with me.”

Harry shook his head feircly, his one good eye filling with tears again. 

“But…I’m…please….it’s already…I don’t want….”

Severus gentled his voice.

“It’s alright, Harry. It is perfectly natural and there is nothing wrong about it. You won’t get in trouble. I understand and accept. It was like this for me in the beginning years too. It is the way for teenaged and newly sired vampires. Now please continue.”

Harry whimpered, trembling as he opened his mouth and set his fangs back in. But as the blood flowed, he gave into the gnawing thirst his body suffered. His trembling increased as even the calmative draught could not suppress his panic over his erect state. 

Severus paid close attention to the person attached to his wrist. Half way through the third mouthful hands began to try and pry his wrist away. He wrapped his other arm around both arms and Harry’s chest, sliding it down to the waist to keep the hands pinned down. He knew what was happening, knew why Harry fought, but keeping his childe healthy overrode the need to save the teenager from such an uncomfortable, fearful thing. 

A mental plea ran through his brain, begging him to let go. 

_~*Severus please. No more…..I can’t …..Something is….please let me go….*~_

_~* I’m sorry, Harry, but I will not let you starve yourself anymore. I know what is happening. I know how difficult it is. I am not being deliberately cruel. But you have to learn to take care of yourself. I am trying to show you you don’t have to be scared of your own body. It’s alright Childe. *~_

The form against him struggled weakly to break free of his hold. He almost wanted to let go to save the boy from such self-disgust. But if Harry was ever going to learn that his own body was safe, it had to be this way. He cursed the men responsible for breaking this poor man’s spirit so much that it was afraid of itself. But he kept his hold firm. 

As the fight went out of Harry, he sagged into his sire in defeat. Severus felt the muscles against him flex and give a shutter. He almost cried at the self disgust and regret that set in on the cusp of completion. But even as he gentled his hold, he soothed the tormented man now shivering in his arms. Gentle mental words echoes through the mind of his childe, trying to heal scars so deeply rooted in the person far too young to suffer the self hatred trained into it. 

Even after the wrist fell away and the wounds in his arms were sealed, Severus hugged his hopefully one day love to him. Whispering words of reassurance and praise and understanding, he rocked Harry to and fro, trying to ease the hurt that should have never been. 

As dawn broke the night, and caution footsteps traveled into the room, they remained there, giving no heed to the two people looking on them. 

And slowly so slowly, the broken child was rocked to sleep for the first time since that horrible day his parents died. The seeds of love took root and slowly grew as hope sprang out of the bleeding heart of one who never felt compassion before. And only Hogwarts, Remus and Draco bore silent witness to them as Harry melted into the warm beginnings of recovery in the arms of his Dark Savior. 

Finally the child hero could drop his sword and truly rest.


	23. Chapter 22: Green thumbs Messege from the Fairies

  
Author's notes: Secrets are a funny thing. Telling them proves more difficult then most can understand. Remus beholds a puzzler of a secret. But can anyone figure out this whispering danger before it's too late.   


* * *

_I tell another story_  
Something to get off my chest  
His heart is kind of hurting  
Have something that I should confess 

_See, all his sleeves are stained red_  
From all the truth that he's bled  
Came by it honestly I swear  
Thought you saw me blink,   
no,   
He's been on the brink, so 

_Tell me what you want to hear_  
Something that'll like those ears  
Sick of all the insincere  
So I'm gonna give all the secrets away 

_This time_  
Don't need another perfect lie  
Don't care if people never jump in line  
I'm gonna give all the secrets away 

_My God, how did it get this hard_  
It's like we're chasing the one Star  
Whose been driven way too far 

_And everyday I hear the news_  
All the problems we could solve  
And when a situation rises  
Just write it into his arm  
Make it straight into gold  
I don't really like the flow, oh, so 

_Tell me what you want to hear_  
Something that'll like those ears  
Sick of all the insincere  
So I'm gonna give all the secrets away 

_This time_  
Don't need another perfect lie  
Don't care if people never jump in line  
I'm gonna give all the secrets away 

_Got no reason_  
Got no shame  
Got no family  
He can blame  
Just don't let him disappear  
I'mma tell you everything 

_Tell me what you want to hear_  
Something that'll like those ears  
Sick of all the insincere  
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away 

_This time_  
Don't need another perfect lie  
Don't care if people never jump in line  
I'm Gonna give all the secrets away 

Song: Secrets Artist: One Republic.( Modded to fit) 

_________________________________________

A week went by without anyone hearing neither sight nor sound of Harry Potter. Some thought they had caught a glance of him. But ever the question was left of answered. Had he left? Had he died? Had he become some animal or other and simply walked around the Forbidden forest? Only rare few knew where he’d been, or knew the truth behind his absence. But they kept it to themselves. 

But the one who knew more secrets then anyone was a shy boy no one would ever think to speak to. 

Neville Longbottom knew where Harry Potter was. He knew why he was hiding. In fact, the shy, now tall and lanky boy knew the darkest secret Harry had. But he wouldn’t speak of it. It was an oath of shared blood. An oath of shared pain he would dare not ever give away. For he shared the same dark secret. 

A truth of sparkling blade edges and the trails of red. The emptying of an evil far more sinister then any dark lord. 

Oh yes, Neville Franklin Longbottom knew all too well. And he would keep this secret on threat of torture. 

It was too bad for him though, that his girlfriend just so happened to be a Seer.   
………………………………..

 

Luna Lovegood, or Looney Luna, as everyone called her, was a smart witch. Of course, she was quite insane to anyone else, but behind the dreamy eyes and words, laid quite a sharp mind. But unlike Hermione Granger, Luna kept her mind to herself. Ravenclaws weren’t known for their emotional outbursts, or for their cunning. Thiers was a house of wisdom. And Luna had it well hidden. After all, her gifts were special, and it simply wasn’t proper for a lady to give her gifts away or show off. Her mother told her so.

So on this dreary Friday, Luna quite literally skipped her way across the castle. For all it seemed she had no direction, she knew where her destination was thank you very much. She had a secret to share; one she knew was so very important. Her shy boyfriend known for his green thumb had given this message to her. Not with words, but with eyes. She knew Neville was worried about his friend. 

But she also knew she couldn’t betray his secret either. So as she skipped, she thought of a way to tell without telling. To give information without bluntness. And as she saw her Dada Professor coming around the corner, she figured it out. 

She stopped her skipping, waiting for her moment. And seeing him meet her eyes briefly, she seized her chance. 

“Professor Lupin, could I have a word with you”

Remus looked up from the scroll in his hands. Severus had been handing him reports all week on Harry. He was interested in the type of rare creature inheritance that was bestowed upon his godson after all. Plus, he wanted to make sure Harry was feeding as well. After that faithful night, Harry had been feeding in front of the Potions Master every day, just to make sure he was staying off the potion. Remus knew it was rather intrusive to go about it like this. But with the truth made plain that night, he knew there was no other way. 

Considering the girl in front of him, he gave a gentle smile. 

“Yes Miss Lovegood. I do have a few moments. What is on your mind? A report you are having difficulty with, perhaps?”

She shook her head. 

“Oh no, Professor. I can do my report on dark creatures of the 16th century just fine. But I have a message to give to you. It’s very important.”

As Remus saw the somewhat playful grin on Luna’s face, he fought to not widen his smile. He waited patiently for whatever strangeness might come from her mouth. He, like most, knew of the Ravenclaws peculiar habits, and it had never bothered him. So he played along, giving a slight bow.

“My lady, I wait with baited breath to hear your urgent missive.”

Luna giggled at the joyful reply. She liked this Professor. He was funny. 

“Thank you, Professor.”

She took a few moments to gather her thoughts. She had to say this just right, or it would all be for nothing.

“You know Professor, the Fae are a stubborn and silent race. Not many people have ever seen one, and fewer still have heard them. They are secretive. Yes secretive. But one must know how to hear them. Like Nargles, they whisper words when they think no one is listening. Usually when you sleep you may catch a whisper from them. Like a sigh at the edge of a dream. But I have heard a secret…indeed I have. A very important one. 

Her eyes became wistful, her expression bittersweet. 

“The fae are mourning, Professor. They are most concerned for their leader, Nightwings. You see, Nightwings never speaks at all. But he is bleeding, bleeding in secret. He doesn’t know his people are worried for him. They have been whispering to me, and I came to you. They say you know their leader, and you can save him. Nightwings is barely whispering at all anymore, and time is running short. Save him Professor. Save Nightwings before it is too late. Follow the whispers to the silence. For only the silence can hide the screams.”

She pulled back from her leaned over state, proud she had given the message perfectly. 

“Have a nice day Professor. I am so glad we had this talk. And there is Farishes in your hair at night while you sleep. Be careful not to crush them, Sir. Or they shall be vexed and all your hair will fall out.”

And with a slightly cheeky grin, the girl continued her skipping path, leaving the Werewolf behind to scratch his head in confusion. 

What a strange Girl….

………......................

As night fell over the castle, and people gathered in the great hall for dinner, Remus was one of the first teachers to take his seat. However much he tried, his student’s strange message buzzed lazily in his brain, refusing to leave him alone. As he waited for the rest of the castle to gather, he wrote the words down on his napkin, reading it as he tried to figure out what looked like nonsense. Something just seemed …..Ominous about the message. 

He didn’t even realize when Professor Flitwick sat down next to him. As he read over the message again, he mumbled under his breath. 

“Strange girl…”

A voice behind him startled him out of his thoughts.

“A fair few of them we have in this school, Remus. But the only one to ever cause that particular look is Ravenclaw's own Miss. Lovegood.”

Remus smiled at the tiny professor. 

" You know your students all too well. Is was the very same Lovegood that has me twisted into puzzles tonight."

Filius smiled, taking a good natured jab at his co-worker.

"Why twisted puzzles. Nargles in you robe hem tonight."

Remus snorted. 

" No but this is some strange creature I am not allowed to crush while I sleep. It is called a Farish apparently, and it lives in my hair."

Filius giggled. 

"Oh dear, how terribly dreadful. But look at it this way. She told Hagrid one day to watch for Tiggy Mice in his boots. He hasn't worn them since, the poor man. Afriad to squash the tiny creatures when he's not looking. But he does, however, leave a peice of cheddar and some bread and milk out near his boots at night to make sure they don't starve."

The werewolf luaghed behind his hand. 

"Well the man does like the odd sort of animal. A forty foot spider called Aragog who is deathly poisonous for instance. Crazy as a hatter, but the gentliest man to any creature, big, small, slimy, scaly, hairy or deadly."

The proffessor laughed good-naturedly for a while before Remus read the napkin and got serious again. 

“Miss Lovegood stopped me in the hallway today. She gave me the most puzzling message. And as strange as it sounds, there is something in it that won’t leave me alone. Something tells me, for all that she tends to have her flights of fancy, I should not disregard her words.”

Filius sniffed an tilted his head.

“Well, the way I see it, there is a mass of students who can out-think some of us Professors in specail areas. For a cunning plan to achieve a goal, Mister Malfoy is the best. For plant knowledge and ways of the earth, you go to Mister Longbottom. For divination given in true puzzling accuracy and prophecy, Miss Lovegood is the best. And to save the world from darkness, no trained warrior I've ever heard of is better then Mister Potter. But to solve the hardest mistery and the most difficult of questions, there is but one student in this school with more book smarts then any other person here in this hall. Of course, they do call her the brightest witch of our age. That title wasn't just given, but earned.”

Remus almost hit himself in the head. Why hadn’t he thought of that?

“Thank you, Filius.”

"Oh, no problem at all. And just remember, when dealing with critters in your hair, I find it best to turn upside down and spin in a circle. The little pests fall right off after that. Makes them dizzy, you see. Always worked for me."

With a last chuckle at the craziness of life's little quirks, the two men sat down to enjoy the wonderful feast. 

_________________________________________

Just as Hermione was gathering her books to leave the Hall at the end of dinner, Remus stopped her. 

“Miss Granger, I wonder if you can help me with something.”

Hermione smiled. 

“Of course, Professor Lupin.”

He handed her the napkin. 

“I received a message today from Luna Lovegood. Normally I would dismiss such a thing. But this time, it won’t leave me be. Could you take a second to look over it? I fear there is something going on that I’m not seeing. Of Course, I could just be seeing shadows on the wall.”

She smiled in a way that told him she knew the feeling. 

"No, Professor Lupin. Luna may sound three tea cups shy of a full service, but don't be fooled. She is one of the most unnaturally strong Seers I've ever seen, if one takes the time to understand her maze of words and strange creature fixation."

Hermione put her books down as she read over his writing. 

“Well the first clue is the mention of Fae. She is correct in saying Fae are secretive. They are known for their abilities to be able to use wind to pass their secrets to each other. Fae, Fairies and Elves in particular, can walk in plain sight and you would never see them. 

The second clue here is that this person is stubborn. He wouldn’t tell anyone of his own problems, even if they were killing him.”

She read over the message one last time, pausing to consider it from every angle. 

“You know this person. Who ever this “Nightwings” is, you know him personally. The riddle is that who could be called Nightwings? It’s a code name that much I know. My educated guess would go to Professor Snape. He is stubborn, he would never admit to being injured, and he is highly secretive. One only has to know he was a spy to figure that out. And he is also the only one in the castle I know who is often titled a Dungeon bat.”

She handed him back the napkin.

“Thank you Miss Granger.”

“No problem at all Professor Lupin. After all, I always did love a good mystery.”

Remus nodded and waved goodbye, turning on his heals as he strode towards the exit. He had a Potions Master to confront. He just hoped Severus was okay. 

…………………………….

Severus stirred the brew in front of him carefully, his ever critical eye noting the consistency, color and texture. A highly powerful draught to heal third degree burns, one mistake could cost him his face.

It was just as he lowered the heat on the finished potion, that a knock shattered his silent evening. He opened the door to his quarters, sighing in annoyance at the person it revealed. 

“What do you want Lupin? I am brewing potions tonight. I gave you the report before Lunch today. Don’t you have something to do other then talking to me that would be enough to occupy your time?”

“I’ll only take a moment of your time Severus. I am sorry to disturb you.”

Severus waved him into his personal lab.

“So, what is so important you simply had to bother me tonight?”

“Well I know this is going to sound highly strange….”

Sarcasm dripped from Severus lips as he spoke.

“You don’t say?”

Remus continued, ignoring the sarcasm. That was just the way the dark man was. Snarky Bastard. 

“But you wouldn’t be hurt or ill or wounded perhaps, would you?”

Severus gave his trademark brow lift. Now he was interested. 

“I am uninjured and in perfect health. Although, as pained as I am to admit it, I am suspiciously curious as to why you would ask me such a question.”

Remus told him the story, from the odd meeting in the hallway, to talking to Hermione.

“It’s probably nothing, but something bothers me about the words. Somewhere in the strangeness of it all….my guts tell me that I shouldn’t dismiss it.”

“Well for the sake of your innards, hand me this mysterious and puzzling missive. Let us see if we can put your bowels at ease shall we? And if we can't, well I do have a excellent potion to cure stomach discomfort. Of course, you could be stuck in the loo all....”

"Oh, for goodness sakes, just read the bloody Napkin Severus. Honestly man, my bowels are in perfect order."

Severus sneered for effect. 

"If the napkin is bloody, I shan't touch it. And as for your bowels, you were the one to reveal they're apparent discord, wolf. Don't bring up something unless you want it discussed."

Remus growled.

"Oh for merlin sake, Snape..."

Severus smirked. 

"Whats the matter, am I annoying you?"

"Quite a bit."

"Will it make you leave?"

Remus shook his head. 

"No."

Severus gave a mock sigh of resignation. 

"Then I shall have to practice it more often. I am losing my touch."

Remus handed him the napkin and Severus read it over. Behind his eyes, his mind turned over each word. Coupling it with Miss Granger’s suppositions, he considered every hidden meaning with the eye of one who cut through lies with hardly a twitch. 

Then, after a half an hour's long inner discussion, his eyes widened. 

“It seems your innards will only get worse, Lupin. This is important, it just isn’t about me. It seems our resident feline elf is apparently hiding something, something not even I can see. As you well know, he had been feeding correctly, his blood is without the potion, and he appears in all good health. However, he did manage to keep his home life a secret from some of the best trained eyes in the Wizarding world. Even I didn’t see it, and I know more intimately then most the exact signs for his type of horrible abuse.”

Remus’ eyes were colored in concern.

“So what do we do? Should we approach him on it then?”

The Potions master rubbed his chin, thinking over how to best handle the situation. 

Then he shook his head.

“Directly attacking this problem face to face with him will likely get us no where. He has managed once again to pull the preverbal wool over our eyes. No, this calls for Slytherin methods. We will watch him from a distance, and gather information, before we talk to him.” 

Remus nodded, sighing as he ran his fingers through his graying hair. 

“He has been through so much already, Severus. Sometimes I think he will push himself too far over his limits and we won’t be able to pull him back. What could be wrong with him this time, I wonder?”

Severus’ eyes narrowed, his frustrated anger causing the napkin to slowy burn in his hand.

“That, Lupin, is what I would like to know. I had thought I knew his secrets well. Apparently I was mistaken. But no longer, that I promise you. He has hidden his secrets, and in doing so, caused himself nearly fatal harm. Apparently the Hat saw long before the rest of us when it wanted to put him in Slytherin. But he doesn’t know his enemy very well this time. I fooled Dumbledore and Riddle for the better part of 25 years. “

Severus growled in his throat and Remus became wary.

“Severus please be careful. I don’t think my cub could survive your cruelty if you decide to lash out at him. Furthermore, I wouldn’t be very tame towards you if you hurt him in any way“

Severus smirked.

“On don’t worry, Lupin. I don’t plan to cause more damage to his already battered person. But he will learn what it means when I say ‘Never tangle with the Snake'. Mister Potter has played this game well, but I’ve played it longer. And he has played me for the very last time.” 

He shook the dust off his hand, composing himself.

“I saved him from death many times, Lupin, and I will do so again. Whether he likes it or not. You can be sure of that.”

See the look in the dark man's black eyes, Remus knew that Severus would find out his godson's secret even if it killed them all. And it probably would in some fashion.


	24. Normal. Who said anything about Normal?

  
Author's notes: I have no summery for this chapter as it does a fair job of explaining itself. One thing I will say though, is....No more "Harry is a WHAT?!" surprises after this chapter. I give you my solemn vow. This last surprise was only because there will be Mpreg down the road. And to be honest the only way I can write it correctly, is if well...all the bits are there.   


* * *

_Have you lost your way?_  
Livin' in the shadow of the message that they made  
And so it goes  
Everything inside your circle starts to overflow  
Take a step before you leap  
Into the darkness that you seek  
You give back what you give away  
So don't look back on yesterday 

_Wanna scream out_  
No more hiding  
Don't be afraid of what's inside  
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the Aftermath  
Anytime anybody pulls you down  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed  
Just remember you are not alone  
In the Aftermath 

_You feel the weight_  
Of lies and contradictions that you live with every day  
It's not too late  
Think of what could be if you rewrite the role you play  
Take a step before you leap  
Into the darkness that you seek  
You give back what you give away  
So don't look back on yesterday 

_Wanna scream out_  
No more hiding  
Don't be afraid of what's inside  
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the Aftermath  
Anytime anybody pulls you down  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed  
Just remember you are not alone  
In the Aftermath  
In the Aftermath 

_Before you change you have to shed your armor_  
Take a chance and fall into the glitter  
Tell a stranger that your beautiful  
So all you feel is  
Love, Love..  
All you feel is  
Love 

_Wanna scream out_  
No more hiding  
Don't be afraid of what's inside  
Wanna tell you you'll be alright  
In the Aftermath 

_Wanna scream out_  
No more hiding  
Don't be afraid of what's inside  
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the Aftermath 

_Anytime anybody pulls you down_  
Anytime anybody says you're not allowed  
Just remember you are not alone  
In the Aftermath  
In the Aftermath  
Gonna tell ya you'll be alright  
In the Aftermath  
In the Aftermath  
Just remember you are not alone  
In the Aftermath 

Song: Aftermath Artist: Adam Lambert.( modded)

__________________________________________________

 

The days flew by as Harry remained oblivious to his mentor and godfather's new knowledge, Harry crept through the castle during his days and nights. However, his advanced abilities of stealth and secrecy were no match for the elder vampire and werewolf as they followed him. The scent of his blood, of his pain and tears, created trails through the stone building. Neither left the young man completely alone, even when they were in class; magic was a wonderful thing. Tracking and monitoring spells were placed on him the same night Remus told Severus about Luna's words.

It was these spells which told Remus where his cub was. Just after midnight, the werewolf began to trail the young wizard. Severus was in the Forest, gathering more fresh potions ingredients to add to his stores. Praying whatever actions his godson would take wouldn't require his Sire's assistance; the Defense Professor continued to track the Man Who Lived.

Burnt black pepper and flint, the scents of physical pain and worry, filled Remus' nose. He watched Harry fumble with something in his pocket. Something that smelt...odd. Magical but with a slight undertone of steel. His eyes, golden as his wolf stirred, narrowed. He watched the young man pull a pouch from his pocket, deactivate some spells and pour the contents into his palm.

Razor blades.

The unmistakable glint of the shiny rectangles told the DADA professor everything he needed to know. Without thought, he stepped from the shadowy corner. His voice was firm but soft, loving despite his growing anger.

“Harry, I think we need to talk about what you are doing out this late at Night huddled in an alcove.”

Harry turned, fear blazing in his eyes as the razorblades in his hand were swiftly dropped soundlessly behind him.

“Remy, you scared the bloody Hell out of me. And you know I wander about the castle all the time. Hardly sleep these days. I’ll go back to my rooms. If you want to join me, maybe we can have tea or something.”

Remus sighed. He knew that the direct method of talking to Harry would be already useless. So he took a page out of Severus’ book. 

“No Harry, I want you to walk with me now. We must have a chat, you and I, on neutral ground. I have already spelled us so no one will hear our words. Come with me now. Just be careful to pick-up any personal belongings. We shouldn’t leave any... _evidence_ , should we?” 

Harry gasped. He should have known better. Remus was a werewolf and a smart wizard. Of course he would be the first to notice. So much for careful concealment. So he tried to instead, redirect Remus’ reasoning. 

“Moony, it’s not what you think. I didn’t do anything I swear. I really di….”

“Hush now Harry. Just gather up the objects you dropped and walk with me, please.”

So after Harry gathered up his razors, put them back, and spelled the pouch out of habit, he nervously followed his pseudo godfather. Waiting for the harsh words of disappointment he just knew was coming. 

Remus however, was a far smarter man then anyone would give him credit for. He walked slowly beside his cub, his words carefully choosen and calm. 

“Listen cub, because though you suffered a life most adults could stomach, I don’t think you understand how young you really are. It’s not that I see you as a child. It is no small truth that you've never been given much of a chance to be a child. Your whole life has taken far too much from you, really. You’ve probably sought out countless ways to gain some control over the chaos of your 17 years. I do understand it, really I do. Probably more then I would like. 

“However, certain methods of control are false. They have a way of controlling you before you can see it happening. Addiction is a sneaky creature, in whatever form it takes. Like with the potion, this method of control you’ve taken will be fatal before you can see the end coming. And no, I am not talking about the razor blades Harry. I am talking about your need to self punish. Your uncle trained it into you no doubt. Let me see if I can show you what I am trying to make you understand.”

They weaved their way down the long corridors, nether needing light with their sharp primal eyes to guide them. 

“You grew up being told you are unnatural. Abnormal. Something other then human. First as a wizard, then as a creature, and now because of the spell. Your uncle will never come near you again, but he is still tormenting you. In this we share a common ground. Since the age of 5, I’ve loathed the wolf it me. It labeled me dark, dangerous, animalistic, and something other then a normal human wizard I always wanted to be. Until one day Lily said something to me that turned my reasoning and what I knew to be Wizard law upside down. 

“She told me there is no such thing as normal. That there was too many variables to the word to make it real. It is an illusion, she said, precisely because everyone has their own brand of it. What is perfectly normal for one person is not normal for the next. Take Hermione for example. To her, it is perfectly normal to be in constant pursuit of knowledge in all its forms. And when she sees someone who clearly has an adversion to doing just that, she sees something wrong with them. She simply can not understand why Ronald would spend all day on card games, quidditch, and chess, rather then constantly study. It is a foreign concept to her normalcy. However, Mr. Weasley sees his way of things normal to him. It’s the way he is. That is why they most likely have many an argument about what they should be doing. Two brands of normal clash, and the debate begins. Therefore, normal is a personal preference rather then a strict rule to everyone. Do you understand this so far?”

Harry nodded, though the voices in his head battled with him. The voice of his Aunt and Uncle screamed at him from the past. For now though he ignored them in favor of listening to Remy. Even he knew there was something he was being taught. 

“This is possibly why your Uncle’s insults at you being not normal was perhaps far more dangerous then any wound he inflicted. He lied to you Harry, because he has no sight outside his narrow and disgusting definition of normal. Moreso, it’s how he weakened you. He used his brand of what is normal as a weapon to make you see yourself as he saw you. But it is his way, his personal preference. Not yours. In fact, I see you hardly have your own personal ideas on anything about yourself. Between your relatives, Albus, and the whole wizarding world, I hight doubt you even know you have the right to have your own opinion on the matter. On any manner in your life in fact. Between that reasoning and the control the world seems to have quite efficiently stripped from you, you feel you have no choice at all. But we’ll get back to that later. “

Remus stopped Harry to look him in the eye, wanting his messege to get across. 

“Let me ask you something. Who is Harry? Not by anyone elses definition, but in your own mind. Your own personal knowledge. Who is Harry Potter?”

Harry’s face was blank and his answer immediate. 

“There is no Harry Potter. He never existed.”

Remus blinked in confusion. 

“I don’t understand.”

Harry tilted his head. 

“Harry Potter died the night his parents did Remus. I am not him, and I never was. What I am, who I am, has nothing to do with that name. I mean no disrespect or anything. I know at one point I was him, and that his parents loved and died for him. But I’m not him anymore. If what you say is true, then the names others have called me don’t matter. In truth, I have no name, I never did. I am somebody, a living breathing being. But outside of that, there is nothing at all. I am nobody. And even if I was, I’d really have no bloody idea who that was at all. I’m sorry if you don’t understand that. Even as a werewolf you always were Remus Lupin. Even your wolf knows he’s Moony to his pack. I don’t have that. So I am not Harry Potter. Frankly, I don’t have a clue how to answer that, even when Professor Snape asked me it the first time. 

“I fall on the names that my uncle called me, only because they were loudest. Pain taught me harder then any voice in the wizarding world. I can’t help that I use it to define myself, Remy. It’s all I knew for ten years. Boy, Freak, useless, degenerate. That’s who I was. I became that first. It is just easier. Otherwise well…..I really don’t exist at all, do I. Regardless how the world sees me now. I always thought of them as titles of honor I never earned or wanted. More they were dumped on me. My Uncle defined me first. He taught me who I was. No one else did that after. I know you don’t like it, but really, It’s all I’ve got left. “

Remus, understanding an easier answer to escape the right one, immediately moved to circumvent that.

“It that how you see the world then; through another’s judgment of it. Would you then see Ronald Weasely as a dirt poor wizard? Hermione Granger as a stuck up mudblood? No you wouldn’t. You don’t have that in you. Most have to be taught that, but you were born with it. That comes from a deep sense of loyalty and compassion, to see past the shroud others would judge the one you care by. The mind of your relatives was much the same as Tom Riddle’s in a polar opposite direction. Is that the truth then that you will let yourself live by? Is that the truths you will harbor and let rule you? Those vicious lies and narrow minded views of someone who couldn’t even see that he was destroying his own son with greed? 

“Harry, you are better then this. I know it. I see it. You won’t let yourself hear any other voice then those monsters because you claim it is your safety. That it is all you know. But you know better then that just by being here. If what your uncle says is true, then all Wizards must be abnormal freaks. You know he was lying, or you would have never gotten past the first day at Hogwarts.”

Harry put his head down in shame. Remy was right; he was living a lie. He sniffled, tears beginning to run down his face. For Remus to understand why he felt this way though, he would have to tell him the worst secret of all. He didn’t know if he could do this. 

“It’s not my uncle’s voice only, Moony. It’s also not just the creature inheritance either. It’s….it’s the spell. It changed me, Remy. Changed me into something I wasn’t. Something more. I’ve tried every counter curse I could think of. Even some dark ones that are probably illegal to boot. I’ve tried charms and potions and plant extracts and interwoven transfiguration magic. But no matter what I do, I can’t change what the spell made me.”

Remus by now was generally confused. 

“Harry, all it did was combined your three creatures into one of mixed races. It combined three aspects into one. You were all those before the spell, cub. I don’t understand how this change is so profound you think you are any different then before the hex hit you.”

Harry now slid down a wall, sitting on the stone floor to draw his knees up. 

“No, Remy…it was…was the other part of the spell. The one Severus couldn’t figure out. It did something more to me. Something so abnormal I’ll never be right again.”

The Werewolf’s blood coursed with worry. 

“What do you mean? It changed something else?”

Harry nodded, unable to speak as sobs choked his throat closed. 

“What did it do, Harry? I have to know. The Dangers could be great. Did it make you ill? “

Harry shook his head. Yes he had been sick when he woke up to find himself much changed. 

“I-I-I can’t t-tell you. You’ll…y-you won’t like me. You’ll be…it’s disgusting.”

“No matter how changed you are, cub, you’re still mine. Part of my pack. That means I accept you as you are, hex or no hex and in spite of any change. But Harry….I still must know. If it’s changed your body, or added anything strange to it, the effects could prove harmful or even fatal.”

Shivering so hard his teeth chattered, his bleary sight fixed to the floor as he handed over something from inside his robes. A few crushed up pages from his muggle notebook, Remus surmised. So without another word, he took the crumpled up papers and smoothed them. He paced slowly as he read, careful to school his features as shock hit him. Finally, after carefully reading over everything twice, he took a deep breath and spoke. 

“When did the bleeding start, cub?”

Harry gulped harshly and wiped down his messy face with a sleeve.

“Yesterday. But the ….change happened two nights after the hex. Oh Merlin, Remy, what am I?”

Trying to lighten the heavy burden of depression, Remus went with the easiest answer. 

“You’re a Wizard.”

Harry’s voice filled with desolate rage as he barked out the words. 

“I know that. But now….don’t you see. First, I am the boy who lived. Then I can’t even be called human anymore. And now….I can’t even be called a boy? What next, Huh? Am I going to sprout leaves and roots. Do I have to lose everything? Why can’t people stop trying to take every part of me away? What did I ever do….”

Remus bent down laying a hand on the trembling teenager. 

“Harry, I know how you feel. From the first change, I became something I didn’t understand. I was disgusted at the monster I thought I was. I was vicious, angry, and brutal. I knew how regular wolves acted. But my affliction was worse. It made me more like a feral beast, then an animal of nature. I used to chain myself to the bed at night for weeks, fearful I would kill everyone I loved. I started self mutilating almost immediately after, convinced I could cut the mean dark creature right out of me. My poor mother was forever buying new clothes and sheets. I broke her heart many times when I refused to stop hurting myself, even when she begged me. I thought it was better to die then live with the ugly, disgusting thing inside me. Without the Wolfsbane potion and Sirius’ animagus, I probably would have been dead by now. Sirius and Lily caught me one day, alone in the Alcove near the Astronomy tower. I was about to slit my own throat, and my arms were slashed to ribbons. But their pain was a harsher lesson. It was like I had literally ripped them apart from the inside out. I never picked up a dagger or knife since to cause self harm.”

A tear climbed down the Professor’s face and his voice cracked. 

“You’re my cub, Harry. All I have left of the bygone days when I remember what it meant to have your friends become a family around you. They never judged me any different. They never once told me I was dark, or dangerous, or evil for the creature I was. Just like I won’t judge you. Severus, Hermione, Ron, Draco…..no one who calls you friend would ever do that. But don’t you see. You’re heading down the same road. Slicing yourself, punishing yourselves for another person’s dirty trick. What are you going to say when someone finds you dead, hmm? How can you say you’re sorry to the people you leave behind, when the need for pain goes too far. What will we do Harry, if we lost you? “

Harry climbed into Remus’ arms, both of them sharing the pain. One that was forged in tormented understanding. Guilt, disgust, self loathing rained down into course fabric as they bonded together in something that meant more then blood. 

………………………………………………………………………

Two hours later found them behind the ever familiar door of the Potion’s Master, Harry nervously hiding behind drab brown robes. When the door sprung open to reveal the dore man, a silent nod allowed them entry. As Harry stood stock still right inside the closed door, Remus brought Severus to the corner quietly to explain what he discovered that night. Finally the rich baritones rang out of the quiet whisper. 

“Go to Poppy, Lupin. Hand her this missive. Tell her to be discrete in her bundling of supplies. But for the moment, tell her one of my house needs them. I feel under the circumstances, discretion is important until Harry feels he can speak the truth himself. With something this delicate, his privacy should be honored.”

Remus nodded and with a throw of floo powder was swept away from the infirmary.

Finally Severus addressed the shaking teenager who had refused to move from the door way or look up from the floor. 

“Harry, please sit down. I will give you a calming draught in a moment. No doubt tonight has done much to fray your nerves. 

Harry shuffled over to the couch. When he finished the potion and breathed a little easier, Severus spoke again. 

“When Remus and I began to suspect you were self harming, I was quite concerned and rather angrily disappointed. After hearing my story, I thought that you would deviate from such foolishness. However, knowing intimately just what it’s like to feel as you do now, I can not chastise you for your actions. 

I shall however, be keeping a much closer eye on you from now on. I will be sending Miss Granger to live with you until I can be sure that you are no longer in need of such methods. And while she shalln’t know of your other condition, I warn you. She takes your safety quite to heart. She will be your constant shadow. I am sorry if you feel it too much, but with what I now know, I can not trust you with this. I will be doing a through inspection of your room, and outside of those sharps you need for school, you are until such time, unable to own more. Remus will be keeping any personal weaponry and the others will be confiscated. She will hold all other nessassary items until you are outside the classes you need them for, Such as Potions. If you want to brew in your rooms, she will be there to monitor you. I will discuss this with the Headmistress. Under normal rules, Girls and Boys never live in the same room, so another will be added. I will also bespell your entire living space to warn me if you are harming yourself in it at any time. I am sorry, Harry, but until I can trust you with your own safety, this is how it must be. Do you understand?”

Harry nodded miserably. Then his scratchy voice spoke. 

“Can you undo that part of the Hex sir?”

Severus shook his head. 

“No, I can not. And while I understand the abhorrence you have at owning two completely opposite sets of sexual organs, to try and change the addition may leave you far too dangerously damaged. I can not say I understand your discomfort, Harry. I don’t. After everything that has happened to you, I can understand why you feel so torn by this change. But what was done can not be undone. There are far too many risks. However, I would like you to know something.”

Harry had no idea the man was standing so close until Severus lifted his chin and met him, gaze unchanged by disgust or hatred. 

“You are no different now then you were the first day you walked the great hall. For all the changes that have recently hit you, you are the same. Yes, life has scarred you, far more then you ever deserved. Yes, you feel confused, lost, and scared of so much hitting you all at once. Life is a painful mess at times. We can’t always pick and choose how it sees fit to evolve us. But you are the same Harry Potter that stared in innocent awe at the Great hall ceiling. Better trained, better educated, more haunted, but still the same. Neither inheritance nor hex can change your mind, or heart or soul, Childe. Only you have that power. Don’t give it away. We will deal with this together, go through it together. Recovery is a hard road, Harry, sometimes harder then one thinks he or she can bear. But if you let us, we can help you to deal with the burdens you have. You’ve only to say the word. No matter the change to your body, the spirit inside you, the heart that guides you, is still the same. And nothing can change that….nothing.”

Severus let go of the tearing man’s face and brought his right hand to his left forearm.

“One mark I chose, and it has done nothing but caused me suffering and pain since the day its darkness was burned into me. For too long I let it guide me, telling me who I should be, how I should act. I gave it power it didn’t deserve. This mark was punishment. But….”

He touched his heart.

“This mark, Harry, is an oath, one I shall never be shamed to wear. Not oath of today, or tomorrow or a year from now. But an oath I made none the less. And no hex, no changed feature, no extra part on you can change that oath, or make me denounce it.” 

Severus gulped roughly, pushing himself to keep his emotions in check. 

“I can only keep the oath if you are here for me to swear by it. Please…don’t make this oath one of punishment by throwing your life away. Harry, don’t let me suffer for this too. Live for those who love you now, until we can help you live for yourself.”

Harry’s lips trembled as his gaze took on a desperate look of pleading.

“ Severus I…..help me please. I…don’t know how to….please help me. PLEASE!” 

Severus took the broken young man in his arms.

“I will Harry. But you have to let me. Give me time, please, and I’ll show you who you really can be, no matter what your appearance is. I will help you, until you can help yourself. I am here now…..and that too is an oath I will never betray”


	25. Embarassed men, Inteliligent Woman, and The

  
Author's notes: Harry, Remus and Severus learn that when it comes to some things , women just know better.   


* * *

_Song to come later. And sorry for the wait on this chapter. To sum it up . RL , Nearly wiped Comp, and the Lose of TSS.net which had all my Chapters. Please if anyone is still reading this, give a shout by review. I'm Back._

________________________________________________  
Forty-five minutes after he had left, Remus returned from the infirmary. Poppy Pomfrey was far too curious for her own good. The endless questions had come like a torrent from her after she read Severus’ missive. The first one being how the ‘girl’ in question could not be informed of something as simple as a menstrual cycle. His cheeks still burned from stuttering his way through an explanation filled with ‘I don’t really know.’

As he entered the room, he saw the two men quietly sitting across from each other, seemingly lost in their own thoughts. He cleared his throat and placed a odd paper sack next to Harry, not daring to speak for fear of dying in embarrassment. Both men saw the look on his face and seemed to understand his uncomfortable state. After all, it was not everyday you secretly had to retrieve feminine items of a personal nature for your godson who was hexed with perminent female genitals. Accepting or not, the situation did prove to be awkward. 

Harry’s face flushed immediately when he looked inside the sack. He drew out a booklet on the ins and outs of the female reproductive system. He only read the cover before shoving it back in.

Both men glanced at his rather voilent shoving and he cleared his throat.

" I'll read.... _that_ later. I-in private."

His face seemed to shove itself in the bag to hide his red face. As he gazed at the folded monstrosities of cotton and glue, confused just by the sight of them. He drew his face out and blinked, taking on the look of someone who had no idea what to do. And he didn’t either. Nothing in his whole life had prepared him for this particular problem. He gulped, clearing his throat of what felt like foam, and forced the words out. 

“Um…..would um….either one of you know how to go about using one of these…things? A vague idea maybe? A slight hint possibly?”

His godfather just rubbed the back of his neck, turning a fine shade of red. 

"Dada and Lycanthropy is as far as my knowledge goes. I've had very little contact with women save for Lils and well....I knew when to stay away from her in any case."

Severus cleared his throat. 

"Well, after developing some of the hardest potions recipies , it should not too doubly hard to figure out some Femanine products. Let's just take a look, shall we?"

Severus took the bag from Harry and looked inside. His face remained blank save for the twitch of an eye. Then, with a cautious hand he drew out one of the many folded sanitary napkins and blinked, examining it slowly. He unwrapped it from it’s nearly see through plastic and spied it carefully. He saw the tiny images repeating themselves on a strip of waxy paper and narrowed his eyes. How was one supposed to see anything so small and know exactly what to do? 

“Well, there seems to be a couple of minute diagrams here, but I really can’t see them well enough. I’ve no idea how anyone would be able to look at this display and understand the application.”

He walked over to his desk and sat down, pointing his wand at the paper. He weaved it barely at the tiny images and tried to magnify them. Unfortunately nothing happened. Pulling the strange object closer, he narrowed his eyes to focus better. The first image finally became clear and he drew his head back. He slowly peeled the wax paper back and put it down, noting the sticky underside with his fingers. He flipped it over from side to side, feeling almost too foolish to be confounded by something so simple. 

“I am not entirely sure exactly how one wears this, sadly. My first assumption is that the side that sticks must go against ones skin to keep it in place. However, that would appear to be highly uncomfortable, since it is designed to absorb, and this plastic side would absorb nothing. However, as the other side appears to be …….ah, I think I understand it now.”

He stepped before Harry and held it flat, cotton side up. 

“This top side goes against the flesh to absorb, and the glue on the other side appears to be for attachment of the undershorts to hold it in place. However, since a man’s and woman’s undergarments are designed differently, I’ve no earthly idea if it would stay in place.”

All the men shifted uncomfortably at this realization. Then Remus asked the bluntest question he could at the moment. 

" Do you still have your entire set of male genitals? You know, the Penis and....."

Harry blinked.

"And what?"

The Potions Master filled in for the Wolf. 

"Do you still have your testicles as well, in the same form as before?"

Harry looked confused for the moment. Everything was too strange tonight.

"Test.....oh...OH. M'balls. Yes, everything is still the same there. They've moved up a bit , of course. But yeah, still have those."

Severus looked at the pad. 

"That could proove to make application rather more difficult I would say. "

Finally Harry sighed. 

“Someone get Hermione please, and explain to her what’s going on. I don’t like this, not at all. But I’d rather have someone know exactly what they’re doing then to be around people with a large red stain on my arse. Had to happen to me, didn’t it? Couldna’ been some other bloke having weird hexes thrown at him. Stupid fate….”

Remus stood up again and grabbed the pages off the coffee table before going to the fire place. He threw the floo in once again, the green fire flashing up to take him to the common room of his old house. 

………………………………..

Another half hour later passed before Remus returned through the floo, Hermione appearing behind him. She had been shocked by the whole story at first. But ever the level headed witch, she has calmed herself. After all, a friend was a friend. And Harry was hers. If he needed help figuring out how to deal with this new strangeness in his life, then she would be there. Just like she always had and always would be. 

She dusted herself off carefully, straightening her hastily put on school robes. Then she looked around her, seeing the faces of the men before her. Her only description of their expressions would be that they looked sort of constipated. Rolling her eyes, she gave a sigh. Men. 

“Oh honestly, look at you. I understand this must be rather strange for all of us. But if Harry is ever to learn to be comfortable with his new state, this is not the way to start. First of all, Professor Snape, it would be best if you would please stop sitting there with a pad stuck to your hands. Hygiene is very important in this matter. Your hands, no matter how clean you think they are, carry germs. As that one is contaminated now, it’s useless. Throw it away.”

Severus had to stop himself from throwing the pad away from him as if it were on fire. He walked to the rubbish bin and dropped the object into it with a slight difficulty. It didn’t seem to want to let go of his fingers. 

After he sat down again, Hermione continued.

“Now, I will take Harry into the bathroom now and explain to him what to do. During this time, I would suggest you two gentlemen have something to calm your nerves. Your extremely uptight energy helps nothing. Harry, please follow me. We will have you squared away post haste.”

She snatched the paper sack up from the table and waited for Harry to show her the way to the bathroom. Once they were inside, she watched Harry sit on the closed loo nervously. His hands were grasping his robe near his knees and he looked about ready to burst into tears. 

She walked to him gently and rested a hand on his shoulder. Her poor friend had been through so much already in his seventeen years. It’s no wonder that he felt this way about something that for any female, was just plain natural. Not enjoyable, but simply a fact of life. 

“Harry, take a deep breath now. I know this must seem very difficult and probably extremely traumatizing on top of everything else in your life. Believe it or not, most girls find this particular part of their lives to be a pain. But for a boy, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be on you. However, since this is now a part of you, we must handle it the best we can. You are likely more emotional now then you were before the hex. And considering your life as a whole, you have every right to weep. But I’m here now, and I will help you go through this. You mustn’t be afraid that this will change anything between us. We’ve been through far too much for this to affect our friendship. Okay?”

Harry nodded shakily as he tried to calm himself down. But as his friend gently explained the new developments of being partly female, her soothing tone did what no potion could. By the end of her careful lecture, acceptance of his state began to seep into his mind. After all, it wasn’t a death sentence. It was strange, to be sure, but after his harsh life, was hardly the most stressful thing he’d ever faced. 

He lifted his head from his thoughts as he felt her tap his shoulder.

“Now that you understand how to do this, I will leave to your privacy. I’ve perminently transfigured the rest of these to allow for your other parts. After all, this isn’t the most comfortable of times. Anything to make it easier would be a blessing, to say the least. I’ll send one of the professors in with a clean pair of pants for you, as I can imagine the set you’re wearing would be rather messed at this point. My suggestion is to cleanse yourself carefully. But just with water. Soap is an irritant to a vagina, Harry. Who would you rather have come?”

Harry hesitated for a moment before answering. 

“Professor Snape. After all, these are his rooms. He’d be able to get some pants quicker then Remy would, I suppose. Just…..give me a bit to take a shower, yeah? I really don’t want to be caught in the middle of …well you know.”

She nodded and left her friend to his business, squaring her shoulders to prepare for giving directions.

She reentered the sitting room, seeing both men nursing a cup some sort of liquor. Clearing her throat to gain their attention, she spoke, taking on a no nonsense tone that would have made the new Headmistress proud. 

“Professor Snape, Harry will require of you a clean set of undergarments, as his pair is not clean. Then, if you do not have it prepared, he might appreciate a slight pain and muscle relaxant potion to soothe the cramps. He puts on a brave face, but after knowing him for nearly seven years, I know what he won’t show. Then again, after all he’s suffered so far, its little wonder he would show the discomfort commonly associated with a menstrual cycle. He is bathing at the moment, so give it time. ”

Severus gathered up his supplies quickly, hardly needing to look as he chose the correct potions. He knew his stores blind, half asleep and suffering from a brutal Death Eater meeting. Between his attention to cataloging and his days as a spy for the Dark Lord, he no longer needed sight to map every inch of his quarters. 

He next sat on his bed, waiting to listen for when the water stopped running. Then counting out what he estimated was enough time to cover one’s self, he knocked on the door. 

“Harry, is it appropriate if I enter?”

A shaky voice answered him. 

“Yeah, sure….”

He opened the door slowly, trying desperately to act as normal as possible. He glanced at the teenager standing before him in a towel that must have been enlarged, for it went from chest to knee. He went to hand over a clean pair of undergarments; he heard a shuttering breath escape the shivering mans lips. Harry’s shoulders shook in silent tears, his chin dropped to his chest as he weeped. Then a voice filled with desolation broke the silence. 

“I’m so tired of this Severus. So tired of all this fuckin’ shit coming at me all the time. When’s it going to be enough? When am I going to just be able to relax and take a breath with people out to get me all the time. I don’t understand what I did wrong. Was I supposed to die with my parents? Is life punishing me for surviving the killing curse that day? I just…..I don't want to do this anymore. It’s all too much. My relatives, being a hero, being a killer, watching everyone I love die around me just because of who I am. I can’t stand it. I bend and I bend and I give all I can. But it’s never enough, is it? It’s never going to stop. I don’t know how to handle everything. I’m only one person. An orphan wizard who doesn’t even get to know a time when his parents loved him. I’m so damned tired, Severus. Got nothing left to give….and the world still wants to take more? I…..”

Harry fell to his knees, his arms hugging him as his carefully composed masks shattered around him. A naked, broken, war-tone soldier who simply had no strength left after seventeen years of sheer, harsh survival. A spirit that ached with too much suffering. A boy who became a man far too soon for his own fragile heart. His head fell forward, touching the floor as he wailed, his vibrant pain screaming down to warm the tile. 

Severus broke with him, dropping the clothes in his hand and pocketing the potion in his other. He gathered Harry against him, almost seeing the ghostly little boy shadow the overwrought teenager. He heard the years of repressed sorrow in each single sound. The deep seated torment resonated all around and through him, covering him in it’s desperate need for compassion. He mumbled in hush tone words of comfort that he knew would do little to bandage the soul-bleeding wounds for the tortured youth against him. 

After everything this poor, shattered man had to forebear, what could be more fitting then giving him a moment to be weak? What could be more loving then allowing him this time to rest his sword and shed the armor life forced him to wear? 

So he held the tortured man as the storm raged down, feeling the warmed salty wetness going through his many layers of fabric and skin. It went through his pores and into his body, carrying with it a fallen, battered angel. He took it inside him, giving it the warmth and protection he knew it needed most. He accepted this piece of Harry inside him willingly. He would keep it safe, keep it secure against the demons determined to destroy it. He would let it rest deep down, where the cold hands of fate would never touch it again. 

The image painted by bloody hands so many weeks ago entwined with the words of understanding from Hermione. Harry deserved this right to finally be able to fall apart, cradled tenderly in the arms of the one his broken heart dared to love. And as he continued to cleanse his soul, he held on tight, allowing the warrior he had inside him to break for the first time, knowing he was safe.

A blessed miracle had never occurred in the old building as on this day, when Hogwarts herself held her child close through the arms of Severus Tobias Snape.


	26. The Helpful Voice of a hero

  
Author's notes: Harry gets a pack of fan mail he won't ever forget.   


* * *

_It's not that unusual_  
When everything is beautiful.   
It's just another ordinary miracle today. 

_The sky knows when its time to snow,_  
Don't need to teach a seed to grow.   
It's just another ordinary miracle today. 

_Life is like a gift they say_  
Wrapped up for you everyday;   
Open up and find a way   
To give some of your own. 

_Isn't it remarkable?_  
Like every time a rain drop falls,   
It's just another ordinary miracle today. 

_Birds in winter have their fling_  
But always make it home by spring.   
It's just another ordinary miracle today. 

_When you wake up everyday_  
Please don't throw your dreams away;   
Hold them close to your heart   
Cause we're all a part   
Of the ordinary miracle.   
Ordinary miracle 

_Do you want to see a miracle?  
ohh ohh ohh, ohhh ohh ohh... _

_It seems so exceptional_  
That things just work out after all.   
It's just another ordinary miracle today. 

_Sun comes up and shines so bright_  
And disappears again at night.   
It's just another ordinary miracle today.   
ohh ohh ohh, ohh ohhh ohh...   
It's just another ordinary miracle today. 

Song: Ordinary Miracle Artist: Sarah Mclachlan

_I was coming to the end of a long long walk_  
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box  
Under the E. Street Bridge  
Followed me on to it  
I went out halfway across  
With that homeless shadow tagging along  
So I dug for some change  
Wouldn't need it anyway  
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed  
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way 

_I've had my moments, days in the sun_  
Moments I was second to none  
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do  
Like that plane ride coming home from the war  
That summer my son was born  
And memories like a coat so warm  
A cold wind can't get through  
Lookin' at me now you might not know it  
But I've had my moments 

_I stood there tryin' to find my nerve_  
Wondering if a single soul on Earth  
Would care at all  
Miss me when I'm gone  
That old man just kept hanging around  
Lookin' at me, lookin' down  
I think he recognized  
That look in my eyes  
Standing with him there I felt ashamed  
I said, You know, I haven't always felt this way 

_I've had my moments, days in the sun_  
Moments I was second to none  
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do  
Like the day I walked away from the wine  
For a woman who became my wife  
And a love that, when it was right,  
Could always see me through  
Lookin' at me now you might not know it  
But I've had my moments 

_I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight  
That old man tells his story one more time_

_He says:_

_I've had my moments, days in the sun_  
Moments I was second to none  
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do  
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge  
When a young man almost ended it  
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit  
And I helped to pull him through  
Lookin' at me now you might not know it  
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it  
But I've had my moments 

Song: Moments Artist: Emerson Drive

A/N- The second song helped to inspire some of my writing. It touched me, and aided me in the story of one of the letters in this chapter as you will understand. 

I also dedicate this chapter to all those out there who reached out to another in their time of need. So to all out there who lended a helping hand, this is for you.   
_______________________________________________

Noon the next day found Harry in Remus’ office, slowly taking in a quiet lunch of sandwiches and pumpkin juice. Every now and then there was ideal chit chat, but for the most part they were content to be in each others company for the moment. Silence companionship in a castle full of screaming children was a rare thing indeed. One learnt the value of no noise.

But the silence was broken just as the last bite was taken by a tap tap against the window of the defense office. Remus stood and walked to the window, opening it for Hedwig. He immediately removed the rather large package from her, giving her a scratch against the chest. 

“Harry, Hedwig brought you something.”

As Hedwig sipped water from a small cup on the desk, Harry slowly opened the brown wrapped package. A large pile of letters tied together was revealed, all addressed to him. He groaned. Not this again. Fan mail was a royal pain. He was nearly ready to stand and throw it in the fire. After all, he had no interest in finding out just how cute millions of teenage girls thought he was. 

That was until he saw the top letter. The blue words were scrolled across the parchment in the messy hand of someone who could only be a child. He pulled it away from the others, his curiosity taking hold of him. Letters from children as young as this one must be, well, that hardly ever happened. He slowly broke the wax seal, obviously applied by an adult later, and opened the letter. 

_Dear Hari,_

_Hi, Hari. My name is Lissa and ‘m 5 yers old. My Daddy tol’ me you were very sick an’ he don’t know if you r gonna wake up. He tol’ me yor famlee was mean and hurt you real bad. Ten he tol’ me that I should rite you a leter to help you not be sick no more._

_I ‘member a story my daddy tol’ me bout. He said that wen mommy had me insid’ her, a bad man tried to hurt her an’ she went to sleep. They couldn’ make her beter, and she went ‘way to live wit’ the angels. My daddy got really scared that I was gonna go ‘way too. I was real litil an’ I had to b watchd’ a lot._

_Well, latr the bad man kame bak an tried to make me and my daddy go ‘way 'gain. But you kame and made him go way n’sted. You saved me and daddy and lots more too from the bad man. Lots of mommies and daddies were scaird, but not you. You just kame and wavd your stick an’ the bad man blew up. You saved the day, just like Suprman did in the comix my daddy reads me._

_Mr. Hari, you saved my daddy for me. Now I wanna help you get better. You hafta wake up. So I sent this leter to you just to sho’ you I lov you to. And so does daddy._

_See the rock I gav you. My daddy says it has good stuff ‘nside to make you strong so you wake up soon._

_Don’t go way Hari. Lots of peepl lov you and if you go ‘way they wil cry f’rever. Wake up soon, Hari Pot’r._

_Lov, Lissa_

Harry didn’t even bother to look at the stone attached to the bottom. He was too busy trying to swallow down the emotions brought up by little Lissa’s Words. He handed the letter to Remus with shaking hands, unable to speak around the lump in his throat. Such simple innocent message without fancy words or glorifying praise hit him more powerfully then any unforgiveable. He placed the stack of letters on the desk, the tears in his eyes making it impossible to read any more.

“R-r-remy….can you read the next one please? I can’t….”

The werewolf gave a gentle nod and took up the next in the pile, opening it with care. His voice was quiet toned as he read aloud. 

_Dear Harry Potter,_

_My name is Joshua and I am 10 years old. I am the only one in my family who was born a Wizard.I will be going to Hogwarts next year I think. The rest of my family are Squibs and have been for a long time now. I know we’ve never met, but I live two blocks from Privet Drive in Surrey. When I found out about how hurt you were, I just had to write to you._

_You see, my mom was always angry about me being able to do magic. She wanted to be able to do it too, since she was a little girl. But no matter how bad she asked and asked, she couldn’t. For a long time she would scream at me when I made stuff happen. Sometimes she would slap me for it. She always said she was sorry after, but it hurt a lot to know that she hated me because I had magic and she didn’t. I would have given her mine, but my dad said it doesn’t work that way._

_Well anyway, when we heard from Ole Misses Figg that you were in a coma, my mom asked her what happened to you. By the time they were done talking, mom was crying a lot and she was hugging me too. She kept saying she was sorry about how she treated me a lot._

_Because of hearing how badly you got hurt by your family, my mom is seeing a doctor about her problems with anger. She doesn’t scream or hit me anymore. In fact she’s really excited about my first year at Hogwarts. She is so proud of me now._

_When I sat down to write this letter, my mom helped me with it. She said that I should try to give you hope so that you wake up soon. It’s more then just beating you-know-who. Your story saved me and my mom and made us closer. It’s not fair what happened to you, and you shouldn’t die because your family is a bunch of mean jerks. Hope you read this one day and remember that it wasn’t just wizards you saved….you saved everyone._

_Sincerely, Joshua._

More letters were read between them. There were pauses in between some when emotions became too much. Hours of well wishes, of painful stories with happy endings. All of them the same in stressing how important it was that Harry come out of his coma. 

Then the last letter was finally unfolded, read silently by them both. And it was this one by far that has the most impact. 

_Dear Mr. Harry Potter,_

_My name Is Margret O’Dell and I am an 83 year old witch. Surprising as it may seem young man, we live quite close. I live not much more then a half mile from your house in Surrey. You must be wondering why this old woman would write to you. Well then let me tell you a story._

_I was originally born as Margret Anna Thornerite. I was born quite literally towards the end of the war on Grimerwald. These were harsh and darkened times. I was born secretly in an old cottage far away in Germany, in the muggle district. My Mother was a squib, but my father was a wizard. As I grew, I learned quite harshly to obey my father, for his violence knew no bounds. He was a pureblood, and he was determined to teach me what it meant to be a witch of his house. My mother and myself bore the weight of his rage many a night. Both of us almost died at his hand._

_My mother saw that my father was not going to stop until we were both dead. She took me away and hid us in Russia. I was 9 then. But the violence it seemed was not something we could escape. I grew up watching war apon war being fought around me. My mother, in an effort to save me, gave herself up to the Kaiser. She died during the holocaust. I was left alone, Mr. Potter. Alone and penniless on the streets of Russia during winter. Even to this day I still do not know how I survived._

_But you see, my tale has a happy ending. Not a month after losing my mother, a kind soul found me sleeping under a bridge. He was a Wizard, touring his way through the muggle world. Like me, he was trying to escape a war. He took me in, he and his wife. They nursed me back to health, provided me with a home, and set me up to work on their farm in the quiet fields of Northern France. Their home was un-plottable and safe, set miles away from either war. I learned about the beauty of life with them. Their children were grown and gone by then, and they were more then happy for the company I provided._

_I am not writing this letter as a matter of pity. I am writing you this letter because I know that like me, you shall survive this turmoil you now find yourself in. I, like you, know what it takes to survive a harsh reality alone when you think no one will ever save you. I was once much as you now find yourself, beret and longing for any way to escape the cruel fate thrust upon me._

_Mr. Potter, do not lose yourself in the pain of your life. See the tender souls around you that reach out to aid you during this time of difficulty. You are still young, still able to change the stars of your fate. I pray you wake up again. And if you do, I have a piece of friendly advice. Shrug off the cloak of oppression you’ve lived under and grab life with both hands. Open your eyes wide to see past emptiness. The world around us is a thing of beauty, and the evilness of others should not blind us to the richness surrounding us. So when you open your eyes, see life with your own vision. It might surprise you to find that no matter the circumstances of a hard past, the future can be a wondrous thing of joy if you allow yourself to see it._

_Oh, and I thought you should like to know something before the closing this letter. The Wizard who saved me that day on the streets of Russia; His name was Haraeshio Magnus Potter. Your great grandfather. Irony it seems is not without it’s funny quirks._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Margret Anna Odell_

_High Witch and Member of the assiociation of Saving Hands_

_P.S. Saving Hands is an organization for children who suffer both domestic and war crimes, Mr. Potter. And though it is muggle based, more then half the walls now have your face on them. You are now also an Honorable member. Just thought you ought to know._

They both froze as they finished the letter. The shock hit them both, but it hit the teenager far harder. His Great GrandFather saved this woman. Just like Severus saved him. Then he put the pieces all together. Hadn’t Severus also told him about how his mother helped save the young child who became a Potions Master? He gulped as he saw the hands of destiny settle around him again. Never once had he thought being Famous a good thing. Never once had he ever had a reason to think that being a battered boy who became a weapon meant anything other then a life of desolation. 

But these people, who he never met, sent forth their prayers to him. From the very young to the old, they reached out for him during his brush of death, begging him to wake up. Telling him how he saved many not just by killing Voldemort, but simply by being alive. They tried to give him purpose even when they weren’t even sure he would live to see it. 

Now sitting here in the Defense office of the place he called home, the truth hit him far harder then he ever thought. For the first time people called out to him. Not as The boy who lived, and not just as the infamous war hero and Savior. But simply as himself; simply as Harry. Strangers, some it seemed didn’t even know his story as the Wizarding world did. 

After what seemed like forever, He spoke in a quiet voice. 

“Remy, I want you to take me to the family vault tomorrow if you can. I need…..there’s things I need to get there. Will we be able to go?”

Remus contemplated it. Then he nodded. 

“Yes. Tomorrow is an early day for me. I’ll have to imform the headmistress, of course, as it is a school day and you are a student. But I don’t foresee any problems with it.”

Harry nodded quietly. He had to 'pay it forward' as the saying went. And he would find a way to do just that. Yes he would.

______________________________________

 

A week later, sitting in her quiet home in Surrey, Margret O’Dell was just settling down for her evening tea. It was just as she perched her thin lips for the first sip that an owl came scratching on the window of her sitting room. It was perhaps one of the most stunning owls she’d ever seen, snowy white and with the sharp look of intelligence. She allowed it in, feeding it some of her homemade cookies as she took the parcel from it’s beak. 

She sat down in her chair, taking a sip of tea as she perched her glasses on her face and opened the missive. 

_Dear Miss O’Dell,_

_It seems that you are right. I did wake up finally. I only recently received your letter. I had no idea anyone wrote to me in the first place. Life has been a busy mess since I woke up and no one told me about any mail._

_I want you to know that your letter was one of the most important things I have ever read in my life. It shocked me a great deal, but it also touched my heart._

_For a long time now, I thought that the death of Voldemort was the end of my destiny. That at 17 years of age, I had no other reason to live. I served my purpose and saved the world, like I was supposed to. I’ve been a bit selfish in pitying myself lately. Letting my depression run me into the ground._

_Then I saw the letters. Not just yours, but others as well. Most were from children. All of them begging me to wake up. But more then that, most of them told me I had saved them in someway. Not just by ending the war, but because I survived the cruelty of my relatives. I really didn’t understand it…..that is until your letter._

_See, I never saw myself a hero, not really. I thought I was just doing what everyone wanted. To be honest, I felt like a no body. Used for one reason or another to satisfy the world. But as I sat there, reading your letter, I finally understood why people called me that. Hope. I gave them hope not by being famous, but simply by living._

_But your letter had the most profound impact on me. It reminded me of my foolishness, yes, but for the first time in my whole life, I felt hope. Real hope. You opened my eyes to the other people around me that were trying to give me the same. There are no words for that. Thank you infinantly, Miss. O’Dell, from the depths of my soul. You will never know the gift you’ve given me with your kind words and your story._

_Nothing I could give you would be enough in return. But at the very least, I thought a token of my gratitude would help to brighten your day. I know it’s not much, but well, I hope it will help put a smile on your face. After all, you actually put a smile on mine, more so then I can describe._

_Endless Gratitude,_

_Harry James Potter._

_The Boy Who Will Learn to Live._

Margret saw what was taped at the end of the parchment and almost spit out her tea on it. For at the bottom was attached a smaller envelope filled with old photographs. When she had left the farm those many years, she had been in frantically searching for the only part of her life worth saving. Two picture of her mother and a wizard photo of Harashio and her together in a field of wild flowers. And there they lay now in her hands, looking as new as the day they were taken. She thought them lost forever. She hugged them to her breast, cherishing them after their long absence. 

But the envelope held one last surprise. She gasped as she pulled out a check neatly written out to Saving Hands. 300 million pounds muggle cash. She blinked, unable to believe her own aged eyes as she looked at it, her hand held tightly to her breast. And then a smile came over her face. Peace it seemed had now come full circle from the time a stranger reached out his hand to pull her out of the cold. 

She smirked at the owl that saw fit to perch on her shoulder gently. 

“Well now, My find Avian friend, that certainly gives new meaning to the words, ‘pay it forward’. A great new meaning indeed. Ah, how life is a glorious miracle when you least expect it.”


	27. A most Surprising Turn of Events

  
Author's notes: What surprises await those inside hogwarts castle. Sneak a Peek and lets find out. 

A/N: When I wrote this, it was on a sleepless night at 5:30 am in the morning....37 hours of no sleep really messes with your head. So if this chapter sounds a little crazy....well thats cause it is. Please be gentle.   


* * *

Five days before Halloween the castle was awash in more noise then usual. That morning the Headmistress had announced that this year the usual Halloween Celebration was to change. No more floating fiery pumpkins and coma inducing candy binges. For all Teachers, Sixth and Seventh Years, there would be a party of a different sort. The Headmistress called it a ‘Show your Talent” talent show. There wouldn’t be a competition or a winner, just a showing of some fine skills. As soon as she announced it, the students had immediately gone beserk. All the lower years grumbled at the unfairness. And the upper years, well, they were determined to show their stuff.

It was through this that Draco Malfoy walked stoically. Students singing in the hallways, giggling girls sharing too loud secrets. Even some of the Professors were alight with glee. Most of them had been in shock when the Headmistress also announced that Professors would also demonstrate a skill outside their normal specialty. However they were required to sing music instead; any song of their choice. Draco shivered as he listened to Professor Arlin, the professor for muggle studies; butcher a usually beautiful opera piece. Draco grinded his teeth as he listened, wishing someone had scratched their nails loudly on a chalk board. The sound would have been far more melodious then anything Arlin was screeching his way through. 

The junior Malfoy almost ran to the Dungeons. The noise was less here. Slytherins had a much more controlled way of practicing talent then the rest of the castle. Ever cunning and sly, they held their practices in private, away from prying eyes. That way no one could steal their ideas. 

However, Draco came upon something he never expected to see anywhere near the Snake Pit. A small but select group of Gryffindors buried in the bowels of the castle proper. They had selected a empty classroom unused for sometime, by the look of it. Dust caked the pushed away furniture, but the floor itself had been cleaned. He stood in silence, whispering a ‘Notice-me-not’ charm on himself. Maybe he’d get some insult material. Friends with Potter or not, he was still the snake prince. It wouldn’t be right if he didn’t poke fun at the ever noble house of lions. 

Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom, and Harry Potter were there. Draco was surprised not to find Weasley amoung them. Then again, he wouldn’t be surprised if the red head hadn’t any talent what-so-ever. He stood there, peeking on the four boys stealthily, waiting to find anything note worthy for a later insult. Draco quickly laid a spell down on the door, so he could hear the sounds inside the room.

However, he was about to be deeply disappointed, for the Irish boy would give him nothing which to use. 

Seamus stood in the center of the room, head bowed, as if waiting for a que. All at once, a striking tone of Celtic step dance began and Seamus immediately followed suit. A flawless, graceful, precise display of swift steps clacked against to the stone. Draco had never seen step dancing executed with such precision. Finnegan failed to miss a single beat, his feet blurring in their speed as his body followed the rhythm of the music. More then that; the Irishmen looked to be depicting battle. The furious music seemed to be resonating the energies of War. Seamus Finnegan was displaying the Final Battle through pounding feet and a arching, gracefully moving body. 

Had Draco not been spying, he would have clapped. Slytherin or not, he knew talent when he saw it. He wouldn’t dare to admit it, but it did awe him. 

Next to take the floor was Longbottom. Draco held a hand slapped to his mouth. The boy was covered in the get-up of a male ballet dancer. Longbottom didn’t have a graceful bone in his body. Draco bit his lip, imagining the boy falling on his arse before the first move. 

Two minutes in, and he wasn’t laughing anymore. 

Through the strings of a classical piece of piano music, Longbottom seem to transform into someone with far more talent then anyone with the name Longbottom should have. But it wasn’t the boy’s moves that struck Draco; it was the magic. For around the shy boy, vines began to spring, flowing with him. They came straight out of the floor! And Neville Longbottom made them dance. When Draco heard tales of the boy’s love of plants, he had no idea of how deep seated that love went. His mouth went dry by the end of the display of power and control. Never, at least in private, would he think of Longbottom of being weak in power. It took intelligence and damn hard concentration to weave earth magic that way. 

Draco was slowly beginning to see that insult material was the last thing he would find today. He had never expected such a mismatched set of unruly boys to possess more talent then would be necessary for pranks and foolishness. Well, except for Potter, but that was entirely different.

Dean Thomas was next. At first, Draco thought the boy was going into spastic convulsions. But as the display went on, he saw something else. The apparent clumsiness was purposeful. It was meant to be tomfoolery. It was also meant to trick you into a false display of clowning. For as the show went on, the clumsiness went away for something else to take its place. Thomas began to bend into impossible contortions, weaving his own body around itself. He also began to move slower. He arched into back bends, feet over his head to touch the floor he lay on. It finished with a handstand unlike he had ever seen. Without a single ounce of magic, Thomas’s body barely trembled as two fingers held him aloft. Draco shook his head and rubbed his eyes in disbelief. No one should be able to do that without painfully breaking their hand. It ended in a nearly perfect split…but sadly Dean grew too tired and his body too taxed to keep it as long as he wanted. 

Then he heard the other boys start to goad a reluctant Potter to show his talent. 

“Come on, Harry. Show us what you got.”

“ I really…I don’t have any talent. I mean sure, I can throw a curse faster then anyone. But that was trained into me. I hardly think that’s what the Headmistress wanted when she said to show talents.”

Neville shook his head with a weak grin.

“I know you have more talent then throwing curses, Harry. We all do. We’ve known you for seven years. You are the most powerful….”

Potter’s eyes grew dark; and with good reason, Draco knew. 

“Exactly. I have a lot of power. I’ve the power to bring this castle down without breaking a sweat. But that’s not a talent I’m going to play around with for a Talent show. Brute strength in magic is not a plaything, Neville. It’s dangerous. I’m not going to show myself off like that. I didn’t train here for almost 7 years to be that foolish.”

Dean popped in, quick to change the subject.

“Can’t you do something else? Sing, Dance, play an instrument, or maybe even read a sonnet or something? ANYTHING?!”

Harry shook his head.

“Sorry, but ….no. I led a sheltered life, mates. You read the paper enough to know that. Plus with the war and everything, didn’t really have the time to learn much except schoolwork and battle training. I’m thinking of skipping out on the show all together. I’m not really much good for much else but DADA. Sorry to disappoint.”

They all pouted and threw a fit. But in the end, they relented to their house mate.

But Draco wasn’t fooled…not by a long shot. He knew of Potter’s very hidden Slytherin side. This Snake in lions skin had a plan, Draco knew. And as he walked away before he was discovered, he smirked. 

Whatever the battered war hero had planned, it was likely to be the most surprising presentation the school had ever seen. All Draco had to do is simply sit back and wait.  
…………………………………………….

Later, in the wee hours of the morning, a sneaky set of quiet feet inched along the hallway. It had taken just the right time and a multitude of spells to pull off the excursion. Not to mention extreme patience, which the person in question hardly ever had. But if this student hoped to ever keep his part of the talent show a surprise, well, he had to be craftier then all the eyes that watched him. 

So there he was, barely breathing as he slide deeper and deeper into the bowels of the castle, far past the searching eyes of his potions professor. If he didn’t want to get caught, he’d have to go where no one would think to look for him. Years of traveling had paid off now as he creeped.

But, oh boy, wasn’t he shocked to find that he wasn’t alone in seeking a nearly un-plottable place. Of the millions of empty hallways and rooms unknown to the rest of the castle, this was the last place he ever expected someone else to be. He nearly gasped when he heard a deep male voice talking to itself in one such unknown room. He didn’t dare to breath as he peeked just over the wood surrounding the small window in the door. His shock only tripled.

It was Lucius Malfoy!

The body trembled. To most this man was a Death Eater whom used to sit toe to toe with the Dark Lord. But the student peeking into the room knew the truth better then anyone. Lucius Malfoy had been one of the most consummate actors of the entire inner circle; even more so then Severus Snape. His performance was so flawless; it had taken the threat from the Savior of the Wizarding world himself to keep the senior Malfoy out of prison. So as the interloper looked on, he had no illusions about the man. If nothing else, he knew Lucius Malfoy was not evil, so he kept his silence as he looked on. 

What was even more shocking was what happened next. The blonde aristocrat seemed to be looking at a large photo with the cherished look of love. The interloper strained to see the photo, switching his position with the slightest of shifts. It wasn’t Narissa Malfoy; that much was clear. Though Malfoy senior had been a spy, his wife had not. She was incarcerated with the rest of the Death Eaters and had been given the kiss. And though the man had made it plain that he very much loved his son, he made it no secret that he mourned very little for his deceased wife. 

But as the picture in the blonde Wizards hands became clear, the hidden watcher nearly died of shock. No, it couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible the man was pining for the one in the photo. It was impossible, improbable, unthinkable. 

There was absolutely no way that Lucius Abraksus Malfoy was desperately and secretly in love with Professor Remus John Lupin. 

But the look in the man’s eyes was unmistakable and without deceit. The silver blue eyes looked upon the photo with open adoration the likes of which simply could not be deceived. 

And then softly spoken Lyrics came from the mouth unlike the world would ever believe would dare come from the rich, snobby upperclass wizard. Though unmoving save for the hand that caressed the picture gently, the voice sang out in a bygone musing tone of long forgotten remembrance. 

_When loving turns to parting_  
I'm always the first to leave   
Cause when it comes to heartaches   
I'd rather give than to receive   
I've never cried myself to sleep  
just praying I'll get through   
I've never lost at love   
not counting you 

_Not counting you_  
I've never had a heartache   
Not counting you   
I never have been blue   
There's no exceptions to the rule   
I've never been nobody's fool   
I've never lost at love   
not counting you 

The ears that listened knew this song. The hidden mouth bit a lip as the watcher fought not to laugh. Though completely too slow and morose, the fact that this was not only a muggle song, but American Country, almost had him giving up his ruse. The interloper shook with controlled silent laughter. He would have to put this in a pensieve later so he could get his giggles in. 

_I've never got down on my knees_  
and asked Merlin above   
If He would only bring to me   
the one I'm dreaming of   
Begging to be taken back   
and swearing I'll be true   
Has never crossed my mind   
Not counting you 

_Not counting you I've_  
never had a heartache   
Not counting you   
I never have been blue   
There's no exceptions to the rule   
I've never been nobody's fool   
I've never lost at love   
Not counting you 

_There's no exceptions to the rule_  
I've never been nobody's fool   
I've never lost at love not counting you   
No, I've never lost at love   
Not counting you 

The words sung with a tone of one in regret sounded nearly heartbreaking to the ear of the hidden one. 

Oh, yes indeed ladies and gentlemen. Lord Lucius Malfoy, president of the board of the school directors was madly in love. So in love he couldn’t think straight. The poor hopeless fool. The whole thing was so shocking, and almost funny in it’s weirdness.

The invisible feet snuck away slowly, leaving the forelorne man to grieve his unknowing love in peace.

After all, the secret watcher knew better then to linger too long. He wouldn’t be caught, especially with the truth he now knew. Why, it could get him killed just for being out abed in places he shouldn’t be alone in the first place. 

………………………………………………………………………………….

As Harry Potter slipped into a comfortable sleep that night, he grinned knowingly. He had to get his rest; there was so much to do. The hat hadn’t made a mistake when it wanted to put him in sSlythyerin, no sir-ree. For as he dreamed of strange, funny dreams, his minds eye slowly began to turn.

He had classes tomorrow and the Talent show to plan for. And as the newly discovered secrets planted itself firmly behind his lightening bolt scar, he rested soundly.

After all, people didn’t say he had a helping-people obsession for nothing. And after what he learned this night, he had his work cut out for him.

 

  
Chapter End Notes:

I know....I KNOW. Just look what I've done to Lucius Malfoy. Poor abused man, I've ruined his image. Bad muses....BAD BAD BAD ( Smirks and walks away whistling innocently ) Wasn't me....I didn't do it I swear. ( Runs away to keep from getting caught, squeaking out) Don't hurt me...please don't hurt me. 

Song: Not Counting You Artist: Garth Brooks.

A/N : Oh and just so you understand the tone of Seamus's dance.....I was listening to Warriors....a song from the show Riverdance.


	28. UPDATED AUTHORS NOTE: I AM STILL HERE

  
Author's notes: Just to update you  


* * *

Attention: Author's Note

Dear Readers,

Recently I have received Emails that ask where I went to and when I was going to continue my story. Also some rather feirce questions have been called into play about my fiction. So this note will take care of Both areas. 

As I went forward with this story, I found it constantly evolving. When I first set to sit down and write the first HP Fandom, I had a vague idea of what I wanted and how it was going to draft out. I had to do my homework. And homework moved away from The books and the movies. To be original in this feild was extremely difficult, because there is so many wide varieties in Fan Fiction, so many different Caracter Assosiations that I had to swim through. I am an avid Folk Lore Researcher, with many outside references to be able to stem apon. It is likely this is why Harry's 3 ( Yes there are Three) Creature inheritences seem so outlandish at first. I knew when I first sat down, that simply writing another Abused Harry cliched fan Ficition was just out of the question. Which is the reason this note is taking place. 

See, Abused Harry is nothing new in the field. I have read almost if not all of them I could find. But I didn't base the idea off of what I read. As stated in the summary, I have personal experience in the area. Yes ,I know, it is very sad. * Shakes head* WHile the experience for anyone who has suffered any kind of abuse is terrible, what it gave to me was a sense of strength. To survive, and then to live. And Harry being a survivor of Voldemort was nothing compared to being a survivor of His Torturous Uncles. When you have no reason to live, to go on. Where there is no hope that tomorrow would ever be different. And to wake up knowing what is coming and live anyway. Force yourself out of bed, to recieve the same as the day before. It takes a strength few who aren't abused could understand. Your will alone holds you up. Your will to face the world you've been given in to , and still live on, That is what I wanted Harry to be given. Something I understood personally, a sense of realism in my story. Without that touch , I could have never written it in the first place. 

THe Second thing I knew I had to do is recovery. That is one of my BIGGEST dislikes about most of the Abused Fics I read. Recovery is rarely if ever taken into account. I think it may have to do with the fact that to stretch recovery over several chapters is not an easy thing. Most writers think Readers want to get to " THe GOOD PART". But if you set out to write about abuse, then there is a certian responsibility to stick by it, even if the majority will literally skip entire groups of chapters to find the " GOOD " part of the story. But thats the thing about Abuse really. There is no instant " GOOD" part. While recovery writing should not take forever and ever, when you sit down to either write or read any abusive story, you have to come to accept that any goodness will take time. To my dawning horror when I started reading Fanfiction, not just HP but others as well , is the fore-shortened recovery time. Especial Sexual abuse fics. In Chapter one harry is raped, and by chatper 15 barely a month or two after, he's in bed with someone. WHAT?! How can this be. No no, sorry , but it can not. Yes okay , it is ficiton , a story. But recovery is not magical. Very few stories take any time to put recovery in there at all. IT is the most outlandish thing I have ever seen. But that is my opionion , that is how I feel. It's my personal issue. So if you read my story, know that the " Good" parts will come when I feel it is best. I may lose readers in the long run, but that is the risk of writing an Abuse fic. 

Now I have gotten still more email since my last letter about the many creatured Harry. * Sigh* Once again I say this is fiction, one that has been so far reaching, there is little area for complete Originality. I have to put it in where I can. Vampires and dragons are old news. Vampires with wings were old news. Vampire Severus is over used news . But the Leporian idea.....that is not old news. That is my idea alone. SO why is Harry three creatures, just cause I felt the first two blended well with the third, thats all. It is also the reason for the duel sexuality hex cast on him. Well that and, I couldn't think of another way for the Mpreg to work later that made any kind of sense. Pregnancy in Slash is common, but rare is the story that actually explains why. And short of cutting it out of him, I had to think of a way that he could actually give birth to a child a different way then most stories of a birth canel showing up just in the last days of pregnancy. THis fixed both problems while being able to keep the Slash content of the story intact. It is also one area of sexual focus his Uncle did not curupt at all....So even though Harry is still mostly male....this just allowed for a more fully understood method of later MPREG in my mind. And *Coughs* Pregnancy through the buttocks , magic or no magic, is just something that hardly makes sense at all. Fiction is fiction....but that idea could not sit in my mind and make any kind of coherent sense. 

Lastly, I will continue writing. I am working out several things right now and trying to make them all fit. Sirius will be coming back, though how yet is unknown. The Halloween Talent Show is another stumbling block. And the last is a Recently unknown Illness I have fallen down with, that I am currently trying to figure out. PLus my computer exploded some time back and it was a mess getting the old chapters back when my original posting site, the SilverSnitch closed down due to lack of funding. I had to track them down by way of email and rewrite and add and edit them on a whole. I am still locating the last two or three chapters. Also , I am going to change the time frame of Halloween to two weeks instead of five days, because I realized the time frame was too short. 

Thank you all for being so paitent with me , and for sticking with me through this rant fest. I just wanted to fill in a couple of things and explain myself. I will be back , I will continue to write. I just need some time to get better and plan out my thoughts more. 

Sincerely,

Areanna Whitewolf ( A.K.A Ann)


End file.
